March 19, 2009

Weird Wisconsin

I was sent this article recently: (Click Here) Apparently, Wisconsin is a state that harbors war criminals, or nazi terrorists, if you will. This former Concentration Camp guard was hiding out in Racine since 1964. He, by his own admission, had orders to shoot any surviving Jews who attempted to escape an SS massacre, including women and children. Why can't Wisconsin be more like Louisiana? We don't hide our criminals.. they don't blend in with the suburban polulace... instead, we elect them to congress, and let Washington sort them out... all in plain view!

Posted by Reese at 12:59 PM

March 18, 2009

Today's Movies

They say that the movie industry has lost it's way. It appears that recycled old TV shows, remakes of old movies, or just tired old and/or uninspired movie ideas have been more of what's the norm than not. I was joking the other day, after watching "The Reader", that it seemed a mix between "Shindler's List" and "The Graduate" (or as it's porn-movie equivalent will be called, "Shindler's Lust", which would be a title that the Jewish community may call blasphemous!). Also, I thought I wanted to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons, being that it had a lot of oscar buzz and had a screenplay written by Eric Roth, the same guy responsible for Forrest Gump... then I saw this: "The Curious Case of Forrest Gump", and now I find myself feeling unexcited about what would be a new experience in entertainment. Oh well.

Posted by Reese at 11:40 AM

February 10, 2009

SICKO!

Say what you want about Michale Moore, but his movie Sicko is done pretty well. Truth be told, even taken with a grain of salt, the compelling argument for universal healthcare is a hard one to counter... we already have public tax money pay for socialized servies you may be familiar with, such as police departments, fire department (whether you ever need them or not), public schools (whether you ever have kids to use them or not), bridge & road construction projects (whether you drive or not), among countless other not-so popular ones like welfare. Everyone needs healthcare, unless by some chance you've got amazing immunity and good physical fortune. Doctors could focus on the patient, and not have to choose between what's best for them and not what can be afforded by them. The biggest resistance would probably come from the insurance companies, who will basically be out of business. Of course, their lobbiest could never support something that may just be best for everyone. At my job, they pay for our healthcare through Blue Cross / Blue Shield of Louisiana... that money could easily be put into my paycheck for the extra taxes that may be put in for universal healthcare... no change for me.. and none for most americans who already have insurance, i'd think. Maybe the top 1% would pay more... who knows.. the needs of the many usually outweigh the needs of the few, as long as it's logically fair. Besides, how can we call ourselves the greatest country in the world, when other countries (like Canada, England, France) have citizens who are living longer, healthier, and possible happier lives?

Posted by Reese at 10:43 AM

WTF!? Illegal Immigrants losing work? Boo Fucking Hoo!

A described in this award winning journalism, many Illegal Immigrants are not getting as much work and are contemplating going home. I guess there's a silver lining to every depression! I'm pretty liberal on many issues, but I can't wrap my logical mind around why this one isn't ever dealt with properly. Does CNN really expect me to feel sorry for these people? If every single one of them was stopped (or shot, as most other countries would do to a foreign threat) at our "post-911-secure" border as they should be, there would be that many more jobs AVAILABLE for American citizens, whether they wanted to work them or not... so in hard times, as the media has told us repeatedly that we're in, hard-luck Americans would have the choice to swallow their pride and pick up a hammer or a new trade in order to survive. We should have first priority over every task where payment is to be had. Not to mention the non-taxpaying and gaping security risk involved with a sieve-like borderline. If we bordered Iran or if Mexico was a muslim nation, the budget over at INS would be overflowing.

pablo.jpg
Poor Pablo... couldn't find work, so he turned himself into INS, but they couldn't help him get home to Mexico and called him a cab instead. (Totally made that up, but how plausable does it sound? Scarily so!)

Posted by Reese at 10:24 AM

I'm just as much of a hero as Capt. Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger, because I do my job, too.

Has America fallen on such hard times that we parade a "hero" around like he's the second coming? He's tried to be humble about it, but Sully is still all over the news.. doing interviews.. going on tour. He got it right the first time when he said "I was just doing my job." True! He was not only performing skills and using training for his job, which he gets a paycheck for.. he was also doing one of those most primal of things that nature has given us... the will to survive. No miracle here. Chance can make a hero out of just about anyone. Some people choose the path more consciously. There are thousands and thousands of individuals who volounteer their personal time for charitable causes... no pay.. no glory... just good people trying to make a difference in the world. Let's hope things don't get to Sully's head, or you'll be hear him say things like, "Tom Cruise called and told me that *I* was the Top Gun and that he would be my wingman, anytime!"

sullinator.jpg
On the Set: "Larry, I was simply just doing my job."
In Greenroom: "Jesus Christ! I said no red M&M's you fucking asshats!"

Posted by Reese at 9:17 AM

November 13, 2008

Six degrees of separation from EVIL!

I happened upon this article stating that a South Carolina Catholic priest told his parishioners that they shouldn't receive Communion if they voted for Obama, because the president-elect supports abortion, and supporting him "constitutes material cooperation with intrinsic evil." He even went so far as to say that their "souls" were in jeopardy. Woooooooo. Haloween has passed us by, but this guy is really laying on the spooks! Let me get this straight.. by supporting the church and Catholic charities, of whom many priests have been found to moleste kids, for example, I'm not supporting "intrinsic evil"? What about supporting that other candidate, you know, the one who so happened to support an evil president who so happens to also support an illegal war, where thousands of people were KILLED, innocent as well as combatants.. and others may be TORTURED.. you know, dark ages holy crusades type shit. Not to mention that he failed upon his holy wedding vows to his first wife, because she was too crippled and repulsive to look at anymore (I guess what's on the inside, doesn't count for everyone... besides, it's not like HIS body was in Mr. America shape upon his return from 'nam). Although after reading what torturous EVILS were done to him in 'nam, I honestly think he deserves a beautiful non-crippled wife who's filthy rich, don't you? Oh, and will the Catholic church please stop pushing their political agenda or pay some fucking taxes, will ya? Non-profit, my ass. I see the acres of land and gargantuan church-palaces some of you guys can afford... must be nice.

Posted by Reese at 6:31 PM

November 12, 2008

I was recently sent this link of a film to view: THIS FILM!

Whew.. that was a lengthy piece! There are many good points made during the film. The administration and even McCain himself tried using fear to achieve his own agenda of getting elected. Plainly saying, without much reason behind it, that we should be afraid of an Obama presidency. Fear drives many people to sacrifice certain freedoms for the ILLUSION of enhanced security. I view the war on terror just like I view the war on drugs... unwinnable, no matter how much money and resources you throw at it. It's an ideal.. a philosophy.. a belief... those things can't be eliminated. Only education can help deflate ignorance, and those who aren't educated in our school systems are completely out of our control. The Iraq war was simply invalid. I'd like to believe that Bush really thought he was doing the country good and was just misguided and unaware of the horrifying attrocities in his actions. I don't want to beleive that the fear employed was a means to an illegal war, but it just may very well be that simple. Maybe 9/11 was a gift that made Iraq an easier sell... I bet that the Iraq war would have occurred either way. United States citizens losing rights where anyone can be ousted as an enemy without probable cause or meritable evidence is spooky, creepy, and everything in between. What happened to that James Yi guy or the journalist in California for just reporting the truth are things I can hardly comment upon, except to say that it envokes immence feelings of injustice. I can only hope that the overwhelming support of the American people for a pro-constitutional, pro-peace democratic president can help reverse the negative direction away from freedom in which our country has been heading for about 7 years.

I just got back from Boston on Sunday. Saturday night, I changed my flight from an evening one, to a morning one. Being that it now showed up as a one-way ticket to New Orleans, I was flagged with the SSSS on my boarding pass. I mean, obviously, if a us citizen passenger is flying one-way to his own hometown (with a layover in Atlanta, of course), he's apparently planning on taking the plane into a building or something. They singled me out, and sent me to the bomb-sniffing machine. After it blew air at me several times... I went on to another guy, who decided to swab all of my stuff... wallet, shoes, cellphone, and run the swabbed whatever into a machine to detect explosives. Luckily, I checked all of my luggage in, or i would have been there a while. I mean, they alreayd x-rayed my shit before that. What if I had packed a bunch of dildos in my suitcase? It could easily be an embarrasing situation for some... as for me, I wasn't too thrilled just being singled out and taken aside. I honeslty felt how uncomfortable it would make some people for various reasons... especially if they thought they were being profiled. I'm not sure what the right way to maximize safety is, but I strongly believe they are going about it the wrong way. One way I know this, is because the week before that, I had to go to Portland, Maine for work... I brought my big jacket, that my brother gave me... he left a lighter in the jacket pocket, and I didn't notice it was there until halfway through my trip. That means that they x-rayed the jacket and then I flew all the way to DC and then Portland, all with the ability to set fire to anything I wished in mid-air. If someone is THAT determined to cause trouble on a flight, it will happen, and nothing in place is going to fully prevent it.

The Germany connection is eerie... check out this piece from 1946: THIS CLIP!

On a side note, notice how in the pledge of allegiance, the phrase "under god" isn't there.. that's becasue it was added in 1951 by a resolution brought on by the Knights of Columbus. I dislike it when ignorant people try to tell me that Religion and Government have always been together, when they apparently used to be much more seperate. (Heck the motto "In God We Trust" didn't appear on currency until 1864) Below is the Fugio Cent designed by Benjamin Franklin himself in 1787... now that's a coin motto I can get behind!

Fugio_cent.jpg

Posted by Reese at 4:06 PM

June 25, 2008

Why America Sucks Ass

Ok, I don't mean to be so negative, but truth be told, it's easier to get passionate about the things that need to be changed over the things that are just fine the way they are. In the future I will make a valiant effort to post "Why America Kicks Ass" and focus on some positives. But for now, it's just another reason Why America Sucks Ass:

This article depicts the story of DMV officials who, last July, got word of "offensive" license plates (that they had issued). A 60-year-old technology teacher from Fayetteville complained about the plates after her teenage grandchildren clued her in. The plates in question have "WTF-xxx" in the prefix (the x's of course are random numbers and such). The teacher wasn't offended by the plates when she was ignorant of it's cyber-acronym meaning, but now she is? WHAT THE FUCK indeed! That's like telling me that my once innocent pink shirt now labels me as gay and thus offensive to homophobes everywhere! Now...Physically bludgeoning someone? Stealing computer monitors from them? Destroying someone's mailbox? Yes, those things do seem criminal as they very well should, but merely offending people is enough to practically "outlaw" many things in our country...and in some cases do! I mean, how offensive does something have to be where the government feels the need to protect us from it? And how can you even accurately rate something so objective as offensiveness? Being nude shouldn't necessarily be a crime, but some lawmakers who are offended by tax paying citizens who wear their pants too low (showing underwear in the process) find ways to try to make it illegal to do so! What was previously not a crime is now a crime, because someone who is so stupid and truly believe that their morality and sense of right and wrong is somehow rightcheous over others, is offended by the mere sight of it. (The possibility of not looking at it was apparently NOT AN OPTION). Then there's language itself. Language is merely a group of organized sounds that our society gave meaning to, yet, when we are offended by these harmless phrases and words, the next thing you know, BAM!!...censorship comes marching in and free speech is thrown out of the window. There is no such thing as true free speech if you can only express yourself in certain locations and/or at certain times and/or in only certain mediums. The only good thing this article seems to imply is that the DMV isn't forcing drivers to inconvenience themselves by having to wait in line to get their plates replaced.. seems to be a rather volounteer effort. Instead, they are just informing the nearly 10,000 North Carolina drivers that their once-thought innocent WTF prefix on their license plates (who they thought were just random letters identifying their vehicle's registration with the state) are now offensive to possibly thousands of other drivers, non-drivers, and maybe even themselves!!! And don't pat yourself on the back thinking that the reason this stuff is an issue is because America's moral compass is numero uno... think agani! Many european countries are far less prudish and their murder rates (among other sociological problems) pale in comparrison to the good ole God-fearing wholesome United States.

Posted by Reese at 9:06 PM

May 21, 2008

Flashback Summer of 1996

Over 10 years ago (before I made it to the big time), I was a lowly supermarket employee. I did it all.. stock AND cashier! The place I worked for was called "That Stanely!" and it was bought out by a now defunct local grocery chain called Schweggman's. Anyway although I was only there for about 3 months of the summer, it was fun and educational for a newly 20 year old. Me and this other guy got along pretty well and decided (becasue let's face it... jobs like that can get pretty boring for an up and coming active mind and imagination) to reprogram the registers.. just for fun. We asked for the manual and the shift manager gave it to us without question for some reason. We started poking around and changed the name of some items and receipt footer to what we thought was funny. (See Picture Below)

ThatStanleyRecieptChange.jpg
This is what printed out on the receipts assumably until the store chain went belly up.

Another perk was listening to the music that played while we worked. There was a system in place that had like 20 song tracks that played over and over again. After over 10 years, I still can't get these tunes out of my head! So, I present to you the unofficial list of Reese's own "Supermarket Mix Tape":

1. Hall & Oates - One on One
2. Cindy Lauper - All Through The Night
3. Survivor - The Search Is Over
4. Little River Band - Lady
5. Elton John - Your Song
6. Rita Coolidge - We're All Alone
7. Debbie Gibson - Lost In Your Eyes
8. Heart - These Dreams
9. Atlantic Starr - Secret Lovers
10. Air Supply - Lost In Love
11. Hall & Oates - I Can't Go For That
12. Whitney Houston - Saving All My Love For You

Ahhh.. memories so fresh that if I close my eyes, I can still smell the dumpster out back!

Posted by Reese at 10:38 AM

April 13, 2008

Good News on the Election Front!

Internet ads can be so informative.. it's good to remind us all that there are more choices than we may think there are...

choice.jpg

Posted by Reese at 12:24 AM

January 25, 2008

Ignorance, Stupidity, and Apathy

And now, more mad ramblings from Reese:

If I were running for public office (any of them), I probably wouldn't be very popular. Since I expect integrity from those who represent us in this democracy, I would like to think that I'd also demand integrity in myself. Does a real leader tell the people what they need to hear or do they tell them the truth? Whenever most politicians speak, they are either flat-out lying, truly believe their own bullshit, or are actually telling the truth... and in that order of possibility. I'd probably say something to the effect of, "The number one problems facing our nation today are ignorance, stupidity, and apathy!" That alone would lose me any chance of gaining public office. "Ignorant" is a harsh sounding word, but it's basic definition is to say one is uninformed, destitute of knowledge or education, or lacking comprehension of the things. When you put it that way, we are all ignorant one way or another. Maybe I should say that much of the populace is stupid. Stupid is defined as slow of mind, obtuse, given to unintelligent decisions or acts, acting in an unintelligent or careless manner, or prone to unreasoned thinking or acting. Then there are the ones who just stop caring. Anyway, if I didn't say those things, i'd be lying. Not because what I say is true, but because it is what I believe to be true. Of course, lying is the more accepted route these days. It was recently published that the Bush administration lied over 900 times leading into and through the war in Iraq. In most relationships, constant lying would get you a divorce, but the American people don't look at it that way. Apparently, the truth is not what people want to hear. They'd rather hear that america is awesome and that the common man is the reason that america is awesome. In my opinion, the common man is what holds american back somewhat, yet we all have our place in society. Some democrats want to eliminate poverty, for one. Eliminating poverty could only be done by guaranteeing a minimal standard of living to everyone. Of course, welfare, section 8 housing, and medicare kinda guide us in that general direction already. Who wouldn't argue that offering a minimum standard of living wouldn't just make for a more lazy society. Why work at all if I'm guaranteed things in life? It's like those contestants on "Who wants to be a millionaire". Once most of them reach 25,000, they just plain don't care if they lose, because the 25K is assured. It is said that the wealthy would be taxed more to compensate, thus bringing the gap between classes closer. Now, I'm not wealthy by any means, but overtaxing the wealthy just because they happened to gain riches by one way or another just doesn't seem fair. Some say education is then answer. Hypothetically, if everyone was sent to Harvard and everyone got a masters degree, would that make everything better? Someone still needs to pick up the trash. Someone still needs to make my Whopper sandwich just how I like it. People get paid what they are paid because they have a perceived rare knowledgeable or physical skill and/or they are hard workers. In sports, Peyton Manning gets millions each year, because he does what is perceived as a unique skill for the business of NFL entertainment. Sports figures are entertainers playing a game that the public finds quite entertaining. In other words, there has to be a lower class. If everyone was more educated, i'd be out of a job. I'd suddenly be an average person with average skills. I'd be another fish in a big pond. It's funny when I hear my peers say things like "Why is everyone so freaking dumb?" Even if robots replaced all mundane job employees, it would just move robot programmers into a lower class. There really is no way to accomplish this impossible task. This doesn't stop politicians, such as John Edwards from touting his rhetoric on the subject. He claims we can end poverty in 30 years. I asked my friend Brian if we could really end poverty in 30 years, he said, "Yes, but there would be a lot of bloodshed." There has also been recent talks of a recession. The government now has a plan in place to hand us all a tax rebate to help stimulate the economy. Brian said that the government looks at the economy like it's from a whole other planet... thinking that changing the interest rate one way or another is the one thing that everything hinges on. Like they are playing SimCity (which they have probably never played). Just set the interest rate a little higher, and fast-forward the game (on llama speed) to run for a few months and see what happens. How do these people come to power? These people with the ability to change thousands or millions of lives. Common men who are voted in by giving their rhetoric, answering a few debate questions, and smiling for the cameras. Why doesn't anyone post their IQ scores? Why isn't there some standardized political quiz that every politician can fill out that may help the citizen make a LESS IGNORANT decision? Why do we still use an archaic electorial college system for the presidential election. Local elections don't work that way. Counties/Parishes don't get electorial votes, the individual voter counts one by one. That's how the presidential election SHOULD be. If 5,000,000 people vote for candidate (A) and 5,000,001 vote for candidate (B), then with the electorial college system, it's as if the 5,000,000 candidate (A) votes don't matter. It's as if candidate (B) has the support of all 10,000,001 Louisianians. Does that sound fair to you? Then why are we still using that system in today's modern age? Stupidity has it's place in our woes as well. Stupid is voting for a candidate for reasons that are insignificant. Because someone is black, a woman, or is Christian. Stupid is the kind of person who easility believes the propaghanda without question. Stupid is the society that votes republican, becasue their family and friends votes republican. Stupid is also a society that accepts only two major categories of political figures. Republicans or Democrats... as if it's a black and white kind of world. As if a category can define a person enough to make them a viable choice. If we were not so stupid, we'd look at individuals equally, without predefined types assigned to them. We'd break down each candidate with a magnifying glass and a pair of tweezers. We'd examine the facts logically and methodically. Stupid is a major problem. Apathy is not only affected by the voter, but the non-voter. Apathy is a cause and an effect. I am apathetic to our political system to a certain extent, because it's so flawed. It's not a place i'm proud to be in, but it's something that most people don't have the time or energy to really try and make a change. Ignorance, stupidity, and apathy are the kinds of people that vote unqualified and/or greedy people into power in this country. As much as I'd like to blame the candidates themselves, it's we who are to blame.

On a side note, these cosmetic ads are getting rediculous with their claims... take a look:
SkinAd.JPG

Posted by Reese at 3:43 PM

October 9, 2006

Saints Football

One of my many vices is New Orleans Saints football. The home opener was something special, with obviously inspired, yet smart play by the home team. I'm not sure that I've ever seen the Saints thoroughly dominate a team in all phases of the game was they did Atlanta. I'm just glad I got to view it live. Being a part of the atmosphere in one of the most electrifying moments in New Orleans history is something to hold dear. It was a rare moment to see part of U2 for the first time and Green Day for the second time (Saw them at Voodoo Fest in 2004, where they out-rocked and outperformed The Beastie Boys by a mile... not to say anything negative about the "boys", but that day it was as if they were just going through the motions of putting on a show, nothing special. Anyway, yesterday's victory against a team that the Saints were supposed to win (by most accounts) was quite scary in the fact that in many aspects they were outplayed. One major determining factor was the one turnover that the Bucs made, and the zero turnovers the Saints made. Also the special teams Reggie Bush touchdown return made things a tad easier. Next week, I'll be in the dome when Philly comes to town. As a kid, I'd always pick Philly on my John Madden 92 Genesis game... Randall Cunningham and an all-star defense including Reggie White made it a hard team to play. This will be the Saints most challenging game to date, and so I'll keep my expectations low, but faith will remain high. Who-Dat!

Scenes from the big game: The Louisiana Superdome 9-25-2006
SaintsOpener9-25-2006.JPG
Me and Eric on TV (Monday Night Football), Pre-Game, Bono & The Edge before entering stage, & Final Score!

Posted by Reese at 10:48 AM

October 3, 2006

Reese Ramblings....

Blatant Idiocracy
I'm ashamed of where I grew up sometimes, and here's another example why that is so. It's one thing that the citizens of St. Bernard Parish are averaging a lower-than standard I.Q., but when politicians are overwhelmingly voting in an ordinance that is not only violating property owner rights, but renters rights as well, it's hard not to be embarrassed. Yes, this ordinance actually states that property owners in St. Bernard Parish can only rent to blood-relatives. Being that St. Bernard has 93% caucasian ownership, the measure also holds the public appearance of possibly being a little racist. It's no secret that african-americans aren't very much appreciated down in da parish (I hate using the term african-american, because none of them are from africa... they are just plain and simply americans.) Now, for argument's sake, let's assume this were to stand. How in the hell would you even enforce such an ordinance? I suppose if you were an orphan, you couldn't rent to anyone. How could Junior Rodriguez (who's no CSI) use his small brain to decipher a DNA test to determine if Tyrone Johnson is not my kin? Who's could say if Juan Rodriguez is HIS Kin? St. Bernard Parish Sheriffs Department isn't know for their world-class DNA testing labs, and even if they were, it would have probably been washed away in the storm. I can see it now, renters submitting blood samples and genealogy records along with rental contracts. Do these guys even think before they type, proofread, print, gather, and vote on such a thing?

This ordinance is so illegal, I'm sure that the suit filed by the The Greater New Orleans Fair Housing Action Center (GNOFHAC) against St. Bernard Parish (in the United States District Court for the Eastern District of Louisiana) should have no trouble getting a judgement in their favor. Now, a more logical, yet still illegal approach would have been for the parish to try to give prior St. Bernard residents priority housing before renting to everyone else. But these guys that run things down there aren't even smart enough to disguise blatant wrongness. Of course, no one in St. Bernard (or most communities for that matter) want thugs and vagrants living amongst their previously low-crime neighborhoods... and of course these political figures are only doing what the people who've elected them wish for them to do... protect the "heritage" of St. Bernard... but the solution does not lie the illegal actions to which these morons sought.

So how will this play out, you ask? Well, the Fair Housing Act expressly prohibits discrimination in the rental or sale of a dwelling on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, familial status, disability or national origin. 42 U.S.C. § 3604 (a). Case Closed.

*On A Side Note*
I've just received my LRA (Louisiana Road Home Program) letter stating that I can now call in and set up an appointment with an advisor. Now, the media has been covering the fact that people are upset with the slow pace of distributing the grant money to the people who need it, and truth be told, they were supposed to have had things rolling months ago... but being that the form letter that I received has the wrong phone number printed for contacting the LRA (not once, but twice) has me believing that the state just may be using stall tactics after all.

