August 24, 2005

Pat Robertson? Who the heck is he?

Pat Robertson had insisted he was misquoted claiming "I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should 'take him out'.

As in 'take him out' to a dinner, movie, and good sex back at his place? Someone needs to hand this asshole a fucking dictionary on terminology! Why do we listen to people like this? Sad reality is, people like THIS are running our country as we speak. You do have a choice, America.

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Thou Shall Not Kill?
Must... Not... Contradict Religious Beliefs!! DOH!

Posted by Reese at 4:41 PM

August 21, 2005

Spicolli Vacation Begins

The great Spicolli has decided to depart the greater New Orleans Area and head for higher ground in his homeland of Wisconsin. You know how yankee's are.... see a little wave and scream "Tsunami!", feel a little breeze and scream "Tornado!", hear a little rain and scream "Hurricane!". hehe Amateurs! Just kidding.. but seriously, can you really blame him? The math is as simple as 1..2..3! There's a god-awful "war" going on in Iraq. A leading Republican senator claims that Iraq is looking more like Vietnam. Now Nebraska Senator Chuck Hagel should know what he's talking about, since he's received two Purple Hearts and other military honors for his service in Vietnam. Where there's a Vietnam-like war, there's bound to be a draft... and where there's a draft, there's bound to be people flocking to Canada... maybe Spicolli just gave himself a head start.

Posted by Reese at 7:56 PM

August 19, 2005

Love on the Range

Details about Michael Moore's new picture are starting to be released including a poster image. He's trying his hand at a new genre, for him: romance. I initially thought this new venture would be hard to inject political commentary into. After seeing the poster I realize I was probably wrong: view image

Posted by Spicolli at 4:55 PM

Wanna know where to score the "good shit"?

Lutcher (Near New Orleans, La.) Police Chief Arrested for Allegedly Dealing Drugs
Wednesday, Lutcher Police Chief Corey Pittman was arrested by federal drug agents. Now we should be deemed innocent until proven guilty, but the agents allegedly purchased drugs on five different occasions from Pittman, so the innocent angle isn't looking so good. I'd like to state that I am against drug laws in general as I feel they infringe upon our individual rights and responsibility, but this is a public official who hypocritically broke laws that he's sworn to protect, not omit or maniuplate to fit his own agenda.

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Wanna Get High?

Posted by Reese at 9:56 AM

New Orleans Saints Update

Well.. it was preseason game number 2. This time, near Boston, the Saints played a lot better, especially the second unit. Brooks looked like he was making some decent reads and throwing some sharp passes. Deuce was looking good... also Stecker, who I like a lot showed some great quickness which he possesses and even Antwain Smith had some decent runs. Joe Horn let one slip out of his hand, which then bounced off of one defender's arm and into the hands of another defender. A quirky yet rare instance of bad luck for the Saints, which is one of those anomalies that you can't predict, so I'll write it off as a mulligan. However, Joe Horn should have caught the pass.. he hit no one, not even the ground before the ball was already leaving his apparently slippery hands. Bockwoldt was displaying the aggressive hustle that he brings every week... the man clearly puts in effort which pays off dividends. The Saints probably got a really good deal in that particular draftee. I watched the game at Wetlands Bar, where my friend J-Pop invited me to go. Another friend of mine, in Boston, was actually at the game (in the really cheap nosebleed seats). It was fun and the beer went down smooth, although I hardly ever drink. Next up, the Ravens in the Superdome.

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GO SAINTS! Can you say "Who Dat"?

Posted by Reese at 8:26 AM

August 18, 2005

I CHALLENGE GEORGE W BUSH TO A DUEL!

In American history, a multitude of political figures (including President Andrew Jackson and Vice President Aaron Burr) participated in dueling at some point in their lives. Dueling was common among our founding fathers to settle political disputes and disagreements. With dignity, respect, and mostly honor on the line, these men proudly defended themselves, putting their lives at stake on issues that they wholeheartedly believed in. Sure the act of dueling may be illegal in most states if not all of them, but to get around that, we'll just use the old "double-self-defense" defense in court. Either way, the challenge stands as the other day, Bush quoted us a whole new "reason" for the "war" in Iraq. This time, he states that "Immediate withdrawal would say ... you know, [that] the United States is weak". Well, I'm pretty sure that he'd decline my duel request, because even HE truly knows that it's better to appear weak than to become dead.

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Try BushSpeech.Org to hear what you want to hear from ole dubya.

Or for a real laugh, check out a REAL dubya speech from August 11th.

