February 28, 2005

"...I'd like to fly, but my wings have been so denied..."

I walked into Wal-Mart this past weekend with my barefoot girlfriend. All of a sudden, a service guy stopped us and said, "Sorry guys, no shoes, no service!" So I promptly responded, "But sir, then how are we supposed to buy shoes?!"

March approacheth, and what lie ahead? Jury Duty on the 7th. Small Claims Court on the 9th. A wedding on the 19th. And 3 paydays fall into the confines of this month! Not too shabby. I'm sure that other events will pop up along the way, but I'm not worried. I did realize that there are some things I'd like to do so that I can capture moments or times when a joke or something worth remembering pops into my head. I need a digital camera and a digital voice recorder. Hopefully, I'll break down and buy them soon enough. I'm not materialistic and rarely splurge purchases upon myself, although I probably deserve it. My weekend wasn't too boring nor exciting. Entertaining-wise, we'll just call it a draw. So what's new in this world of ours?

Iraqi suicide bomber kills at leat 125! Seems like they are getting more effecient at it. I know that I joke about how this story seems to recycle itself each week, but that's the world we live in. This is the America we've voted for. I suppose we are not only responsible for American soldier deaths, but countless innocent Iraqi's who won't at least be alive to see this new "liberated" Iraq. I remember when Bush got into office and we all received a nice bonus surplus check from Uncle Sam... Mr. Government himself giving us a refund to spend on whatever. Now, we're trillions in debt. Our social securities are dangerously worthless. And Bush is asking congress for more money so he can play war for a little while longer. Couldn't we have just bought him a map, a liter of oil, and some G.I. Joes and let him have fun playing in the Lincoln bedroom? When does the madness end? In about 4 years you say? What will you do next, America? I'm not willing to bet on the integrity and intelligence of the American vote, so I'll not hold my breath on it.

Let's end February on a happy note... I was born, raised, and still paint red the town known better as The Crescent City. New Orleans, Louisiana. Among being unique and known for many things, good and bad, let's focus on a good part (which may actually be relatively viewed as bad to the prudish amongst us)... here's an article about the only Cocktail Museam in the Nation... and of course, it will have a bar as well: The Museam of The American Cocktail. Read up my lushious ones!

Posted by Reese at 8:26 AM

February 26, 2005

Gay men read maps like women

Gay men read maps like women

Posted by Spicolli' at 10:48 PM

Covenant Marraiges

Thousands Renew Vows in Arkansas

Posted by Spicolli' at 10:38 PM

Vatican teaches Satanism

Vatican University Debuts Satanism Classes

Posted by Spicolli' at 10:34 PM

February 25, 2005

"..And you stare at me in your Jesus Christ Pose..."

Good news everyone! The pope is breathing on his own! I've been doing the same thing all week and then some, but do *I* make front page CNN news? Nah ah!

A college basketball player will be charged with assault after throwing a mean elbow and foul at his opponent. This brings up a good point. In football, are they assaulting each other? Is boxing assault? If assault is illegal, what makes these events exempt? I say that there should at least be written legal documents defining the fine line between playing and assault. If a boxer beats another guy to death, it's cool. If he pulls out a gun and kills him, it's murder. Same result but different causes could result in a difference in something being a crime or not. It would make sense to have these conditions defined and signed by sports players. It could prevent lawsuits and such as they would be legally agreeing to the possibilities of certain types of physical strain.

Wal-mart ordered to pay 7.5 Million to employee. This is atrocious. The employee felt he was discriminated against because he was assigned garbage duty and he has cerebral palsy. He said he was hired to work in the Pharmacy. Now, so the fuck what, jobs screw people over all the time. Was it written in a contract somewhere that you were to work in the pharmacy? He worked there 4 days and then quit. 4 days... 7.5 Millions dollars. Now, I'm sure this is no big thing for the big machine which is Wal-Mart, but a verdict of that kind of money doesn't seem right in any fashion. I'd be willing to be that the jury pool wasn't too bright either. IF YOU DONT LIKE YOUR JOB, FUCKING QUIT. This is America and you have control of your own destiny. No one has a gun to your head telling you to work at Wal-Mart anyway. Just plain ridiculous. I wouldn't be surprised if this clown, Patrick Brady, wasn't looking for trouble so he could get a handout. Now, if they would have put him in the trash compactor and made him say "uncle" or douse him in gasoline and strike matches at him, then MAYBE he would have a case.

Now here is a story you HAVE to read. To be honest, I'm not sure what to say about it. I suppose the judge is right in the case. If a woman receives sperm from oral services and then uses that sperm to get pregnant, it was a gift to her to do whatever she pleases with it. Now it gets complicated when the father finds out and is taken to court over child support and a 5 year old child that he never knew existed. I guess she has a right to get child support as well. I hate to say it, but the guy just plain got screwed (even legally), so what does he do? He tries to sue her for distress over the shocking information. I think that the fact that a man can sue for distress is wrong, though. Emotions and trauma are a part of life. You can't sue mother nature (or God if you will) when a tornado rips your trailer apart, can you? Shit happens, life goes on. Deal with it and don't be such a pussy. How do you put a price on a non-physical and immeasurable pain anyway? I suppose that the only way to get around this is to have a woman sign a waiver before the oral sex ensues stating that the sperm can not be used for creation of life... or something like that. Sound silly? Maybe so, but it may have saved this particular guy!

FRIDAY'S HERE! Break out the lube and get wild, folks!

Posted by Reese at 8:26 AM

February 24, 2005

"Comedy is a lost art, now tragedy, that's funny!"

Fear not, Spicolli.. I'm here and hope that my new post will ease tensions that I've been dead or missing. So what's going on y'all? Hmmmm....

HOLY ROLLER COASTER BATMAN! The Pope is back in the hospital again with a recurring flu. God is TRYING to take him, but he refuses to budge! What a stubborn old coot! Is this a backwards smite at the almighty? What gives? I say that he is a coward! If Heaven obviously awaits, then I'd give in, hurry up, and cough up my lungs to death and meet ole St. Peter for a handshake and a smile as I enter the realm of perfection. To Hell with this dump I say! Can I get an Amen?

In brief, what kind of world would the Pope be leaving behind? I'll tell you this much, it ain't Eden! In Texas, a couple sexually assaulted their 7 month old! I'm glad I don't have weird fucked up fetishes like that. Also, on a side note, I have no foot fetishes either, just in case you were wondering. A suicide bomber kills 16 Iraqi policeman! Yawn! Is it deja vu or does this story seem to resurface weekly? Worlds Greatest Dad (TM) kills two of his kids and then himself! Just remember kids, even YOUR daddy can snap at any moment as well! Oh, and eat your broccoli!

In New England, a school named Governor Dummer Academy, established 1763, has changed it's name nearly 250 years later, because of jokes about it's name. All I have to say, is that if the education was so darn good at this particular school, then the students would know the difference between "dummer" and "dumber". But alas, for a school that used to be "dummer", now it's just plain dumb. And what about the utter disrespect to the late Governor William Dummer, who was obviously historically significant to have a school named after him. So now, taxpayers will waste money on changing school name signs and such instead of just educating the students (and public) about the origins of the name. So why did I write about this lame shit? I dunno. Guess it's a slow gripe day for moi.

Now for a picture that paints a thousand words:
"Come on baby, give ole dubya some tongue.. lawalalawala!"

Celebrity Spotting of the Day: I was parking in the parking lot here (at work in old Metairie, La.) and saw John Goodman getting out of his car in the parking lot. Just last night I said, while watching Futurama, that he did the voice of Santa in the X-Mas episode we were watching. And the other day, I was telling her that I recognized his voice in The Simpsons' episode "Take my wife - sleaze" when Marge is kidnapped by a biker gang. (Henry Winkler and Jay North also had cameo voices in it.) Seems like he's all over the tube sometimes. He married a Chalmette woman I believe and fell in love with New Orleans (not necessarily in that order). I'm from Chalmette! His first TV appearance was for a Burger King commercial. Why MY first job in high school was with Burger King! And we're both Gemini's! Man do we have so much in common, eh? So do I consider him a worthy celeb? Yeah, he's cool and entertaining for sure. Anyone who does Simpsons AND Futurama voice work is alright in my book! Two damn fine, well-written shows. Why can't all of the idiot box be like that?

On a side note, my brother said he worked on Bubby Brister's (former Pittsburgh Steeler's Quarterback) PC a couple of months ago. So how many starting Steeler's QB's have come from Louisiana? Terry Bradshaw, Bubby Brister, Tommy Maddox, and Kordell Stewart. What current NFL Quarterbacks are from Louisiana? Peyton Manning, Eli Manning, Patrick Ramsey, Jake Delhomme, Kordell Stewart, Tommy Maddox, and Craig Nall. Steve McNair and Brett Favre are oh-so-close being from Mississippi. You're thinking: "So what's with the NFL update, Reese?" Well, being from here, I have to scrounge up some sort of home state pride, right?

P.S. My grandmother told me a story yesterday about a doctor who died while performing surgery. Can you imagine the look on the patient's face when he wakes up and sees a bunch of nurses standing around and one of them tells him, "I don't know how to tell you this, Mr. Schwartz, but... your doctor...he didn't make it."

Posted by Reese at 8:34 AM | Comments (1)

February 23, 2005

Whoa, There Little Buddha

Last night I did something kind foolish. I started doing sit-ups for the first time in about a year. Boy the old bread basket didn't like that too much. I'm sitting here hunched over nearly 24 hours later. Oh well. The ol' basketball has to learn that it's not wanted anymore.

I'm kinda hoping Reese will write something since this is admittedly quite lame.

There are two recurring coincidences in my life here in New Orleans. One is that people will say to me that I look like James Spader. This happened to me during the morning break. The other is that frequently the people I encounter are from Wisconsin, not only Wisconsin, but my part of Wisconsin. The guy sitting next to me in this class is from the Fox Valley and his mom lives in Denmark, which is about 18 miles away from my parents. I'd wish for more exciting coincidences like sleeping with different college students in the same dorm room in different years, but I best not to tempt the fates.