Posted by Reese at 4:12 PM

August 29, 2006

A Year In Review!

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In remembrance of the anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, local New Orleaneans hold hands (and inadvertently demonstrate the porous ineffective levees and floodwalls.

bush.jpg
Bush finally admits during his speech that, just maybe, Brownie wasn't doing such a "heckuva" job.


Here's some Gem's from the past during some of my post Katrina stress writings:

The REAL Truth!
Now, you know how the media sure can spin a good story.. boy those crafty writers of contradiction, vagueness, and paradox-like logic. Lucky for you guys who read Provocative Planet, you're going to get a the TRUTH! That's right, my sources have given me the top 12 headlines that were blacklisted from the mainstream to prevent negativity that could possibly threaten the morale of those involved in the reconstruction of the New Orleans area. I don't have the full articles, but, well.. just see for yourself:

1. With election time looming, St. Bernard Parish's only residents remain poised to vote themselves back into office.

2. Having lost many native New Orleaneans due to disbursement, Jesse Jackson and FEMA have teamed up for operation "Dark Roots" in which they will pilot a Carnival Cruise Ship down to Africa in an attempt to 'replenish' the supply of New Orleans's missing soulful-type citizens.

3. The Red Cross has changed their relief hot-line to 1-800-NOT-BUSY in order to subliminally boost their public image.

4. New Orleans' First Annual Turd Race Festival began Friday as crowds gathered around to watch raw sewerage get dumped directly into the Mississippi River. Local celebrity Aaron Neville was on-hand to pinch the first loaf.

5. Former NOPD Chief Eddie Compass admits that his requested plea to FEMA for 1500 boxes of assorted donuts was "too little, too late" as nearly one-third of his officers went AWOL after supplies ran dry.

6. The makers of 2000 Flushes are buying the naming rights to the Louisiana Superdome. They have also agreed to help clean the feces and urine left behind by 'victims' of Hurricane Katrina using "methods they are familiar with".

7. A confused George W. Bush announced Saturday morning that the New Orleans Constitution would soon be ratified within the next few days and help to spread democracy over southeast Louisiana.

8. A local man has said that his State Farm agent not only denied his flood insurance claim but also had sex with his wife and was 'not being a very good neighbor at all'.

9. Bush was said to have been crying after witnessing the devastation in Chalmette screaming "It's all gone! My precious oil refineries... gone!!!"

10. In order to verify their residency, each returning New Orleans citizen was asked "where they got their shoe's at?"

11. National Guard sports new "Rubble" camouflage as they trot through New Orleans.

12. FEMA relocates homeless man to Golden Gate Bridge while the St. Claude Bridge is being repaired.

And lastly... my big rant!


Posted by Reese at 3:03 PM | Comments (1)

April 17, 2006

Word on the Street...

A1 Sucks Car.JPG
I was driving to a family gathering, when I saw this in front of my car. I don't know why A1 Appliance may suck, but whatever it was apparently enough to prompt a man to buy large letters and stick them on the back of his vehicle in protest. This is your Monday... Word On The Street!

Posted by Reese at 9:10 AM

April 7, 2006

Old School Driving School

Don't say that Provocative Planet never tried to make Louisiana a better place. Lately, accidents have been at the highest rate than any other time in the history of the New Orleans Metro area, however bad driving has historically been a staple of southeast Louisiana and since we're attempting to bring New Orleans back better than ever, why not crack down on another hazard that had driven death and insurance rates higher than it should be? It's really shameful that some of the worst offenders are not kids, but people that have been driving for over a decade and beyond. Even the elderly, who's motor and reactionary skills have deteriorated beyond the point where driving at their native 20MPH is even safe anymore, prove to be a major catalyst for bad driving. To prove my point, and to educate the willing, I bring you: The Safe Driving In Louisiana Drivers Guide.

LADM.jpg
Although printed circa late 1960's, the rules still apply for the most part (except that we renew our license every 4 years instead of 2). Being that this guide has been out and revised for as long as it has means there's no excuse, Louisiana... none whatsoever. Just because you've passed the test, doesn't mean you know how to drive... it may mean that your instructor just didn't care or you faked it nice and convincingly.

Posted by Reese at 4:27 PM

April 5, 2006

I Don't Remember Electing Macy Gray to Congress?

I don't post nearly often enough... so when I decided to write today, this was the top story (as far as CNN was concerned): Congresswoman deflects questions on details of police scuffle. Yes, Representative Cynthia McKinney (D-Atlanta) didn't stop at an officer's request last week, and then turned around and hit him after he reached out and grabbed her. He was just doing his job... making sure that only authorized individuals who were supposed to be there, were allowed to enter. Of course, she pulled the racial-profiling card on why she believes he stopped a complete stranger (at least to him), who refused to acknowledge his presence, authority, or inquiry, from entering a government building. I'm sure Jesse Jackson's ears perked up when he heard the words "racial-profiling".. I'm sure that without a drop of a dime, he had already pondered his next move... A march on capital hill? Maybe a boycott of security guards? Or some other means of promoting himself through someone else's misguided cause. Either way, she was wrong and he was just doing his duty by protecting government officials like HER in the process. "Even the high and the haughty" should be able to stop and identify themselves as members of Congress if confronted at a security checkpoint, Capitol Police Chief Terrance Gainer said. "The response is not to hit a police officer." Or maybe it was her hairdo? She also believes that her change in hairstyle may have had something to do with why she was not recognized.
"Cynthia McKinney is a racist," DeLay told Fox News Channel, according to The Associated Press. "She has a long history of racism. Everything is racism with her. This is incredible arrogance that sometimes hits these members of Congress but especially Cynthia McKinney." Coming from a man who was quoted as saying "I am the federal government!", he sure does show moxie in calling other people arrogant! Either way, I never thought I'd agree with someone as disgraceful and evil as Tom DeLay, but he's right on this one. And not to judge her appearance, but if you were to place a shopping cart in front of her and roll her down Pennsylvania Avenue, she'd blend in nicely with the surrounding urban bums. Oh, and next time... try wearing your I.D.

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"Don't worry about me, everything will be O-TAY!"

Posted by Reese at 2:43 PM

March 22, 2006

Random Thoughts : I

I was watching the movie "Delirious" yesterday. I like John Candy... sad to see a decent comic talent go in Momma Cass fashion. One thing I noticed were all of the currently-dead people in a movie that's barely 15 years old. John Candy (Heart Attack), Raymond Burr (Liver Cancer), Charles Rocket (Suicide), Jerry Orbach (Prostate Cancer), Tony Steedman (?). What got me thinking is that I remember watching my grandmother watch movies from back in the "good ole days" and noticing that all of the stars that she grew up watching on the big screen are now pretty much dead. Am I getting old now or was this movie cursed in the same manner that Poltergeist, The Exorcist, or The Crow were cursed? Hell, even Christian evangelist Billy Graham claimed an actual demon was living in the celluloid reels of The Exorcist. Who can dispute logic like that? Speaking of disputing faith-based claims: Members of the Triumph Learning and Worship Center for Life in Alabama, want to share a modern day miracle with the public. The church was flooded by Hurricane Katrina; causing some drywall in the building to buckle into an image that church members believe is Jesus Christ himself on the cross. (Yawn!) So now the all-star bible cast is making 21st century appearances (standing room only) in variously weird places like walls and breakfast bar crumbs? If it's not being sold on E-Bay, the price of admission still applies I'm sure. Truth be told, I believe that the Lord almighty knows BS when he sees it. Now once when I was a kid, I poured a bowl of Alphabits and in a strange coincidence, the letters spelled out "I can lay your body out and fill your mouth with your mother's feces, or we can talk", but I was too smart as to believe Satan himself had graced my cereal. Anyway, back to the wall... It gets better... they framed the markings and now people line up every day to touch it, and several people claim they've been healed. "One young man that belonged here was scheduled to go on dialysis. The next week, he laid his hand there on the wall on the image, went to the doctor and they said they can't see where, why, how.", Exclaimed Pastor Ella Roberts. "From touching that, my eyesight began to clear up completely," said Benita Bogan. Somehow I doubt that the EPA would recommend mass crowds gathering to touch a stagnant moldy surface. Well, without further adu, I'd like to share with you this "miracle":

jesusdrywall.gif
Sheetrock Jesus or just a random pattern of wrinkled moldy filth?
You decide!

Now, I've been doing some drywall clearing out myself, and I'd like to share with you what I believe is the image of a reincarnated cross bur... I mean loving group that also promotes traditional american values and heritage preservation... straight from my wall, I bring you this miracle, which is pretty much undeniable:

clandrywall.JPG
It's no miracle really, I mean, my hometown was 86% Caucasian anyway. BTW, I touched it and got a nasty rash... hallelujah!

Posted by Reese at 3:55 PM

March 7, 2006

WhatsUp?

U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said he doesn't believe Iraq is in a civil war. He claims that the media is "exaggerating" the deaths and violence going on there. Somehow, I find it harder and harderd to believe either the Bush administration nor the media... however the media may have a slight edge of credibility.

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Geez, no need to brag, Rummy! Well, then again, you're probably exaggerating yourself.

Posted by Reese at 3:57 PM

March 3, 2006

Thought I'd lighten the mood...

jimmy.jpg
You're a cunt, cunt , cunt, continuous source of inspiration!

Posted by Reese at 8:55 AM

March 1, 2006

Make Way Small Timers...

Oh yeah... Finally got my WWW.IMDB.COM posting for my extra part in "Growing Pains: Return of the Seavers". Woo Hoo! Originally aired October 16, 2004, it featured such phenomenal stars as Alan Thicke and Kirk Cameron (Who's only wee tall in person, but big on screen, baby!). On Sunday, October 17th (the following evening), I was at an ESPN Nationally Televised NFL (Saints Vs. Minnesota) Game... so technically, I may have been on twice that weekend. Take that 20th Century Fox, for not casting me in Runaway Jury when I adhered to the casting call... we all know which movie grossed more, now don't we? Hell, I didn't like the John Grisham crap script anyway... I picked something more challenging for an actor of my caliber! So, goodbye losers... Time to find out who my REAL friends are. Yup, my phone will be ringing off the hook with movie offers any minute now. Yes, any minute I'll have all of the lines lit up. Gonna need an accountant to manage my millions and a secretary to schedule my life... now that I'm in "The Biz" you know. Yup.. just waiting by the phone... waiting... waiting...

P.S. My "acting" credit has to have more weight than Spicolli's filmography creds, right??!!

Posted by Reese at 1:02 PM

Media Hype

Now I don't attempt to get caught up in the media hype.. entertainment matters and such.. as much as I can avoid. But, reading stuff at MediaMatters.Org has really shed light on just how skewed, biased, and even blatantly nonfactual supposed "NEWS" channels can be. I mean, the Enquirer probably has a better fact-checker on staff than Fox News. Recenlty, Kieth Olbermann and Bill O'Reilly have had spats against each other. O'Reilly actually petitioned MSNBC to cancel Olbermann as host and bring back Phil Donahue. First off, why would anyone care about another network's ratings dropping... wouldn't that be to his benefit? Second, he actually lied about the ratings being lower than when Donahue had the show. Thirdly, I found it interesting that O'Reilly's average viewer age is 68.5 years old. MY GOD! If that's average, then there are either a lot of nursing homes that only get Fox News, or that old neolithic conservative-style of thinking may be a dying breed (literally!) Let's see.. those same old geezers are probably the kind that (in the back of their mind) wish that Hitler may have won and spread the Aryan nation to the corners of the globe. The same peeps who probably miss the "good ole days" back when they had their own segregated water fountain, toilets, and voting rights. I don't know much Olbermann's show, but I do remember him being quick witted and entertaining back in his ESPN days. In conclusion, what bothers me about people like O'Reilly and "News" channels like Fox News is the chance that they may actually convince or persuade people to believe their warped sense of reality. That's the part that really scares me, considering the types of people and levels of intelligence of Americans (No offense, America, but not mentioning Bush, you've made some shit dumb decisions in my short lifetime.)

Another Note: New Orleans Rebuilding
I've stumbled across an old postcard depicting proposed bridges back in the first half of last century. The first bridges built were the Old Spanish Trail (now Highway 90) bridge and the 5-Mile Highway 11 Bridge near the Slidell / New Orleans Border. Both of those old bridges were practically untouched by Hurricane Katrina's wrath, while the newer I-10 span, located in between the other two, was ripped to shreds and took months to repair. Now the Pontchartrain Causeway was originally proposed to be from Mandeville to West End (in New Orleans). It is, of course, from Mandeville to Metairie instead. Another proposed bridge was from Lacombe to New Orleans, which was a good idea. Why not have another Lake Pontchartrain Bridge from Lacombe to West End? It would make a lot of sense, considering the growth that St. Tammany has had over the past 10 years. Before this new bridge could be complete, the population will only be higher in Slidell, Covington, Mandeville, and around. Where could we save money? Maybe re-use some of the temporary spans on the I-10 that, in the future, will be replaced with permanent concrete spans to match the rest of itself. Just an thought, but not a new one.. just another great idea that one that our recent ancestors had already whipped up.

Postcard.JPG
Sometimes old school can teach new school a lesson.

Posted by Reese at 10:44 AM

February 22, 2006

Nerd Time

I wanted to comment on the Bush endorsement of the United Arab Emirates takeover of the major ports. What's really crazy is that he fully supported it immediately after finding out about it... he just blindly trusted his cabinet without any discretion, research, or hesitation. He threatened to veto any move against it. He now states that we Americans shoud "not be worried about security"... then why the fuck are we STILL AT TERROR ALERT YELLOW???? Republicans and Democrats alike are shaking their heads over this, including Louisiana's own Bobby Jindal, who just found out about it himself. And it's also funny how the same fear promotion tactics used to get the public behind the war effort is now biting them in the ass on getting us behind this deal. Even if there is no apparent security threat to having them run the ports in the most business-like manner, it just smells funny on perception alone. If an Iranian company was to buy-out several of our Nuclear Power Plants, and the threat was just as minimal, would it not look too negligent on our part to allow it? It's all about perception... we're no more safer now than we were 5 years ago, but they'd like us to believe we are. So what's with the hard endorsement? Why were some congressmen left in the dark over this deal? And why are even many Republicans shaking their heads on why it's even happening... especially when their country has known terrorist ties, personal and financial??? Well... The Bush administration's wisdom and intelligence has failed us over and over... And now an Iraqi Civil War is starting... that's just icing on the cake. The corruption trail and money trail seem to parallel...I truly get afraid when I realize where the buck stops. With all of the evidence stacked ever so high, how can these hardcore Republican supporters not agree that he's the "Worst President Ever"?

Also, the Katrina Corruption Toll is amazingly high. It's not like New Orleans wasn't for sale before, but now that Federal dollars are rolling around, it's like the second comming of the Gold Rush. Meanwhile, the people continue to own unlivable, smelly homes whilst camping out in campers near the urban wilderness.

If you're arrested, just claim that the illegal drugs you are in possession of (or using) is part of your religious beliefs and/or traditional "four-hour ritual" to bring you closer to "God". The supreme court ruled in favor of a Christian-like religion in New Mexico so that they may use hallucinogenic hoasca tea, containing illegal drugs. So, if it's for religious purposes, the government feels they must stay out of it... yet if it's for your own private purposes, the game is on! You know, funny thing is, I agree with the ruling, yet the hypocracy is what really pisses me off.

On a lighter note, it's Nerd Time! And I present to you, something nerdy:

UPDATE EXAM
Set EXAM.ExamTypeID = APP_TESTS.TSTTYPE_ID,
EXAM.ApplicantPledgeID = ApplicantPledge.ApplicantPledgeID,
EXAM.BeginTime = APP_TESTS.TST_BEGINTIME,
EXAM.EndTime = APP_TESTS.TST_ENDTIME,
EXAM.Location = APP_TESTS.TST_LOCATION,
EXAM.ExamDate = Convert(datetime,ltrim(rtrim((APP_TESTS.TST_CURR_DATE)))),
EXAM.Passed = APP_TESTS.TST_PASSED
FROM APP_TESTS
LEFT OUTER JOIN ApplicantPledge on ApplicantPledge.PledgeNumber = APP_TESTS.Pledge_ID
Where Exam.ApplicantPledgeID = ApplicantPledge.ApplicantPledgeID and Exam.ExamTypeID = APP_TESTS.TSTTYPE_ID

Posted by Reese at 12:02 PM

February 10, 2006

300th Post! What's with all the fuss?

Word on the street is that the latest cartoon allegedly depicting Mohammad has caused numerous riots and deaths across south Asia. I believe that ignorance, intolerance, and misinformation play a big part in why these events are occurring. To believe that this was the first time he was represented through animation in a possibly negative manner is just plain absurd! See for yourself:

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Apu from the hit series "The Simpsons" carved a nitch into the pop culture as Matt Groening's personal view of Mohammad. A shrewed and wise businessman, this is what Mohammad would have most likely been like if he'd been born during present times, as owner of a Quick-E-Mart. Cheating on his wife, as was done in later episodes, proves that he is among the greatest leaders and role models of our time, such as John F Kennedy, Bill Clinton, Jesse Jackson, and of course Martin Luther King Jr.

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"Pig Pen" as his friends called him, was Charles Shultz's version of Mohammad back in 1954. He blended in great with the other peanuts cast. The holy dust storm that surrounded him and dirty face (remember, he was too young to have a real beard) made it obvious that he was indeed the Islamic holy one. Tragedy struck as in 1977, he strapped on a bomb and blew himself up during a routine baseball game with Charlie Brown and the gang... coining the phrase "Dirty Bomb".


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Hairy, Violent, and Neolithic... Yup, that's Mohammad alright! Making his debut in 1977 and going under the pseudonym "Captain Caveman", he became a master of using his modified big wooden club. After being frozen for a few hundred years, he's back and ready to set things right... unfortunately, modern times have passed him by, and he symbolizes Islamic culture's resistance to technological change.


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And Finally ... A master with the rifle, sidearm, or dynamite, short-tempered Yosemite Sam was Warner Brothers' answer to a Mohammad. So violent and crazy, sometimes he'd get so excited, he'd blow through a few rounds of ammo while dancing a gig. Always trying to kill Bugs Bunny (clearly a symbol of western culture!), this Muslim's feeble attempts always wound up biting him in the rear. Shown here in his native garb, Sam also gallivanted as a cowboy to gain a wider audience.

Posted by Reese at 10:58 AM

February 9, 2006

The good ole days!

Maybe some folks get to the age where they can recall the "Good Old Days" sooner than most. I'm not really sure when that occurs exactly in most people, but I'll assume it's about when the past is remembered more fondly than the present. Well, I'm too young to let that ship sail, however this old BBS list brings back a little nostalgia. You'll find my pre-internet communication portal called "The Flame Broiler BBS", tongue-in-cheekily named after my first job ever as a 16 year old. (Can you guess where?) Yes, my SysOp name was Diceman. Ahhhh. Memories.

Posted by Reese at 8:23 AM

January 25, 2006

A REAL (Form) Letter from Mayor Nagin

Here is a REAL form letter response from the Mayor, which is sent to anyone who probably has concern over his comments last week.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for your note.

I have felt many emotions from New Orleanians since Katrina devastated
our beloved city. They run the full gamut. I now feel your frustration,
confusion, and anger over my recent comments on Martin Luther King, Jr.
Day.

As you may know, I have since done some soul searching and offered a
very sincere apology. Most who have watched me over the past three and
a half years know that this was a one time mistake and it was out of
character for me.

You may ask how I could come to this point. If I could get you to walk
in my shoes for a minute I think it may help you to better understand
the various dynamics and stresses I deal with regularly. When I first got in office I was determined to change the perception of City Hall not being inclusive and put together one of the most diverse cabinets and commissions in recent times. Some black leaders/ministers took offense and publicly denounced me and called me various things that I am not. This created a perception among some that I did not care about African Americans as much as I should.

In the aftermath of Katrina I witnessed first hand many New Orleanians
who suffered, especially our African American brothers and sisters. In
addition many were spread throughout the country over forty-four
different states given one way tickets out. There were also national
newspaper stories with quotes from some locals that left the impression
that these residents were not welcome back. Over the past few months I
have held town hall meetings locally and across this nation and I have
witnessed firsthand a sense of hopelessness and sentiment among African
Americans that they were not welcome back home. In my effort to provide
comfort, hope, and support for these displaced residents, I
inadvertently offended you and other citizens of New Orleans with my
speech. If I could do it all over again I would do it very
differently.

I ask for your forgiveness and understanding that I never intended to
offend anyone. I have many accomplishments and have worked extremely hard with the highest ethics throughout this first term as Mayor. I have excellent relationships at the White House and on Capitol Hill. These relationships paid off in a big way right before Christmas when we got approval for billions for levees, business incentives, and housing support. They will pay off again in the near future. These are critical times when we need all New Orleanians to work together to continue this momentum and rebuild our city. I want every citizen back except the criminals. At the end of the day, we all want the same thing, a New Orleans that is safer and better where all people are welcome and productive. It is time for us to come together and make this a reality.

Thank you for allowing me to write back and express my thoughts.
Mayor Ray Nagin

Posted by Reese at 8:33 AM

January 19, 2006

A Victory for Privacy Rights

Who needs lobbyists when all we need is compromise: Listen

I've recently gotten a digital voice recorder. We should all do our part to save social security and clear the national debt by recording all of our conversations (even the ones with ourselves!) and sending the tapes to Bush. That'll surely save them tax dollars, not to mention the troublesome hassle of spying on me.

Posted by Reese at 3:24 PM

January 18, 2006

The Mayor's Monthy Radio Address:

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Most people are closed minded. When they hear the word 'chocolate' they can't get past it. What makes it worse is the way that the media will take the most shocking sound bite they can find out of context to create a fake crisis. After watching live team coverage all last night and this morning on the local television, we thought we'd provide a forum for Hizonner's full unexpurgated remarks. We bring you Mayor Nagin's MLK Day Speech.