Here are some of my favorite passages:
"...all we've got to do is intimidate and they'll leave." - Yup, working so far!
"The important thing ... is we are making progress." - Sure.. continental shift is also progressing as we speak!
"... I grieve for every death." - I just don't have any time to sign condolence letters.
(On Mrs. Sheehan) "...I've thought long and hard about her position." - You dog!
"Pulling troops out prematurely will betray the Iraqis." - You mean the one's that don't want to kill us?
"And I remind people, when they think about the conflict we're in, to think about World War II, when an enemy of ours -- Japan, for example -- is now a loyal friend and an ally because of the hard work we did, not only during the war, but in the post-war reconstruction of Japan." - As I recall, they had a plan in WWII and also, didn't they wipe out two cities and bring Japan to their knees before they finally conceded?

Posted by Reese at 10:19 AM

August 16, 2005

'No-fly list' keeps infants off planes

If you baby or kid has similar names to those posted on the "no-fly" blacklist... beware, they will refuse to let your infant aboard! Apparently this policy needs a serious overhaul from it's blatant stupidity. Or maybe, these clowns just don't live in the real world...

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Die American Scum!

Posted by Reese at 9:40 AM

August 14, 2005

Doest Mine Eyes Deceive Me?

Two weeks ago I was at Super Wal-Mart. The greatest Wal-Mart of them all (unless you include SAMS Club!). I spotted a Christopher Walken Saturday Night Live Greatest Hits DVD. Wow! Here's a man who never was a part of the cast, and hardly had any leading movie roles, yet they kept asking him back numerous times to guest host and of course, he delivered. Singing, Dancing, Acting (Comedy, Drama, Suspense, Passion, and of course Creepy!)... the man does it all on-screen. Now I'm really not a TV junkie or entertainment media follower in the sense that I look at "stars" as anyone better than the mere mortals who are not. However I do appreciate and respect good talent in any field of work. That being said, I purchased this DVD and have found it very enjoyable. I'm a big fan as many are of the talented Mr. Ronald "Christopher" Walken. Today, I check out RAW STORY and find this story: Walken 'campaign' makes headlines Now, would an extremely talented actor make a good president? An ex-actor named Ronald Reagan who wasn't as good as ol' Walken made it to become 'Commander in Cheif' as we all know. Also, given the current crop of candidates from the shallow pool of intellect, I'd be willing to cast my vote for a man who I KNOW is talented with at least one thing and possibly much much more. After all, it's innovative thinking like THIS (Click for Article) that just may be the trick in saving social security!

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President Christopher Walken? ... nuff said!

Posted by Reese at 9:49 PM

August 13, 2005

More Answers to: Why others laugh at Louisianans?

Chalmette Incompetence Pollutes Air
Murphy Oil Refinery released 16,000 pounds of sulphur dioxide carelessly into the air Monday, August 15th, 2005. The release happened at about 2 p.m. at the plant at 2500 East St. Bernard Highway.

Lieutenant Governor Mitch Landrieu Rapes Taxpayer Fund-age To The Tune Of $955,000
Improvements to Mitch's office and his apartment at the Pentagon Barracks have cost taxpayers $955,000 since he was elected in 2003.

His staff said the spending is a critical part of efforts to improve the state's image. Ironicly he just perpetuates the image of greedy, ignorant politicians. Others point out that the state already had a $263 million backlog on its list of critical repairs to other buildings and property. So what was improved exactly? Projects include better carpeting in the executive suite, a decorative glass partition in the reception area and $10,000 for an interior design firm. Residential renovations include a new spiral staircase connecting the second and third floors and commercial-grade kitchen appliances. Landrieu wisely declined to be interviewed about the construction projects.

New State Laws Take Effect Today
Pharmacies must start restricting the sale of some common cold remedies.
I disagree with this one. If they were that harmful, wouldn't the FDA regulate them to be sold with prescription like the rest of the major drugs? There's got to be a better way to accomplish the task of regulating the small time cold medicines from underage citizens, if that's the deal.

Vending machines at public high schools must offer healthier snacks to students along with the candy bars and chips.
I wonder how "specific" the health regulations are for the snack machines? I'd assume that if healthier snacks were warranted, the school would sell them anyway because of supply and demand. Maybe this decision should be one that the school board makes. Maybe it's the parents and students responsibility to govern their own eating habits. Either way, a state law seems a bit much.

