January 25, 2005

Da Newz...

According to CNN, the U.S. State Department is considering doubling the bounty on Bin Laden from 25 Million to 50 Million! Good news for that lucky someone holding Bin Laden in their basement and waiting this whole thing out for a bigger payoff. I've got a few wanted criminals in my dungeons, but the it's a seller's market, so I'll just wait and hold onto them like rising stocks. Maybe we should have put a 100 BILLION dollar bounty on his head before the war even started, and we would have saved over 50 BILLION and lost not one soldier. Now I don't know about Middle Eastern types, but for that kind of money, I'd easily compromise my values and loyalty for any of my friends or family.

In other news, a new drink was unveiled by SKYY called "The Tsunami". As per many requests by curious people who "couldn't have possibly imagined" what it must have been like to be a victim in the midst of the tsunami, "The Tsunami" is laced with cyanide and anthrax for that one-two punch of death. "We wanted to bring that not-alive feeling to the public, for it may be the only way they could possibly relate to the victims of this horrendous tragedy.", said Dick Smegma of SKYY Inc. Their slogan, "Drown yourself silly with wave after wave of intoxicating flavor." is still a work-in-progress, according to executives. A spokesperson from the beverage association said, "I took one gulp and found myself twenty-three miles inland." Another stated, "Two sips and I was gasping for air!"

Little Known Fact: Bin Laden... Closet Patriots Fan.
"When 9/11 happened and the Patriots won it all
a few months later... well.. let's just say it was a
hell of a good year for me." - B.L.

Posted by Reese at January 25, 2005 8:22 AM