Posted by Reese at 8:58 AM

January 17, 2006

Devil's Chocolate Advocate

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Dear Mayor Nagin,

Monday, I was sitting at home. Sitting in my temporary residence in Slidell with my family when WWL 870AM replayed the perceived relevant clips of you claiming that New Orleans will once again become a "Chocolate" City. They are practicing Catholics and like some Catholics, they tend to be quick to judge and stereotype. It is in amazing and hypocritical fashion that they can become so unchristian-like by coming to an indisputably conclusive judgement based on mere fractions of factual data. These same individuals wouldn't have blinked an eye or may have even uttered the phrase "Yeah you right!" if Jefferson Parish President Arron Broussard were to say, "After the Mexican's have all left, I promise you that Metairie will once again become a Vanilla city!". It's really a shame how double-standards work around here. So when I heard your speech, I stopped, listened, and tried to figure out where you were going. I concluded that your thoughts were on the concentration of people who want a demographics change in New Orleans. The ones who don't want black people to return, whether good nor bad. And I can't imagine that you would not have taken offense to those people's blatantly racist comments. What I do know is that your comments just plain sounded bad... they are probably being taken out of context to the point where they are losing their original meaning. At least I want to believe that. I want to believe that you were really sincere when you had stated your delicious recipe for chocolate (Dark Chocolate plus Milk) is your true vision of the future of New Orleans. If only you'd have said "Milk Chocolate" instead, the meaning would have never been misunderstood. It was probably not wise to claim that you know for a fact what "God" wants for the city and how he's smiting us with tropical storms. Keep that church and state separate in your city planning, please! It's statements like those which make Bush lack more and more credibility. And maybe you really do understand the vision of Martin Luther King, but it just looks bad when you claim to know exactly what he'd think about today's situations in New Orleans and around. I've respected you during your campaign and even since. The way you denounced the localized minimum rage hike, because you knew it wasn't going to happen and wasn't good for the city anyway. Yes, you probably lost votes by being honest.. that took guts, but was quite respectable. The way you "soul-searched" and ignored partisan politics by endorsing Bobby Jindal for Governor, because even though you are both Democrats, you knew he was better for the state of Louisiana than Blanco. I only wish more people would have looked past whatever reasons they had for electing her instead of him and selected the more prepared, intelligent, and energetic candidate in Jindal. So, in conclusion, I'm not jumping ship just yet. We've all said things that have been misinterpreted and taken out of context or just misunderstood altogether. I still hope that you are the one who leads New Orleans into being a world class city.

Sincerely,
Corey Badeaux

P.S. May I suggest getting Mars Inc., Hershey Inc., and Godiva Inc. as our Madri Gras sponsors this year. Might I also suggest that we let Charms Inc. (Blowpop) sponsor our next southern decadence fest!

(I've tried to Email this to the mayor's office, but they have the website hosed up preventing the flood of emails that are probably pouring in! 1-17-2006)

Posted by Reese at 10:07 AM

January 9, 2006

Fun Stuff

In a year with weirdos and political failure practically assured... let's have a little fun before we get knee deep in 2006 B.S. Spicolli sent me this link that he has posted elsewhere but he's neglected this site in the process. Don't worry, you can count on ole Reese to not let you down.. check this out.. sure to brighten your cubical mountainous prison!

Posted by Reese at 10:35 AM

January 2, 2006

First Post Of The Year - 2006

It's 2006... and I'm sure that there is some Sci-Fi movie or show from the 50's that depicts us having huge foreheads and communicating without vocals anymore, but the future is hardly ever what you predict. I mean, according to Back To The Future II, we are all going to have hover-cars in less than 10 years from now (also, future Biff's grandson will eat genetically modified cow manure... and dislike it, just as past generations have.) No, things are what they are, though... and they've progressed a lot in the past 10 years. I look forward to this coming year with optimism and hope.

Fickle Finger?
This past weekend (starting Thursday) I took a trip to Branson, Missiouri with my brother to pick up a car he'd won on E-Bay. He is now the proud owner of a 1974 Plymouth Duster. After getting some work done to make it more road-worthy, we departed for home on Friday night. Not freaky but rather odd is the fact that gas prices were actually cheaper in the middle of the Ozarks than at stations near New Orleans, where refineries are just a stone's throw away and rigs sit right offshore. Anyway, en-route while driving through the Ozarks, I get a call from my good friend who was driving to Canada (roughly 1500 miles away). He was listening to the 4 non-blondes song 'Whats Up?' and said he was thinking about me... as he called I was listening to the exact same song (The tune is over 10 years old and it was not a syndicated broadcast!). Even freakier when me and my bro stopped just south of Memphis to get a bite to eat for lunch. After sitting down to enjoy our meal, Spicolli walks in to get himself lunch. He was driving back from Wisconsin. Same place and same time in the middle of nowhere... freaky stuff! I suppose we were just destined to have lunch together. My belief (well, not a belief, but more of a lame quasi-theory) is that since the Tsunami altered the Earth's rotation every so slightly, the planets have been put into alignment and 2006 will hold cosmic surprises! Not that I really believe in fate (I think things were more or less set in motion from the start and have gone untouched since), but I am not about to give up playing the power-ball weekly!

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Never underestimate the meaning behind your lunchtime destiny!!! (And I'm not talking about your decision on whether to king size those fries!)

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1974 Plymouth Duster (with slant 6) & Cold A/C!!!

Happy Caesar's Julian Calendar New Year!

Posted by Reese at 8:44 AM

December 28, 2005

Sorry 2006, but we've got baggage.

Yes.. this blog thingy has been going on for about a year now. I want to make my entry here a solemn pledge to produce quality material for the site.. a podcast... or whatever. To make a true and convincing effort to write comedy in it's varying forms. I was told over the weekend how funny I was.. I was just going on about things.. babies, life, placentas, subway, fish guts...pulling it out of thin air... and it worked. I've created routines and such in my mind many times over, but have failed to write it down. Sometimes I re-read some of the things I've written this year on here.. and am glad I'm keeping some kind of quasi-journal about the things going on in my head. I've told Spicolli this and if anything, it's my New Year's resolution. A tradition based on hope is as real and worth doing as anything.

What's New?
I saw Sling Blade for the first time this past week. I find that I still favor Forrest Gump in the category of people caught somewhere between mental retardation, inbreeding, and just being uneducated. Candidates include Forrest Gump, Karl Childers (Sling Blade), Bobby Bouchet (The Waterboy), Buddy (Elf), John Coffey (The Green Mile), Sloth (Goonies), Dumb & Dumber, Mongo (Blazing Saddles), and Tom Joad (Grapes of Wrath)... all of whom would make a better president than the one we've got. (Sorry, RainMan isn't in the running!) I'm probably forgetting many.. but what can be said that Americans love idiots, and elect them annually. It's like voters all have Florence Nightingale syndrome. Now I call most people that defy logic in a stupid manner a fucktard. My brother used to use that phrase all of the time, but I've defined it myself. Retarded individuals or mentally handicapped (challenged?) people are usually found making the most of their abilities.. maximizing potential and trying as hard as a person can to manage a world of challenges. These people don't have much choice in being in their situation, whereas a fucktard CHOOSES the path of less mentality... and I do not feel sorry for them.

Posted by Reese at 9:57 AM

December 16, 2005

Truths, Lies, and Wasted Time!

It's been a long time since I've had a nice long rant. It's like the dam bursts and I just empty my chest of thoughts and angst. Without further ado...

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Wasted Time!
In the completes waste of time and taxpayer money department, there's always an entry somewhere that could be posted. I mean, if we really added up all of the truly wasted time and money spent by our government officials, who knows how much we'd have in the reserves. With that said, Congresswoman Jo Ann Davis (R-Virginia ... you may remember her as the woman who introduced a resolution to keep "In God We Trust" as our national motto) has spent serious time whipping up House Resolution 579. It's purpose is to express the sense of Congress that the symbols and traditions of Christmas should be protected, and that references to Christmas should be supported. This measure, which is non-binding and does not carry the force of law, simply states Congressional support for traditional references to Christmas that are being eradicated from the public dialogue. Ok.. first of all, it doesn't really do anything. Secondly, it doesn't recognize the separation of church and state whatsoever. Do these people fail to realize that not all Americans believe in Christmas (and what christmas stands for) and therefore shouldn't be shown a government that's biased to one particular belief? The government should always stand neutral on issues of faith and let the people celebrate in their own way. Now, if this is an issue on historical tradition, and it's something the people really want around them, then something as big as Christmas should surely not NEED federal help in order to exist prominently, right? People like this woman are clearly closed-minded, self righteous, ignorant, and definitely bad for America and the ideal freedoms we deserve.

Another big waste of time and money were the congressional hearings starring Mayor Ray Nagin of New Orleans and Governor Kathleen "Blank" Blanco of Louisiana. Some of the questions could have been answered with a simple google search, some were more political ridicule than substantial, and others just didn't hit the mark on finding a solution for making sure that the right decisions are made next time a disaster hits the USA.


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Truths!
Only the truth shall set you free! Telling all and keeping promises are making George Bush look like a different guy nowadays. It's almost as if he was visited by three ghosts (the ghosts of Presidents past, present, and future) the other night and has changed some of his humbug ways. I bet republicans want to strangle him right now for admitting that we went to war based upon faulty intelligence. At least he claimed that the responsibility was all on him. He's also had a change of heart on the issue of torture by agreeing with Senator John McCain (Arizona) by banning it. He's made good on his promise to rebuild New Orleans levees by pledging 3.1 Billion dollars for the fortification effort. Hell, he's even apologized and come clean on a 45 year old secret of peeing in the pool at Kennebunkport and blaming it on Jeb to his dad. The man's really trying to clean the slate. He doesn't seem to deny authorizing a secret order giving the NSA the right to spy and eavesdrop on Americans 3 years ago, either. More good news, although not Bush's doings, was the blow to the Patriot Act re-authorization by the Senate today. News like this sure brings hope that civil liberties just may survive this administration after all. Thank you Mr. Russ Feingold (and allies to the cause).


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Lies!
Ah, the mixed up world of the NFL. Where old and not-so-sharp-anymore rich guys can have all the fun hiring and firing and basically playing fantasy football minus the fantasy part. Tom Benson, owner of the New Orleans Saints, seems to really hate New Orleans and loves San Antonio. Good thing the NFL has a commissioner who doesn't share his affinity for change. Benson has made some questionable business decisions along the way as well. He's pretty much threatened to move the Saints immediately after the storm, which only pisses fans off to not spend money on Saints merchandise or go to the games. All of his in-actions or negative actions could only hurt the bottom line in respect to profit for the Saints this season. Even if he wants to leave, why mention it during the season? If that's not enough, blatant lies should do the trick. Benson told his staff that the training facility in Metairie was still occupied by FEMA and the National Guard and the area was unlivable. (Both complete lies). WWL's Kenny Wilkerson said that many employees had to cover their mouths to keep from laughing at Benson´s crazy comments. The truth is, that the facility is in pristine condition as confirmed by NFL commissioner Paul tagliabue himself just a week prior to his comments! We all lose a little something as we age. Old people can be pretty shameful and useless sometimes. Give them a lot of money, and that's when their deep-end antics get the spotlight shined upon them. I believe that some of them (no offense) are the fatty deposits that clog the arteries of America. You can see it in their actions, words, and driving skills.. of course. One more comment on rich and older antics... "Marlon Brando reputedly suggested that his cameo role as Jor-El (in 1978's Superman Movie) be done by him in voice over only, with the character's image onscreen being a glowing, levitating green bagel. Unsure if Brando was joking or not, the film's producers formally rejected the suggestion." - As quoted in IMDB. Bottom line, in my opinion, Benson has become Brando-esque.


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Miscellaneous!
P.S. Speaking of brando-esque (physically, that is)... I had forgot to mention that Chalmette and St. Bernard Parish President Henry "Junior" Rodriguez made CNN.Com front page news by crying foul that his citizens were living in "Barns". Way to go, H-Rod! Nice comparison.. did you mention your double-wide "barn" complete with porch and swing? I bet you didn't.

Posted by Reese at 9:03 AM

December 5, 2005

My letter to Blanco...

Dear Gov,

It's really shameful that any politician would be more concerned over image than substance. I've always believed that substance was more important, but then again, I never had to worry about my public appearance in order to maintain my job. Mike Brown had the same philosophy and you're no different. I am sure that hundreds of politicians would have done the same if their state was hit with the same disaster, but that doesn't change the facts of what reality held for Louisiana. If you were ever truly concerned about the state of Louisiana, you would have conceded to Jindal in the election. He was obviously the more qualified, intelligent, and more prepared candidate. Thanks to ignorance in the demographics of Louisiana, you somehow made it to the top. Only one direction to go, now, eh Gov? I have one suggestion, though ...how about I roll up my sleeves (while wearing some rough-looking-shoes) and give you the finger.

Sincerely,
Corey M Badeaux

---------------------------------------------------------

Yeah it's not very professional, but then again, who's being the bigger professional around here? No amount of emails could possibly convey the amount of anger brewing in me and thousands of citizens out there. Each day, the clouds lose more and more silver from their linings and the wintery coldness seems to emulate the real-life mood of our gloomy situation. It's not that I want to lay blame, but blame is indeed necessary. The citizens have been shortchanged, before and after the storm by the people they've paid hard-earned tax dollars to protect them. The people never asked for this. They've asked for protection for years, and they the ones suffering the most. Why does it continue? How is it that governmental hypocracy, neglegence, and bickering could hinder progress in rebuilding lives? The people are starving for answers and truth, but are only fed more bullshit and depressing words.

Posted by Reese at 11:30 AM

November 28, 2005

Editorial in Disarray!

I was listening to the radio this morning during my 2 hour commute, which should only have taken maybe 45 minutes. I was driving in to Metairie from Slidell (through New Orleans), and on the radio they were chatting it up on WWL 870 AM. The DJ, Bob DelGiorno, was referring to different topics and what not concerning the Crescent City's Future. From Mardi Gras to the Mayor and to a skit that was played on Saturday Night Live over the weekend. It was a repeat from September, but it must have been the first time that Bob had seen it. He said it was in bad taste and showed what he felt that people outside of the area probably think of our situation. I can concur that to believe it fully, you have to see it, smell it, and feel it for yourself. I have friends out of state who grew up here for most of their lives, and on a recent trip, even THEY were shocked at what they saw compared to the coverage that New Orleans got after the hurricane destroyed everything in their hometown. The fact of the matter is, whatever the stigma is on Louisiana, it doesn't change the fact that this shit was seriously (and without overuse of the word) fucking devastating. With that said, I have no problem with Saturday Night Live poking fun at any situation. There are times where it's so sad, it's funny around here.. and comedy practically writes itself. The one particular skit that was the topic of discussion is basically a showcase for the different SNL cast members to do various impressions in a New Orleans-Celebrity-House-Rebuilding setting as shown on CNN's Anderson Cooper 360 show. Plain and simple, that's the skit in a nutshell. My honest and unbiased opinion is that it was just not funny, and not because of any insult it may have caused some people, but because it was not written very well and was not humorous. In comparrison, the New Orleans-Katrina-Girls Gone Wild sketch was ok. Now I know funny and during the early to mid-90's, I looked to SNL as a sorta dream job when I was a teenager. Most people believe that the golden age was back in the Aykroyd/Murphy/Chase/Radner/Belushi era... well since I grew up in the 90's, Hartman/Carvey/Farley/Spade/Sandler/Myers where my heroes. Nowadays, the best I can hope for is for Christopher Walken to host again. Now, I can see how that skit could be considered insulting for some. If there was a variety show based out of New Orleans, and we poked fun only about a month after 9/11 happened (you know, when the twin towers fell), it would have probably been frowned upon by New Yorkers. Now in this hypothetical variety show, we would have depicted some guys looting ground zero, running with a broken fax machine while others are seen sawing off hands sticking out of the rubble so that they could steal someones jewelery... then a scene or rapings, beatings, and police brutality at Madison Square Garden... and finally a bad imitation of Rudy Gullianni looking like a clueless schmuck screaming "The towers are burning, the towers are burning!"... Well, I have my doubts that New Yorkers would have found that funny. Say what you will, but the only element that would make 9/11 a bigger tragedy than Katrina, is the fact that it sparked a catalyst for a greedy oil-driven administration to host a senseless military-death-ridden war (with reasons based on faulty intelligence, of course). Other than that, there's not much comparison. You see, Katrina didn't spark any patriotism, which is why it's not getting much US or congressional attention. When hurricanes attack, there's nothing to bomb, no people to hate or torture, and no catholisism... I mean democracy to spread. So as you can imagine, it doesn't sound nearly as much fun compared to playing in the middle-eastern sandboxes. The whole 9/11 incident and what followed is treated like the holocaust, where people are marked a backstabbing heretic, a villainous trader, or treasonous unamerican if they merely utter anything remotely similar to not completely agreeing that it was the end of the world. So how big IS the biggest disaster to ever hit America? Over 200 BILLION dollars in assistance estimated to be needed for recovery. Over 90,000 square miles of designated disaster area in Louisiana, Mississippi, & Alabama. Over 2,700,000 people left without electricity. Hundreds of thousands of homes, businesses, structures, cars, and boats all destroyed as well as hundreds of thousands of lives put into disarray. Hundreds of thousands filed for unemployment, thousands missing, and hundreds of thousands displaced. All this and no Toby Kieth song to show for it. You'd think that Uncle Sam would rather spend some money and time to help take care of business at home and rebuild the gulf south, instead of wasting billions of dollars "rebuilding" Iraq... hell, here there's also oil in it for them! Some would say: You'd think that Saturday Night Live, being based in New York and all, would know what the effects of a tremendous tragedy could bring to a city, even if it only took place inside of a couple of city blocks. And you'd think that with a whole week of preparation, that SNL would somehow be introspective, creative, and most of all, witty! But I suppose not.

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So Lame! I give it four and a half Fallons!

Posted by Reese at 8:46 AM

November 22, 2005

Thanksgiving & Holidays Fun

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"The Great Pumpkin Died for Our Sins, Charlie Brown" - Linus

Ho Ho Ho, it's that time of year again. Time for the home stretch, where three major holidays exist in close proximity, each with different and multiple meanings. Pick your poison, it's going to be a turkey-eating christ-loving present-unwrapping firework-watching booze-fest no matter how you slice it! Suicides will be up... temperatures will be down. Start your engines, open your hearts, wallets, and palettes, and enjoy.

But before you go off setting up shop in your home and plotting more lies to your offspring about the fat jolly one, ponder your own childhood for a moment. I got to thinking why is there a Santa Claus? Why is he so accepted? You tell your kids to never lie to you, and yet you get elaborate schemes (sometimes with half-eaten cookies and such) to ensure their belief in the easter bunny, tooth fairy, santa clause, the maternity stork, etc. Call it a vision, but I can predict that in the future, "Fisher Price CSI Kits" will be given to kids as gifts and they will be able to perform DNA testing on half-eaten cookie samples, which will reveal the truth in shocking fashion! (Also, I wouldn't encourage letting them swab your bedroom with that kit, or you'll be explaining more than you bargained for!) Anyway, these are just the widely used fibs... I'm sure that each parent explains a multitude of things to their kids in as few words as possible as to not have to deal with the lengthy problems that come with telling the truth. All I know is that it would appear to be more family-like and heartfelt if parents would just tell their kids that they loved them so much and would like to buy them some nice things that they may have wanted for the holidays. Gifts coming from my parents instead of some mystical figure would seem more bonding from parent to child, don't you think? Probably not... my devil's advocate paragraph could surely be disputed by hypocrites all around.

Jerry Falwell has a crusade of his own nowadays. Join the "Friend of Foe" campaign.. to fight for Christmas. Forget the countless retailers who manage to spread jingle jolly sale advertisements with obvious exploitation of the holiday season. No, he's not after them. His group promises to file suit against anyone who spreads what it sees as misinformation about how Christmas can be celebrated in schools and public spaces. He'll boycott, sue, or threaten to kill (oh wait, that's Pat Robertson... Sorry, I get all those self-righteous faith-exploitist snake-oil bastards confused!) any groups that subvert Christmas. Now, I can handle boycotts. That's actually my preferred method of public disapproval. Peaceful, safe, and legal. But legal action is unwarranted. He wants people to "draw a line in the sand and resist bullying tactics of the ACLU and others who intimidate school and government officials by spreading misinformation about Christmas." Ignorance and narrow-mindedness are to blame for people who can't see that the ACLU is fighting for the rights of EVERYONE equally, not just one group, race, or sex. The ACLU is right in that we should keep church and state separate. That includes schools where people of different faiths , race, and sex congregate to learn FACTS, not conjecture.. no matter how widely believed it is. "People are free to worship in their homes and their houses of worship and if they rent out a hall," said the ACLU's Jeremy Gunn, national director of the group's Freedom of Religion and Belief program. "That they're doing this in the name of religion is very, very sad," Gunn said. "It would be one thing if they're talking about consumerism of the season or something, but they're not." When Christians believe that the world should be catering to their unique viewpoints on religious studies while shunning anyone who believes otherwise, they are no better than radical muslims.

Now before you go on calling me anti-christian or Lucifer. I will say that I do back the Catholic church on certain things. A pregnant (and unmarried) teacher is suing a Catholic school for firing her. Call it discrimination or what not, but my stance is clear... The school is a privately funded non-public educational center who should have the right to dismiss any employee for any reason they wish. On top of that, she had agreed to the rules layed out in the employee handbook that says that each teacher must "convey the teachings of the Catholic faith by his or her words and actions." Had this been a public school, i'd say that foul play had occurred.

Speaking of having a christmas wishlist... it appears that liberals, democrats, the UN, and Iraqi leaders all have something in common.. they want the US Government & Military to set dates for leaving Iraq. Unfortunately, the one's against the plan for leaving Iraq are your president, his administration, most republicans, oil tycoons, and haliburton contractors.

Posted by Reese at 10:23 AM

November 8, 2005

New Orleans Update!

You may get the sense of deja vu from this update.. because it will sound similar to the update I may have posted a few weeks ago. That's because governments and such are dragging ass in this recovery effort. St. Bernard Parish in particular have national guardsmen putting a porch and swing on Junior Rodriguez, the Parish President's double-wide trailer (sitting behind the parish government complex). Now, I'm pretty sure that he needs a porch to block out the sun from his splotchy skin whilst he swings back and forth gazing in awe of his empire of Chalmette. Yes, here's a man with REAL vision, folks. I hear they've even gotten electricity to two of the many street lights.. and if you break out your calculator kids, that's 1 street light per 30 days since the storm. Way to go! How about some REAL recovery. I can't rebuild my house in any kind of timely manner with hand tools. If we were an Amish community, we'd have all been home and functional by now. All I do know is that I'll be dealing with my mortgage company again in January, and I'm not in the mood to start paying the remaining 120K+ on a house in which I can't live in. So, if you insist on handling this catastrophe at a turtle pace, allow me to walk away and start anew elsewhere, because I could give a flying fuck about anything but my investment. If I do wind up being the only resident left, so be it... that'll be an easier drive into work each morning. So.. pretty please, the least you can do for leaving us all so vulnerable over the past 40 years, stop building porches and swings and start doing something more useful for the citizens who are giving up in droves on ever returning.

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The sight of this duo hardly brings comfort nor competence.

Posted by Reese at 4:09 PM

October 29, 2005

It's been so long.. so I wonder:

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Where's Spicolli?

If you can't find him, shame on you! He's probably somewhere between here and there.. ditching the snow shovel for... well.. a regular shovel! Yeah! Hope his trip is a safe one... If he planned it right, he could have made it a multi-state adventure. So keep an eye peeled! If you see Spicolli driving through your state... take a picture and send it to us.. we'll give you an accumulated progressive jackpot of 100% of the profit we've made this year! Now remember.. pictures of James Spader and other look-alike fakes can be easily spotted by our team of expert Spicollinators. Fraudulent entries will be sent directly to the FBI!! Shit, we'll tell them that you told Karl Rove some confidential info... and then we'll see who's laughing when the hounds plan an indictment of you ass. Booh-yah! So play nice. and happy Spicolli hunting!

Posted by Reese at 12:59 AM

October 25, 2005

The Eagle Has Landed...

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Just my opinion on THIS matter... among many others.