I've been 3 weeks into Lent now and have not had any alcohol. Also, to help me sleep after the sit-ups last night I did some chi kung exercises. You might be searching for words like "We're growing a strange crop of agnostics this year," but things like Lent and chi kung make me feel good. It's not as if I think that drinking a beer during a certain part of spring will send me to eternal damnation or that I believe in an invisible life force that I can improve by breathing a certain way. It's just a little routine to calm me down and appreciate good times more. It's a time to sit, to reflect on how much more deprived I could be and to get out the Chapter 7 papers and whisper to myself "remember thou art a loser." Then again maybe I don't need Lent for that.

Posted by Spicolli' at 1:52 PM

February 22, 2005

Sex Toys Still Illegal in 'Bama

In an article on CNN Money today, filed under 'funny':

The U.S. Supreme Court rejected on Tuesday a constitutional challenge to an Alabama law that makes it a crime to sell sex toys.

The high court refused to hear an appeal by a group of individuals who regularly use sexual devices and by two vendors who argued the case raised important issues about the scope of the constitutional right to sexual privacy.

The law prohibited the distribution of "any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs." First-time violators can face a fine of up to $10,000 and as much as one year in jail.

The fact that CNN thinks that this punitive, backwards-ass law is roaringly hilarious is further evidence of the complicity of the media in the America's move from anything resembling her founding ideals into a Christian theocracy. A few days ago Reese posted about his friend who's name was published in the Chalmette paper on charges of pornography. For those of you who may not know, St. Bernard Parish, where Chalmette is, makes Alabama look like Greenwich Village. The main road through the Parish is named after Judge Leander Perez who was excommunicated for obstructing the integration of the Catholic schools by Archbishop Rummel. In the hands of someone like a Perez laws like these on the books are a license to smear. These laws lack almost any redeeming function in a society, except to be used by reactionaries to ruin the lives of people they deem "undesirable."

I can only imagine that the humor in this story is the result of a sort of historical amnesia about the challenges like the one brought in this case that allowed condoms and birth control to be sold. There might be respectable people out there who don't have clear gel double-dongs (probably more than one might think, though), but I think you'd be hard pressed to find people who disapprove of condoms or birth control pills (Rick Santorum doesn't count).

The only possible reason for this decision is to try to placate the theocrats. It won't work. Maybe a few days will go by where the term "activist judges" doesn't appear in as many sermons, but really nothing will satisfy these people. Damn it, if you can outlaw vibrating butt plugs you can outlaw anything.

Posted by Spicolli' at 2:23 PM | Comments (1)

February 21, 2005

"Fake it 'til you make it!"

In 1550, primitive railroads called Wagonways were being used in Germany. They consisted of wooden rails over which horse-drawn wagons or carts moved with greater ease than over dirt roads. By 1776, iron had replaced the wood in the rails and wheels on the carts, however horses still provided the power. In 1803, a man named Richard Trevithick (1771-1833) built the first steam engine locomotive. On February 22, 1804, the locomotive hauled a load of 10 tons of iron, 70 men and five extra wagons a distance of 9 miles in two hours in Wales. By the 1830's, steam-powered railroad engines were being used in the United States of America.

In other words, for almost two centuries, people have known that when they see train tracks, that a train could possibly pass through on it at any given moment, yet in this year of 2005, there have been a rash of train deaths recently from people being caught with their vehicle on a train track (wrong place) at the wrong time. In one ironic story, an ambulance got hit where the 3 paramedics died, yet the patient lived. Also, about a year ago and less than a mile from my house, a truck driver was leaving the Mobil refinery in Chalmette (the same one I wrote about that has problems adhering to EPA standards) with a trailer tanker full of fresh gasoline. The driver saw the flashing lights and warnings, but decided to try to beat the train anyway only to be blown to bits when the train collided with the tanker. I saw the after effect of the blast and let me say, that truck was nice and crispy. The driver got what he deserved for being a moron and making an uncalculated risk, but the train operators who died shortly after suffering in agony from being douched with ignited fuel and burning alive did not deserve their fate. Besides these stories, there seems to be a train/automobile/human accident in Louisiana seemingly each year. Normally, I may say it serves someone right for being so careless, but since innocent people can be victimized (i.e. passengers or train operators), I'll take the high road and talk about the other side of the problem. If engineered correctly, it could have been done where all roads could have over or underpassed all tracks... or at the very least, light signals and crossing arms installed at each locale. No mode of transportation is completely safe, but certain risks can be eliminated. Of course you can never discount the moron factor... that's America though, folks. That's the one variable that will ruin most safeguards.

In other news... Prince Charles may have open wedding to public (did you say open bar as well???) Apparently under Britain's 1994 Marriage Act, the public must have unfettered access to witness a marriage so they can object if they wish. This is plain absurd and I'm just glad it's not a US issue, we have enough laws that make no logical sense. We've also had a few "celebrity" deaths, but only one mattered. Hunter S. Thompson. As little as I know about this man and writer, I did read a few of his columns in ESPN's Page 2 about sports and such, and he did have a way with the words. Certain rare skills, historical significance, and innovative are very admirable traits of people who are special & unique and are most certainly worthy of mass public appeal for all to enjoy... those are the ones whom I'd deem worthy of celebrity status. Most so-called "celebrities" are nothing special at all and not worth knowing in my opinion. Take Lindsey Lohan.. her dad (Michael Lohan) is in the spotlight now as someone who hit a utility pole while intoxicated and obliterated his vehicle in a fiery crash! Now, losers just like Michael Lohan, who could have easily killed innocent people due to his unwise decision to drive while intoxicated, are prevalent all across our United States of Morons, yet this makes front page CNN website news not once, but twice on the same page. Who cares??! Who, besides anyone in the Lohan family, gives a fuck about Mr. Lohan? He's a nobody loser just like millions of others. He stumbled out of the car just before it burst into flames. It's really a shame that he lived, but I have a feeling that Darwin would say that it's a bigger shame that he lived long enough to have offspring.

Ok, so Bush tried some of that marijuana back in the day. The way he supposedly abused alcohol, it's no big surprise to me. And as much as I despise him as president, as a person, I see nothing wrong with his actions. It's just a shame that his past drug experiences didn't open his mind enough. Now, I say this with complete conviction as a person who has NEVER tried weed nor any other so-called "illegal" substance in my life, but I am definitely an advocate for the rights of individuals prerogative to eat, drink, or smoke whatever they wish. I don't need uncle Sam wiping my ass nor attempting to protect me from my competent self. It's all about personal rights and not having a morally parenting government. Besides, if Bush was afraid of kids or teens idolizing him and doing drugs because their "president" did it, well.... I'd think that any young person who idolizes Bush would probably be the same kind or person that would grow up and get wasted and stoned all of the time anyway. Either way, it really doesn't matter now, does it?

Posted by Reese at 8:29 AM

February 20, 2005

What are You Reading Meme

From Pharyngula: Pharyngula::We are all lemmings, we bloggers:

  1. Grab the nearest book.
  2. Open the book to page 123.
  3. Find the fifth sentence.
  4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
  5. Don't search around and look for the "coolest" book you can find. Do what’s actually next to you.

This is like a bad chain e-mail. But I never pass up one of these "go to page x, sentence y" memes. Here it is:

Instinctively, Rumsfeld dashed out of the room, asked if anyone knew what had happened, then ran toward the smoke.

This comes from the Rummy hagiography The Rumsfeld Way. I feel I must read this book and report on it. Funny, how I came upon it. I was in the library yesterday to return Freethinkers and I was looking for some career books and I wanted to get my hands on some of the Left Behind books. I noticed that Tim LaHaye had also written a history book, but unlike the one I just finished reading this one tries to make the argument that the Founders wanted to create a Christian nation, yadda, yadda, yadda. I thought that would be a good laugh. While I was waking there I noticed I was in a section on feminism and the midnight blue spine of the Rumsfeld book stood out. Apparently graphic designers rely on pink for books on feminism. The Dewey Decimal system makes for strange shelf-mates. I opened the book and the front fly-leaf has a quote from Bismarck. This gesture was so ironic, I knew the pages to follow would irk me, make me roll my eyes and provide fodder for the blog.

Posted by Spicolli' at 10:38 AM

February 18, 2005

Juror #76826

Low and behold! As read on my Subpoena, "You are hereby summoned to appear in the Thirty-Fourth Judicial District Court, Parish of St. Bernard, Chalmette, Louisiana on MONDAY the 07 day of MARCH 2005 at 09:30 o'clock AM to server as a prospective CIVIL juror, until discharged, and fail not under penalty of the law. By Order Of The Court." That's right folks, for the first time in my life, I've gotten possibly Jury Duty. My chance to do my thang for society.. no biggie. Seems I've been all talk and no action, well maybe a little action will be done this way. The courthouse is just a walking block away and I found out today that my policy here at work is that I'd get paid for the day and it won't count against me. So, I don't mind a little civil obligation to give me a break from this place. Just a little FYI on this ticket... it'll be Judge Robert A Buckley (Division "A") presiding and Lena R. Torres is the Clerk of Court. I also found out that the Judge was fined $180 dollars for being 3 days late on filing of campaign finance forms. As much as I despise St. Bernard Parish backdoor-dealings and corrupt political system, these fines do seem rather petty. In general, I loathe the politics and political wheels that plague this state, but since I live in Chalmette, I see first-hand how a suburb that borders the biggest city in the state with riverfront property stretching for miles and 3 oil refineries seems to be the least prosperous of the other surrounding parishes of New Orleans. Why so? The sign upon entering the parish from New Orleans reads "St. Bernard, building for a better future." The irony of it all is that St. Bernard has a better, more prosperous past I hear. Hmmmmmmm. Well in conclusion, if they knew about my website here, I doubt that they'd want me on the jury pool of any case. We'll just have to see how this pans out.

