March 2, 2005

"... nuke the whales ..."

A reading from the holy book of Futurama - Episode 2ACV03:

The head of Richard Nixon bought Bender's body, now Bender wants it back, so they break into the Watergate where he is staying:

Nixon: Huh? What the ...? You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve.

Bender: I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck.

Nixon: Bring it on, soup can. [Growls]

[Bender also growls and they start slowly crawling towards each other.]

Leela: [Grabs them both] All right, break it up, you two. [Puts them both on the couch]

Nixon: That's it! You're all going to jail, and don't expect me to grant a pardon, like that sissy Ford.

Leela: You'll never pardon anybody, because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time.

Nixon: Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973, but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter -- and let's face it, crazy -- over the years, and once I'm swept into office I'll sell our children's organs and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. [Laughs fiendishly]

Fry: Well, he lost my vote.

Nixon: Like one vote ever made a difference. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to inch myself over to the phone and call the police. [Starts slowly skipping towards the phone]

Bender: Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with ... audio tape? [Tape rewinding sounds]

Nixon: Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading.

Bender: [Replaying] "... and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. [Laughs fiendishly]"

Nixon: My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had
more of a Clark Gable quality.

Ah.. the head of Richard Nixon sure is right about the average American voter, then, now, and into the future.

Posted by Reese at March 2, 2005 9:13 AM