Random Rants:
Sometimes I feel as if the government has turned it's back on me... it's a damn shame that I can't return the favor. Each day rolls by and I wait with as much patience as possible. I'm probably a damn patient guy in comparison to most. I never even yell at fast food employees while they are "taking their time plucking chickens" in order to make my chicken sandwich. No, I live wherever there's a bed willing to accept my weary head... and I drive to work and trudge onward. I try not to let all of the personal issues in my life consume my mind, but they eventually find a way to anger me. So I've got no house. I've got a baby coming soon. I've got no flood insurance, because the water had to be driven and had risen to biblical proportions in order to enter my house. I didn't even know I didn't have it, because it wasn't required for my mortgage. My house is already 4 feet above street level as it is... I thought flood insurance was for those poor bastards who had to replace their carpet once in a while after a severe rainstorm. In conclusion, Homeowners Policies are a joke. There is no reason there shouldn't be a one-all policy that protects against every kinda of destruction. Anyway, I spend way too much money on gas, because of high gas prices AND the fact that my job isn't just 15 miles away anymore (more like 150+ round-trip!). I try to play by the rules, but I face the threat of my perfect credit being ruined as well. And on top of all of that, each day I either hear no news or bad news. They will not build the levee protection higher and stronger. That's wise... so why the hell would anyone move back if the government doesn't want to protect them. Isn't that why we pay taxes all of these years? So that our government will protect us from unseen harm? What kind of sadistic democracy would hand out a tax break incentive for buying a house and investing into America, then walk away after we've already bought into the "American dream". Is it just me, or am I and thousands of others just royally screwed? I can't stand the political machine that governs this society as it is.. and then it hits home.. becomes personal.. and we all become victims of governmental neglect. No one wants to take the blame for the disaster's results... not the corps of engineers.. not the insurance companies, not the mortgage companies, not the local, state, nor federal government. And the only ones who suffer.. financially and emotionally are the citizens.. and the businesses in which some of these people used to have. Is there any justice to be done? I hate to think of the priorities of everyone involved. Bush with his Iraqi project (waste of lives, time, and money). Governor Blank with her approval to spend nearly 45 million dollars on construction projects ranging from health labs and water wells to a sports complex and livestock facilities... none of which benefit the NEW ORLEANS METRO AREA. And don't be fooled by the attorneys who claim to want to help victims by filing class action suits against insurance companies or what not.. they're only in it to line their pockets. Hell, Mumphrey's Lawfirm in Chalmette had a similar deal, except if either they win or lose, they still want you to pay for legal services if you sign on... either way.. THEY WIN. So, St. Bernard, even your very own are cannibalistic opportunistic piranha... but you already knew that.. you need to look no further than your OWN Sheriff and government officials of whom after a census count and re-zoning, will all be out of a job. Money doesn't make the world go 'round... it's pure GREED. And true selflessness and good will are apparently a lie and a myth as far as Uncle Sam is concerned. The big foot of democracy just keeps kicking us down. I really don't mean to ramble on.. I'm probably not even conveying my feelings efficiently onto this paragraph... but maybe I'll feel better just for having gotten some of it out of me.

Posted by Reese at 3:16 PM

October 21, 2005

Sometimes this shit just writes itself...

Elderly man drives with body in windshield
Florida (Go figure!) - 93-year-old Ralph Parker fatally struck a pedestrian and then drove for three more miles with the man's body hanging through his windshield. He was later stopped after he drove through a tollbooth and the toll taker called police. They say that he may not face any charges because of having dementia and not realizing anything he'd done. The victim's leg was severed in the Wednesday night crash, police said. The man, whose name was not released, was 52. Parker had renewed his license in 2003.

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Is this really new NEWS per se? Not exactly.. for I wrote a story about this before... ironically, it took place in Florida as well. It's really one of those funny/sad type things and something that should be addressed in the US. Here is the previous article:

Some old lady, about 81 years old, found a way to hit her husband, the car lot salesman, another parked car, a tree, and a wall... all during her initial steps towards a test drive. Scary shit! Was this in Florida? You betcha! I recently saw a funny episode of Southpark in which the old people driving were considered roadside reapers, causing deaths and not even realizing it. I've always said that the proper way to solve these problems is to give a test to every citizen re-applying for driver's license renewal, regardless of their age. Why? This way it's not age discrimination, it's just a test to see if you have the required hand/eye coordination, proper reaction time, comprehension of the road rules, and understanding on how to operate a motor vehicle. Sometimes I see an old lady, barely peering over the steering wheel, going about half of the speed limit... is this because normal speeds are too fast to react to? The interstate is not a place for pussies or slow asses... and the road all-together is no place for those not qualified to drive safely. The problem with driving is that we are all at the mercy of the others on the road... that said, it would be nice if we had better roads, like an autobahn type interstate...that would be ideal, but this is America, so don't count on it happening. It is probably pretty damn inconsiderate to get onto the interstate and move the far left lane and go slower than people in the other lanes are going, but that's every asshole's prerogative and that's life, right? And will someone tell me if it is really LEGAL for a dump truck full of rocks to not be liable and responsible for spewing debris all over the interstate? Isn't that littering anyway? If I throw rocks out of my window or strap on a used kitty litter box to the roof, is that ok? As long as I have a sign saying to stay 500 feet back and that I'm not responsible for damage to your car or worse? What vehicle has the legal rights to over 500 feet of road-space anyway? And EVEN if you do remain 500 feet back, that doesn't make you any safer.. rocks bounce and bounce until they hit something.. the truck can be three lanes over and 1000 feet in front of you, and you could get smacked. I doubt that it is legal for I am sure I'd get pulled over if I had a trunk full of marbles, rocks, dildos, and wrenches and the trunk was open and they were flying and bouncing behind my little Ford Focus. Sometimes, they have tarps covering the load. The tarps on those trucks hardly do shit anyway, for the rocks find a way out as the truck bounces, hits holes, or just takes turns. In conclusion, these are just two more small pieces of America that truly suck and need some.. um.. resolve.

Question of the Day: If this were to have happened in New Orleans, would the offending senior have been given a beating for his negligent homicide by the NOPD? You make the call!

Posted by Reese at 1:29 PM

October 20, 2005

Reese's Keys To Weight Loss: Move More - Eat Less

No more can you blame Burger King for your fat ass. Thanks to congress's new "Cheeseburger" bill! While I endorse the spirit in which the bill stands for, I find it disturbing that we should be forced to pass such a thing because there are judges out there who would actually award money to "victims" who couldn't help themselves from helping themselves so often. We have too many redundant laws in this country and I'm pretty sure that the real issue should be stopping rogue judges from making outrageous rulings such as these. No more should you be able to sue Frito-Lay for choking on a rold gold pretzel than you should be able to sue KFC for a massive coronary for slurping the grease from the bottom of the chicken bucket each day for a year straight. But, if we must, we must... and so this bill may be a step in a good direction, regardless.

"As one judge put it, if a person knows or should know that eating copious orders of super-sized McDonald's products is unhealthy and could result in weight gain, it is not the place of the law to protect them from their own excesses," said Rep. James Sensenbrenner, R-Wisconsin, chairman of the House Judiciary Committee.

Good point. I find that Spicolli may be right in that Wisconsin congressmen seem to make logical sense more often than the other 49 states. So what kind of logic could someone spew to oppose such a bill? Read on:

"Congress has allowed the need of big corporations before the need of our children," said Rep. Bob Filner, D-California.

Does this make any sense as a valid argument? Our children? Who's responsible for the children in the first place? Wouldn't causing a health risk to your child already be covered under Child Abuse laws? Ridiculous and illogical, Mr. Bob Filner.

Now let's ponder for a moment the possibility that the fast food corporations ARE responsible for certain people's uncontrollable urge to gorge themselves straight to a triple by-pass. Burger King, for example, may be using tactics that need to be investigated. I mean those new commercials are pretty darn creepy (and somewhat cool) with that "King" lurking about and practically stalking hungry victims with and eggnormous omelet sandwich, however you don't see the King holding a gun to their heads and forcing them to gobble down a triple whopper with cheese, fries, and large shake. In other BK commercials (played later at night) you can witness a dark hard metal band dressed up with chicken masks on their heads rocking out... also, there's the one with Darius Rucker (lead singer of Hootie & The Blowfish) singing a melodic tune. Are they using subliminal tactics to brainwash us into eating that cholesterol ridden hand-held pieces of scrumptious delights? Did Dave Thomas dance a gig to put customers into a hypnotic food-frenzy trance? Is it a global consipracy to show the Aqua Teen Hunger Force, which practically promotes junk food during the entire duration of the show? The answer is NO, and although it's a free country and you can kill yourself slowly (not quickly as in the 'Kevorkian way')... don't come begging Uncle Sam's Judicial Branch to help prove that the blame lies elsewhere in hopes of getting a handout... because it only lies with yourself.

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Maybe it's just the "New Orleans" in me, but he sure does remind me of Mardi Gras!

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"Go McFuck yourself!" Said Mayor McCheese to the plus-sized media personnel on hand.

Posted by Reese at 9:24 AM

October 17, 2005

Royal Order Of The Blue Roof Society

What my weekend was and wound up being was quite long and eventful. It was bittersweet, of course as 2 good friends of mine came down from out of state and 2 others came from out of town to either hang out, check out our hometown destruction, or both. To keep it simple, I'll refer to these friends by initials and such. It started when friend "C" came to town Friday. We made our way to the Parish of St. Bernard after lunch. We visited a few of his family member's homes before heading to his grandmother's place, where he had some stuff. Old toys and a lot of memorable things were in the attic. The rest of the house was filled with water, but it apparently was just inches from the attic. All of his baseball cards were destroyed along with the house itself. We kept our spirits up as we traveled down the road to see how our former residences made out. Things were pretty much just as bad in Poydras. We called it a day and after a shower in Metairie, headed downtown then uptown to meet our other friends. In all it was friend C, A, Cy, Caleb, and JB. I haven't seen any of them in a while. We had all levels of law enforcement represented. Local, State, and Federal. I felt like the odd man out just a little bit, but I know that it's not my calling, or I'd have shown an interest in it back when my dad was a cop. A little hanging out, drinking, and conversation made for a fun night. Lots of joking around, laughter, and relaxing. I honestly wish I could convey the jokes and fun that we had on Friday and Saturday night here, but it'd be impossible... it's one of those you-had-to-be-there things. When we get together, it's like time stops and it's ten years ago all over again. The personalities of these guys are pretty much the same as they ever were. Kinda weird, considering I feel like a completely different guy than I was back then, but I bet we all do, yet the core of who we are is solidly consistent. Saturday was more of the same (except for the part where me and C went to Baton Rouge to make sure Jess was ok).. visiting homes and salvaging personal and family artifacts and then hanging out at night. Sunday morning we all ate lunch and got a complimentary meal. Sunday evening, me and Jess went to eat and see a movie: "A history of violence". It had Ed Harris in it, so not ALL of the acting could have been bad. The movie has a great combination of Sex and Violence. Not gory, morbid, or sleazy, but realistic. It had a good premise and showed promise having good ideas and uniqueness in the film. I'd recommend it for anyone who's not a prude and likes a little action/suspense/mystery.

My apologies to Byron, Beck, and J-Pop.. I should have invited you guys out as well, even if you couldn't have made it.

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Royal Order Of The Blue Roof Society Volunteers ... you're my boy blue!

Posted by Reese at 11:35 AM

October 14, 2005

Looter Caught on Tape!!

In an unprecedented Provocative Planet exclusive, we have the only copy of footage of a New Orleans looter in action tearing up someone else's property. Just look into his beady eyes, his smug grin, his "FU" posture! I tell you, this tragedy transcends all boundries of ruthlessness and apathy! Just take a look for yourself: EXCLUSIVE VIDEO

Posted by Reese at 9:07 AM

October 12, 2005

Spicolli Returns!

Now, I'm sure that he will write his own entry on his return to the Big Easy, but I should tell my rendition of the tale first. That's right, Spicolli returns! And he's brought along a recovery plan of his own! I came into work yesterday, after picking up my car from the dealership, and awaited his arrival after work. We took a ride in his rented out minivan toward New Orleans. The sight of lakeview was like night and day compared to Metairie. We drove around gasping at scenes that wreaked of death before heading to the French Quarter. The water lines clearly visible. The stench of stale and stagnation. The mounds of debris. In there quarter, I knew there was water and power. Also, it was hardly affected by the storm, so for reasons of nostalgia and hunger we decided to go there. A few beers in familiar bars and some Jambalaya made for a surreal visit to a pretty ghostly (compared to normal) French Quarter. One personal highlight from the venture was hitting a pigeon from 8 feet away with chewing gum that I pulled from my mouth. Besides that, it was nice to see a part of the city that looked pretty much in-tact.. abet the missing crowds and the occasional refrigerator set out on the front sidewalk. It was also good to see Spicolli again... he's become a local celebrity back in his hometown as a survivor of the perils of pre AND post hurricane Katrina-ravaged New Orleans.

Posted by Reese at 11:41 AM

October 9, 2005

2000 Ford Focus UPDATE!

Yes folks.. back faster than you probably thought. I have yet another 2000 Ford Focus issue. What? You don't remember my past issues? Read This.... then understand wher I'm coming from. Now this time, I was driving along at around 20 MPH, when suddenly I hear a rattle tattle tinkle under the hood. My steering got tough and the battery light came on. Obviously the belt was not turning the alternator, AC, nor the power steering. I pull over and observe the contents of my POS. Behold! One of the pulleys looked slightly askew. Apparently the tension pulley broke. Now, it's not like I've ever heard of this breaking on a car that's over 20 years old, much less under 5, but the 2000 Ford Focus was specifically designed to amaze. Engineered to wow and stun! Shock and awe! It does all that, Mr. Ford, oh yes! Unfortunately, it's all negative. So, I proceed to call the Ford Roadside Assistance, which comes with my PremiumCare Extended warranty (which runs out at 100K miles or July 2006, whichever comes first.) I then find myself waiting for over 2 hours before a tow-truck arrives. Luckily it was a nice day.. and fortunately, I broke down in front of a daiquiri shop. The kind people at ALL-STAR Ford in Prairieville, LA took my car in and called to inform me that the part was not in stock and they'd have to order it for maybe Monday or Tuesday. So here I sit... car-less.. house-less... and bored... awaiting that sweet resolve which may never come.

Posted by Reese at 3:23 PM

October 4, 2005

Residential Purgatory

Each day rolls on by, and I remain in limbo. It's like a residential purgatory. I sit here at my office in Metairie looking forward to some resolve. Mmmmm, man I sure could use some tasty resolve right about now! Maybe my good neighbors at State Farm will whip me up a batch.. maybe my good buddies at FEMA will. Either way, no matter how it's prepared or who's serving it... delicious resolve (with just a dash of A-1 sauce) is always welcome on my plate.

So we've got a new Supreme Court Justice eh? Now we've got another Bush nominated individual. I don't know all of her credentials, nor do I remember her name, but the moment I read that she'd never been a judge before, I thought for a moment that it just might be a huge slap in the face for all female judges who already exist and who obviously have not been nominated nor possibly even considered for nomination (And I'm not just talking about Judge Judy!). I tell you people.. you have to watch out for that guy. That Bush is a trickster! Picking someone from Texas who was an avid smoke blower up Bush's arse! Nice try Dubya...

The REAL Truth!
Now, you know how the media sure can spin a good story.. boy those crafty writers of contradiction, vagueness, and paradox-like logic. Lucky for you guys who read Provocative Planet, you're going to get a the TRUTH! That's right, my sources have given me the top 12 headlines that were blacklisted from the mainstream to prevent negativity that could possibly threaten the morale of those involved in the reconstruction of the New Orleans area. I don't have the full articles, but, well.. just see for yourself:

1. With election time looming, St. Bernard Parish's only residents remain poised to vote themselves back into office.

2. Having lost many native New Orleaneans due to disbursement, Jesse Jackson and FEMA have teamed up for operation "Dark Roots" in which they will pilot a Carnival Cruise Ship down to Africa in an attempt to 'replenish' the supply of New Orleans's missing soulful-type citizens.

3. The Red Cross has changed their relief hot-line to 1-800-NOT-BUSY in order to subliminally boost their public image.

4. New Orleans' First Annual Turd Race Festival began Friday as crowds gathered around to watch raw sewerage get dumped directly into the Mississippi River. Local celebrity Aaron Neville was on-hand to pinch the first loaf.

5. Former NOPD Chief Eddie Compass admits that his requested plea to FEMA for 1500 boxes of assorted donuts was "too little, too late" as nearly one-third of his officers went AWOL after supplies ran dry.

6. The makers of 2000 Flushes are buying the naming rights to the Louisiana Superdome. They have also agreed to help clean the feces and urine left behind by 'victims' of Hurricane Katrina using "methods they are familiar with".

7. A confused George W. Bush announced Saturday morning that the New Orleans Constitution would soon be ratified within the next few days and help to spread democracy over southeast Louisiana.

8. A local man has said that his State Farm agent not only denied his flood insurance claim but also had sex with his wife and was 'not being a very good neighbor at all'.

9. Bush was said to have been crying after witnessing the devastation in Chalmette screaming "It's all gone! My precious oil refineries... gone!!!"

10. In order to verify their residency, each returning New Orleans citizen was asked "where they got their shoe's at?"

11. National Guard sports new "Rubble" camouflage as they trot through New Orleans.

12. FEMA relocates homeless man to Golden Gate Bridge while the St. Claude Bridge is being repaired.

*** UPDATE 10-10-05 ***

I can't lie.. my attention has been pretty diverted from what is going on in the world this past month. I try to keep up, but my personal agenda keeps getting in the way. Can't blame me, for I've got housing issues and such. But today, I happened to stumble upon an interview with Jesse Jackson on WWL 870AM. He is reversing the Underground Railroad. Gathering up Americans (those of the darker variety) and hauling them from the north to south Louisiana to work as contracted employees for "the man". Now, I know he loves the press, and he kept just a talking away about this and that and how people who like him may be getting screwed. The thing is, I heard Mayor Nagin say the same exact thing a few days ago about gathering up locals to work in New Orleans. So, if the Mayor has this all under control, then why is Jesse Jackson undermining him to promote himself and possibly his cause? Either way, I thought it was funny because I wrote my headline above (#2).

Posted by Reese at 2:58 PM

September 24, 2005

It's Rita Time! Jerry Bruckheimer, eat your heart out!

Just when you thought it was safe to go back.... Still waters run even deeper in... Hurricane II - El Nino's Revenge!

------------------------------------------------------
Scene I - Somewhere in the Caribbean.

Captain Bob Breckmeyer: "Captain's log, September 18th, 2005.. we've just deployed the last weather buoy off the coast of Antigua, and we're now headed home. Since that dreadful storm, Katrina.. the once content crew has been nervous and I believe that any slight disturbance could cause an epidemic of sea madness... similar to Superdome madness... but at sea, of course... the likes of which the world has never seen. We barely made it alive and you can't blame them for having an unhealthy mind at this point. Good thing that's all behind us now... It sure is a shame the number she did on Mr. Mike Brown, though...Captain out."

Seaman Stewart Lamens: "Sir! New reports from the national weather bureau state clear and sunny skies for the remainder of our journey!"

Captain Breckmeyer: "Excellent news, Mr Lamens, excellent news. Let's get some sleep... a well deserved rest will do us some good."

Scene II - The next day.. sometime after brunch

(Over the intercom..)
Engineer Thompson: "Captain! It may be nothing, but I believe some of instruments may be malfunctioning."

Captain Breckmeyer: "Better not chance it... I'm coming down to engineering... Mr. Lamens, you have bridge."

Scene III - Down in engineering

Engineer Thompson: "Look... everything was fine... then all of a sudden, the ocean temperature started to rise and the barometric pressure readings started dropping off the charts like crazy! I've ran diagnostics, but it all checks out... you don't suppose this could mean...."

Captain Breckmeyer: "No... NO! It can't be possible... This just cannot be! She's not supposed to be within 700 miles of here.. they told me that all the computer models had her going...*gasp*...in the OPPOSITE DIRECTION!"

Engineer Thompson: "Should we alert the crew?"

Captain Breckmeyer: "No.. there isn't any time. And since communication is still down from the last time, calling FEMA, The National Guard, or the Federal Government would be as pointless as if communication was working just fine. I'm afraid we're on our own.... AGAIN!"

Drama continues.... ending... unknown!
-------------------------------------------------------

Sorry.. just had a vision there.. I guess with all of the other natural disaster movies already made.. it's only a matter of time, right? Besides.. anyone can write a Jerry Bruckheimer movie. On a more serious note.. "Rita" has stalled rebuilding of my hometown and caused re-flooding as well. Since this puts things on hold even longer from getting to my home much less rebuilding or assessing damage, does that mean I can apply for a second time to FEMA on this completely separate disaster? Maybe get another check for my misfortune? Oh well.. wishful thinking, right?

Posted by Reese at 11:15 PM

September 20, 2005

Katrina and the Storm Surge

I got a chance to re-enter St. Bernard Parish yesterday. Me and my dad's road trip wound up trying to take a shortcut through highway 90, but they closed the bridge at the Slidell / New Orleans border. The camps along the road were pretty destroyed. Maybe once in a while you'd find one or a few still standing, but maybe 85% were just plain gone or almost gone. There were stretches of the highway where road was missing (possibly from being broken up and then moved to the side to make it passable.) This also forced the old highway underneath to be seen again. There were also fields of scrap wood. A sea of splintery housing death piled up near the shore in certain areas. The camps will not be the same for a long time. Land values everywhere are sure to shrivel. After an over two hour delay on the highway 11 bridge (the main holdup was "authorities" questioning your destination and checking your credentials), we finally made it to St. Bernard Parish... Chalmette. A thick mud-like substance.. probably filled with a hint of oil and a dash of sewerage... covered the landscape pretty evenly. Mud was thicker closer to the industrial canal, where a break probably occurred. It looked like nuclear winter.. dead grass and dying trees... and of course.. the mud covered grounds all made for a scene that wreaked of death and vacancy. My street was pretty strewn with tree debris. The two mighty oak trees in front of my house were still standing and not dead yet. The tree in my backyard looked like it exploded and was split down the middle.. didn't seem to fall in any one direction. The two cars in the back were covered in the mud and probably pretty soaked on the inside. The garage was still intact, yet the insides probably reveal a darker secret. Remember kids, buoyancy is the name of the game! I didn't enter but one step and saw my lawnmower in a weird position before I decided I had nothing to recover in there anyway. The house was almost decent looking on the outside. A new gap under the living room windows may reveal structural damage.. foundation issues... or maybe wood swelling causing the shift upward under the window. Maybe the assessor will tell me a truer tale. The roof was still there abiet a couple of missing caps on the very top. A piece of facier was blown or yanked off the front of the house.. a cable was attached so a falling tree part may have helped. The living room had my couch and furniture about.. floated wherever it pleased. the tv was drenched and on the ground.. the stand was made of particle board.. so the glue gave as the water saturated it. The kitchen had my refrigerator suspended in air between the kitchen counter-tops.. it was a sight indeed. Each bedroom and bathroom told the same tale of water, mold, and ruined furniture. The den had a brass bed in it.. and it looked completely untouched as if it was just moved there. The bed was still in the same place it was before.. it was dry.. and the sheets and pillow were in the same position as when the bed was made. Eerie things like that make for lasting memories of destruction and disbelief. But I'm not in denial. I'm just plain angry. Because I know that I've been screwed by someone.. or something. The upstairs section of my house was completely untouched. It didn't even smell like the rest of the house.. it was like nothing ever happened. I had a board put up on the window in the front, but it was off the window sitting below it. I suspect it was taken off after the storm and water, or it most likely would have floated further away. So who would have done it? I don't know.. but it could possibly have been the same guy(s) who knocked my front door down. Yes.. it appears from the markings on the door that it took them about 5 rams before it came off the hinges. The door was solid and shows me that someone breaking in would have had serious trouble doing so. It really fucked up the door frame and I was seriously pissed at what i saw. The door frame is pretty fucked up, they invaded my privacy, and there was no logical reason for it. I live in a two story house. The water came into the house at about the 4 foot level. Unless you were laying down unable to float, you were a midget, or unable to stand up.. you would not have drowned in my house. Not to mention I have an upstairs level which was completely untouched. The two bedrooms downstairs were not checked, because we had to barge our way into them ourselves. If they broke the front door down and didn't bother to check any rooms in the house for dead bodies.. THEN WHY THE FUCK DID THEY BREAK DOWN THE FUCKNIG DOOR? Incompetent assholes everywhere. So who is responsible for all this destruction? It's no secret that the levee breaches were the main factor. It's documented and admitted by the government officials that the levee breaches caused most of the damage by letting water storm in and stay awhile. The water current driven by wind over the levee and through the levee... not to mention what the water itself does to wood and such. So who is responsible? Is it the asshole government for not doing enough to ensure that our levees could hold back the inevitable storm surge from the inevitable storm? Did they pocket some coin on the savings? Did they completely forget about what Betsy did 40 years ago? That's a lot of time to sit down.. and figure out a way to prevent it from happening again. Driving their nice Lexus's and Lincolns making decisions on what they think is BEST for the citizens in which they represent? Now they face the fact that they will representing a handful of people.. if not just each other. Or was it the useless levee board? Maybe it was the incompetent army corps of engineers? Maybe even the federal government.. for not seeing financing protection for our little town. Well, they are sure emptying pockets and pouring out their hearts now, aren't they? Sure would have been a lot easier and cheaper if they had just heeded the warning.. all of them. Because I tell you this.. who's NOT guilty are the companies that invested in St. Bernard. The business owners who've invested in this community. And of course, the citizens of the community itself. They are completely innocent and maybe even a little naive to believe the the government was there protecting them with tax dollars... to really and truly ensure their safety. We'll see how this all pans out.. and if they really do give a shit after all.

