April 15, 2005

Buyer Beware!

Headline: Police: Boy Tries to sell fake drugs
Verdict: Wow! Chalmette is in the CNN news! An elementary school boy tried to sell ground up ibuprofen and pass it on as drugs on a school bus. Buyer beware! Anyone user who remotely wants any of the good shit, surely wouldn't be purchasing his stash from a 12 year old anyway.

Headline: Sacramento Passes Street Racing Spectator Law
Verdict: It's REALLY not safe to go outside now... for in the forward-thinking town of Sacramento, it's a crime to even witness a crime! See no evil?

Headline: Woman Says Stalker Calls 1,000 Times A Month
Verdict: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em! By signing onto Cingular, now they can both talk anywhere, anytime, for FREE!

Headline: Milwaukee Father Charged For Allegedly Holding Son Under Water And Hitting Him
Verdict: Ah Wisconsinites! This ain't shit, though... I hear that up there, the REAL bad fathers EAT their young if they're bad (or if they just get drunk and hungry)!

Headline: Kidnapping In Iraq Shocks Northern Indiana City
Verdict: Being that a kidnapping in Iraq shouldn't shock anyone, I'm convinced that the city of Laporte, Indiana is located deep inside a cave.

Headline: 20 die in Paris hotel fire
Verdict: My God, can you just imagine the stench??

Posted by Reese at April 15, 2005 3:47 PM