January 31, 2005

Oblique Commentary on SpongeBob Controversy

From Inherit The Wind:

Matthew Harrison Brady: We must not abandon faith! Faith is the most important thing!

Henry Drummond: Then why did God plague us with the capacity to think? Mr. Brady, why do you deny the one thing that sets above the other animals? What other merit have we? The elephant is larger, the horse stronger and swifter, the butterfly more beautiful, the mosquito more prolific, even the sponge is more durable. Or does a sponge think?

Matthew Harrison Brady: I don't know. I'm a man, not a sponge!

Henry Drummond: Do you think a sponge thinks?

Matthew Harrison Brady: If the Lord wishes a sponge to think, it thinks!

Henry Drummond: Does a man have the same privilege as a sponge?

Matthew Harrison Brady: Of course!

Henry Drummond: Then this man wishes to have the same privilege of a sponge, he wishes to think!

Posted by Spicolli' at 1:51 PM

The Kids Are Not All Right

I'm only 28 and I'm really worried about these kids these days. Recent surveys are showed that besides being surprisingly bad at science, one in three high school students say the First Amendment goes "too far" in the rights it guarantees.

If Al Qaeda really does hate America because of our freedom, does this mean that the war is over?

Posted by Spicolli' at 1:19 PM

Da News 4


The first wave of parades were ran this weekend for our annual Mardi Gras down here in Nawlins. As promised, I will post a pic so that you can immerse yourself in the traditions of the Big Easy no matter where you are from. Bring the kids, drop trousers, and tell your leper friends! Tis time to party!

In the newz... Iraqi's voted and only a little over 40 voters were killed according to reports. I wonder if their votes still count? We'll have to consult the Quran on that one. Also an audit revealed that the US lost track of about 9 million in Iraqi funds... in unrelated news, Halliburton claimed about a 9 million dollar gain in profit over the last fiscal quarter. And how about Michael Jackson.. not that we should be wasting our life worrying about a sorta black guy who may or may not molest children. No matter how the media hypes it up, Michael Jackson is probably the last threat against your children. The media always amazes me.. giving you the news that they think is more exciting rather than the news that is truly more important. That's life though. It's not about truth but ratings. Ratings win's because money and advertising win. Sometimes you have to really dig past the front page hype to get substance in news reporting. Anyway, here's some titties, in case you were looking for substance here on ProvocativePlanet. Happy Mardi Gras!!!!

This one is my favorite.. it's postcard quality.. with the John Deer hat redneck creepy voyeur guy , "bead whore" flashing girlie girl, the Pat-O'Brien's Hurricane drinking other girlie, and of course the well-lit Bourbon Street sigh in the background with gas powered street light to top it all off. No Photoshop work done here, twas a real moment in time.

Posted by Reese at 8:28 AM

January 28, 2005

Da News 3

Yet Another.. CNN QUICKVOTE:

Would you vote on Sunday if you were an Iraqi?

Yes - But I'd wait until late in the day after all of the suicide bombers are done detonating themselves.

No - Although without an electoral college, they just may have a more fair and justified democratic election in ole Iraq. Is Bush on the ballot over there, too? Just curious.

Undecided - I don't know, it's just not the same without Saddam on the ballot.

According to CNN, yet a third columnist was PAID to help push Bush's policies. Now, I personally have nothing against paid-for supposedly unbiased news, because as far as I'm concerned, it's America and if the public is dumb enough to believe what they read or hear from the so-called "credible" news sources, then that's THEIR ignorance. And it's any normal citizen's right to take money to persuade them to do certain things. With that said, the problem lies in where the money is coming from ("Federal law bans the use of public funds for propaganda."... for no one red cent of government money should go to a place where no average taxpaying American in the USA would vote for it to go. But, I'll refrain from complaining too much... after all, you (the people) voted him back in, so you get what you deserve. Every dead soldier, every flawed agenda, every mistake, and then when the shit starts hitting the fan, and you're left in the gutter without a job, family, or hope left in your heart.. you can at least sleep better with the solace that you did the right thing and voted for ole "W". Let's just hope that it doesn't ever come to that.