Posted by Reese at 9:43 AM

September 12, 2005

Katrina Update: Two Weeks in Baton Rouge... My House Still A Mystery!

It's been a long two weeks since I was forced from my hometown of Chalmette, Louisiana. It appears that I was in the red zone... one of the hardest hit areas of the storm. Harder than New Orleans? By a landslide. The media hardly covered and was mostly unable to even visit an area that was completely impassable by land. As far as pure destruction, the gulf coast may have gotten the shaft as more property was wiped clean like a broom went over the landscape, but St. Bernard Parish was all that plus stagnant nasty water and oil covering and polluting the area making rebuilding a biohazard risk! My home may be repairable? May be uninhabitable forever and bulldozed accordingly. I may not find out for weeks for all I know. Either way, the the limbo state that I live in continues. Also, on a sad note, the loss of my friend Spicolli from the New Orleans area will be sorely missed. The only bright side may be that I'm now learning ASP... but i'd rather not have had to. Although we can talk just about anytime (thanks to free long distance), the hours spent during the week made for a fun workday... and time we got to hang out or chat outside of work was just plain ol' lagniappe! He was truly the blond hair, blue-eyed twin brother I never could have plausably had. Ah....Good times... it's a damn shame that the city scared away another fine youth, even if not a native. I regret not having more beer and trivia with him.

Posted by Reese at 8:01 PM

September 6, 2005

DEATHWATCH UPDATE: Bob Denver Dead! Rehnquist Dead!

Move over Rehnquist, Bob Denver is stealing your thunder! Now, me nor Spicolli's list has been hitting much lately.. at least not this year. Maybe we're just not that good at picking celebrity deaths... or maybe we're just ultra due for the coming months! Anyway back to Denver... I was just joking the other day that the refugees of New Orleans reminded me of Gilligan's Island, except that the cast of evacuees were all Gilligans, because the Professors, Mariannes, Howells, and Skippers were all smart enough to leave. Oh, and also because it took about the same amount of time to rescue the castaways as it took FEMA to respond to the Hurricane Katrina victims. Uncanny, isn't it?

Denver.jpg
Little Buddy? Noooooo!!!!

Posted by Reese at 8:04 PM

September 2, 2005

Hurricane Katrina Presents: Iberville Never Saw THIS Shit Coming! (True Thoughts From A True Evacuee!)

Here I sit in Baton Rouge pondering upon my uncertain future. The wrath and fury of Earthly weather patterns, although quite tame relative to most of the other planets and moons, still shows us how fragile humans really are, even in the years beyond 2000. I could literally write all day about the random thoughts that have plagued my mind since Saturday. I've been forced out of my Cingular calling area... I hope they will find it in their hearts to credit me for roaming. I hope that Bellsouth (Telephone/Internet) doesn't charge me for service this month... that goes for the Electric (Entergy), Water, and Natural Gas Bills as well. I've been rotating emotions such as angry, sickened, happy, puzzled, and zombie-like... all in random order and ongoing.

Angry
Why angry and at whom? Well, for one, the government. I feel as if they've let me down, yet again. Not so much in the relief and rescue department (although that's looking shady as well), but in the preventative maintenance. Facts are, and even for someone who has never lived through anything remotely similar to this (probably the most devastating and costliest disaster to ever happen in America), I KNEW full and well that the scenario that played out like a slow motion bulldozer was inevitable. It was inevitable that a hurricane would build up massive strength and roll through New Orleans and the surrounding parishes. It has happened in the past and came close to happening many times. Even old Iberville and Bienville could have told you, for it happened to them as the early colonies of New Orleans were formed only to be destroyed within years of their origins. I'm sure that they'd be rolling in their graves, wondering why we would only build and barely maintain a levee system fit to handle a small to medium sized storm. Forget the hurricanes affectionately named "Camille" and "Betsy", they pale in comparison to the most recent one, "Katrina". Now, I don't know who's responsible for this dilemma, but sometime after the storm has passed (no pun intended), I'd be willing to bet that certain citizens and public officials fingers' will be seeking some people to point at. Is it the levee board for neglecting to ensure our safety? Army Corps of Engineers for incompetence? Federal Government for refusing to fund such critical needs? Or is it my fault, for being born here and choosing to support the City I grew up in by purchasing a house here? Well, I doubt that it's my fault. Whoever's fault it is, I believe that the investment and survival of the New Orleans' Area was compromised. The moment that my government decided to start designating commercial, industrial, and residential zones, I believe it should be their highest priority and responsibility to use whatever power they have and do whatever is humanly possible to ensure the safety and integrity of the area in which they govern. Simply put, building a levee system to only protect the city from a moderate hurricane was quite insufficient and NOT the best they could have done, as we all can plainly see now. It is a deliberate INSULT to every HOMEOWNER who invested their lives in the New Orleans Area and every BUSINESS who's done the same.

Sickened
Jesse Jackson reared his ugly hypocritical ass on the media again talking smack and using his faded race card in his empty and ignorant rhetoric. First off, why does this asshole get any media attention at all? Since when does he have any integrity? He's as predictable as old faithful, but far more useless. He said Bush was "incompetent"... well I agree, but we all knew that already. He said that the media was "criminalizing victims" in New Orleans by focusing on the violence. The media (to attempt be fair and balanced) SHOULD focus on all aspects of the events unfolding. This includes poor african-type americans who are not looting, but STEALING liquor, SHOES, ELECTRONICS, and various other NON-ESSENTIAL items from local stores. People shooting guns and raping others. Defecating wherever they please (especially in the Superdome). Some of the good citizens could not get help because of hoodlums using their firearms and making rescue attempts unsafe. These same people could have been with other evacuees or long gone when the evacuation order was initially given. But a little "nothing to lose" attitude on top of a "don't give a fuck" attitude that already existed could be an explosive combination in any town. These (the looters and ones firing guns at authorities), unfortunately, are the types of citizens that no city would want. I'm sure that Mr. Jesse Jackson would not want them in his city as well. I'm sure it's the same reason that Atlanta, Memphis, and other relatively nearby cities aren't coming to the rescue to take in some of our less fortunate and possibly dangerous people. Jesse also (of course) claims that slow rescue efforts and such (you fill in the blanks) are because of racism among the authorities. The MAYOR is black, the National Guard GENERAL is black. Also, the people or New Orleans who need help and are getting it are mostly black, while the people of St. Bernard Parish and Chalmette who are mostly WHITE have not gotten ANY supplies until supposedly tonight (September 2nd, 2005). So, as much as I hate having Bush speak on my behalf as an American to other countries, I'm sure that there are many blacks who'd rather Jesse Jackson not attempt to represent their people as well. I for one believe Jesse Jackson is far more racist than most, if not all of the people he claims are. This asshole is a shit stirrer of complete, grade "A" bullshit. Yes, the relief and rescue efforts have been quite appalling, but race is not necessarily the issue. Most of the people in the city are black. Most of the poor citizens left behind are black. So most of the evacuees are in fact, black. Therefore, by pure circumstance, any slow resonse or failure in the efforts affect mostly black people. In contrast, without FEMA nor the Red Cross nor the Salvation Army nor the State Police nor the National Guard, people in Houma have found a way to provide organized shelter, food, water, and medical care to their over 2500 evacuees.

Want to hear about another hypocrite? I'll keep this one shorter. House Speaker Dennis Hastert (Republican Representative from Illinois) has voiced his doubts about the whether the government should dump any federal funds into rebuilding New Orleans. Here's a guy who, as a republican, seems to stand by a president who likes to dump funds into rebuilding a third world chaotic Iraq and Afghanistan, but NOT a city in one of the 50 states of his own hometown country? What a complete fucktard prick. He doesn't even go by Republican Protocol which states that money and military should be assembled and used wherever there are oil rigs and/or refineries! Who's going to disagree that we should take care of shit at home before we start writing checks elsewhere?

Now, before you may question my comments on what had gone on at the Superdome, know that it is based on first hand testimony from someone I work with... Her and her husband were forced to stay at the dome for a couple of days.. and the horrors told in detail would probably have to be censored from the mainstream media news reports. Rapes, dead bodies put in the dome coolers, defacating and urinating all over the place, and of course violence. These descriptions don't do them any justice, but that doesn't undermine that the nightmare is quite real and detailed.

Happy
I've been having feelings of being quite fortunate. I've got my health. All of my family members are safe. I have a place to stay as long as necessary in the Baton Rouge area with water & electricity. I also still have my job, as we had an office here in the Baton Rouge area. I'm far better off than most, even though my house is sitting in possibly 10 feet of water along with various belongings and two cars (neither of which are mine). Many have no where to go. No jobs to go to. No family to help. And maybe have had tragic losses of close friends or relatives. Some of the victims could have prevented it. Some could have left, some didn't want to leave, and some were just plain ignorant to the power of the storm.

Puzzled
I hate to say it, but as much as the government is trying to help, they are NOT NECESSARILY RESPONSIBLE for saving your ass, especially when you could have saved it yourself. Some of the attitudes were just amazing. People demanding to get a handout (or "get theirs", if you will). There were also many good and civilized individuals who did need help as it didn't come fast enough. Like I said, some had no choice to but enter a local shelter. It's a shame that there are disruptive individuals doing criminal activities who are complicating matters for other evacuees who only want to survive.

I was miffed and perplexed as to why Fats Domino's rescue was hailed as a good thing... all that I gathered from it was that he was a man with the means and capital to make a hasty retreat, yet unwisely chose to put himself in harm's way. So they had to send a helicopter (and possibly a barge as well) to get his ass out of the 9th ward. Sounds like he found his thrill under 12 feet of water (sorry, couldn't resist!).

Zombie-Like
In spite of how fortunate I may be relative to most others, I still find myself dazed and in a zombie-like funk. So many questions and each dependent upon the answer of the next. My life has been lobotomized into a state of directionlessness. When will I get to see my house? How much damage from wind, water, or trees are there? When can I file my claims? Will there be anything left to rebuild or any type of civilization to go back to? These few examples are not even the tip of the iceberg of the number of questions that me and most people must have going through their minds. So how did it all begin?

Saturday, August 27th, 2005, at around 7AM, I wake up to the alarm clock, eager to get a start on my day, for this day was scheduled tubing trip at Wayne's World Tubing and Cameoing in Enon, Louisiana (Near Bogalusa and about 55 miles north of New Orleans). I waited forever for J-Pop to finally get ready (and his girlfriend) and then pick me up. We were running late for our 9AM rendezvous at the Sav-A-Center in Slidell, La. You know, the one near HWY 11 and HWY 190. To complicate matters, J-Pop had to pick up his friend in New Orleans East, but it's cool, because most everyone else was running late as well. We met up there with Jimbonizer, my brother, my sister, parents, brother in law, sister in law, and one of J-Pop's friends. We set forth to Enon, La and when we got there, there was a less than usual crowd. We paid, got our stuff, and headed for the bus to bus us to the Bogue Chitto river. We got in.. tubed.. drank.. swam... ate... urinated.. and enjoyed our 4-5 hour long floating venture. At the end of our trip, we got in our respective vehicles and headed home. I then got a desperate text message on my battery juice deprived phone just itching to run dead on me. Jessica was warning me of the chaos unfolding as the hurricane forecasters inched their predictions closer and closer to New Orleans. Most people were panicking and preparing to evacuate while we were floating down a river, drinking beer without a care in the world. The world as we knew it, however, was about to change drastically. There began to be trouble from the start.. contra-flow (where all interstate traffic is oriented in one direction) was about to start soon, and we were not sure if we'd be able to get back to St. Bernard Parish. J-Pop tried using his OnStar service a few times with hilarity and hi-jinks, but they were, in truth, not much help in the emergency evacuation route department. Jessica, meanwhile, was picked up by her mom after packing a few things and headed to Baton Rouge. By the time I finally got home, it looked like staying home and riding out the storm would have been quite an unwise decision. I made myself a couple of TV dinners.. talked to CJ on the phone a while.. watched some TV and calmly planned my route taking my sweet ass time. Not sure what to expect, I cleaned and wind-proofed stuff in my yard and around the house, put my PC in my car along with my old valuable baseball cards. Most of my other stuff that I may want are in my second floor office, where I recently moved all of my "reese" stuff into. As I look back now, I can see my couch, table, chairs, fridge, bed, dresser, lawnmower, washing machine, and dryer all possibly underwater, at least somewhat. I hope that it's not too much flood water... I also hope that wind damage is minor.. and I especially hope that no trees found an unwelcoming way into my home. In hindsight, I should have brought more things with me to Baton Rouge (such as my insurance policy on the house!)... but that's in the past now. So anyway, I obviously left for Baton Rouge at around 9PM.. I figured that most people would wait til morning to drive out and not during nighttime visibility. I was right as I breezed through the interstate system and into BR in very decent time. The next morning I woke up to a new strategy... Jessica's family wanted to drive to Weatherford, Texas (outside the Dallas/Fort Worth Area), where they had a relative and a farm house to stay in. We drove there in 12 hours on Sunday. At the first rest stop in Texas, the hospitality was more than great as they set up cookies and free drinks for refugees. On Monday morning we had breakfast and tried to enjoy the quaint yet friendly lifestyles that this small Texas town had to offer. It was hard to fully enjoy the time spent, as our minds (especially mine) was elsewhere. It was hard to get good news coverage, mostly national coverage was available. I tried hard to find local useful news by using the shortwave radio, TV, and regular AM signals. On Tuesday morning, we drove back to Baton Rouge, since power had been restored in this area. Along the way, I've managed to contact a limited amount of friends and family on their whereabouts and safety. Everyone wound up being fine in the end. And now, my life, my job, and my sanity (for now) appear to be living in Baton Rouge.

Posted by Reese at 11:49 PM | Comments (2)

August 24, 2005

Pat Robertson? Who the heck is he?

Pat Robertson had insisted he was misquoted claiming "I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should 'take him out'.

As in 'take him out' to a dinner, movie, and good sex back at his place? Someone needs to hand this asshole a fucking dictionary on terminology! Why do we listen to people like this? Sad reality is, people like THIS are running our country as we speak. You do have a choice, America.

PRobertson.jpg
Thou Shall Not Kill?
Must... Not... Contradict Religious Beliefs!! DOH!

Posted by Reese at 4:41 PM

August 21, 2005

Spicolli Vacation Begins

The great Spicolli has decided to depart the greater New Orleans Area and head for higher ground in his homeland of Wisconsin. You know how yankee's are.... see a little wave and scream "Tsunami!", feel a little breeze and scream "Tornado!", hear a little rain and scream "Hurricane!". hehe Amateurs! Just kidding.. but seriously, can you really blame him? The math is as simple as 1..2..3! There's a god-awful "war" going on in Iraq. A leading Republican senator claims that Iraq is looking more like Vietnam. Now Nebraska Senator Chuck Hagel should know what he's talking about, since he's received two Purple Hearts and other military honors for his service in Vietnam. Where there's a Vietnam-like war, there's bound to be a draft... and where there's a draft, there's bound to be people flocking to Canada... maybe Spicolli just gave himself a head start.

Posted by Reese at 7:56 PM

August 19, 2005

Wanna know where to score the "good shit"?

Lutcher (Near New Orleans, La.) Police Chief Arrested for Allegedly Dealing Drugs
Wednesday, Lutcher Police Chief Corey Pittman was arrested by federal drug agents. Now we should be deemed innocent until proven guilty, but the agents allegedly purchased drugs on five different occasions from Pittman, so the innocent angle isn't looking so good. I'd like to state that I am against drug laws in general as I feel they infringe upon our individual rights and responsibility, but this is a public official who hypocritically broke laws that he's sworn to protect, not omit or maniuplate to fit his own agenda.

LutcherCheif.jpg
Wanna Get High?

Posted by Reese at 9:56 AM

New Orleans Saints Update

Well.. it was preseason game number 2. This time, near Boston, the Saints played a lot better, especially the second unit. Brooks looked like he was making some decent reads and throwing some sharp passes. Deuce was looking good... also Stecker, who I like a lot showed some great quickness which he possesses and even Antwain Smith had some decent runs. Joe Horn let one slip out of his hand, which then bounced off of one defender's arm and into the hands of another defender. A quirky yet rare instance of bad luck for the Saints, which is one of those anomalies that you can't predict, so I'll write it off as a mulligan. However, Joe Horn should have caught the pass.. he hit no one, not even the ground before the ball was already leaving his apparently slippery hands. Bockwoldt was displaying the aggressive hustle that he brings every week... the man clearly puts in effort which pays off dividends. The Saints probably got a really good deal in that particular draftee. I watched the game at Wetlands Bar, where my friend J-Pop invited me to go. Another friend of mine, in Boston, was actually at the game (in the really cheap nosebleed seats). It was fun and the beer went down smooth, although I hardly ever drink. Next up, the Ravens in the Superdome.

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GO SAINTS! Can you say "Who Dat"?

Posted by Reese at 8:26 AM

August 18, 2005

I CHALLENGE GEORGE W BUSH TO A DUEL!

In American history, a multitude of political figures (including President Andrew Jackson and Vice President Aaron Burr) participated in dueling at some point in their lives. Dueling was common among our founding fathers to settle political disputes and disagreements. With dignity, respect, and mostly honor on the line, these men proudly defended themselves, putting their lives at stake on issues that they wholeheartedly believed in. Sure the act of dueling may be illegal in most states if not all of them, but to get around that, we'll just use the old "double-self-defense" defense in court. Either way, the challenge stands as the other day, Bush quoted us a whole new "reason" for the "war" in Iraq. This time, he states that "Immediate withdrawal would say ... you know, [that] the United States is weak". Well, I'm pretty sure that he'd decline my duel request, because even HE truly knows that it's better to appear weak than to become dead.

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Try BushSpeech.Org to hear what you want to hear from ole dubya.

Or for a real laugh, check out a REAL dubya speech from August 11th.

Here are some of my favorite passages:
"...all we've got to do is intimidate and they'll leave." - Yup, working so far!
"The important thing ... is we are making progress." - Sure.. continental shift is also progressing as we speak!
"... I grieve for every death." - I just don't have any time to sign condolence letters.
(On Mrs. Sheehan) "...I've thought long and hard about her position." - You dog!
"Pulling troops out prematurely will betray the Iraqis." - You mean the one's that don't want to kill us?
"And I remind people, when they think about the conflict we're in, to think about World War II, when an enemy of ours -- Japan, for example -- is now a loyal friend and an ally because of the hard work we did, not only during the war, but in the post-war reconstruction of Japan." - As I recall, they had a plan in WWII and also, didn't they wipe out two cities and bring Japan to their knees before they finally conceded?

Posted by Reese at 10:19 AM

August 16, 2005

'No-fly list' keeps infants off planes

If you baby or kid has similar names to those posted on the "no-fly" blacklist... beware, they will refuse to let your infant aboard! Apparently this policy needs a serious overhaul from it's blatant stupidity. Or maybe, these clowns just don't live in the real world...

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Die American Scum!

Posted by Reese at 9:40 AM

August 14, 2005

Doest Mine Eyes Deceive Me?

Two weeks ago I was at Super Wal-Mart. The greatest Wal-Mart of them all (unless you include SAMS Club!). I spotted a Christopher Walken Saturday Night Live Greatest Hits DVD. Wow! Here's a man who never was a part of the cast, and hardly had any leading movie roles, yet they kept asking him back numerous times to guest host and of course, he delivered. Singing, Dancing, Acting (Comedy, Drama, Suspense, Passion, and of course Creepy!)... the man does it all on-screen. Now I'm really not a TV junkie or entertainment media follower in the sense that I look at "stars" as anyone better than the mere mortals who are not. However I do appreciate and respect good talent in any field of work. That being said, I purchased this DVD and have found it very enjoyable. I'm a big fan as many are of the talented Mr. Ronald "Christopher" Walken. Today, I check out RAW STORY and find this story: Walken 'campaign' makes headlines Now, would an extremely talented actor make a good president? An ex-actor named Ronald Reagan who wasn't as good as ol' Walken made it to become 'Commander in Cheif' as we all know. Also, given the current crop of candidates from the shallow pool of intellect, I'd be willing to cast my vote for a man who I KNOW is talented with at least one thing and possibly much much more. After all, it's innovative thinking like THIS (Click for Article) that just may be the trick in saving social security!

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President Christopher Walken? ... nuff said!

Posted by Reese at 9:49 PM

August 13, 2005

More Answers to: Why others laugh at Louisianans?

Chalmette Incompetence Pollutes Air
Murphy Oil Refinery released 16,000 pounds of sulphur dioxide carelessly into the air Monday, August 15th, 2005. The release happened at about 2 p.m. at the plant at 2500 East St. Bernard Highway.

Lieutenant Governor Mitch Landrieu Rapes Taxpayer Fund-age To The Tune Of $955,000
Improvements to Mitch's office and his apartment at the Pentagon Barracks have cost taxpayers $955,000 since he was elected in 2003.