Posted by Reese at 11:19 AM

American Flags & Handicapped Plates

So what do the most patriotic of Americans and Handicapped people have in common? They both drive slow. This is not a documented fact nor a complete generalization, just an observation and opinion that I have about the majority of them. I've noticed a pattern that a handicapped plate (or sticker) usually means that the person is a bad driver and drives quite slow. Could it be that they are old? Do really old people have such slow reflexes that they are unable to operate a motor vehicle at higher speeds (and I mean 45 MPH even!). If *I* were as old as you people, I'd be moving a lot faster, because that's the reaper in your rear-view mirror. If they are not old, then what ails them? Not sure what they are afraid of, they are already fucked up and so there is less risk of fucking up more shit than a normal, healthy driver could have by going faster. I'm not even sure about some of you people. You are like the homeless to me. Some of them just gave up on life and some were actual victims of misfortune. Some handicapped people are just plain overweight slobs who gave up on taking care of themselves... so, by being fat, lazy, and stupid, does that mean they deserve a government handout and the best parking spots in town? And then there are the flag touting true Americans. So patriotic, they drive 25 miles below the speed limit as to not tatter their flag (or flags). These people probably think that they are really doing the country some good by advertising their American pride. All that you did was purchase some colored plastic sheets on a plastic stick made in TAIWAN. Yeah, that's so American, isn't it? If there were 8 lanes of highway, you assholes (and others) would find a way to form vertical convoy of the velocity challenged and really fuck things up. So please, for future reference, may I ask that you just drive, assholes, and stop impeding the flow of traffic?

Guess what, people? That's right...Britney Spears is "angry" about published honeymoon photos. Now, I normally don't like to talk about so called "celebrities", because I don't like to glorify someone who's nothing special in society. But, since the media and entertainment industry put her in the spotlight, I'll use her as an example. As far as the pictures go, it's a free country bitch, get over it. And if you believe people when they say that the pictures are just for a private "scrap book", than we should just go ahead and add "gullible" to your list of quality personality traits. I didn't lose respect for her when I saw how her "talent to income/fame" ratio was so shamefully skewed, nor when she got married twice in one year (I'm not the moral police), nor the fact that she does a great job representing the sluts of Louisiana in remarkably accurate fashion (I'm ashamed to be from the same state as her)... it was her quote that I saw on CNN & Fahrenheit 9/11 when she said "I think we should just trust our president in every decision that he makes and we should just support that." Man, that logic just blew my mind. I had to sleep on that one just to absorb it's sheer magnitude of glory. The bigger problem isn't her or one individual's flawed logic, it's how many citizens actually agree with that statement. She is a good example of how too many people actually think.. people who cast votes that determine the country's fate by shaping our future through chosen political leaders. My grandmother said that she voted for Bush because (and I quote) "I ain't voting for no baby killer!". Among all of the issues, that was the only one that mattered to her. I used to think it was crazy for a presidential candidate to tout issues the way they do. Some so insignificant to everything, but there was a reason. They were not campaigning to me.. they were campaigning to the entire populous. Idiot Americans and all. And when you do that, you have to touch on a broad range of issues that a broad range of Americans, "little minds" and "big minds" alike, will find meaningful. Sometimes it's just one issue that makes or breaks a vote... or even an election.

So what else is going on? People are dying with bombs and gun attacks as usual. --- Someone won the lotto by finding a winning ticket in the trash (100K). --- Someone tossed a shoe at a pentagon speaker. Nice going! I suppose shoe's are now a national security risk and will be banned from airports and government buildings. When I throw shoes, it doesn't make the national news.. maybe I'm not throwing them at the right people. --- The global warming will make for a nice long 365 day summertime, which I am looking forward to. Oh well.. I'm glad I'll be long dead before they fuck up the world really hardcore. People are destroying the planet... and individually we're kinda screwed as only the governments of the world can really do anything about it. Oh well.. hopefully my great grandkids won't blame me for this shit. I live among two oil refineries. One in particular is a MOBIL REFINERY. It spews noxious gases that I breathe in practically daily, comprised of chemicals that I don't care to really know about. And recently a letter was sent to my house informing me that they routinely disregard EPA STANDARDS and have been fucking up pretty badly. Typical Chalmette.. typical Louisiana.. and typical AMERICA. Bring on the hybrids with variable-gear transmissions. Let's ween off the teet of the oil industry. That would solve so many problems. And we wouldn't feel the need to barge in and occupy certain oil-harboring nations across the globe either. --- Also, Inflation is rising again... finally catching up with gas prices I think. --- Oh, but cheer up.. it's Friday!!!!!!

Posted by Reese at 8:52 AM

February 17, 2005

Which George W. would Americans Elect?

Via The Washington Note: George W. Beats Nation's First President 62% to 28% Among Republicans in New National Poll. WTF?!?!?!? Well after all the man had married a rich widow and served in the military.

Posted by Spicolli' at 8:41 PM

February 16, 2005

And if I'm asleep... make sure my blanket covers me!

It's mid-week and I feel fine. Listening to some of that kick-ass Green Day's "American Idiot" CD. Yesterday, I was jamming out to the smooth tunes of Soundgarden's "BadMotorFinger". Tomorrow, maybe some Alice In Chains's "Facelift". Of course, I'd rather pull up the MP3 collection and jam out to thousands of tunes randomly, but my collection is limited here at the office. Just enough to get me through the day. Speaking of music, my dad has helped me with my house in the recent past, so I thought I'd do something nice and purchased an autographed framed album through EBAY of his favorite band from the 70's, Emerson Lake & Palmer. And as a reward for being a good and thoughtful son, I got a call from him yesterday because my brother apparently did some work on his computer and now it has spy-ware and possible virus issues. I work doing computer programming and networking and such. My brother does network administration and other things I suppose, but my dad seems to trust me more with PC repair. Trust is an interesting thing. Like most things in life, Trust is a sliding scale with many levels. Trust can be determined in a number of ways: Logical Reasoning - Based upon what you believe their motives could be based on what the trust issue is. Instinct - Based on reading body language and demeanor. Track Record - Based upon an individual's past and what you know about them. All of them and more are good ways that people generally try to gauge trust. Relationships with high levels of trust are usually healthier with better open communication, respect, honesty, and more. Sometimes trust is issue based, as in this case, my father trusts me to perform repair on his PC more than he does for my brother. There are other things that he may trust my brother with more, but I'm drawing blanks at the moment... I suppose that's only something he could answer. Either way, in any relationship in life, trust is vital. And if the levels are mutually high, it's even better. And relationships include those with family, friends, lovers, the public, government personnel, the media, and practically anyone who may affect your life even in the slightest way. How about the news?

Woman, 79, charged with attacking police with cane
I don't care how old you are, a crime is a crime, and inflicting bodily harm upon fellow humans such as an officer of the law should be dealt with. Grandma was obviously a threat to society and should be locked up and the key thrown away. Senior citizen crime waves have been sparking up in cities across America thanks to lack of activities and overcrowded nursing homes where gang wars run rampant. All of the signs are right there... they're cranky, needy, and on a multitude of drugs. It's a serious issue and I for one am going to speak out on this since it is being largely ignored by the media!

Now, this is a masterpiece that was ahead of it's time. Created in 1903, this Cassius Marcellus Coolidge painting sold for 590,000 dollars recently. I think I'll just get the $15 poster and hang it in my den. Either way, this is cool and ranks up there with other cool vintage pieces, like this one that I like featuring the three stooges, James Dean, and some Rat Pack members playing pool (or some combination like that).

Posted by Reese at 10:15 AM

February 15, 2005

100 Funniest Jokes of All Time

100 Funniest Jokes of All Time. Like most lists like this it's kinda lame, although it includes one of my favorite and most frequently used quote from Churchill

A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
Posted by Spicolli' at 10:17 PM

What's Your Seduction Style?

Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover
You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires. And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek. You are a shape-shifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships. It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.
What Is Your Seduction Style?
Posted by Spicolli' at 4:03 PM

Sodomize my mind and rape my soul!

The above title means nothing, I just thought it sounded cool. Actually, I'm in a fairly good mood today, but that doesn't mean that things are peachy keen. So bush (notice the lower case "B" as a blatant sign of disrespect) nominated John Negroponte, our former ambassador to Iraq, for the new post called Director of National Intelligence. Why can't we get some REAL intelligent nominees like Stephen Hawking? I sometimes ponder why the cream of the crop of brainpower rarely get to be the ones actually running our government? Maybe politics are beneath them. Maybe it's like a brain surgeon taking out his own trash to the dump, a self-belittling activity.