From here on out, for you non-New Orleanians, we'll post pictures from Mardi Gras from the past and present to give you folks out there a glimpse of Big Easy partying! Awe yeah!


Posted by Reese at 8:49 PM

January 26, 2005

Da Newz 2

According to CNN, Two Ocala, Florida boys (ages 9 and 10 respectively) were arrested for drawing a stick figure of a classmate being stabbed and hung. Talk about your police state. Seems to figure that the same policing system issues a "sorry, there's really nothing we can do, ma'am" when an ex-husband issues a death threat to his ex-wife. In Jacksonville, Florida, a husband took out a $17,000 full page newspaper ad begging his wife for forgiveness. Now THAT man should be arrested for false advertising, it's a fact that men never say that they are sorry and mean it, because they are never wrong (besides, if MY husband threw away 17K like that, I'd SURELY not want him back!). In other grim news, even more military personnel lost their lives today (not surprisingly, of course). 36 to be exact, which is the highest single day total to date. Good job guys! Go home team! America kicks ass! Um, why are we fighting in Iraq again? I feel sorry for a lot of things when I see this type of news story practically every day. I feel sorry for the soldiers that were given orders to their deaths for a cause that's illogical and questionable at best. I feel sorry for the trust that they put in their own government to not put them in unnecessary harm's way. I feel sorry for wasted money, lives, and time spent there. When in my lifetime is competency going to rear its pretty little head in the nation's capitol?

TWO CNN QUICKVOTES (Lame online voting done the CNN way!):
1.) Do you think "Passion of the Christ" should have been nominated for best picture?

Yes - Nice work of fiction, Mel!. And the blood beatings were uber-cool!

No - It sucked donkey dong. Show James Caviezel's ass and maybe.

Undecided - Who gives a flying fuck about low-brow, pat-yourself-on-the-back, circle-jerk awards shows for overly-paid mortals who could inflate the Hindenburg with their egos alone, I've got better, more intellectual subjects to think about, thank you very much.

2.) Would you be willing to sacrifice your own life to create a democracy in Iraq?

Yes - I love IRAQ so much, that I'd rather not exist so that they can vote for dumbass presidents just like we do! OK.. so 3000 people ACTUALLY said YES to this poll. That's either 3000 lying sacks of shit or a mixture of liars, Iraqis, and suicidal maniacs. I doubt that even ole Dubya would say YES to this one.

No - Of course not, moron. Democracy is our problem to deal with. Lack of Democracy is THEIR problem.

Undecided - Um.. How about we let the government rape us of our civil rights and reinstate the draft so that they can make this decision for us and force us into spreading Democracy. Ain't Democracy grand?

Corey 2K4 - Terrorist.JPG
I know what you're thinking... just who IS this handsomely strapped stud?

Posted by Reese at 8:35 AM

January 25, 2005

Da Newz...

According to CNN, the U.S. State Department is considering doubling the bounty on Bin Laden from 25 Million to 50 Million! Good news for that lucky someone holding Bin Laden in their basement and waiting this whole thing out for a bigger payoff. I've got a few wanted criminals in my dungeons, but the it's a seller's market, so I'll just wait and hold onto them like rising stocks. Maybe we should have put a 100 BILLION dollar bounty on his head before the war even started, and we would have saved over 50 BILLION and lost not one soldier. Now I don't know about Middle Eastern types, but for that kind of money, I'd easily compromise my values and loyalty for any of my friends or family.

In other news, a new drink was unveiled by SKYY called "The Tsunami". As per many requests by curious people who "couldn't have possibly imagined" what it must have been like to be a victim in the midst of the tsunami, "The Tsunami" is laced with cyanide and anthrax for that one-two punch of death. "We wanted to bring that not-alive feeling to the public, for it may be the only way they could possibly relate to the victims of this horrendous tragedy.", said Dick Smegma of SKYY Inc. Their slogan, "Drown yourself silly with wave after wave of intoxicating flavor." is still a work-in-progress, according to executives. A spokesperson from the beverage association said, "I took one gulp and found myself twenty-three miles inland." Another stated, "Two sips and I was gasping for air!"