His staff said the spending is a critical part of efforts to improve the state's image. Ironicly he just perpetuates the image of greedy, ignorant politicians. Others point out that the state already had a $263 million backlog on its list of critical repairs to other buildings and property. So what was improved exactly? Projects include better carpeting in the executive suite, a decorative glass partition in the reception area and $10,000 for an interior design firm. Residential renovations include a new spiral staircase connecting the second and third floors and commercial-grade kitchen appliances. Landrieu wisely declined to be interviewed about the construction projects.

New State Laws Take Effect Today
Pharmacies must start restricting the sale of some common cold remedies.
I disagree with this one. If they were that harmful, wouldn't the FDA regulate them to be sold with prescription like the rest of the major drugs? There's got to be a better way to accomplish the task of regulating the small time cold medicines from underage citizens, if that's the deal.

Vending machines at public high schools must offer healthier snacks to students along with the candy bars and chips.
I wonder how "specific" the health regulations are for the snack machines? I'd assume that if healthier snacks were warranted, the school would sell them anyway because of supply and demand. Maybe this decision should be one that the school board makes. Maybe it's the parents and students responsibility to govern their own eating habits. Either way, a state law seems a bit much.

Drivers who blare loud music could lose their licenses for a month.
Aren't there aren't noise ordinances in suburban areas? Redundancy in laws are just plain dumb. I believe this is possibly just a law put in place so that police have another reason to pull you over. So each cop will have a meter to measure the decibels of sound? Is this a 24-hour a day thing? What about construction on the road that makes even louder noise? And losing your license for a month doesn't seem to fit the crime by far.

And crawfish theft becomes its own unique crime, as 229 new state laws take effect.
Again, a redundant and ridiculous law. Theft of anything with a value attributed to it is already in the books.

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Posted by Reese at 2:39 PM

The New Orleans Saints

It's that time of year again... besides the Fantasy Football Leagues I shall join, there is one other vice in which I'm not too ashamed of... Friday night was all about the New Orleans Saints as I took my seat with J-Pop at my side. I will usually be going to games with my co-worker Eric, but occasionally I'll have both seats for me and a guest. J-Pop is a big of a Saints fan as Eric or anyone I know. We would soon arrive at section 122 in the corner of the end-zone of the Louisiana Superdome and only one row removed from being on the artificial turf itself... ah, what a view. You could literally spit on Randy Moss from there! This is my first year actually supporting the organization with a full array of season tickets and I may or may not do it again.. depends on financials and of course, spirit. The game was fun.. lots of beer beforehand and during made for a relaxing event. Even the dome nachos had a certain zing to them. I took solace in the fact that they were losing so terribly because it is pre-season, of course. I know that I usually claim to appreciate good talent... so you can just go ahead and insert your own joke as to why I'm a big New Orleans Saints fan.... i can take it... after all, being the fan of a perennial loser brings something cool to the table... hope, or as the local ads claim, Faith!

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GO SAINTS! Can you say "Who Dat"?

Posted by Reese at 9:35 AM

August 12, 2005

A Victory for Darwinism!

AWARD: August's Darwin Award
FOR: Iris Call of Oldham County, Kentucky.
WHY: After successfully escaping rising flames and smoke from her home around midnight Thursday, Iris Call decided to disregard danger and attempt to rescue her feline friend. Despite cries of "Meow Meow, save yourself!", Mrs. Call met her demise under the collapsing, smoke filled, blazing structure!

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Artist rendition of the predicted last thing seen by Mrs. Call before she collapsed.

Posted by Reese at 3:07 PM

August 11, 2005

Mexicans Storm Border In Droves To Attempt To Enter The Land Of The Supposedly Free

American/Mexican Border Deaths Soar Beyond Previous Numbers
Apparently heat related deaths and rescues are up from last year along the American/Mexican border. This country needs to take a time out and chill with the immigration. The border is supposedly closed and no one is holding a gun to the migrants to leave Mexico. It appears that Vicente Fox's request for the "whole enchilada" is falling way short on keeping his citizens happy. I suppose that Mexicans aren't being oppressed enough for our troops to liberate them as well.

Posted by Reese at 2:38 PM

August 9, 2005

A Thousand Stories of Gluttony by Reese's Stained White T-Shirt

Guten Tag Herr Yode!

For good liberal news readings at work, go to WWW.RAWSTORY.COM.

For entertaining satire, try PATRIOTBOY.BLOGSPOT.COM.

As entertaining or true as these readings are... they are quite depressing for obvious reasons. Now what to talk about?

Discovery Returns To Earth
The NASA Space Shuttle Discovery has returned to the surface of the Earth this morning. As much as astronomy intrigues me, I feel that somehow it's too much effort to do space missions. That our forms of propulsion are just too primitive for efficient space exploration. And as much as I love the idea of it all, I'm not sure if the public should be picking up the tab via taxation. I can envision the private sector helping boost if not fully sustaining future space missions in the future. The possibility of profit is very motivating in helping to propel science nowadays. Just look at pharmaceutical companies.

Iraq Attacks Yield 16 More Dead
Do America (including the hardcore republicans) ever get numb to the death tolls that pollute the news weekly and sometimes daily? Thousands dead, dipping economy, record oil and gas prices, questionable foreign relations, less freedom (via The "Patriot" Act), and now an energy bill that is sure the help perpetuate the destruction of our environment... I ask you this, are you better off today than you were 5 years ago? And with Iran, Korea, and China issues arising during the tenure of this obliviously ignorant regime, I fear the world as being on the verge of a nuclear holocaust because of the arrogant, illogical, and unwise decision made by our current crop of government leaders, including George W. Bush, who is more accountable than all others by default for this train-wreck they call Democracy.

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Suspected Shoplifter Dies In Wal-Mart Custody

Posted by Reese at 2:34 PM

August 5, 2005

2000 Ford Focus

When I first purchased my 2000 Ford Focus, my friend Taco jokingly called it a "Fuckus". And I suppose he was right.. the car has found a way to fuck me, and probably fuck us all as a nation of owners in general. Yesterday, I brought my car in after a couple of trips to Baton Rouge for work, where the engine light was flashing and it was pulsating running like shit. Now this car has been problem since day one.. recalls, brakes, engine problems.. and countless visits to the Ford Dealership in between... possibly 20 visits in all (I'm not keeping count!) This time, I had some coil go out (not sure the details, didn't read into it) and about 500 dollars worth of maintenance and deposit removal... as it runs very great now, the engine light came back on yesterday, and so I will have to bring it in tomorrow and make sure they don't try charging me a 50 dollar deductible to diagnose a problem that I paid 50 bucks for them to diagnose yesterday. Next week I will be working a gig that will give me 500 extra dollars, which will help pay for my newly found car-repair debt. (not really debt, as I paid in full). I was hoping to have extra money to save or spend on myself, but alas, the 2000 Ford Focus strikes again! How does a company that's been around about a century build (and mass produce) such a piece of garbage is beyond me. I'm sure they've worked out all the kinks since the initial 2000 model year, but that doesn't help me. I remember vividly when I had about 10,000 miles on the car, and my brakes were worn out and the rotors were warped... and they (Ford representatives at the dealership) had the brass to tell me that it was considered "NORMAL WEAR". I should have seen the sign right then and there that this was going to be a long marriage or pain and misery between me and my Focus. I could create a whole website with scanned documents of the various and numerous repairs done to that vehicle alone (not to mention all of the recalls that I got in the mail on a fairly regular basis for a couple of years). Luckily, the 2000 Ford Focus wastes little time in letting it's owner know that it's a bucket of troubled bolts by breaking and falling apart not too long after it's driven from the lot... this, of course, prompted me to make one of the smartest moves I've made by puchasing a Ford extended warranty! In slight fairness to Ford, the 1983 Crown Victoria (former police cruiser probably saw some serious road action (and backseat hookers!) before I got a hold of it, and it held up damn well!), 1978 Mercury Marquis (original A/C blew ice cold and cruise control worked flawlessly!), and 1990 Ford Taurus were used cars that I've owned and were worthy and fun to drive. Maybe they just don't make 'em like they used to, right? Who knows. At $13,500, the 2000 Ford Focus has fallen way short of even a modest expectation of problem-free ownership...and to think it was the first brand new car that I bought with the intent to not have problems that come with owning a used car anymore. I also bought it, because I wanted to be somewhat patriotic and choose American, however that reasoning seems much less logical nowadays. Sorry about the rant on the Focus... but damn! It would piss anyone off, and I did try to notify them of my dismay....It's just a shame that the Ford Motor Company was too busy counting the money they got from me (and other suckers) to even respond to a complaint letter that I wrote them. I thought Quality was job #1, right fellas? Oh well, fuck Ford! Thanks for teaching me a lesson, though.

***UPDATE 8-15-2005***
Long story made short.. I bring the car in for the Engine Light trouble.. they replace an oxygen sensor... on the way back home.. light comes back on. Maybe they will diagnose it as a faulty light next time.... who knows! (and so the drama continues...)

***UPDATE 8-24-2005***
Today, I brought my Focus in for the same Engine Light trouble, on top of weird noises and a brake inspection. The Engine light was apparently due (this time) from a faulty PCV Valve. Before, they misdiagnosed it to be an oxygen sensor. The weird noise was also responsible for dimming lights while the electric fan kicks on occasionally... that's right, the alternator was bad. After replacing that, they checked the brakes... they seem fine. Problem was, when I went to pick the car up, they didn't put all the lugnuts on the rear-left tire, and so it sounded like I was dragging an orange cone when I drove 10 feet from the lot. They put the tire on correctly and I drove home.. problem free and feeling good.... for now! (key eerie music to the tune of the Ford jingle!)

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WAHOO! They sure are fun to drive! Maybe I should submit mine for one last "test", if you know what I mean!

Posted by Reese at 8:14 AM

July 22, 2005

Adictive Time Waster

Make Virtual Snowflakes online!

We were thinking of this idea, and found that someone had already done it.. and did it well!

Posted by Reese at 3:33 PM

July 13, 2005

Lies, Corruption, Fear, Incompetence, Indifference, and Arrogance.... It's My Favorite Hypocrite!

On Mr. Karl Rove:

''I... will not prejudge the investigation based on media reports," G. W. Bush said Wednesday as Karl Rove sat behind him.

That's funny.. I thought that ole dub-ya loved to prejudge (and start wars even) based on possibly uncredible information?

Eating his own words on claiming that he'd fire the man responsible, Bush is caught between a rock and a hard place with the revealing of Mr. Rove being the guilty party. Makes you wonder if it was found that his brother Jeb was responsible for planning terrorist attacks, if he'd be brought to justice as Bush so adamantly states that he will do.

Even the man who's wife was the target of conversation isn't amused. "The president has said repeatedly, "I am a man of my word,' " Former Ambassador Joseph Wilson said. "He should stand up and prove that his word is his bond and fire Karl Rove." Wilson also stated that he thinks that the White House's trend and posture in this controversy represents a continuing "cover-up of the web of lies that underpin the justification for going to war in Iraq."

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"Heavens no, that's not a monkey on my back.. that's just my good buddy Mr. Karl Rove!"

Posted by Reese at 5:36 PM

July 8, 2005

Hurricane

It's that time of year again.. where the occasional hurricane or tropical storm can come by and change up the pace of life here in southeast Louisiana. I for one think that the naming scheme is lame... giving powerful tortoise-like natural disasters cutesy names just doesn't make any sense. It's not a he, she, or even alive.. it's the product of physics and matter. Most are calling this amazing weather pattern "Dennis". Evacuation routes and warnings are being issued all over the metro area and beyond. Most computer models predict the storm to head more towards Florida than here, but most people feel that the margin of error is too high for risking. Here I am, Friday, noonish and at work.. awaiting the fate of my weekend and so forth. I never get too crazy about these things, although people may misinterpret my calm demeanor as being ignorant of the seriousness of such a catastrophe..... make no mistake, I know enough to know what wind and water can do when given enough energy. Earlier this week, a tropical storm came straight in and tore down a lot of trees and such, bringing a little bit of flooding as well. A lot of weaker branches have now been cleared from the trees, which may prove to lessen the debris from future storms. Weather fascinates me, though.. just like electricity (including electronics) and atronomy. One of the great things about science is that the different studies link to one another in some way or another. So.. if I don't have some beachfront property due to errosion in the coming Monday... so be it!

Posted by Reese at 1:16 PM

July 5, 2005

4th Of July loses it's meaning

On the 4th itself, I was rewarded with some tasty eats at Jessica's parent's house and then my own parent's house. I even bragged to Spicolli on the delicious bratwurst that I scarfed down. I traveled to Slidell three times this weekend for a new personal record and also having to refuel three times. Ok.. that crap aside, how was my 4th anyway? Well, J-Pop, Me, and my brother bought fireworks and were having fun with bottle rockets and mortar shells (with and without the launch tube!). Paying high gas prices and hearing stories from my father about how fireworks are weak and crappy compared to the old days combined with J-pop's quotation of new government standards on terrorism and not being able to make your own celebratory explosives sent a shock-wave of anti-patriotism through my soul. Could you blame me? It's definitely not a terrorist act to construct your own fireworks, is it? Maybe the patriot act has something to do with this.. or maybe J-Pop just made it all up. But the way things appear to be headed, it's most likely that he didn't. Anyway, I celebrated something that matters more than the thousands of meaningless deaths occurring overseas and the barrage of idiots running the show in Washington... I just plain enjoyed the evening hanging with good friends and my cool bro. A revolution from tyranny started with a declaration saying that we were not going to take this shit anymore back in 1776... why are we taking this shit now?

Posted by Reese at 11:01 AM

July 3, 2005

Missing Aruba Teen Gets Special Attention

Now I don't mean to sound like an inconsiderate ass or anything, but this Aruba teen story is a big yawn and the search is a waste of taxpayer money. It almost seems like a scam of some sort.. to avert our attention from matters that may be of real importance to the general public. The article lately reads: Warplanes to search for missing teen. WOW! Warplanes! They've sent FBI and now warplanes. Seems to me that this teenage girl and the WMDs have a lot in common, if you catch my drift. I'd not mind the effort and have a lot more faith in my government if I was sure that the old US of A would put forth the same effort if non-blonde haired & pretty teenagers (aka normal citizens) were to become missing in Aruba or elsewhere. Besides, after all of this "effort", they've arrested and released just about everyone on the island... the sad reality is that after all of the hype is long gone, and the public has lost interested to point of being apathetic, and the government doesn't look at fault because of a good public relation's move to appear to go all out on the investigation, there will be an unsolved murder that the family and friends directly related to the incident still has to deal with.

Posted by Reese at 9:25 AM

June 23, 2005

My Letter To Senator Dave

In case you don't know, Senator David Vitter is one of the two who represent Louisiana in congress. This link is how he is contacted via website.

This was the form letter they send out to all of the opposition to the Flag Desecration Constitutional Amendment.... now tell me if his rhetoric isn't 100% grade "A" bona fide republican bullshit:

>Dear Mr. Badeaux,

Thank you for contacting me to express your opposition for a constitutional amendment to ban desecration of the U.S. flag. I appreciate hearing your views on this important issue.

In 1968, Congress passed the Flag Protection Act, which prohibited flag desecration to prevent those protesting the conflict in Vietnam from burning the American flag for which our soldiers were fighting and dying. This Act was upheld by federal and state courts for twenty years. However, in 1989 and 1990 the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in two separate cases that burning the American flag during a political protest is constitutionally protected free speech ( Texas v. Johnson and United States v. Eichman ).

Since the Supreme Court's rulings in 1989 and 1990, each Congress has considered a constitutional amendment to empower Congress to protect the physical integrity of the American flag. Under the First Amendment to the Constitution, every American has a right to free speech. However, I do not believe that this freedom can be extended to the act of burning the American flag. The American flag is a symbol of hard-won freedoms, including the freedom of speech. The act of burning the flag shows a lack of respect for the men and women who have died to make the United States of America what it is today. Unfortunately, I must respectfully disagree with you on this issue.

Thank you again for contacting me, and please feel free to contact me in the future about issues important to you.

Sincerely,
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Senator David Vitter
United States Senator

This is my letter back:

Dear Senator Vitter,

Your explaination and reasoning make no logical sense. Basically, you claim that by taking away our right to free speech via burning a flag, whose meaning and integrity is completely relative to the individual, that it will somehow help preserve our other freedoms? That's just plain ridiculous. What the flag means to you doesn't reflect what the flag means to others. It's physically just a pattern of stars, stripes, and color usually on fabric... nothing more. Since when did disrespect become a crime anyway? I also completely disagree with your view on soldiers and disrespect. I believe that the proud men and women of the United States military fought and died for the same rights that you wish to tear from our Constitution. You will probably fail to see the error of your logic. I can understand that no politician would want the mudslingers to twist your support of the First Amendment with the falsehood that you supported flag burning during a re-election campaign. Doing what's right and just should take substantial priority over covering your political arse any day. I suppose that the ideal world in which I dream of living in could never possibly exist as long as personal agendas are instilled in every corner of our government.

I wish you a shortened political career. It's not one issue that makes a senator wrong for society, but the way he apparently thinks.

Respectfully,
Corey Badeaux

On a side note: Representative Jerrold Nadler, D-NY, whose district includes the site of the former World Trade Center, said "If the flag needs protection at all, it needs protection from members of Congress who value the symbol more than the freedoms that the flag represents." - Well Said!
Posted by Reese at 5:09 PM

Depression Article Of The Day

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Court: Homes can be taken for private development

Justice Sandra Day O'Connor argued that cities should not have unlimited authority to uproot families, even if they are provided compensation, simply to accommodate wealthy developers.

"Any property may now be taken for the benefit of another private party, but the fallout from this decision will not be random," O'Connor wrote. "The beneficiaries are likely to be those citizens with disproportionate influence and power in the political process, including large corporations and development firms."

Sad... just sad. I'm not even sure that I live in America anymore when I read shit like this and Flag Desecration amendments.

Posted by Reese at 11:01 AM

June 16, 2005

YOU MAKE THE CALL!!!

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This brave Iraqi Policeman is:

A) Unsure that his 2 donut-a-day salary is worth it.

B) Hardcore eyeing up a 7-11 for a little "extra" money.

C) Daydreaming about hanging upside-down and being kissed by Kirsten Dunst.

D) A proponent of Gold Bond (tm) medicated mask itch powder.

E) Amazed by the amount of room in the new '06 PT Cruiser!

Posted by Reese at 10:21 AM

June 15, 2005

NEWS FLASH!!!!!

So what IS the big fucking news??? And when did Fox News AND CNN transform themselves into the National Enquirer? What is so important that I should pull my pants up and forgo the flush and wipe, head to the couch, and risk staining the cushions with a brown streak of rushed panic? Well.. Of course the big news (as far as the media is concerned) is not tropical storm Arlene that swept throught the Florida panhandle last week... it's not the "war" in Iraq drawing more troop injuries and deaths via suicide bombs and the usual mischief... it's not even that story about all of the Federal help that one missing girl in a foreign country is getting for showing up missing (I'd like to believe that *YOU* or *I* would get the same treatment of FBI agents and search parties combing the beaches of Aruba if we happen to come up missing, but probably not. Was her family rich or politically involved? Hmmm, I wonder....), nope, it was Michael Jackson. Big news! So big, they interrupted countless broadcast to show you the verdict! You see NEWS FLASH! thrown accross your TV set and think that someone finally nuked a US city or maybe an earthquake dropped California into the ocean... but no, it was just a has-been "celebrity" and their molestation trial who's verdict was so important that it could impact the lives is billions of people, right? I tell you what, as weird as the "King of Pop" may be prejudged to be, he's not nearly the monster that many priests and ministers have been and still are.

Not that I'm on the bandwagon of caring the least bit about it, but new Terry Schiavo Autopsy evidence claims that her brain was half the size of a normal human.. that she was blind and had irreversable damage. There was also no evidence that she was abused, except by the media frenzy, of course. This newly found info sure is egg in the face of every politician (not just the ones named George and Jeb, either!), Jesse Jackson, and even the doctors who gave as credible information as the US intelligence had on Iraq's WMDs, ALL claiming that her condition was improvable or even reversable! Is it really too far fetched to believe that people who are supposed to be credible and entrusted by the public will make up blatant lies to support their cause? Wake up, America. I believe it is YOU who are in the persistant vegitative state!

Philip Cooney, formerly the chief of staff of its Council on Environmental Quality resigned over the weekend. He's best known for his portrail of King Tut in "The Chosen One", the pop 1986 dance hit "Burning Love Machine", and, oh yeah.. for editing of government reports on climate change! Another great example of desperate politics. When the facts aren't in your favor, change them to suite your agenda, right? Now he's gone to work for Exxon... and since this is probably not a good PR move, I'll just say that we should try to ween off of oil and gas as a nation over time... and since it will most obviously be a slow process, nothing wrong with starting somewhere.. I suggest Exxon Gas. Don't buy it, period. Boycotts are supposed to be the consumer's way of handling unpopular business issues, so I support them 100%. I support them over a government handling of any issue any day.

Good Call! Ford was found not to be liable in trooper death. So a man in a big truck slams into the back of a Ford Crown Victoria and a fire ensues. Let's examine the evidence... gas was present, energy from the momentum of the colliding metal was present, and sparks were very possibly present... hmm.. seems to me that those elements could happen to anyone in any vehicle at any time... nice try on getting Ford to fork over some neglegent cash, but it's not their fault. It's not like they build cars with gas tanks made out of flint. Now don't think that I'm on the Ford bandwagon, I tell people all of the time that my 2000 Ford Focus is a bonafied piece of shit with countless recalls and warranty repair visits than I can count on two sets of hands. Here's another example of a truck that burst into flames after falling off of a bridge... or maybe they should sue the city for not having soft enough ground?

Another example of some of the reason that America is slipping and slipping hard: Principal urges teachers to pass failing students. In California, Saddleback High School Principal Esther Jones sent teachers a memo asking them to kindly reconsider the grades of 98 students, saying "please review your records for these students and determine if they would merit a grade of 'D' instead of a failure." Fudging the grades for these failing seniors would help the school meet federal (95 percent graduation) requirements under the No Child Left Behind law. Now, I don't care what your political background, race, sex, or political affiliation is... doesn't this sound just plain wrong? Back in MY day (circa 1994), I remember having to earn my diploma by actually knowing the minimal requirements to pass the 12th grade and LEAP test. I remember these minimal requirements not being so difficult, and if the whole reason that we are forced to be educated as children is so that our goverment can ensure that we have a society that won't revert back into the dark ages, then why are we shooting ourselves in the foot? The school must present the material, but they are never 100% liable for a failing student. And no one should expect a perfect system either. Something must be done where travesties like this can be eliminated.

John Madden scrambles to NBC. Not that I really care, but I do think that it's funny how a network executive, such as the ones at NBC obviously, believe that people who like to watch NFL football will switch channels to see John Madden vs. Any Old Schmuck. He doesn't sell football to viewers, it sells itself! Even with THAT said, John Madden doesn't bring anything to the table. If dimentia hasn't set in, it's SETTING in. Now I used to love playing John Madden football on my Sega Genesis back in the mid 90's, but let's be honest, it's been downhill since! He's had nothing to offer commentary broadcasting for years now. He's racked enough airtime chock full of played out NFL cliche's that you could replace him with a Max Headroom type digital replica and no one would be the wiser! Hell, the digital Madden would probably have twice as much charisma to boot!

