February 11, 2005

It's the end of the world as we know it...and I feel fine!

Thank you for joining us on this February 11th of the calendar year 2005. So what is in the news today? Oh, same old same old. Just what is the state of the nation? Let's see...

A newborn baby was tossed out of car window in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Reminds me of a quote from a black guy in the "B" movie "Men at work" starring the brothers of Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez: "It's a real shame when folks be throwing away a perfectly good white boy like that."

An Klamath Falls,Oregon man was arrested on suspicion of trying to arrange a mass suicide on Valentine's Day on an Internet chat room. Now, I don't see the nature of the crime myself. If I tell people to go fuck themselves on the internet, am I soliciting mass self-love? People should be held responsible for themselves and if they wish to kill themselves based on the suggestion from some stranger in a chat room, well then that's their ignorant dead asses and not my problem whatsoever. What the hell is going on with this country? In unrelated good news, in reference to my article about the Virginian low-pants fine bill was thrown out by the senate. Maybe there's a smidge of hope after all... but not much! I'm going to celebrate by wearing my tighty whitey over my pants this weekend. (Remember kids, brown in the back, yellow in the front!)

A Chicago man died after police used a stun gun to subdue him. Apparently the man was trying to bite officers and give them HIV. Still, this story does not shock me on any level... more and more stun gun deaths seem to surface, because electricity kills. Remember the quote, kids? "Don't monkey around power lines!" Well, thanks to local law enforcement, if you monkey around too much, the power lines come to you!

Mail one for the gipper! New Reagan Stamp unveiled. I was too young to really acknowledge his presidential presence in the 1980's America, but I hear that he gave a mean speech using real words (like from the dictionary and stuff), complete sentences, and intelligent memorable quotes. Ah... the good ole days, shall they ever return?

Posted by Reese at February 11, 2005 8:57 AM