Speaking of trash.. not to get off of the subject, but recently in the local St. Bernard Parish Newspaper (a not-so Pulitzer prize-winning piece of literary work), there was an article that caught my eye. Now, I rarely read this local paper, but it's thrown at my house a couple of times a week, and I have to at least pick it up to get it to it's destined location of the garbage container in front of my residence. Now, during a routine run between the lawn and the container, I glanced at an article that made me pause. Before I continue with the article's contents, here's a little history lesson first...back in the day (circa 1994), I was attending Andrew Jackson Fundamental Magnet High School and working afternoons at my first job ever...Burger King. I worked there in the heart of Chalmette with my best friend CJ and a mutual friend James Pilet. It's a funny thing when you're 17 years old and making minimum wage that you could care less because you're just happy to have a job. Anyway, there was a certain individual that worked with us named Scott Fox. He was the constant butt of our jokes as I just couldn't help myself as my jovial nature was prevalent as long as I can remember. Hell, I even wrote a song parody and a couple of short stories about him to amuse myself and others. Yes, this man was even accused at one point for talking to trash cans while working alone at night, since he was the night porter. This activity and his "Oscar the grouch" look about him gave birth to his nickname, Trash Daddy. I've seen him around a few times here and there in Chalmette since then and of course he remembered me and CJ very well as we must have stood out among the others he's worked with. Scott Fox had a dream to be a broadcaster and work in radio and even have his own low power FM station. He also liked comedy... prudish as it may have been, he had his own brand of funny (although personally, I found him funnier to laugh AT than WITH). Recently he asked me to write a 7 minute routine to participate in his local Comedy Show that was to be put on for the Shriner's Club I believe. I said "sure" and wrote some jokes and was willing to give it a go, even though I've never done stand-up. All of this seems to be a mute point now that according to the article I read, Scott Fox was arrested and charged with one count of child pornography. Sounds serious? It's really not. Maybe I'm a tad liberal, but anytime someone gets arrested for having a mere picture it's just not right. Pictures are completely harmless and are not evidence of anything. They are just images. Can an image actually BE a crime? If often I like watching violence in films or what not, does that make me a violent man? I could care less if someone has pictures of a preschool gang-bang (from overseas of course) the fact is, they are just pictures. What if this was a picture from Ancient Greece, would it then be considered historic media? If someone is caught actually to have been doing stuff with little boys, it's a different story as I do believe that they are not mature enough to consent to such activities. A picture is one thing, actual activity is a whole other ballpark. So is purchasing the picture aiding the criminal acts? No more than paying taxes is aiding the killing of innocent Iraqis or buying a gun making you a killer. So at what age is someone mature? That's debatable, as maturity is a very relative thing, but in our current society 18 is the key number. As sick as you may think it is and as morally disgusting as most would say it is, the fact is, they are just pictures and not evidence of any crimes. Scott Fox allegedly had been caught with pictures of teenage girls. I'm not sure if they were online or not, but they were not one's that he had taken personally. It all started out as an alleged kidnapping and when cops arrived at his residence, they found him taking pictures of a 22 year old girl with her stomach showing. Apparently, they claim in the article is that Scott admitted to having a fetish for stomach and ribs. No biggie, still no crime committed. Seems like two legal adults engaging in whatever and a few harmless images that resemble some naked teenage girls. An article like this can surely ruin a man almost to the point that seems slanderous. But, the media was just doing it's job. And Scott was just the unfortunate victim of the system. This also brings up another debate. What is pornography? Is it a picture of a naked woman? Naked little boys? Naked baby feeding off of it's mother's beast? What is deemed pornographic is almost undefined as it could be deemed art as well. Who is it that decides these things? What exactly is VULGAR? What is indecent exactly? Do we make laws reflecting biblical morality and decide what a person can or can not lay their eyes upon? Is it also a crime to view images in my head of criminal depictions? What if I animate them through drawings and art, is that a crime as well? How can we ever make laws against things that are impossible to define because perspectives vary from person to person? Just another dilemma in a sea or problems that need fixing I say.

Posted by Reese at 10:31 AM

Into the flood again... same old trip it was back then.

It's February 15th and I've just realized that I have some Dilbert comics to catch up on since Saturday. I Hope that yours was a good Monday and such. Actually, I may not really care, but wasn't that heart-felt sounding? However, if you do want to believe that I do care, then that's all that matters, right? Because that's what people do, they deceive others all of the time. "How are you?" "Have a nice day!" "Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart!" "I'll go check with my manager and see if I can get you this car for that price you've asked for... be right back (wink wink)!" From cashiers to salesman to form letters... is there really anything personal about business relations anymore? Even ole Rumsfeld was not singing any of the letters to the families of dead soldiers. No signature... no personal sympathies.. and no parting gifts (That's right, kids, you don’t even get a lousy copy of our home game!). Does false sincerity really comfort anyone? Just another thought.. another problem with America. Because besides the really big ones, it's the small issues that add up to bigger problems.

Daughter of conservative Republican Alan Keyes called herself a liberal queer.
A reminder of another TRULY AMERICAN tradition... close mindedness. Certain European countries are by far more open minded than we are. Why so? Aren't we supposed to be the most free.. the best.. number one in the world? Losing our grip are we? I suppose so. I'll try to wave my red, white, and blue, but it's getting so hard. I'm just not into it like I wish I could be. Maybe someday.. maybe someday I'll be a proud American. I'd like to be, but old Uncle Sam lets me down so much. And Uncle Sam is not only the government, but everyone and everything that puts the government in place. In short, most of my fellow Americans just plain let me down.

Missle Defense System Test Fails (Wasting away millions of dollars)
85 Million for each test eh? Hmmm. It was from the movie "Dave" but it's so true, if a business was ran like the government is run, they would have gone bankrupt and belly-up a long time ago. Now I'm all about defense systems, for I believe that it's the government's job to protects us from others (not from ourselves), but it's hard to believe that our current technological state would allow for such massively costly failures, especially when failure is not an option if we were to rely on such a protective system. It's just plain scary, that's all.

Bible classes taught in public school in Virginia
In what is the most appalling story of the day, for me that is, the title says it all. Why the hell would we be teaching bible class to public schools students? The only reason I can see is if it were taught in a merely historic manner and not a religious one. But, that is not the case here.. this is an a attempt to force feed morality to the kids, which is the parents job. Morality is and always shall be relative, and not something the government should have any part in as far as defining their own version for public schools students to learn. Christians don't have a monopoly on morality," says Renee Staton, a Virginian native whose husband is Jewish. "I asked them whether Jesus was a Christian and they said 'yes.' When I said, 'Jesus was a Jew,' one girl said, 'But Jesus was a good person,"' Ridell said. That's right parents, don't just let the public school system brainwash your kids, but allow them to falsely educate them as well. I don't think anymore needs to be said on this subject.. it practically stinks to high hell all on it's own.

London mayor not sorry for Nazi jibe
This man gets mad respect from me. I don't even care about his comments or how un-PC they may have been, although I did find them pretty cool: When the reporter replied that he was Jewish, Livingstone said "Actually you are just like a concentration camp guard. You're just doing it because you're paid to, aren't you?". The fact that he refuses to back down and is completely defiant on apologizing by continuing to stand by his own words is quite respectable in my book.

Study: Flu shots may not save senior citizens' lives
You hear that grandma? You're gonna die! Hehe, just kidding you old coot! Oh, and while filling out your will, don't forget about your favorite grandson, OK? :-)

Posted by Reese at 8:55 AM

A Series of Unfortunate Events

I've been reading Freethinkers, A History of American Secularism. It is a bit like a horror story: you see the hero of whatever story is being told and you see the fundies sneaking up behind them to conch them on the head, steal their ideas and erase their names from the breakthrough they spearheaded. The secularists always seem so optimistic, like it will be only a matter of years before the American people realize en masse the illogic and hypocricy of organized religion, and time and time again orthodox religion not only goes on, but uses the criticism to exploit the controversy of the day and tighten their stranglehold.

This is the depressing argument of the book. Granted it is probably only the most obvious view to derive from the facts in the book. Those outside of orthodox belief are not as monolithically good as made out and those inside are not as bad. However, the facts in this book are a treasury of evidence that most of the religious public figures in our history have used a similar combination of chutzpah and over-heated insanity to fight any reform to make people happy, guarantee human rights or improve life through science.

As the book approaches the present day, the reader can see the lines of the current climate of "faith-based initiatives" emerging, it is a comfort to know that similar attempts to give tax money to churches never lasted very long and that the road back through the reforms hard won from the prejudices of religion is a long one.

Posted by Spicolli' at 8:14 AM

February 14, 2005

What is Love? Baby don't hurt me!

Love.. an English word representing an emotion which is complicated and simple at the same time. Various levels and types of love can make it one hell of a thing to define. Now, I'm no love expert, but I do try my best to understand it's meanings by analyzing myself to the point where it all makes sense (somewhat). Knowing thy self can only make knowing others that much easier, as we are all human, right? Is love just an illusion? Is love a result of Mother Nature's genius invention to perpetuate the species by means of chemicals in our brain? The debate on whether love is derived from our brain's hardware, software or even our intangible soul (if you believe in that sort of thing) is an endless one. Even with all of this knowledge and unanswered questions, people do not necessarily question the origins of the feelings that accompany love, but choose to believe that it is something special and magical. Is this blind conclusion also a result of nature keeping us from caring about the truth at all? Either way, ignorance is truly bliss and I for one would rather fall into the euphoric pleasures of love and forget about the philosophical whys of it all... HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

How about some good ole February 14th problems? Why all the hating today? Spread the love!!!

Mall gunman found to be fascinated with Columbine
Now the nation media may never admit to this, but their efforts in glorifying the whole Columbine thing most likely was responsible for the mall shooting.

Former Student Loving Teacher, Letourneau to wed former pupil
Ahhh..... can you feel the love tonight? Last night, I was engaged in a discussion (with my girlfriend) about the storied possibilities of discovering your soul mate only to find that they are 20 or more years younger (or older) than you are. Then, believing in reincarnation and past lives and such, you killed yourself so that you can come back and be closer in age gap to your soul mate, but you'd have to find them all over again without knowledge of your prior lives. OK, maybe that's a little extreme, but this story is either a real-life example of that or a story about a crazy mid-life crisis plagued teacher and a horny low-self esteem laden boy/man with a MILF fetish. You make the call!

Jobs growth to remain sluggish, experts say.
Festive pink slips... the most romantic way to tell someone that it just isn't working out anymore. The company has grown, but you haven't... sorry pal. No hard feelings? Can we just be friends? After all, the clause in the restraining order allows for you to come within 50 feet on the Third Friday of Each Month Between 5:00 and 5:15AM. Yeah... I love you too.

Who better to represent what love is all about, than Pepe Le Peu... or is he?!? Have you ever heard that song by Weird Al Yankovic - Melanie? Obsession... why is it that some can't tell it from love? Does Bush love war and oil or is it merely an obsession? Hmmmm.

So you can't find that perfect Valentine's Day card that expresses exactly what you feel in words... well, I just may have a couple that say it all:

1) Baby, Quiznos is just so much better with you there. Mmmmm toasty!
2) If you weren't out of town, I swear that I'd be loving on you instead.
3) While hitting that ass last night, I noticed that it was heart-shaped and that reminded me that I love you.
4) I'd never hit you honey, but you know how slippery those stairs can get. So where's my dinner, bitch?!
5) I love Unicorns. I love Ulysses S Grant. I love Unisex bathrooms. I love Universal remotes. I love Ukuleles. I love Euphemisms. But most of all, I love "U".
6) I love you almost as much as I love myself.