Posted by Reese at 1:09 PM

June 4, 2005

The Sean Report (Guest Writer)

Hello all welcome back. Just got home living the high life as usual. Great night at work again tonight although I had an incident that just made me realize how truly dumb some parents can be to the next generation of children we have coming right behind ours. I'd tell the story but then I'd divulge too much about my personal life that matters a lot to me so I'll just go for the gist. Basically, I dealt with a parent tonight that would rather spend close to 400 dollars than know the truth about what their child does and get them low cost help at the same time for the low low price of 45 dollars. It blew my friggin' mind those who know me best and would like to know the rest of that story can email me and I'll tell them, but those who don't will have to sit in suspense 'till they know me better. It made me think about all the times my parents have gotten me out of trouble at school and whatnot and that they would never in a million years do what these parents did for this child.

Also, I was reading the paper this morning and just as I predicted the lawsuits having to do with pain clinics are starting. I read an advertisement that said: "Have you or someone you loved overdosed due to faulty pain management? Call us because you may be entitled to money damages!" Dear God, these cycles need to stop. Let me tell you the way I see it... Pain clinics were started in the first place for doctors to avoid malpractice lawsuits (because for some reason we have become a suit happy society, rather than working for what we want well wait for someone else to fuck up and take all their money along with their insurance companies money which leads to us all paying that much more in the end). So now these pain clinics are going and are wildly successful due to the amount of people who just can't deal with the pain and, of course, the friendly neighborhood drug dealer. It is a relatively inexpensive and damned near legal (if done correctly with folks you can trust) way of getting high. "Fuck beer, give me Xanax," the pill-heads cry. So these clinics are seeing hundreds of people a week and writing them insane amounts of prescriptions with no prior knowledge of their medical history to the point of not knowing if the same asshole went to the competition up the street an hour ago to get the same prescription. With the amount of technology available today, why can't we know these things. Blockbuster has a better system than doctors do! Fucking Blockbuster man! Anyway, so these doctors write prescription for these insanely powerful and addictive pain killers to 18 year old kids! Folks I'm 23 years old and the most powerful thing I've ever been prescribed is 800 mg Ibuprofen. I've been in quite a few car wrecks, I've been injured quite a few times but no doctor has ever said "well let me give you a lifetime supply of morphine so that way if your broken bone and or aching head ever starts acting up you don't have to deal with it cause you'll be a drooling moron the whole time." What is the fucking deal people?!?! Have we become that dependent on medicine to run our fucking lives? It all goes back to my de-evolution theory. Our immune systems will become weaker as our pain tolerance becomes weaker as we all just float off into momentary medicated happiness. What happened to fighting for every little edge life gave us? Every fucking inch? Society is becoming too used to having things done for them soon there will be pills that make you feel good about paying bills and going to work everyday and living your life day to day as humans have done for years and years and years before that. There will probably never be books written for us as being the greatest generation or even the most moderately good at what we do generation. We are losing everything that our fore fathers and ancestors have worked for and evolved into by taking the easy way out of everything. Our justice system is providing it , our doctors are providing, now even our (or their) parents are providing it. If any book will ever be written it will be called "The Pathetic Generation," because of how pathetic we have all become and how apathetic we are about it, and it will be written by some one like myself who feels these things in those places you don't talk about at parties to quote Jack Nicholson. I guess it boils down to all I'm asking for is to have a little fucking personal responsibility for actions. Is that too much to ask? Just for someone to say, "Hey, I fucked up and I apologize?" It has become common place for us to accept someone saying that something is their fault with the ever popular statement of "my bad", rather than a true apology! Back it up, you motherfuckers! With a simple "I'm sorry, I apologize, It wont happen again." Don't just acknowledge you've done something someone considers wrong! At work the other day I've had some one say they couldn't do what I asked due their being extremely ADHD, and they refused until someone brought them their medication. And I couldn't do a thing about it cause if I ignore their statement I will be sued! So if that is the way things work next time I'm unhappy with the service I receive at a restaurant I'll just sue the shit out of them and get a million dollars just because someone didn't do their job to the best of their ability. On a side note what happened to being able just to let things go? Someone was rude to you at Winn Dixie? So the fuck what? It fucking happens! People have bad days! You and I and no one for that matter is exempt to that rule! Shit happens! Remember that bumper sticker ? Why can we not just let things go any longer? We all want this perfect world to live in but no one will fucking work toward it. No others seem willing to step forward and start this small revolution. The small revolution of just dealing with things we need pills or money given to us for our discomfort at every turn. Now probably no one reading this has a problem with anything I'm saying so the deal is to get the word out man get other people in on this idea with this simple statement my uncle, the wise and usually drunk Frank once told me "always remember number one don't sweat the small stuff, number two its all small stuff". I mean look at he bigger picture people. There's a lot more going on in this world besides what I'm bitching about what your bitching about, there a billion other people with a billion other bitches about something different. Fucking go with it. As they say in AA "give me the strength to change the things I can and the wisdom to recognize what I can't change" These are all small things people but something can be done, if we all start making a little effort to do so. We can be powerful individuals serving a greater purpose of mankind once again rather that the sniveling little shits we are becoming. Take control people cause if you don't no one else will. Things will keep going right along in the fashion the always have been until the day we are all under a one world government with big brother watching our every move and regulated doses of medicines to keep us happy the whole time we act like sheep and go one about a life that should be ours to regulate. Please anyone who reads this always keep your sense of self, always remember you are part of something greater and you make bigger difference with the little things than you realize.

Posted by Reese at 8:45 AM

May 31, 2005

Chancellor Cheney

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Posted by Reese at 9:55 AM

May 28, 2005

'Green Acres' star Eddie Albert dies!

It's a damn shame when a 99 year old celebrity slips through the cracks of our Death Pool!

Spicolli will be kicking himself in the ass for passing this entry up!

Posted by Reese at 10:06 AM | Comments (1)

Paris Commerical - By Byron (Guest Writer)

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It's amazing what a little of daddy's money & a surgeon can do!

Paris Commercial

The Hoopla

Commentary:

Hey Paris, you want to play with suds and display yourself for a LOCAL commercial (which probably paid next to nothing) go ahead, I could care less – But to disrespect a Bentley like that is simply inexcusable.

Personally, if Paris Hilton, who in my opinion sucks in the looks department, or even a good and HOT woman was washing my $200K+ Bentley and started rubbing on herself and climbing on it while scratching the hood with her heels, I would tell that bitch to get the fuck off and go clean a ’96 Geo or KIA at best.

But that’s just my opinion...

Byron

Posted by Reese at 9:57 AM

May 26, 2005

Good is relative to ones point of view...

So I got to see Star Wars Episode 3 Wednesday. It was the first time I've ever seen a Star Wars film in the theater, and the last one it was (so far?). I must say that just as "Return of the Jedi" seems to be the best of the initial series of 3, this one is the climactic best of the second series of three. Loose ends were tied up a bit. Now, I'm not a Star Wars nerd in the sense that I can imagine living inside of this sci-fi psuedouniverse as well as some, but I did notice some things that made me wonder. Why did Luke and Leia talk about remembering their mother in episode 6 when we clearly see that the mother died right after they were born in episode 3? Why is it that in Episode 4, R2D2 is looking for his former master (obi-wan) and in none of the first 3 episodes is he shown to be the owner of R2D2 (not to mention his memory is erased in Episode 3). Just a couple of things you notice without trying to. There may have been more, but I don't remember them. All that matters is it was a great flick and one of the best action & storied plots I've watched in quite some time.

It was kind of ironic that the political scare tactics used to get the Supreme Chancellor ultimate power over the senate destroyed a democracy in the Star Wars universe just as the terrorist scare tactics are being used by our government to castrate our freedoms and control the public more, right here in the real world U.S.A. that you and I live in.

CORRECTION: Apparently, from the comment I have realized that it was only the protocol droid (C3PO) who's memory was erased. Still, some other good points are brought up regarding Obi-Wan not remembering Luke's sister. Oh well... I shouldn't let a movie series's continuity problems make the nerd come out in me! Another point brought up was that my brother recalls me and him and my parents seeing Star Wars at the dollar theater in 1979, but being that I was 2 or 3, I don't remember, so forgive me!

Posted by Reese at 1:10 PM | Comments (2)

May 20, 2005

The World in Brief

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Caught with his pants down, an adamant Saddam still insists that he's a boxers man.


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Untold side-effect has "Enzyte Bob" scheduling to have smile surgically removed.

Posted by Reese at 12:02 PM

May 18, 2005

Dream

Last night i had a dream. I was at some party or function at someone's house. I remember someone asking me for tweezers in a crowd. I went outside looking for Jess and somehow found my friends Kenny and Cyrille getting ready to watch something on the big screen, probably the new Star Wars movie. Next thing I know, I was being chased by a gang of guys shooting at me.. I try to run, but it's hard to run in dreams, I run through a field and past an opening in a stone wall, but eventually I am caught.. dream over. Funny how the mind works. I can actually see how some of the visions came to me. I was asked for tweezers a couple of days ago (and no, I wasn't playing Operation!). Cy invited me to go with him and Ken to see the new Star Wars movie this Saturday (with a detour to Ponchos Mexican Buffet beforehand). Sometimes I dream of nukes going off, which to me probably symbolizes how I truly believe that the US is destroying itself. That America is losing it's luster daily. And how it just doesn't seem as "great" as I was taught that it was back in elementary and middle school. Dreams are probably nothing more than random thoughts being filed away while you sleep, but they do have meaning sometimes and it's more of a reflection than a prediction.

Posted by Reese at 9:27 AM

May 16, 2005

Good Morning.. won't you be my neighbor?

Headline: 3 Die In Overnight House Fire
Verdict: Guess it's true, the house always wins!

Headline: Critics want to snuff sweet smokes - Lawmakers say flavored cigarettes target young smokers
Verdict: Who elects these assholes? I suppose this stereotype-like logic would mean that nature invented the sweet potato to target younger lifeforms? A nasty tobacco flavored cigarette is just fine, however add a little sugar to it, and it becomes wrong. I'd like to hear some congressman explain the TRUE reasoning behind this logic. Who's to say that an adult can't have a sweet tooth... apparently they do, or the market for these flavored cigarettes wouldn't exist. And what's the fucking moral difference between a sweet substance that is illegal if you're under 18 and a sweet tasting wine cooler that's illegal if your under 21!!!??! If congress has a problem with smoking teens, then that has already been taken care already, just enforce the laws already in place, assholes. This micromanagement fit that congress has been on lately is reminiscent of a type of government that I kinda remember, oh what was it called.. oh yeah, COMMUNISM?

So how does such a travesty get started? Maybe it goes something like this: A few congressmen walk into a convenience store, after a hard day of deciding what's best for keeping the public at bay. Tom Ridge suddenly peers over the counter and spots a pack of twinkies and says to himself, "My god! These fatty snacks are targeting children and they're on SALE!! Better get on the horn to Tom Davis on this one, something must be done!!!" Maybe if they were cigarette flavored twinkies, it'd be just fine. How about some ass flavored dental floss.. is that OK or would it target hygienic individuals to become hygienic homosexuals?

Posted by Reese at 10:21 AM

Fickle Finger or Strange Coincidence?

So it was Saturday the 14th, and it was a complete, long, and filling day. I ate breakfast at Piccadilly, got a haircut, changed the oil, oil filter, air filter, and a couple of spark plugs (the other 2 I couldn't reach) on the Tempo, played some basketball for two hours, and then headed out to Biloxi en route to see George Carlin. Me and Jess arrived at Ruby Tuesdays on highway 90 as it was around 5PM and we were hungry. Long story short, Angie, my ex fiance, was there as Jessica spotted her from the side of our booth. After several minutes, she came over and said hi and started to engage in small talk, like nothing ever happened. It was about a year and a half ago that we last spoke to each other and at that time she probably wanted to kill me...for I broke off our wedding engagement two months beforehand... it was all for the best though, as I said before, no good man would ever marry her unless he was a submissive pussy who caters to selfish materialistic biotches or retarded (Actually, retards probably have more class, sorry guys!). I feel so damn ashamed and dumb every time I think of the countless days I wasted in my life with her. Yes, I am to blame for being blinded. I am to blame for allowing it to go so long, but my mentality was one of two things. One, I was kinda tired of looking for a great girl as it seems I've just had bad luck. Secondly, I took a leap of faith and actually believed that I could have the type of relationship I wanted if I just worked at it. I was so fucking wrong and I was so fucking miserable. Not only did we have nothing in common, but she wasn't even on the same intellectual level was I was. I had to dumb things down and there was no way we could talk about politics or technology. "American Idol" was as high brow as the conversation got. Yep, I'm a much different man than the one she remembers, but even more importantly, I'm more like the guy I was before I met her. In no relationship should you ever feel like you lose a part of yourself. Now make no mistake about it, her visit to my table was a calculated one... she and her friend, Michelle probably contemplated the decision for a few minutes, then she came by so she could feel brave and get some kind of "closure" by telling me that she lives in Metairie and her husband, Derrek works at Entergy (However, being that he was working on a Saturday night, probably means that he isn't CEO or anything) ... How she's happier than she's ever been and thanking me for dumping her fat ass. Of course, I could have replied many things to that statement of self-promotion.. such as "Yeah, I should have done that shit on week one!" or "Any man with good sense would have done the same!" or "Cool, you can thank me by giving me my ring back."... I could have mentioned how much more successful, happy, and healthy I am since I left her. How I bought a house and took trips and had a grand time....but I kept it civil and just let it go.. what's the point? She pretty meaningless in my life ... hell, I didn't even gain anything from that relationship besides having another hole to occupy my dick with for a while...and she wasn't even good at THAT. I lost big.. losing time, money, and almost myself. Truth be told, her whole family is pretty fucked up. Her mom seems perfectly healthy. She's so compulsive, she's cleaning the house constantly. Putting in hard hours, yet she claims she cannot work. She even tried to get disability just like her son has, but it was luckily denied. Now, I'm not a chiropractor or doctor, but I do know that when I see people doing intense housework for hours at a time, that they could be viable in the workforce. People like that are just a couple of reasons why our social security isn't going to work. Every time I read the amount of money taken off of my check to support lazy trash (not the legitimate unfortunate people), I get pissed off and depressed at the same time. The system is the one to blame, I suppose. They make it easier for a "If I don't have to work, then why should I?" mentality breed ideas on how to get around doing actual labor to earn their income. I'm not perfect, but cancelling that wedding was the best decision I've ever made.

Enough about me...

George Carlin, the focal point of the evening, was great. He had written material he was using to refresh his memory as he presented it and practiced it for his HBO special coming up in a few months. He had a great piece and running gag on suicide along with great points, thoughts, and such all presented in a humorous way. The political stuff was great, but it got me depressed a little, because it's so true. I find that the way I think and view life is strangely parallel with the what George says. The guest comedian he had on beforehand was OK, but a completely different style. In all, I got to see my comedic idol, a true icon and creative funny man.

Posted by Reese at 8:40 AM

May 13, 2005

Funny World

I laugh at all of the lawmakers trying to rescue their military bases from getting the axe. Greed rears it's ugly little head hardcore as each state finds that there's not enough soup to fill all of the soup bowls. Apparently, many lawmakers were under the disillusion that they're particular state had nothing to fear. Just like the WMD fiasco, more bad intelligence has put egg on their faces. Welcome to the Bush administration... I have to say that I have mad respect on the fact that the administration is not only screwing public citizens, but also politicians. At a time of supposed heightened terror alert statuses, why are we dismantling our domestic defenses? If it's a slap on the face for the thousands of soldier and Iraqi deaths caused by a war put into motion from questionably wrong intelligence, then this reduction in military is surely the icing on the cake. Now some communities are on the short end of the shit stick in relying on these military installations for economic stability. That's life, I suppose. I hope that in three years we can start rebuilding America, but that depends on too many factors to illicit any real hope from this normally optimistic soul.

Posted by Reese at 2:43 PM

May 11, 2005

Why is everyone on drugs except me?

As I pull up to the red light ever so slowly, I notice that the fringe FM station I am listening to is starting to fade away, so I inch up toward the car in front of me getting dangerously close until the signal becomes strong enough for me to enjoy the music playing. Sometimes, if you like a song enough, you'll listen to it loyally while barely being able to clearly make it out through the static fuzz. I find myself going through psychological episodes each time I step behind the wheel of my 2000 Ford Focus. The term "road rage" only describes the later stages of driving aggravation, however there are many stages in between.. it's a sliding scale of emotions you go through. It's also hard to logically reason with yourself that this is the system and no system is perfect.. why? Because you are at the mercy of strangers when you drive. The system caters to all, and that includes the slow drivers, bad drivers, insane drivers, and just about any type or combination of drivers that can exist. It's just another example of a moment when life truly has you by the balls and there's no solution. So you go with it, and just accept the way things are. If you do not do this crucial step of acceptance or tolerance, you are probably just causing more stress upon yourself, right? Of course, life has enough stressful content to fill your wanting needs. I was reading about global warming a few minutes ago and thought to myself that it's a good thing that I won't live forever, because seeing humanity completely destroy itself would be harder to bare than the daily disappointing allotment of news articles that the media provides already. What's the point to my entry? Um... try not to give a shit if you don't have to and can't do anything about it anyway... how's that?

Posted by Reese at 8:07 AM

May 10, 2005

Louisiana = Georgie Porgie (Makes 'em want to cry!)

Welcome back! Been a long time with no posts to show for it. Guess we've been lazy. Lazy springtime days down here in Louisiana. Mosquitos as big as a watermelon and roadkill filling in the potholes for a squishy hole that will not only spread animal guts onto your wheel well, but also throw your car out of alignment. That's the south. Corrupt politics... shitty roads (and too few of them too!)... it's the kind of place where a Janitor for the Orleans Parish School Board can make 70K+ a year cleaning up the worst schools in the state. It's the kind of place where a so called "sin" tax is proposed to raise money for Teacher pay.. that's right... higher taxes on alchohol, cigarettes, and gambling.. laws that defy all logic while promoting completely biased and discriminatory injustices. That's Louisiana.. just 1/50th of the complete puzzling and problem filled world of America.

Headline: Nagin Proposes City Takeover Of 20 Schools
Verdict: I thought that the city WAS running the schools? I suppose when a school board fails so horribly, you just cut out the middle man and take the shit over. The problem with inner city kids is numerous. First, you have the family and parents influence. Then you have peers and friends influence. Those two things you really can't fix, but the teacher and school influence you can. If there is any hope that will give these kids a better chance in the cruel world of real life, it's going to have to start at the school level. Kudos to Nagin for not letting this slide. It probably should have happened decades ago.

Headline: House Panel OKs Blanco's Cigarette Tax Proposal
Verdict: I dislike Blanco as it is. I'm not even sure how she got to be governor when her opponent, Jindal, was obviously more intelligent, more prepared, and logical. He was OBVIOUSLY the better choice, but thanks to small town minded prejudices combined with easily swayed sheep-like people (or sheeple), twas not meant to be. Now cut off the head and rest will fall, right? Wrong! The checks and balances don't work the way our forefather's thoguht it would.. not if they are as bad as the head. The whole system just fails and a completely illogical law can be passed even without popular approval. This Cigarette Tax is ludicris. I'm not a smoker nor shall I ever be one, but this is not only unfair to smokers but also the retailers who sell them. Why are they being unfairly targeted for the budgeting problems that the state can't seem to fix? It's pretty sick, but reality is just that... sickening sometimes. So Louisiana... you had the power to stop the madness, but you let the bitch in.. you get what you deserve.

Headline: City Planning Commission To Vote On Hotel Additions
Verdict: I have to admit that I'm against a planning commission even having to vote on hotel additions. I believe that if you own the property, you can do as you wish with it, historic or not. The government has too much influence where it shouldn't and this usually if not always impedes progress.

Now for National News Crapola:

Headline: U.S. to pay for emergency care for illegal aliens
Verdict: Now, I can see how this probably came about. Hospitals are kinda bound to an oath of some sort to help the sick and also it's a bad public relations move to let someone die... with that, they bitched to the government on losing money by helping illegal aliens.. solution? Let ole Uncle Sam, also known as the US taxpayer, take care of the bill. The two wrongs do not make a right.. do they really ever make one? Basically, this quick fix "solution" tells me that if *I* have an emergency and no insurance then I'll be put so far in debt that my grandkids will feel it.. unless of course, if I denounce my US Citizenship beforehand.. then all is candy apples and sugar, right? Humanity aside, why are we the only country that seems to put the needs non-domestic citizens ahead of it's own?

Headline: FBI: Swiss hacker infiltrated U.S. computers
Verdict: I like to hear stories like this. The government computer systems get hacked by someone outside the US's grasp. What to do? Well.. they should probably do something to fix their servers. The internet is public and if this was MY government, I'd probably come up with some proprietary security measures to ensure the safety of my network if I plan on using a PUBLIC medium in which to transfer data. Blame the hackers all you want, they are just exploiting flaws in the system.. microsoft flaws and otherwise. Good thing they exist or people would have a seroius illusion about the safetey of their networks.

Headline: Bush: Georgia 'beacon of liberty'
Verdict: And Bush said to the crowd that the former Soviet republic of Georgia is proving to the world that determined people can rise up and claim their freedom from oppressive rulers. Well, here's a man so blind by he and his cronies' agenda that he is completely oblivious to the irony of him being an oppressive ruler himself.. doing what he deems fit without consequence or public approval. Way to go hyporcite!

Headline: Jesus Christ in legal battle to get license
Verdict: Of course this article isn't talking about that famed historical figure named Jesus, however the news media thinks it'll grab your attention to write up the headline as so... that's what they do... make headlines worded in such ways that the story seems bigger, better, or scarier than it really is. It's called propaganda and spin.. the government does it all of the time along with businesses and the media. This man who changed his name to Jesus Christ loves his alleged lord and savior. However, the supposed church and state separated government seems to find ways to make a big deal out of two little words which doesn't mean anything to some citizens at all. Being offensive is a judgement call that no judge should be making a ruling using it as a reason NOR should it even matter as being offensive is completely relative speculation. The judge even goes so far as to say that he "believes" it will promote violence. Toward whom?? Jesus Christ?? If I thought my name change would make people violent toward me, then that's my risk to be had. I don't believe this guy's views on religion, but I do believe in his rights... and anyone who doesn't see how silly and wrong our goverment can be, then they are just as blind and ignorant.

Headline: No Muslim holidays on new school calendar
Verdict: I've said it once before.. when it comes to goverment, which includes public school systems, the only way to NOT OFFEND ANYONE is to CATER TO NO ONE! Eliminate religious recognition from all publicly funded institutions.

Now for some fun:

Headline: Figherfighters help sleeping family escape
Verdict: Aftewards, a sealy posturpedic helped the escaping family sleep.

Headline: Ex-weather chief talks about life in prison
Verdict: He told a reporter that there was a 35% chance of getting an ass pounding with highs in the upper 9's!

Posted by Reese at 9:36 AM

May 3, 2005

Jerk Jerk my man!