Little Known Fact: Bin Laden... Closet Patriots Fan.
"When 9/11 happened and the Patriots won it all
a few months later... well.. let's just say it was a
hell of a good year for me." - B.L.

Posted by Reese at 8:22 AM

January 24, 2005

Just a thought...

It appears that, according to CNN, the Iraqi Bomb Mastermind, Abu Umar al-Kurdi, was captured, after admitting responsibility for 32 car bombings. According to Guinness, he edged out the previous record of 27 formerly held by Adbul Jamar Aziz of Iran, which some fans claim will "Never be broken, praise Allah!" Kudos Abu from us here at Provocative Planet. Although most Americans would like the title to come back home, most hope has been lost since The Unabomber was forced to retire. On a more serious note, I'm personally very glad that we don't have a car bombing problem here in the U.S.A, for the auto insurance companies hardly need an excuse to raise the rates higher than they are.

Posted by Reese at 5:21 PM

And today....

... Brandolyn is here!

Posted by Spicolli' at 3:39 PM

Funny picture, made funnier(?) in Photoshop

A few months ago, I get an e-mail from my brother. He had seen a picture of me on worth1000.com and he wondered WTF:

Doctored Photo

The picture is available in a variety of resolutions from my friend Sande via istockphoto.com. This is the probably the source, as the image my brother attached to the email is pretty high res. I've been trying to find the cow on istockphoto, but there is a remarkable amount of pictures of cows. I also found a map showing areas of the country where cows are plentiful which goes a long way to explaining the abundance (bovine friendly areas in red):

Posted by Spicolli' at 2:16 PM

January 22, 2005

It's about time, Steve Perry wails!

Yahoo! News - Entertainment Photos - AP

Members of the band, Journey, pose after receiving a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, Friday Jan. 21, 2005, in Los Angeles.

Posted by Spicolli' at 8:34 PM

Sore Winners


I really want to believe that they didn't hire that guy to obstruct Kerry's view.

Posted by Spicolli' at 11:25 AM

January 21, 2005

Ben Dueholm Hits it out of the park.

What Michael Gerson Hath Wrought

Posted by Spicolli' at 9:51 PM

Michael Jackson News

Yup, old Thriller himself has decided to change his name. I'm guessing it's a public relation's move to improve his tarnishing image. Hmmmmmm.

Michael Jackson - Symbol Decaf

Posted by Reese at 9:43 PM

Pee in the snow!

Finally all of my southern friends can enjoy one of my childhood pastimes! pee in the snow.

Posted by Spicolli' at 9:28 PM

Libertarian Meetup

What: New Orleans Libertarian Party January Meetup

When: Saturday, January 22 at 7:00PM
Where: Plantation Coffee House
5555 Canal Blvd
New Orleans LA 70124

Posted by Spicolli' at 7:26 PM


Did you find President Bush’s inaugural address inspiring?

( Yes or No )

I won't lie, I voted YES. I was quite inspired to buy a high powered sniping rifle complete with MSBT's (Moron Seeking Ballistics Technology). Or maybe a slingshot with a special harness for pretzels. To be honest, killing the president or his cronies isn't the answer, for it's the system that fails us all. The system fails fails fails. And then, the sheeple fail the system on top of it all. Now Bush wants to "Spread Democracy" to the world. All I know, is that if I weren't here in America, I'm not sure that I'd want democracy. I look at what our nation is becoming and I'd have to say that I want something BETTER than democracy, because democracy isn't looking like the holy grail of governments anymore. I have questions... Who's to say that it's our right to infringe on THEIR right to not have democracy? Are we crusaders out to have holy political wars and spread our beliefs and systems to the reaches of the globe? And are we only going to spread democracy to countries that harbor oil and Halliburton project possibilities? When are domestic issues going to take priority over foreign problems? Are soldier deaths going to help Social Security since we no longer have to pay them (since they will never reach retirement age)? Will we ever have a truly unbiased, logical, and fair system of government? And finally, WILL WE EVER TRULY BE FREE?