P.S. On Spicolli's post down below... man.. talk about a tear jerker. Where do I send the money order to? To hell with those Tsunami victims, you need some relief funds my friend. Maybe, if you're lucky, a big wave from Lake Pontchartrain will wipe out your living quarters and possessions, and the world would come to your rescue. Tell you what, tonight I'll pray for a natural disaster, because I care!

Posted by Reese at 1:49 PM

Well, Here's the Agenda

This weekend I spent most of the time in my hovel trying desperately to make it seem less like a hovel. This was not hard as I have been living without money in my bank account since last weekend. This in turn resulted in my eating of anything that was edible. The result was an easy time cleaning the dishes and the cabinets. The junk on the floor was also easy to clear. Carpet prepared just so is quite delicious.

Tonight I get paid finally. I went to the ATM today to see if the direct deposit was already there. I managed to get 20 out, however, the balance was further in the red than I had anticipated which was a bit of a shock, but then I realized that my student loan was deducted today. I tell you, getting money out when you have none is about the happiest a deadbeat can feel.

I am hoping that today or tomorrow I will be getting my rebate from Sprint, which will bring me back into a reasonable level of black.

Taco is standing in the doorway hoping I will look his way, but I'm just not in the mood.

He left, he must have been able to tell I was typing about him.

Reese isn't at work, I should probably call him up at home to chat.

Today I got about 2 dozen back files ready to be published. Brandolyn is doing some excellent work and makes it very easy to move forward. I will probably be configuring new PCs this afternoon.

Dance lessons tonight, Hope I haven't forgotten too much.

Posted by Spicolli' at 11:11 AM

February 11, 2005

Gay, It's Not Just for Animated Animals Any More

There's zoo in Germany that has recently imported female Humboldt penguins from a zoo in Sweden to try to break up the gay relationships that have formed in the penguin enclosure. This experiment has been declared a failure. The reason the zookeepers are so concerned is not simple prudery as might be expected had the zoo been in, say Salt Lake City. No. Humboldt penguins are endangered and so to help preserve the species. This idea is used as an argument by fundamentalists who find that when they go out in public chapter and verse is not considered evidence. Indeed, I'm waiting to hear this story on the 700 Club. The penguins are going to go extinct and it's not going be because of environmental change (which they don't believe in) but because of gayness (which they see everywhere).

I've been thinking a lot about breeding, demographics and the survival of the fittest. This Saturday would have been Darwin's 196th birthday. All over the world of punditry I hear perhaps unintentional tribute. This morning on NPR a former Clinton talked about the demographic shifts that would make Democrats extinct if they don't support changing the Social Security system. The money line: "White people expect their benefits to be paid by their domestic workers." Ah yes, the Hispanics are out breeding the whites and what is more depressing is that their kids will also work cleaning houses, picking fruit and standing in the doorway to my office with a cup of coffee holding forth about gays. Meanwhile over at Policy Review Stanley Kurtz sees tinkering with Social Security as a perfect way to get everyone breeding furiously. His basic premise is that the Muslims are out breeding everyone. We need to create an incentive to make more Christians westerners. He sees abolishing Social Security as we know it as a means of doing this. When Americans see that having a large family is the only way to insure that they will be supported in their old age. I know, supply-side, social Darwinist theories don't get much nuttier.

My question is, what makes these guys think they're good zookeepers?

Posted by Spicolli' at 9:39 AM

It's the end of the world as we know it...and I feel fine!

Thank you for joining us on this February 11th of the calendar year 2005. So what is in the news today? Oh, same old same old. Just what is the state of the nation? Let's see...

A newborn baby was tossed out of car window in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Reminds me of a quote from a black guy in the "B" movie "Men at work" starring the brothers of Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez: "It's a real shame when folks be throwing away a perfectly good white boy like that."

An Klamath Falls,Oregon man was arrested on suspicion of trying to arrange a mass suicide on Valentine's Day on an Internet chat room. Now, I don't see the nature of the crime myself. If I tell people to go fuck themselves on the internet, am I soliciting mass self-love? People should be held responsible for themselves and if they wish to kill themselves based on the suggestion from some stranger in a chat room, well then that's their ignorant dead asses and not my problem whatsoever. What the hell is going on with this country? In unrelated good news, in reference to my article about the Virginian low-pants fine bill was thrown out by the senate. Maybe there's a smidge of hope after all... but not much! I'm going to celebrate by wearing my tighty whitey over my pants this weekend. (Remember kids, brown in the back, yellow in the front!)

A Chicago man died after police used a stun gun to subdue him. Apparently the man was trying to bite officers and give them HIV. Still, this story does not shock me on any level... more and more stun gun deaths seem to surface, because electricity kills. Remember the quote, kids? "Don't monkey around power lines!" Well, thanks to local law enforcement, if you monkey around too much, the power lines come to you!

Mail one for the gipper! New Reagan Stamp unveiled. I was too young to really acknowledge his presidential presence in the 1980's America, but I hear that he gave a mean speech using real words (like from the dictionary and stuff), complete sentences, and intelligent memorable quotes. Ah... the good ole days, shall they ever return?

Posted by Reese at 8:57 AM

February 10, 2005

Worst President Ever

I laughed out loud reading this: Dubya Quotes Comic

Although the above is laughable, the truth puts me in shock and awe. I'm an angst-laden American. The article my padre has written below is just plain scary shit. Each day I grow tired of reading CNN and actually, with a naively optimistic nature, hope for a page full of good news someday. I can hear the *beep* *beep* getting louder and louder as the United States seems to be going backwards. Maybe our forefathers, who had better sense as to what a government should be, could rise from the dead and save us in a Jesusesque style. We need real Americans, who knew what life was like when a King and monarchy ruled with unfair and unjust iron fists. I have great hope in that the possibility of the current situation and regime will open the eyes of generations to come and maybe real change will lead us back into the right direction. Sometimes it takes the bad to realize the good. A fall must take place before a rise. I suppose it will take another 4 years to fully realize the error of society's ways, but then again, I'm losing faith fast in our own citizens daily. We are truly a weak nation. A majority of Americans are not very bright and not very wise. Most people in this country are easily persuaded by the big machine of propaganda and lies. We are all being played like a fiddle, and the minority that realizes this and speaks out seems to always get drowned out by the crowd of blind followers.

Bush asks congress for a total of $950 million in tsunami aid
I hate to be rude, but when did this crap become our problem... why are my tax dollars being wasted? What about our domestic problems?

California proposes ban on pet cloning
Yet another ridiculous waste of government time. The USA empire will fall someday, and it's nobody's fault but our own. We so need separation of church, state, and even morality. It's all relative and the government should always be unbiased... but we all know that it's just a pipe dream, isn't it?

Posted by Reese at 9:31 AM

Founders Fever, Catch It!

You have to hand it to the founding father of this country. They were nearly to a man geniuses, devoted to reason and profoundly optimistic about what future generations would do with their freedom. The believed that the government would not be a vehicle for the majority to the minority. When Virginia passed a its Statute for Religious Freedom, James Madison proudly proclaimed that his state had "extinguished forever ambitious hopes of making laws for the human mind." Fast forward 219 years and we have the a Time magazine cover with the 25 most influential Evangelicals that asks "What does Bush owe them?" We end up with Virginian legislators trying to tamper with this influential statement of the separation of church and state:

"There have been attempts to discriminate against Christians and take out 'under God' from the Pledge of Allegiance," complained Carrico, a Republican from Independence (no joke) in defending his proposal.

As approved on a 14-6 committee vote, the amendment secures "the people's right to pray and to recognize their religious beliefs, heritage, and traditions on public property, including public school divisions."

The culture warriors of 2005 in contrast to the founders they try to claim as their own are a majority simultaneously claiming minorities have 'special rights' while screaming that they are being persecuted and deserve special rights. Of course nothing is new under the sun. In a letter to Jefferson, John Adams writes "What a mercy it is that these People cannot whip and crop, pillory and roast, as yet in the U. S.! If they could, they would." This is ultimately what they want. They want to get the people's money, to take control of the way people think, and to control what they do with their body all because they have concluded the events described in a really old book justify it.

Of course, one could say that doing what a really old book says is what defenders of the Jefferson law are doing. I think people who say that are stupid. I'll tell you why. Government founded on secular principles permit chances to refute, to argue, to make conclusions and to change ones mind not found in ones based on revealed irrefutable religion. To wit the concluding paragraph of the 'Statute:'

And though we well know that this assembly elected by the people for the ordinary purposes of legislation only, have no power to restrain the acts of succeeding assemblies, constituted with powers equal to our own, and that therefore to declare this act to be irrevocable would be of no effect in law; yet we are free to declare, and do declare, that the rights hereby asserted are of the natural rights of mankind, and that if any act shall be hereafter passed to repeal the present, or to narrow its operation, such act shall be an infringement of natural right.

One can only wish that all of the people wreaking all of this havoc had as much humility.

Posted by Spicolli' at 8:20 AM

February 9, 2005

Bush Vows to Wisely Spend Money Extorted from Veterans

Ah well, I know you're like me and you just can't wait to dig into the budget when the president submits it. You search for 'budget' on the Library of Congress site. Especially this year. In Detroit today Bush said "It is essential that those who spend the money in Washington adhere to this principle: A taxpayer dollar ought to be spent wisely or not spent at all." Wow! This is going to be great!

So when an audit shows that$9bn have been squandered in Iraq we get that back. Right? I mean $9bn is spare change compared to the whole tab of the Iraq war, but still it'll be nice to have it back. This is going to be great! The $31 million being spent on abstinence grants are on hold thanks to mounting evidence that they don't work. Isn't giving grants for abstinence a bit like reverse prostitution after all? We will also, not be paying that $100 million to modernize the Polish military. Is this the same Polish army that lost to Germany because the Germans marched in backwards so the Poles would think they were leaving? Most exciting of all no more pay-offs for pundits. Time reports that the Administration spent $250 million in PR contracts from 2001 to 2004 compared to $128 by the previous Administration. Maybe we can get at least the difference back? even says so himself, must be done doing it.

