March 29, 2005

Reese Presents: What's Wrong With The World? Pt 2

Taking real headlines from the news and then attempting to give a witty comment about them. Remember, "funny" is not a guaranteed result. This is an 'as-is' type feature!

Headline: Knesset rejects referendum on Gaza pullout
Verdict: I agree.. I've had enough pregnacy scares to know that pulling out doesn't work very well. I do, however, support a Gaza condom.

Headline: Minivan stolen with child inside
Verdict: Goes to show you that the 'Baby on board' sticker doesn't matter much, now does it? It's more or less an advertisement for Baby thieves.

Headline: 59 ex-U.S. diplomats oppose Bolton
Verdict: Now honestly, did ANYONE like the music of Michael Bolton? That balding yet still mulleted freak!

Headline: Poll: Most people ignore sleep problems
Verdict: New Poll: Most people ignore lame sleep problem articles

Headline: New Kyrgyz leader calls for probe
Verdict: It's good to know that anal probes are not only welcomed but encouraged in Kyrgyzstan.

Headline: Laura Bush making quick trip to Afghanistan
Verdict: We didn't elect Laura Bush. We questionably elected her husband. So where does an average citizen get a ticket to Afghanastan and who pays for this trip anyway? Clearly.. we do.

Headline: Husband plans to seek Terri Schiavo autopsy
Verdict: What a waste of money.. even *I* could tell you that starvation and dehydration will be the cause of death.

Headline: Police seek driver who rammed into house
Verdict: I believe that police should be looking for the ones responsible for putting the house in the middle of the highway!

Headline: Skiers rescue selves from avalanche
Verdict: In a country of such lazy ass people, it's no suprise that there's a major headline where someone simply helps themself survive.

And finally:

Headline: Police Find Homemade Bomb In Bag Of Chips
Verdict: Bomb technicians who sampled the tasty snack after diffusing the threat stated (of course) that "Those chips where da bomb!"

The plan was foiled for failing to follow proper procedure. The Terrorist Handbook clearly states that one should use Cheetos or Pringles... absolutely no substitutions.

Posted by Reese at March 29, 2005 9:31 AM

Kyrgyz probe to find out what happened to the vowels.

Posted by: Spicolli at March 29, 2005 10:19 AM

Actually I made a write in vote for Laura & Lynne rather than George & Dick. That's what I thought they had all these bumperstickers in purple. Go figure it was for LSU.

Posted by: Spicolli at March 29, 2005 10:21 AM