October 4, 2005

Residential Purgatory

Each day rolls on by, and I remain in limbo. It's like a residential purgatory. I sit here at my office in Metairie looking forward to some resolve. Mmmmm, man I sure could use some tasty resolve right about now! Maybe my good neighbors at State Farm will whip me up a batch.. maybe my good buddies at FEMA will. Either way, no matter how it's prepared or who's serving it... delicious resolve (with just a dash of A-1 sauce) is always welcome on my plate.

So we've got a new Supreme Court Justice eh? Now we've got another Bush nominated individual. I don't know all of her credentials, nor do I remember her name, but the moment I read that she'd never been a judge before, I thought for a moment that it just might be a huge slap in the face for all female judges who already exist and who obviously have not been nominated nor possibly even considered for nomination (And I'm not just talking about Judge Judy!). I tell you people.. you have to watch out for that guy. That Bush is a trickster! Picking someone from Texas who was an avid smoke blower up Bush's arse! Nice try Dubya...

The REAL Truth!
Now, you know how the media sure can spin a good story.. boy those crafty writers of contradiction, vagueness, and paradox-like logic. Lucky for you guys who read Provocative Planet, you're going to get a the TRUTH! That's right, my sources have given me the top 12 headlines that were blacklisted from the mainstream to prevent negativity that could possibly threaten the morale of those involved in the reconstruction of the New Orleans area. I don't have the full articles, but, well.. just see for yourself:

1. With election time looming, St. Bernard Parish's only residents remain poised to vote themselves back into office.

2. Having lost many native New Orleaneans due to disbursement, Jesse Jackson and FEMA have teamed up for operation "Dark Roots" in which they will pilot a Carnival Cruise Ship down to Africa in an attempt to 'replenish' the supply of New Orleans's missing soulful-type citizens.

3. The Red Cross has changed their relief hot-line to 1-800-NOT-BUSY in order to subliminally boost their public image.

4. New Orleans' First Annual Turd Race Festival began Friday as crowds gathered around to watch raw sewerage get dumped directly into the Mississippi River. Local celebrity Aaron Neville was on-hand to pinch the first loaf.

5. Former NOPD Chief Eddie Compass admits that his requested plea to FEMA for 1500 boxes of assorted donuts was "too little, too late" as nearly one-third of his officers went AWOL after supplies ran dry.

6. The makers of 2000 Flushes are buying the naming rights to the Louisiana Superdome. They have also agreed to help clean the feces and urine left behind by 'victims' of Hurricane Katrina using "methods they are familiar with".

7. A confused George W. Bush announced Saturday morning that the New Orleans Constitution would soon be ratified within the next few days and help to spread democracy over southeast Louisiana.

8. A local man has said that his State Farm agent not only denied his flood insurance claim but also had sex with his wife and was 'not being a very good neighbor at all'.

9. Bush was said to have been crying after witnessing the devastation in Chalmette screaming "It's all gone! My precious oil refineries... gone!!!"

10. In order to verify their residency, each returning New Orleans citizen was asked "where they got their shoe's at?"

11. National Guard sports new "Rubble" camouflage as they trot through New Orleans.

12. FEMA relocates homeless man to Golden Gate Bridge while the St. Claude Bridge is being repaired.

*** UPDATE 10-10-05 ***

I can't lie.. my attention has been pretty diverted from what is going on in the world this past month. I try to keep up, but my personal agenda keeps getting in the way. Can't blame me, for I've got housing issues and such. But today, I happened to stumble upon an interview with Jesse Jackson on WWL 870AM. He is reversing the Underground Railroad. Gathering up Americans (those of the darker variety) and hauling them from the north to south Louisiana to work as contracted employees for "the man". Now, I know he loves the press, and he kept just a talking away about this and that and how people who like him may be getting screwed. The thing is, I heard Mayor Nagin say the same exact thing a few days ago about gathering up locals to work in New Orleans. So, if the Mayor has this all under control, then why is Jesse Jackson undermining him to promote himself and possibly his cause? Either way, I thought it was funny because I wrote my headline above (#2).

Posted by Reese at October 4, 2005 2:58 PM