Ah, but there seems to be signs that the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. I right off the top this new budget seems to want to screw the troops and not in the way former White House Correspondent Jeff Gannon had in mind. The problem is that in the first days after this Administration does anything the bad news is always the tip of the iceberg, or as I like to say the narrow end of the butt plug. But after news about raising the co-pay and adding a premiums to veterans precisely when they need it most, how much more disgusting is it going to get? Are stories about 129 soldiers getting bills for their care a mistake rather than a sign of things to come?

Posted by Spicolli' at 6:16 PM

My court date & other crap!

OK citizens of this USA.... let's start off with:

*** Today's CNN QUICKVOTE ***
Does wearing pants so low that underwear shows merit a fine?

Yes - As a society we should now dictate fashion sense in some form of a law... also wearing black after April 1st should result in no less than 6 months in jail. I find it hard to avert my eyes from offensive attire, so I'd rather let the government correct this most horrendous problem that plagues us all!!!

No - Fuck no, I don't see why we can't just go around nude. It's society that makes us ashamed of wearing our birthday suit. We weren't born with clothes and in fact are the only animals on the planet to display such shame in our own skin. Kinda sad really how we're now taking steps backwards toward making laws that prevent something that isn't even a crime under the current standards.

Undecided - Decide for yourself reading this article. If it doesn't bother you in some way, then this whole website is surely not your cup of tea.

What is really sad is that this bill was passed by the Virginia House by a damn big margin. Anyone who'd vote for such a ridiculous bill should never get a vote again if the American public had any sense left in their brainwashed heads. "lewd or indecent manner" is the crime, and that itself is a very questionably opinionated rule, as what offends is a pretty relative thing. Delegate Algie T. Howell headed the bill and could only offer the logic that having the underwear showing was "offensive". What the fuck kind of logic is that? Farting is offensive to more people than that.. should I be fined for letting one rip in public? Now one moron in the Virginian congress is bad enough, but when the majority follows this atrocity to completion, it only proves more so how American is becoming less and less "the land of the free". The bill now goes to the Virginia Senate.. how lame could this possibly get? We'll see.

Also in the news.. someone got scalped and lived... yawn! Some teacher fucked a 13 year old student.. double yawn! This isn't news.. this is moron America and sadly, I'm getting pretty damn used to it. I was kinda sheltered as a kid growing up, but I've come a long way and nothing really shocks me anymore.

Oh yeah, my court date (Case Number 04-058) is set for Wednesday, March 9th, 2005 at 11AM at the 5th Justice of the Peace Court of Jefferson Parish at 4421 Conlin Street Suite 102, Metairie, La. Mark it on your calendars and swing by to cheer me on as I shall pull down my pants and have the defendant suck the sweet nectar of justice, oh yeah! In short, I was engaged over a year ago and was to marry on February 28th, 2004. (Twas not meant to be and let's just say that I avoided a big mistake of a bride-to-be in my life.) Anyway, during the first week of January 2004 I cancelled the wedding and then the limo service which was paid in full. I was given no refund and only the finger from the place called A-Regal Limousine Service. By all means, I very much recommend that if you have limo needs in the New Orleans area, use A-Regal Limousine, as they can probably afford extra-nice pimped-out rides from ripping consumers off and shit. Being that I've never set foot inside of any of their limos nor was driven anywhere, I decided to pursue small claims action because losing over 600 dollars is not too cool. I do not NEED the money, but this is all about principles. I tried sending them a certified letter and the better business bureau, but to no avail. This was the next logical step. Now, I do not intend on getting the whole amount back, but I should get the amount minus the deposit legally. Their policy says that I'd lose the deposit but that full payment was not due until two weeks prior to limo service. I cancelled 2 months prior. Under Louisiana Law, Civil Code article 2299, "A PERSON WHO HAS RECEIVED A PAYMENT OR THING NOT OWED TO HIM IS BOUND TO RESTORE IT TO THE PRESON FROM WHO HE RECEIVED IT." The money beyond the deposit amount was not owed to them at the time of cancellation, so I should win based on this fact alone... because no matter what other policies they may have had, they can't conflict with Louisiana Law. There's also an "Enrichment without cause" article which is basically against someone trying to gain wealth without supplying any service or goods. For once, the law may just work in a citizens favor.. isn't that nice?

Posted by Reese at 10:38 AM

February 5, 2005

Second Level of Counterstrike, Fourth Level of Hell

So I'm in an internet café across Vets from my apartment. I'm trying to avoid going to work during the Mardi Gras weekend, since the buses are running a heavily restricted service. This is an odd place. Back home the closest internet café was in Sister Bay. It was a well lit storefront in a trendy part of town. They sold Ikea type tchotchke and was frequented by yuppies from Chicago. This one I'm in on the other hand is a very dark semi-circle populated by very young boys playing first person shooter games from those super powered gaming computers with the neon CPU decorations. The right click function is disabled. I have a funny feeling why. On the whole this place is probably Michael Jackson's wet dream.

Anyway I just came to change over the selection from Amazon to a list of fine Mardi Gras music. I may be cynical about some of the rotten things about this town but they know music and food and Mardi Gras is a great party.

I think the next time I come here I better have a plan as to what to write as the gaming noise is very distracting.

Posted by Spicolli' at 6:01 PM

February 4, 2005

"You're nothing but a 'Ted Kennedy'"

It's been said many times many ways since Rodney Dangerfield first said it, but it remains true: "I get no respect".

I was talking to my mom the other day and she was asking me about when I was going to move home. This is a rather complicated issue. You see when I went home for Christmas this year, nearly every conversation involved some variation of 'Christmas is under attack.' Boy I heard some of the finest urban legends available on the subject only in a rural setting. (My hometown's sign boasts 1,933 souls). I heard that they were suing radio stations that played carols with a religious themes, I heard that had Kerry won we wouldn't have had a Christmas, I heard that it took great bravery to go to church on Christmas, not because of terrorists, but because of Dan Brown and his satanic shitty novel. So I have some hesitation on trading Louisiana bat shit crazy, which my most accounts is 'charming,' for the Wisconsin variety, which is mainly just 'cold.'

In the course of this conversation I mention that my job made a fairly large deposit to my 401(k) to prorate it for the entire year. So I made that joke that I can't just leave behind a good retirement plan as Bush is going to totally ruin Social Security. My mom says to me "you're nothing but a Ted Kennedy." Now if my mom were a professional pundit, she'd follow the protocol of calling me 'misguided' first, then a 'bleeding-heart', then proceed to 'Ted Kennedy.' It's sort of like the flag pole scene in 'A Christmas Story.' I guess I'm grateful she stopped short of Hillary Clinton. It's kinda funny and I mentioned it throughout the week. I also had a sneaky suspicion where all of this weirdness was coming from, but then again I don't remember seeing any actual evidence while I was home.

So, I was at lunch with Reese and CJ yesterday. CJ likes the form, but not perhaps the content. Let me take this moment to apologize for talking about masturbating to C-SPAN and for alluding to 1950's beefcake photography and for mentioning that I have a foreskin.

On the same tip, let me take this time to mention what a fine couple of posts Reese has had this week. I was working on putting the little Amazon list on the side column with all of Reese's State of the Union songs when I realized how much he puts in. I also noticed for the first time that he puts surveys in his posts, but with no way to get feedback. So I'm going to spend some time today getting surveys up and running for the site.

Incidentally, last night I get home from all of this reflection to find in my mail fund raising letter. Guess who? Yeah, Ted Kennedy.

Posted by Spicolli' at 10:04 AM

Friday Friday Friday!

Well well, I see that you've come back for more! Well, I'm not going to give it to you, what do you think of that? Beg will you? Ummm.. OK.. maybe just one little tiny entry this morning:

I'll go easy this time and only talk about one news story... A 3-star General, Lt. General James Mattis said, "Actually it's quite fun to fight them, you know. It's a hell of a hoot...It's fun to shoot some people. I'll be right up there with you. I like brawling." Of course, some may see this statement as not being very, um.. politically correct, but this is war. War is not supposed to be. Killing people is not a politically correct act so talking about it shouldn't have to be either. Besides, if you're not enjoying what you do, if you're not passionate about your job, and one main objective in ANY war is to "kill the enemy", then you're just not doing the best job you can be doing. I'm completely against the war, but I like the General's attitude, especially if it comes to be that one day we are fighting a REAL THREATENING enemy.

So yesterday my friend CJ comes to town from Boston. We decide to have lunch at Acme Oyster House (with some of my ex co-workers from the LADB) at their new location on Veterans Hwy in Metairie, La. They have an original location in the French Quarter or New Orleans, but I've never eaten there. Anyway, the place was packed yet sucked eggs. I paid 7.99 for a shrimp/oyster po-boy and 1.50 for my drink I believe. That was roughly 12 dollars after I included my tax & tip.... a complete rip-off considering my sandwich was less than filling and insulting in quantity and quality. It's not that it was the worst, but when I think about the great places to eat in Bucktown for seafood, this place bombed. For 12.00 including tip, I could have gotten a small colony of shrimp on a po-boy at Deanie's, fries, and drink... and it would have tasted divine. If you're ever in New Orleans, avoid this place, ask about Bucktown and head there for some great stuff.

Later last night, me and CJ went uptown to see my friend Al who was at the parade route there. We caught part of the parade, then went to Igor's to hang out some more.. chatting and such. It was a good time with good conversation, but alas, I had to get up for work this morning, so my evening was cut short. It's supposed to warm up for the weekend to the 60's and then 70's by Tuesday, which I'm ecstatic about, considering I really hate the cold. I'd rather sweat than freeze any day. I feel a full weekend coming on, so I'm going to leave you at this junction to fend for yourself... til next time.