Drivers who blare loud music could lose their licenses for a month.
Aren't there aren't noise ordinances in suburban areas? Redundancy in laws are just plain dumb. I believe this is possibly just a law put in place so that police have another reason to pull you over. So each cop will have a meter to measure the decibels of sound? Is this a 24-hour a day thing? What about construction on the road that makes even louder noise? And losing your license for a month doesn't seem to fit the crime by far.

And crawfish theft becomes its own unique crime, as 229 new state laws take effect.
Again, a redundant and ridiculous law. Theft of anything with a value attributed to it is already in the books.

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Posted by Reese at 2:39 PM

The New Orleans Saints

It's that time of year again... besides the Fantasy Football Leagues I shall join, there is one other vice in which I'm not too ashamed of... Friday night was all about the New Orleans Saints as I took my seat with J-Pop at my side. I will usually be going to games with my co-worker Eric, but occasionally I'll have both seats for me and a guest. J-Pop is a big of a Saints fan as Eric or anyone I know. We would soon arrive at section 122 in the corner of the end-zone of the Louisiana Superdome and only one row removed from being on the artificial turf itself... ah, what a view. You could literally spit on Randy Moss from there! This is my first year actually supporting the organization with a full array of season tickets and I may or may not do it again.. depends on financials and of course, spirit. The game was fun.. lots of beer beforehand and during made for a relaxing event. Even the dome nachos had a certain zing to them. I took solace in the fact that they were losing so terribly because it is pre-season, of course. I know that I usually claim to appreciate good talent... so you can just go ahead and insert your own joke as to why I'm a big New Orleans Saints fan.... i can take it... after all, being the fan of a perennial loser brings something cool to the table... hope, or as the local ads claim, Faith!

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GO SAINTS! Can you say "Who Dat"?

Posted by Reese at 9:35 AM

August 12, 2005

A Victory for Darwinism!

AWARD: August's Darwin Award
FOR: Iris Call of Oldham County, Kentucky.
WHY: After successfully escaping rising flames and smoke from her home around midnight Thursday, Iris Call decided to disregard danger and attempt to rescue her feline friend. Despite cries of "Meow Meow, save yourself!", Mrs. Call met her demise under the collapsing, smoke filled, blazing structure!

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Artist rendition of the predicted last thing seen by Mrs. Call before she collapsed.

Posted by Reese at 3:07 PM

Barbeque Sauce Question

Earlier this week there was a bit of a bruhaha about the bottle of BBQ sauce Reese keeps on his desk. I put in a request to Kraft food, the manufacturer of the sauce. There response is as follows:

Once opened, store the product in the refrigerator at normal refrigeration temperature of 40 degrees Fahrenheit.
Posted by Spicolli at 2:16 PM

August 11, 2005

Mexicans Storm Border In Droves To Attempt To Enter The Land Of The Supposedly Free

American/Mexican Border Deaths Soar Beyond Previous Numbers
Apparently heat related deaths and rescues are up from last year along the American/Mexican border. This country needs to take a time out and chill with the immigration. The border is supposedly closed and no one is holding a gun to the migrants to leave Mexico. It appears that Vicente Fox's request for the "whole enchilada" is falling way short on keeping his citizens happy. I suppose that Mexicans aren't being oppressed enough for our troops to liberate them as well.

Posted by Reese at 2:38 PM

August 9, 2005

A Thousand Stories of Gluttony by Reese's Stained White T-Shirt

Guten Tag Herr Yode!

For good liberal news readings at work, go to WWW.RAWSTORY.COM.

For entertaining satire, try PATRIOTBOY.BLOGSPOT.COM.

As entertaining or true as these readings are... they are quite depressing for obvious reasons. Now what to talk about?

Discovery Returns To Earth
The NASA Space Shuttle Discovery has returned to the surface of the Earth this morning. As much as astronomy intrigues me, I feel that somehow it's too much effort to do space missions. That our forms of propulsion are just too primitive for efficient space exploration. And as much as I love the idea of it all, I'm not sure if the public should be picking up the tab via taxation. I can envision the private sector helping boost if not fully sustaining future space missions in the future. The possibility of profit is very motivating in helping to propel science nowadays. Just look at pharmaceutical companies.

Iraq Attacks Yield 16 More Dead
Do America (including the hardcore republicans) ever get numb to the death tolls that pollute the news weekly and sometimes daily? Thousands dead, dipping economy, record oil and gas prices, questionable foreign relations, less freedom (via The "Patriot" Act), and now an energy bill that is sure the help perpetuate the destruction of our environment... I ask you this, are you better off today than you were 5 years ago? And with Iran, Korea, and China issues arising during the tenure of this obliviously ignorant regime, I fear the world as being on the verge of a nuclear holocaust because of the arrogant, illogical, and unwise decision made by our current crop of government leaders, including George W. Bush, who is more accountable than all others by default for this train-wreck they call Democracy.

