March 28, 2005

Reese Presents: What's wrong with the world?

Each week, I'm disgusted at the world and how people think. It's amazing for me that we've got indoor plumbing, satellites in space, and microwave ovens, because small minds appear to be running shit around here. Need proof? Well, let's venture into a new feature here at PP that I like to call: What's Wrong With The World?

Headline: Schiavo gets a drop of wine for Easter
Verdict: Smooth movie, Einstein...alcohol kills brains cells ya know. Like that's REALLY going to help things.

Headline: Cheating wife gets millions in divorce
Verdict: Unlike in "Pretty Woman", this one became a slut AFTER marrying a rich guy.

Headline: Burger King to offer 'enormous' sandwich
Verdict: With a heart attack practically assured, the FDA's response was that this new sandwich will require a doctor's prescription.

Headline: As killer gunman approached, teacher prayed
Verdict: Being that she was the only teacher killed, let this be known as proof that praying doesn't do shit. (Another busted myth is that people WILL hit a guy with glasses!)

Headline: Flames Force Family Out Of Home
Verdict: Mean old flames! Shame on you! Pushing people around like that and then raising the rent!

Headline: Man Denied Account Sues Bank, Alleges Racial Profiling
Verdict: Yeah, my bank denied me an account for having no money. I'm suing over financial profiling!

Headline: Teacher Accused Of Having Sex With Male Student
Verdict: Parents are suing Van Halen after finding "Hot For Teacher" playing in their son's IPod. Damn devil music putting things in kids' heads!

Headline: Downtown Odor Investigated
Verdict: Here's one that you'll never see in New Orleans. We tend to just accept our downtown odors as part of our "heritage".

Posted by Reese at March 28, 2005 11:18 AM

Don't be hard on old flames. My Living Will has named several old flames to vote on what to do for me should I become incapacitated. As of noon my feeding tube has been removed!

Posted by: Spicolli at March 28, 2005 2:39 PM

The smell over Cleveland is the decomposing corpse of democracy.

Posted by: Spicolli at March 28, 2005 2:41 PM