Mardi Gras served up, Provocative Planet style!
OK, so I decided to show a less than PG rated pic. Doesn't mean that I've gone soft, just that sometimes you need a break from breast and coochie shots, because that's not what Mardi Gras is ALL about. It's about giving and family. It's about the good in us all. It's about peace on earth. And Yes, I am so full of shit on that, in truth, it's all about the partying and fun! Breast anyone?
Ahhhhhhhhh. ;-)

Posted by Reese at 8:16 AM

February 3, 2005

"Black Hole Sun... Won't you come... Won't you come" or "Blow up the outside world" You decide!

So many song titles could describe the mood of myself and many others in the midst of the speech, Bush, and America's state in general.. shall we run through a few of them?

"End Of The Innocence" - Don Henley
"Blow Up The Outside World" - Soundgarden
"Black hole sun" - Soundgarden
"Policy Of Truth" - Depeche Mode
"Asshole" - Beck
"Asshole" - Dennis Leary
"It's No Good" - Depeche Mode
"MMM MMM MMM MMM" - Crash Test Dummies
"Who'll Stop The Rain" - CCR
"Seeing Red" - Unwritten Law
"Dont Come Around Here (No More)" - Tom Petty
"Something's Always Wrong" - Toad The Wet Sprocket
"Wont Get Fooled Again" - The Who
"Comfortably Numb" - Pink Floyd
"The End Is The Beginning Is The End" - Smashing Pumpkins
"LIAR" - Rollins Band
"Karma Police" - Radiohead
"Another Day In Paradise" - Phil Collins/Genesis
"Terrible Lie" - Nine Inch Nails
"Battle of Who Could Care Less" - Ben Folds Five
"Jack-Ass" - Beck
"No Excuses" (or "Bleed the Freak") - Alice In Chains
and of course...
"American Idiot" - Green Day

***Did President Bush lay out a compelling vision for his second term?***

Yes - I had a vision of Armageddon.. kinda like the end of Terminator 3. Nukes flying all about as the world bombs the shit out of each other. The 21st century crusades will probably end in ugly fashion. Can you really blame them for hating us? The United States of Christians is raging war fucking with the Middle East... and if you're not with us, you're against us. I'm not with ya there, "W".. I suppose that I'm un-american now. You've learned well from the master of propaganda, didn't you? Just round up all of the non-Christians and send them to concentration camp Auschwitz all over again. We'll "cleanse" from within and then cleanse the world and spread democracy! When are we, as a country, going to mind our own business.. take care of shit at home, and live prosperously. Send the troops home and claim the whole thing a Mulligan, Bush! Oh Yeah! So anyway, I've ordered the cinder blocks and molten lead to build my underground bunker. Gonna pimp it out so that I'm styling when the nuclear winter ends!

No - Although a voluntary Social Security personal retirement account sounds better than what I thought was going to be. Some things still are not right. Possibly increasing the retirement age? Limiting benefits to wealthy retirees is still not fair.. I don't care if I retire with billions, the government still OWES me my money.. fuck them greedy fucks.

Undecided - I didn't watch it... I'd rather be surprised (shock and awe?) by what he does in his second term. Whatever happens is going to happen whether I saw it or not anyway.... can you say total apathy? I'm sure that I'll hear about it anyway, as Bush will be going on TOUR! Hitting the nation to promote his new agenda. I'm sure he'll sell out stadiums like the Rolling Stones. Of course, it may be cheaper to just pay off a few more journalist as they are for sale for a reasonable price I hear.

OK.. lemme try to brief you through some bad news news quickly. Insurgents killed 12 Iraqi army recruits in a bus ambush. No surprise there. Two radio personalities were fired over an "insensitive" song played about the Tsunami victims. Free speech doesn't exist.. because even with the GOVERNMENT is not bringing you down, corporate America is. Only lots of money or high ratings can change that scenario. The Superbowl will feature small cameras placed in the turf at certain points on the field. This should show much larger and more detailed ego's relative to the camera's lens size. Oh, and go PHILLY! Patriots suck ass! My NFC niggaz will prevail! A grandmother wrote a letter admitting to cheating on a High School test in 1957. After over 47 years, her conscience is finally cleared. Whew! How much time must past til she admits to cheating on Grandpa? If I were the high school principal, I wouldn't have praised her for her honesty, I'd have ripped her diploma in half citing that she never earned it and banned her for life from the premises... but that's just me, hehe. Well that's the brief news in brief. Now for some more detailed shit...

Ford decided to pull a Superbowl advertisement depicting a priest lusting over a new Ford Truck. They did this because of opposition about them supposedly exploiting the Priest Sex Scandals. First off, they are not SCANDALS. Secondly, Ford should show some balls and just show the fucking ad. They went through the trouble of paying for it, filming it, and editing the footage. Besides, Priests are everyday mortal citizens as far as I'm concerned who made a promise that they could not keep to an invisible being. Why can't they just get some hookers or go to some gay bars. Leave the kiddies alone until they are old enough to consent (legally 18, right?). Don't worry, Father, they'll still be youthful at 18... nice tender ass cheeks, smooth skin, warm inviting lips and all! Just be patient is all we ask and obey sex with minors laws, OK? Other than that, I could care less what they do. They are mortal human beings with chemical urges in their brains saying "Screw something hard!".. and that's natural and OK. I'm not hatin'.. nothing but love for ya!

Sheik Mohammed Ali Hasan al-Moayad is one of two men accused of sending money to al Qaeda terrorist. So the fuck what? It's not like he strapped a bomb onto someone and sent them to blow up a bus. It's not like he mailed off some anthrax or flew a plane into a building. All that *I* am saying is that funding your cause should be a freedom we all enjoy. Giving money to the Democratic or Republican party, for example, funds more atrocities (some subtle, some not) than any terrorist group could ever conceive. Think about that one, Mr. Righteous hypocrite.

Finally, I will not write about it too much, but in this article, you'll see how a small town government can attempt to kill a legitimate business owner through repeated ordinance passings just because they don't agree with his business. It's appalling each and every time I read about infringed freedoms. Why are their DRY COUNTIES in a country where drinking is legal? Is this not the UNITED STATES? Local ordinances should NEVER override Federal laws. Just read this article and get angry America.. you're rights are disappearing at an alarming rate. Private establishments should be able to do whatever they want. If people disapprove, they can boycott by not going and supporting the business. In theory, Supply and Demand should correct any popularity problems with local businesses if there truly is enough opposition. Same applies to Wal-Mart haters... if your community really dislikes how Wal-Mart has wiped out Tom's Hobby Shop, then by all means, no one has a gun to your head saying buy from Wal-Mart. The people have spoken!

Random thought: If Bill Gates, using his huge bankroll, made an "undecent proposal" to President Bush to completely wipe out the national debt if he'd suck ole Billy's cock in return (and swallow), do you think Dubya would "take one" for the team? I mean, that would be the most patriotic thing ever and prove to me, personally, that he really does LOVE AMERICA!

OK fellaz... My friend CJ comes to town this week from Boston to enjoy some vacation during the Mardi Gras celebration. I've got the guest room all ready with his M&M's in a bowl without any of the GREEN ones, just as he requested. Should be a fun weekend, either way. I've had a pretty good January and early February so far.. I just hope that I'm earning good karma. I had some nastier articles I was going to write, but didn't want to fuck up my karma, because you never know..In the unfathomable philosophical explanation of our universe and existence, there just MAY be Karma, so I don't want to risk it. Some friends of mine went out last night, but I had work so I went to bed early, but was awakened by a 4AM phone call from my girl. Drunken phone calls are the best, aren't they? Thanks to the new Cell Phone generation, drunken phone calls can come from anywhere. And thanks to stored numbers, drunken misdials are now a thing of the past. It's a more precise and error free nuisance. Not that *I* mind... I am pretty laid back on things like that and welcome it occasionally. Besides, I was "rewarded" with some 5:30AM sex for my troubles of waking up so early. Is that good Karma being instantly paid back? I'd like to believe so! OK, so I'm getting personal on this site now.. big whoopty freaking do. My padre Brian is talking about jerking off to C-SPAN, not that there's anything wrong with that as I constantly make the "jerk jerk" motion when watching government officials talk about "policy", I've just neglected to place a dick in my hand while doing it. Maybe it's because the lack of foreskin has curbed my masturbation habit.. score ONE for society! (hehe.. just kidding, Brian!) Moving on to less vulgar topics... I have to admit, I'm on a caffeine high right now from a CC's Coffee Shop's Mochassippi Chocolate (YUM!)... and now for a Mardi Gras pic:

Coochie shot! Yes, sometimes beads are just THAT good where bare breast are not enough. Either that, or this woman had a coochie that was better than her chest. Either way, here it is.. enjoy!

Posted by Reese at 9:17 AM

Results and Hangover

OK so I watched the speech online on C-SPAN. Some background, my former roommate with the dogs once accused me of masturbating to C-SPAN, of course I wasn't, but it just happened to be on when I was done watching porn. Really. Anyway in the two years since I've watched TV with any regularity I've always happened to see the live coverage of the ceremonial opening of the British Parliament. So it was watching the tiny screen that chyron made me expect to see Black Rod walking down the statuary hall past Ethan Allen, Robert La Follette, Sequoyah and Daniel Webster, their images showing none of the horror they would likely have had were they still alive.

'Gee,' I thought 'the speech isn't started yet and I'm already lost in revery' once the game starts things are really going to flow.

It started kinda slow. I only had about 6 shots until about minute 40. This meant that I had to be be relatively sober by throughout the big whoppers on Social Security. Ditto for the Democrats making that noise the opposition party makes in Britain and for when the President smirked 'I will listen to anyone who has a good idea to offer.' I have to admit that I'm glad I'll have the image of Bill Frist doing a little bouncy move as the president asked that his nominees be brought to a floor vote. I was kinda thinking I should have changed the rules of the game while watching Terrence Jeffrey commenting giddily beforehand that tonight Bush is going to promise to abolish all of the government but the Departments of Defense and Justice. But then we reached the "War On Terror©" portion of the speech. My shaking hand could hardly pour fast enough.