Sgt. Hans Shultz For President! (Why not?)

Posted by Reese at 2:29 PM

Powell out at FCC?

Report says FCC Chairman Powell set to resign - Jan. 21, 2005

Powell out at FCC?, if he goes without a fight can we have his dad back?

Posted by Spicolli' at 2:07 PM

Chistianity devolves into grim self-parody

The self-appointed mouth pieces of Jesus have finally figured out what's wrong with the children of America. It's not lack of math and science education, lack of adequate health care, or even the prospect of endless war. No. It's SpongeBob Squarepants.

Who knew that such an seemingly innocuous product of the children's entertainment industry would, in fact, be a pied piper of homosexuality. You may be saying, well there are a lot of people who are 'camp' but aren't gay. This is not what's set off radical cleric James Dobson this time. Like most homophobes his gaydar clearly doesn't work. (If it did Bert and Ernie would have been in his crosshairs long ago.) No it's for a tape about tolerance. See in fundie mind a sponge, a dinosaur, a construction worker, a bear, and some babies singing and dancing to 'We Are Family' is something of a Rosetta Stone. The construction worker and the disco music remind them of gay, of course, but also the 1970's which was a hard time for them. Pornography was on the rise, their man Nixon was forced to resign in disgrace, abortion was legalized, the Equal Rights Amendment looked very popular, church attendance plummeted. It was something of a rebuilding decade for organized religion. Add to this the popularity of disco – which very few people knew at the time was music from the gay/black subculture of ,gasp, New York City – and it was a full nightmare of a time for them.

Secondly the tape plants in the back of their mind ideas about evolution: a sponge, a dinosaur, a bear and some babies... Family? The cast is like a chart at a junior high science fair - simpler life forms surviving or dying off because of successful adaptation to their environment.

Finally, the message of tolerance itself is anathema to these guys. Many of these major evangelists were on the losing side of the Civil Rights battles of the last century. Not just in this country, but in Africa by backing Apartheid and making business deals with brutally suppressive dictators. One wonders if they've realized their errors or if they will continue to hold tight on the slippery slopes towards universal human rights.

All of these things contribute in the background, perhaps shedding light on this seemingly insane crusade. It's clear Dobson and pals will allow no Negra-lovin', gay, evolutionists to come on the scene without if not being cast out, at least keeping his pasty mug in the national spotlight.

Posted by Spicolli' at 1:19 PM

January 20, 2005

Also the Rude Pundit

The Rude Pundit continues to proudly lower the level of public discourse. Even in a post that's pretty lewd, he does a lot of detailed reader participation stuff and he cuts right to the money shot quick enough:

In his interview with the Washington Post, President Bush said he wasn't going to hold anyone accountable for all the "mistakes" leading to the Iraq war and Abu Ghraib and all that other seemingly criminal crap: "We had an accountability moment, and that's called the 2004 elections." While Ted Kennedy called "bullshit" on that remark the same day it was published, he could have relied on the most absurd moment of all the interviews, when a reporter from USA Today said to Bush, no shit, "You're obviously a student of history." Dude, even when Bush was a student, he wasn't a student of jackshit.

Fawning anyone?

Posted by Spicolli' at 8:24 PM

Uncle Sam says, "Remember Kids..."


Posted by Reese at 7:51 PM

Happy New Year - 2005

Provocative Planet welcomes you on this glorious New Year ... check back often for intelligent views and comments, satire, witty ramblings, and creative jargon. There's a lot of web out there, but there's also a lot of minutes at work that I'm sure you'd rather not be working during... so spare us a few of those minutes, and we promise that it'll be 5PM before you know it!

Some other time wasting good sites:

Check out Spongebong Hemppants on Camp Chaos.. well written and animated.. funny stuff.

Posted by Reese at 7:42 PM

Inauguration Day

If you need me, I'm going to be standing over here with my fingers in my ears going 'la,la,la'

Posted by Spicolli' at 10:39 AM