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Suspected Shoplifter Dies In Wal-Mart Custody

Posted by Reese at 2:34 PM

August 5, 2005

2000 Ford Focus

When I first purchased my 2000 Ford Focus, my friend Taco jokingly called it a "Fuckus". And I suppose he was right.. the car has found a way to fuck me, and probably fuck us all as a nation of owners in general. Yesterday, I brought my car in after a couple of trips to Baton Rouge for work, where the engine light was flashing and it was pulsating running like shit. Now this car has been problem since day one.. recalls, brakes, engine problems.. and countless visits to the Ford Dealership in between... possibly 20 visits in all (I'm not keeping count!) This time, I had some coil go out (not sure the details, didn't read into it) and about 500 dollars worth of maintenance and deposit removal... as it runs very great now, the engine light came back on yesterday, and so I will have to bring it in tomorrow and make sure they don't try charging me a 50 dollar deductible to diagnose a problem that I paid 50 bucks for them to diagnose yesterday. Next week I will be working a gig that will give me 500 extra dollars, which will help pay for my newly found car-repair debt. (not really debt, as I paid in full). I was hoping to have extra money to save or spend on myself, but alas, the 2000 Ford Focus strikes again! How does a company that's been around about a century build (and mass produce) such a piece of garbage is beyond me. I'm sure they've worked out all the kinks since the initial 2000 model year, but that doesn't help me. I remember vividly when I had about 10,000 miles on the car, and my brakes were worn out and the rotors were warped... and they (Ford representatives at the dealership) had the brass to tell me that it was considered "NORMAL WEAR". I should have seen the sign right then and there that this was going to be a long marriage or pain and misery between me and my Focus. I could create a whole website with scanned documents of the various and numerous repairs done to that vehicle alone (not to mention all of the recalls that I got in the mail on a fairly regular basis for a couple of years). Luckily, the 2000 Ford Focus wastes little time in letting it's owner know that it's a bucket of troubled bolts by breaking and falling apart not too long after it's driven from the lot... this, of course, prompted me to make one of the smartest moves I've made by puchasing a Ford extended warranty! In slight fairness to Ford, the 1983 Crown Victoria (former police cruiser probably saw some serious road action (and backseat hookers!) before I got a hold of it, and it held up damn well!), 1978 Mercury Marquis (original A/C blew ice cold and cruise control worked flawlessly!), and 1990 Ford Taurus were used cars that I've owned and were worthy and fun to drive. Maybe they just don't make 'em like they used to, right? Who knows. At $13,500, the 2000 Ford Focus has fallen way short of even a modest expectation of problem-free ownership...and to think it was the first brand new car that I bought with the intent to not have problems that come with owning a used car anymore. I also bought it, because I wanted to be somewhat patriotic and choose American, however that reasoning seems much less logical nowadays. Sorry about the rant on the Focus... but damn! It would piss anyone off, and I did try to notify them of my dismay....It's just a shame that the Ford Motor Company was too busy counting the money they got from me (and other suckers) to even respond to a complaint letter that I wrote them. I thought Quality was job #1, right fellas? Oh well, fuck Ford! Thanks for teaching me a lesson, though.

***UPDATE 8-15-2005***
Long story made short.. I bring the car in for the Engine Light trouble.. they replace an oxygen sensor... on the way back home.. light comes back on. Maybe they will diagnose it as a faulty light next time.... who knows! (and so the drama continues...)

***UPDATE 8-24-2005***
Today, I brought my Focus in for the same Engine Light trouble, on top of weird noises and a brake inspection. The Engine light was apparently due (this time) from a faulty PCV Valve. Before, they misdiagnosed it to be an oxygen sensor. The weird noise was also responsible for dimming lights while the electric fan kicks on occasionally... that's right, the alternator was bad. After replacing that, they checked the brakes... they seem fine. Problem was, when I went to pick the car up, they didn't put all the lugnuts on the rear-left tire, and so it sounded like I was dragging an orange cone when I drove 10 feet from the lot. They put the tire on correctly and I drove home.. problem free and feeling good.... for now! (key eerie music to the tune of the Ford jingle!)

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WAHOO! They sure are fun to drive! Maybe I should submit mine for one last "test", if you know what I mean!

Posted by Reese at 8:14 AM