The last thing I remember was him saying 'Right now, Americans in uniform are serving at posts across the world, often taking great risks on my orders.' Did he really say that? This is the sort of thing said by him that is dividing this country. Half the people think it's heroic and inspiring, half the people think it's hypocritical, hubristic and imperial. This is a man whose handlers have, to the best of my knowledge, kept him away from anyone who will say anything negative to him almost perfectly except for the sending guys to face bullets.

All I can say is I'm glad I added that 'take a drink of water' rule or I would not be here now writing this. Here are the results:

  • Freedom: 27
  • Liberty: 8
  • Billion: 2
  • Mission: 2
  • Terror: 16
  • Biblical Allusion 1(?: Baby Boom Generation as Prodigal Son, anyone got any others?)
  • John Kerry: 5

P.S. Rebuttal chat: Is it just me or could you hear singing in the next room during this thing? If so was it, as I think, 'Tomorrow Belongs to Me ?'

Posted by Spicolli' at 4:47 AM

February 2, 2005

My Dick!

Your bishop may have a turtleneck, but my Dick is DECORATED! Ha!

Posted by Reese at 4:50 PM

My Bishop has a Turtleneck


Poor Reese. I hate to gloat about something so completely out of his control, but there it is.

We've been looking at some of the statistics here at the Provocative Planet and well for some of the people who have come here looking for "Rod Bauer Gay," we don't have any pictures of him but there is a link to another picture from Champion Studios under link 3 below under "THE RESULT." The guy in the mesh posing strap bottom row, first picture. If you want Higher res pictures of many of those images I probably have them. Let me know

Update 2/3/2005: The model in the picture is Dick Stark, which is actually an appropriate name for a poster boy for circumcision.

Posted by Spicolli' at 4:04 PM

State of the Union Drinking Game!



  • Bottle of Hard Liquor
  • Shot Glasses
  • Priest (optional)
  • Doctor (optional)


Each time one of the following words is spoken take a shot:

  • Freedom
  • Liberty
  • Billion
  • Mission
  • Enemies
  • Terror

Each time he makes an allusion to the Bible, have a shot. (You may want a priest on hand to help you with this, although it's probably safe that any metaphor he uses will refer to the Bible.) Finally each time they cut away to Senator Kerry take a shot. As a bonus if he mentions Osama Bin Laden or says 'Sorry' you may finish the bottle and go home early. To prevent hangover you may wish to have a small glass of water at each applause pause.

Update: Results & Hangover 2005

Posted by Spicolli' at 8:20 AM

"Bite my shiny metal ass!"

Guten Morgen! Shall we begin with today's CNN QUICKVOTE?

*** Is Bill Clinton a good choice to head the U.N.'s tsunami reconstruction efforts? ***

Yes - It's about time we retire Jimmy Carter as the ex-president-humanitarian champion.

No - Although his "Blow-jobs for food" program has serious promise for the relief effort.

Undecided - Does it really matter who does it? Who cares.

Officials are suspicious that some babies that a rabbi performed circumcisions on got herpes and even one of them died. Now in this day and age of the year 2005, we are still cutting off and mutilating perfectly healthy tissue from human males in certain traditional barbaric fashion. Not one shred of scientific or sanitary proof exists that makes this a logical thing to do to a baby or child. Personally, I've got no choice at this point in life as my foreskin is long gone. Maybe I should be thankful that I don't remember the horrors of the blade slicing through my wing-dang-doodle, blood sprouting out, and a shrieking cry from the pain. Should I sue the old parental units for this atrocious act? There were bundles of nerve endings in that skin that would have caused unique feelings and sensations that I will NEVER EVER know or experience, thanks to my parents. What is the price of the mental trauma of missing foreskin on the human psyche? All I know is that babies have rights now to not be aborted after a certain phase of pregnancy, yet have no rights to keep their weenie intact! It's not right, it never was right, and it never will be right. Nature had genetically encoded me and ALL MALES to have it, so all of you parents out there, do your sons a favor and LEAVE THE FUCKING FORESKIN ALONE!

Check these links: 1 2 3 4 5

A woman lost her father and spouse in the Iraqi conflict. If she'd have killed herself, I suppose that'd have been 3 meaningless deaths. I wonder if she's happy about the Iraqi elections. How much solace can you take in that some strangers across the globe had a mock election and that's pretty much all that those soldier deaths accounted for. No WMDs, no US threat, no harbored terrorist, no reason for any of it.

OK, enough of the world's problems, I notice that I never talk about myself. So let me just offer this fireside chat if you will. The new Green Day CD (American Idiot) kicks ass for one. I listened to it at work yesterday and actually got some work done. I am probably only slightly more productive listening to my Alice In Chains - Dirt CD, but least productive listening to the radio. I've started seeing someone new, and the other day we went to Wal-Mart (I hate Wal-Mart, not because it's a conglomerate, but because of the trailer trashy employees and customers that they attract - I think being a conglomerate is perfectly justified as it's the PEOPLE who make Wal-Mart and Microsoft the giants that they are, so they deserve it.)... anyway, we went to Wal-Mart to get a puzzle. They had all kinds and in different sizes and pieces. from 10 to 50 to over a thousand piece puzzles. We looked at the 2500 piece, but it's a little early in our relationship and I wasn't sure if I was ready for that kind of commitment so we opted for the 500 piece instead.

Have you ever seen Elimidate? It comes on late at night and usually shows 4 girls going on a date with 1 guy, and they do different events like eating, dancing, etc. After each event, a girl gets cut. It seems that the show usually has the good wholesome girls getting cut first. Girls, if you’re ever on Elimidate, show your nipples before the first commercial break and you’re a shoe-in to be a finalist. The guys on the show that claim to want one, believe that a long-term relationship is one that last beyond the continental breakfast. Virgins get cut. Animal lovers get cut. Religious types get cut. But slutty, unintelligent, and unstable girls don’t. Now girls get catty the whole time, which is expected because they just can’t help themselves. In one episode I’ve seen, the guy was down to the last two girls in a hot tub. After shaking their asses and flaunting their bodies on the guy, one girl starts making out with him, then the other girl, not to be outdone, does the same thing. At this point, it always seems that if the cameras weren’t present, a ménage a trois would occur. But then the second girl calls the first one a floozy slutbag. And of course, the first girl lashes out how the second one was a ho. The guy chooses girl #2, then tells her that he picked her because she was so classy. What I like and get out of the show is its realism. I’ve always said that Jerry Springer would kick ass if it were real. OK.. back to the fun-pics!

A French Quarter (Bourbon Street included) balcony can get quite packed just as the streets do during Mardi Gras or even anytime of the year really. Chances are, you'll catch some extra body parts showing on just about any of them.

Posted by Reese at 8:16 AM

February 1, 2005

"My Manwich!!!"

Gotta love those CNN QUICKVOTES, it's like they insult the American public one question at a time.

**Do you think Michael Jackson will get a fair trial?**

Yes - Everyone in the USA gets a fair trial, from the murderous wife-beating drug dealers to O.J. Simpson! If you DON'T get a fair trial, then the system is beyond flawed. Praise Democracy!!!!

No - Each trial is rigged by odds makers in Vegas... I think the line is guilty by 4. It's a good thing, because it'll be safe enough to keep my doors unlocked again, once they get Michael off the streets!

Undecided - How are you going to find an unbiased jury that hasn't heard of or seen one of his faces before?

**Should military death benefits be increased?**

Yes - It will ease war tensions in that the spouses and parents will almost HOPE that their loved ones perish in this meaningless operation so they can receive a big soothing check from Uncle Sam!

No - I think enough money has been spent on this thing. What's the REAL point in raising it anyway? Nice P.R. move, Dubya, nice.

Undecided - Something doesn't seem right.. I hear that they barely have enough money for supplies and such. Can you say clusterfuck?

Well, tis February 1st, baby! And no soldiers are dead yet that I've read, but then again, it's only 8:30AM. Microsoft is releasing a rival search engine to the popular GOOGLE service. Now, I like Google, but this makes you wonder if they had gotten a buy-out offer from Microsoft and declined. In other news, the crematory operator, who didn't cremate like he was contracted to, apparently has been sentenced to 12 years in prison for letting bodies decay. Now these are DEAD people that he mishandled and is getting 12 years for. There are far worse crimes and far worse criminals who do things to LIVING people that don't get a 12 year sentence like that. Where's the parity and consistency in our sentencing system? The only thing this guy did wrong was breach of service contract to me... and should only be ordered to pay a fine and the cost of having the bodies cremated like they were supposed to have been per the relatives. And why is it that the only choice we have in this society is have to pay hefty charges to rid of dead bodies? I'd like to think that there would be a service that just rids bodies cheaply, in a sanitary manner, and into a landfill of sorts. Because most people probably could care less about what happens to the empty shell of flesh once it's outlived it's usefulness. I don't need to stare at a made-up corpse to pay MY respects. It's such a scam and very much preys on people's emotions and tradition. If I owned a volcano, I'd offer a service to dump bodies in there for minimal cost, and I'd probably have clientele out the door.

OK.. now for another couple of Mardi Gras fun pics!
Now meet Joe (a friend of mine's old Air Force buddy who came down for Mardi Gras one year). See Joe smile over the westbank hoochies! Run Joe Run! Lesson here is, if a girl looks like the ones pictured above, do NOT trade your beads in for a kiss. Herpes is bad enough, but the reputation and ridicule you'll get from your friends is a far more cruel fate. Move on, be patient Joe!!!

Ah, NOW look at Joe! He's found a cutie to trade beads for a kiss with. See how patience pays off? She may be flat chested, but then again Joe's no Mr. America either. Swell job anyway, Joe! Hope you've all learned your lesson and have a gosh golly gee wiz Mardi Gras, y'all!

P.S. I just went over some site statistics and noticed a couple of hits from Malaysia, so I just wanted to give a shout-out to my Malaysian niggaz.. what's up????

Posted by Reese at 8:20 AM