Last night I was thinking. As a kid, well a while back, I'd wank the crank and sometimes, maybe thanks to my catholic type upbringing, I'd have this nagging fear in the back of my mind that some recently dead relative was watching me. As I grew into adulthood, I assumed that my recently dead acnestors were perverts for being so voyeuristic. With that said, here's the news:

Headline: Jury hears Jackson's phone records
Verdict: Jury claims that the calls (tracks) 4 and 7 could be great radio singles, but that the rest were just album fillers. Also, track 11, "I fucked your grandson with a removable nose" could be detrimental to the defense.

Headline: Runaway bride's story perplexes authorities
Verdict: Some say that she's pretty damn crazy. And some say that he's even worse for staying with the broad. I say you have look at the bigger picture. It's Georgia, people.. where famlily values are high and a cousin's bond is like blood, which is thicker than water.

Headline: Man Describes Alleged Abuse By Priest
Verdict: An Exerpt: ...and then Father Kenkel lifted his silky robe and started to unbuckle my pants. I was without underwear on and he easily freed my cock. He squeezed some KY in his big hand then reached under me. I was half laying in an over stuffed lounge chair. He shuffled up and I felt my little ass come in contact with his holy throbbing dick. He looked me in the eye and pressed my little manpussy against his cock. I felt it start to penetrate. The look on my round little freckled face became intense in what looked like a little pain. His dick slipped past my tight little opening...

Headline: Man survives wreck, is killed by power line
Verdict: Sounds like a Wiley Coyote stunt... surviving the fall off of a cliff only to be killed by the boulder that followed!

Headline: Stalking Victim Wants Tougher Laws
Verdict: Not if the Stalker Lobbyist have anything to say about it!

Headline: Broken gas main rocks neighborhood
Verdict: Def Leopard was said to have opened up for the broken gas main. So sad...talk about your career plunge.

Posted by Reese at 8:59 AM

May 2, 2005

Stay Tuned!

Our post this past week have been minimal at best. So what's the deal you ask? Well.. being that this is ONE of those minimal posts... I suppose I'll end it now, leaving you in such suspense, you'll wiz on yourself!

Posted by Reese at 4:07 PM

April 27, 2005

I love freedom! Wish we had some around here!

Headline: Two men go hunting turkeys together, die of heart attacks
Verdict: Aww, how cute! Of course, if I were a turkey and saw two old geezers chasing me one minute and then laying dead the next, with rifles in their hand, I'd peck and rip them to shreds and then take a dump in their face.. better them than me, I'd say! It's just the kind of feel good story I needed and to know that for once, the turkey won. Fucking hunters should play fair... then it would truly be a sport.

Headline: Two guilty over Jakarta sex trade
Verdict: Yeah, I'll trade ya two hand jobs for a good rimming, sounds fair?

Headline: Lawmaker: NFL steroids policy 'not perfect'
Verdict: NFL: Congress policy 'even farther from perfect' ... When is congress going to stop wasting taxpayer money? When?? It's pot calling the kettle black to say that something is 'not perfect' to another organization anyway. Tom Davis is a straight up prick. Do you know why the quality of congressman are so low? Becuase anyone who's intelligent enough and qualified to be fair, just, and have integrity wouldn't dare get into politics. And simply said, congress needs to stay out of non-government business.

Headline: First lady rules out run on 'Tonight Show'
Verdict: That's a relief, she's probably even more incompetent than George... after all, she was dumb enough to marry him.

Headline: Contest Winner Doesn't Want Grand Opening Car
Verdict: A new dealership in Boulder, Colorado offered a drawing to win a car... when Daniel Barbiere was told that he won, he was shocked to see that the dealership was offering a 1993 Saturn LS with 125K miles, balding tires, a cracked windshield, and four different shades of paint on the body. You have to hand it to those crafty car dealerships for trying to pull a fast one.. of course being that it's a Ford dealership, it should come as no suprise. They offered to let him use the car as a trade-in as well.. I wouldn't do it Daniel.. believe it or not, I'd take the decrepit Saturn over a brand new Ford Focus anyday! (My 2000 Focus has been a nightmare piece of shit with umpteen recalls placed on it since I purchased it! Yes, I speak from experience here.)

Headline: Archbishop Kicks Off Fundraising Campaign
Verdict: Father O'Malley claims that funds have been lower lately in the Archdiocese of Boston since all of the priest sex scandals have been going down. Boo fucking hoo! I have a great idea.. how about the catholic religion makes it where all priests get castrated upon entry into the clergy... if you claim to be truly celebate, what do you need those dangling doodads for anymore? If you refuse, then you just aren't truly faithful to the cloth... case closed.

Headline: False alarm sends Bush to underground shelter
Verdict: For that brief moment when Bush was all snug up in his secluded bunker, I sure felt safer than I have in years.

Posted by Reese at 10:03 AM | Comments (1)

What are you looking at?

I just did a search on our website for the word "whores" and when the search resultes were shown to be empty, I cried foul! "Not enough whores on our site!", I shouted! Yeah.. I like writing and stuff, but this site needs more... maybe more time, more inspiration, and more writers? I know I'll have more time and inspiration in May, so that's cool. My current job situation inspires me like a lullaby and a bucket of nitols. Last night, I went to a concert. MSI (also known as Mindless Self Indulgence) were the main act for $15 dollars a ticket. A small venue at Twiropa that had an opening band as well. The opening number was this band called SMB (also known as Screaming Monkey Boner or Screaming Mechanical Brain. Not to be confused with the Steve Miller Band, although I'm sure that was not their intent!). The lead singer, Rev. John Wheeler IV, had a white roland keyboard strapped to his adbomen...tickling a few notes and a chord here and there.. nothing too fancy. He had this Weird Al Yankovic presence on the stage, which made the show more entertaining than the music would have done on it's alone. I suppose if they ever make it "big", I can claim that I was a fan before most fan's knew who they were.. or some bullshit like that. I can even lie and say that he blew snot out of his nose onto me and the crowd (actually, he blew a long nose-loogie safely onto the stage). Overall, they were pretty ok, but after waiting an hour after show was supposed to start (9PM), the crowd was a tad restless for the main attraction. It's just a little bit asshole to have people pay to come see you play, then to make them wait a half-hour past the time when the doors were supposed to open, then another hour for the opening band to start playing, then another hour til that band stops playing, then another 30 minutes before MSI decided to earn their keep. No appology or even a "sorry for the wait, bro!"... I mean if the lead singer was getting a BJ backstage and needed a few more minutes, I may have been more sympathetic, but there was nothing said to indicate that they gave a shit about the hardcore fans who showed up. I don't know of any bigger or smaller venue artist that would ever do that to their paying customers. MSI is better on CD than live it seems. They have two guys and two girls in the band. The female drummer knew some basic beats and didn't look very natural playing... she was probably lucky to even have THAT gig. The singer had all of his hair spiked up and it held tight and didn't once move or jiggle as he pranced around the stage (fixing it up was most likely the cause of the hour-long delay I'd assume). They were going through the motions of the process that they've done in city after city. Not really personable with his fans, just doing his thing. Of course, that's their prerogative, but it's probably not a good PR move if you want people to actually buy tickets and CDs... then again, I'm not in the "biz".. what would *I* know about not pissing your fans off and making them want more. Jessica supposedly liked them a lot before the concert, but was utterly disappointed aftewards citing that she may never buy another one of their CDs again. I suppose if a hardcore fan would not want to purchase anything to support them, then a guy like me would say that they weren't worth the support of a free (allegedly illegal) download off of KaZaa Lite! In CONCLUSION, I am a little more tired than normal, as we finally got back home after a brief detour to The Breakfast Club for some midnight munchies and orange juice and then douching myself in a nice warm shower (with Irish Spring... that shit smells good) and going to sleep.

Posted by Reese at 8:46 AM | Comments (1)

April 25, 2005

Cool Poster...

Spicolli directed my attention toward this cool ass painting, in which I'm seriously considering buying a poster of.

Robotics, working in the garage, a can of TAB soda, and Christopher Walken.... move over Michelangelo, this is a work of REAL art! Brandon Bird's site has some interesting finds.

Posted by Reese at 10:22 AM

...back when I was younger....about a week ago...

Some days I stroll into work just happy that the world hasn't ended yet... but the next 3.5 years will surely be scary won't they, kids?

Headline: Bush cancels Earth Day visit
Verdict: Bush told environmentalist that he was really really looking forward to attending this event, but couldn't go because he had left something burning on the stove.

Headline: Utility workers electrocuted
Verdict: Here's something I was taught when I was 8...remember kids, don't monkey around power lines! Apparently the death of the two victims knocked out power in the Bandera,TX area for about 15 minutes.... 15 MINUTES!!!!

Headline: Navajo Nation Slated To Vote On Same-Sex Marriage Ban
Verdict: When a minority group that has gone through tough times and prejudice themselves start showing no love to homosexuality and loving same-sex marriages, it brings to light that being gay is apparently on a whole other level of hatred and bigotry than anything else in America.

Headline: Pope 'prayed not to be elected'
Verdict: Either (A) There is no god, (B) God doesn't even grant prayer requests from mighty cardinals, or (C) Prayer is a complete waste of time and no one is listening.

Headline: Church youth group leader accused of abuse
Verdict: I'm thankful that somehow I've managed to go through several years of Catechism with an unsullied ass! This guy was just a youth group leader... I guess even the minions are getting in on the action now.

Headline: Police: 'Can you hear me now?' robbers sought
Verdict: Verizon's been robbing their customers for years with high overage charges and roaming while inside the coverage area!!! It's about damn time someone took notice.

Headline: Truck Spills Cheese On I-465 in Indiana, Causes Backup
Verdict: And in Wisconsin, they weep as flags are at half-mast.

And Finally...

Headline: Bush seeks Saudi help on oil prices
Verdict: There's a glory hole joke in there somewhere... hehe J/K.

Posted by Reese at 9:36 AM

April 22, 2005

Da Nuz Report (Brought to you by Muchies Chinese Buffet down on Cedar Road!)

Headline: Two groups claim downing of Iraq copter
Verdict: I'll tell you who's NOT going to calim responsibility for downed copters during this war... Boeing & Lockheed!

Headline: Woman who claimed to find finger in chili arrested
Verdict: My friend Rodney (aka Boom Boom) is always touting about a "Fickle Finger of Fate" and how he's always on the search for "good" chili. If there's a reward for turning in potential suspects, I'd like to believe that he'd forgive me if the price was too high to turn down. :-)

Headline: Officer's gun goes off in restroom
Verdict: There's a glory hole joke in there somewhere. Please amuse yourselves on this one.

Headline: State deals with priest shortage
Verdict: Good thing the article title is misleading and that the Hawaii State government is not involed at all. If I were a priest, I'd think that Hawaii was one of the better places to go. Apparently, there is a priest shortage everywhere and the catholic church wants to boost numbers. Letting them marry is one solution, but it's not going to happen. Now that the carefree altar boy fuck frenzy days are a thing of the past (thanks to media coverage and bad PR), pedophiles are reluctant to join the clergy as well. So why the celebacy? If a good christian man marries and has sex every night, enjoying the wonderful gift of orgasm from the lord, then dies and goes to heaven... why take the path of celibacy to get to the same damn pearly gates of heaven? Humans usually always take the path of more pleasure... and who am I to argue with mother nature's pleasurably layed out plan?

Headline: Teen's Presidential Wish Granted
Verdict: So little Joshua had cancer and made a wish to see President Bush and get a D.C. tour. I'd think that if I was dying that my last wish would be to visit such a prick, but then again, on my way to checking out, I may want to personally shake the hand of someone who would make me glad to be me and feel good about msyelf in that I'm not nearly as big a loser or asshole as he is.

Headline: School takeover plan goes to full board
Verdict: Four (also pronounced 'Foe' in certain neighborhoods) MORE Knue Orlunz Public Skools are beeing take-in over bye outside organizationz. Knot sure what dis bringz da towtal up two, butt swallow deez statisticalz: New Orleans haz 55 of Louisiana's 78 wurst performin' schulz. Being dat I grue up and went too school just a fue milez frum New Orleans, it's a wundar dat eye kan reed at all.

Headline: Son Slays Mother Over AOL Account
Verdict: Lawyers say that sentancing could result anywhere from 438,000 hours free to life in prison.

Headline: Paula Abdul: I'm 'not addicted to pills'
Verdict: Straight up now tell me it isn't so, Paula! You don't have to convince me, Paula.. I already don't give a shit. I dislike you either way. Fat, thin, healthy, full of anal cancer.. it really doesn't matter to me. Lame ass celebrities and their silly meaningless problems! Pop a big pill of cyanide for all I care.. but don't expect MY sympathy nor any flowers on your grave.... my life will and always shall be more important than meaningless and especially skill & talent lacking celebrities. You know who you are!

Posted by Reese at 9:34 AM

Go figure, I'm half Sicilian!

Your Inner European is Italian!


Passionate and colorful.

You show the world what culture really is.

Who's Your Inner European?

Yup, my inner Sicilian (Italian) helps me appreciate the greasier things in life... my inner German lurks in my feelings of superioirity and engineering know-how... and my inner Cajun French is only apparently in last name and an undeniable love for shrimp po-boys!

Posted by Reese at 7:52 AM

April 19, 2005

A slow farewell... followed by a babbling random ramble.

Being that I'm in the last two week stretch of my current job, it's like a long, drug-out, slow farewell... kinda like the whole pope funeral, except that my ordeal has a definite ending in sight (on the 29th of April). In the meanwhile, I'll make it easier for my predecessor and document things and finish up a couple of other things.... all in the name of having the consumer enjoy the best damn daiquiri in all of Louisiana (and beyond)! Apparently, computers and alcohol do mix, but I don't find it to be a job that I love to do, personally. What does this mean for the several (if that) readers we have here at Provocative Planet? Great things! More articles! More funny! More angst!!! Teaming up with Spicolli is the kind of thing that would make us radio gods, if we were to persue a disc jockey morning show career. The Reese & Spicolli Show would be dynomite! Are we that good? Well, we're better than most of the crap that I've heard on the radio, and that shit is PRODUCED! From the "twins" on 106.1FM (check them out!) who are the epitomy of trailer trash radio.. they are not only obviously unintelligent, unentertaining, but even their voices are annoying as all hell. Why does this bother me so? After all, I could easily change the channel... well it doesn't bother me at all, I'm just stating my opinion of it. They cater to a crowd of simpletons, which is great, because the local New Orleans Metro area is chock full of them. They are probably the worst of what is available, but the rest are not too far off. Walton and Johnson have a good thing going... I remember listening to them on the way to middle school, but now I can more understand their political and social humor. I don't listen to NPR, because the news is depressing enough, and that combined with road rage would only have nasty results! So what is the problem, Reese? I thought you said that this doesn't bother you... well the content doesn't bother me so much as the situation does, but only because the FCC dishes out a handful of licenses... quite unfair that there are a finite amount of legal broadcast stations and they are all owned by practically one company or two. I very much disagree with a lot of FCC regulations and rules. Before the internet, people could be influenced by whatever messages the media monopoly chose to transmit, and you know how easily influenced the American public is. Still they have a stronghold on shaping the nation of idiots... education is probably the only weapon against it. And as I may not have all of the answers, I do feel that the current situation is just plain wrong and needs fixing.

Posted by Reese at 8:36 AM | Comments (2)

April 15, 2005

Buyer Beware!

Headline: Police: Boy Tries to sell fake drugs
Verdict: Wow! Chalmette is in the CNN news! An elementary school boy tried to sell ground up ibuprofen and pass it on as drugs on a school bus. Buyer beware! Anyone user who remotely wants any of the good shit, surely wouldn't be purchasing his stash from a 12 year old anyway.

Headline: Sacramento Passes Street Racing Spectator Law
Verdict: It's REALLY not safe to go outside now... for in the forward-thinking town of Sacramento, it's a crime to even witness a crime! See no evil?

Headline: Woman Says Stalker Calls 1,000 Times A Month
Verdict: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em! By signing onto Cingular, now they can both talk anywhere, anytime, for FREE!

Headline: Milwaukee Father Charged For Allegedly Holding Son Under Water And Hitting Him
Verdict: Ah Wisconsinites! This ain't shit, though... I hear that up there, the REAL bad fathers EAT their young if they're bad (or if they just get drunk and hungry)!

Headline: Kidnapping In Iraq Shocks Northern Indiana City
Verdict: Being that a kidnapping in Iraq shouldn't shock anyone, I'm convinced that the city of Laporte, Indiana is located deep inside a cave.

Headline: 20 die in Paris hotel fire
Verdict: My God, can you just imagine the stench??

Posted by Reese at 3:47 PM

Hey America... you suck!

Some old lady, about 81 years old, found a way to hit her husband, the car lot salesman, another parked car, a tree, and a wall... all during her initial steps towards a test drive. Scary shit! Was this in Florida? You betcha! I recently saw a funny episode of Southpark in which the old people driving were considered roadside reapers, causing deaths and not even realizing it. I've always said that the proper way to solve these problems is to give a test to every citizen re-applying for driver's license renewal, regardless of their age. Why? This way it's not age discrimination, it's just a test to see if you have the required hand/eye coordination, proper reaction time, comprehention of the road rules, and understanding on how to operate a motor vehicle. Sometimes I see an old lady, barely peering over the steering wheel, going about half of the speed limit... is this because normal speeds are too fast to react to? The interstate is not a place for pussies or slow asses. The problem with driving is that we are all at the mercy of the other's on the road... that said, it would be nice if we had better roads, like an autobahn type interstate...that would be ideal, but this is America, so don't count on it happening. It is probably pretty damn inconsiderate to get onto the interstate and move the far left lane and go slower than people in the other lanes are going, but that's every asshole's perrogative and that's life, right? And will someone tell me if it is really LEGAL for a dump truck full of rocks to not be liable and responsible for spewing debris all over the interstate? Isn't that littering anyway? If I throw rocks out of my window or strap on a used kitty litter box to the roof, is that ok? As long as I have a sign saying to stay 500 feet back and that I'm not responsible for damage to your car or worse? What vehicle has the legal rights to over 500 feet of roadspace anyway? You can be 500 feet back, but that doesn't make you safer.. rocks bounce and bounce until they hit something.. the truck can be three lanes over and 1000 feet in front of you, and you could get smacked. I doubt that it is legal for I am sure I'd get pulled over if I had a trunk full of marbles, rocks, dildos, and wrenches and the trunk was open and they were flying and bouncing behind my little Ford Focus. Sometimes, they have tarps covering the load. The tarps on those trucks hardly do shit anyway, for the rocks find a way out as the truck bounces, hits holes, or just takes turns. In conclusion, these are just two more small pieces of America that truly suck.

Posted by Reese at 3:38 PM | Comments (1)

April 13, 2005

Problems Problems Problems

I really do hate reading the news.. mainstream or obscure.. it's all pretty damn depressing. Take a look:

Headline: Police: Woman sold daughter for car
Verdict: Such a shame! Selling your daughter for a Mercury Cougar! I wouldn't settle for anything less than a Buick. It's a sad world isn't it? My poor friend Spicolli would sells himself for a mere Ford Festiva. Guess it's a buyers market!

Posted by Reese at 11:17 AM

April 11, 2005

News?

Headline: Naval Academy student found dead outside dorm
Verdict: Sure is more heroic and dignified military death than being blown up by yet another suicide bomber.

Headline: Sources: Dancer injured at fire station
Verdict: Fire Station's are no place to be dancing a jig!

Headline: Detroit - Goat leads police on chase
Headline: Detroit - Child says woman robbed her
Verdict: Maybe if they weren't out chasing the goat, they could have been preventing a real crime.

Ok, so these are lame... I can't help it, I don't write the news!

Posted by Reese at 10:22 AM | Comments (3)

Every man has his price.

You may think that you are pure of heart.. that you have the integrity to never sell out to your principles... but I beg to differ, for every man has his price. When I say man, I also mean women as my reference to man is to represent mankind, ok? This story, "School to pay students for tips on campus crime" , goes right along with my theory that every man has his price. How good of loyal friends do you have to be to turn town $100 as a teenager? You may may be the most patriotic individual to walk the face of America. You may have a collectoin of flags from each decade since the US was formed. You may have served in the Army, then became a Senator... or even President. So, a man like this could not possible sell out his patriotism, or could he? If given the choice, most people would probably rather be rich in another country, than poor in the United States of America. This problem is human nature.. it's why government officials become corrupt.. it's why some free agents beg to be traded, it's why bands sell out to the corporate labels.. it's why soldiers go AWOL. No matter how much something may mean to you, nothing in the world means more to you than yourself. What is more important than your own life and existence? That's human nature.. it's the will to survive. It's a better you than me attitude. It's convincing yourself that it's about time that you get what you deserve.

Posted by Reese at 10:01 AM | Comments (1)

April 7, 2005

Cookie Monster Giving Up Sweets?

Yes, it may be true! Actually, I don't usually like to write about entertainment stuff, but this is something that many people I know grew up on. "'C' is for Cookie", I'd sing in my superman underwear and matching t-shirt. I grew up on delicious chocolate chip cookies, myself. Never was I a big OREO fan, but if that was all that was left, I'd make do. I even had a method of taking the cookies (usually Chips Ahoy) and placing them in a cup of milk.. then, I'd watch the milk slowly fill in the pourous areas of the chip, until the delicious morsel was no longer boyant thus sinking, like a small island off of the eroding Louisiana coastline, to the bottom of the cup.. but as it started to sink, I'd grab it and eat it... nice and soft now, and with just the right cookie to milk ratio! Yes, the cookie monster was a hero of mine.. and did I turn out to be obese? Actually, I'm 6'0 and 165lbs... even a little below the average weight for my height. What's next? Will Mr. Clean or the local health inspector visit Oscar The Grouch and explain sanitation habits, bacteria, and disease to him? Probably not, but in the world where the status quo seems to always win... welcome the new age, where everyone knows the wrong way to raise your children, but no one knows the right way. Even McDonalds is getting in on the act... there's a health movement that's come about recently and blame is being spread everywhere (just like most issues), from TV, Movies, Fast Food, Parents, Schools, etc... Who's right? Who has the right? Public schools should provide unbiased information on how the body works and what effect different ingredients in different kinds of food will do when ingested into the human body. That said, it's the parent's job to encourage the ritual of eating habits (if any) to their offspring, which may vary from family to family. If the family wants to teach fast food as a food group, that's their perrogative, and when the kids grows up fat and miserable, he can shoot or sue (harmful neglect?) his parents after therapy proves his depression was all caused from a slothish youth. This way, if the parents fail, which many do, the kids will at least be informed all the way through high school on the cause and affect of what is eaten.

Posted by Reese at 3:41 PM

Daylight Saving BS

Cnn poses the question to their viewers:

***Should daylight-saving time be extended by two months?***

Here's a better question... Should daylight-saving time be abolished?

What is the purpose of this archaic ritual? A writer in 1947 wrote, "I don't really care how time is reckoned so long as there is some agreement about it, but I object to being told that I am saving daylight when my reason tells me that I am doing nothing of the kind. I even object to the implication that I am wasting something valuable if I stay in bed after the sun has risen. As an admirer of moonlight I resent the bossy insistence of those who want to reduce my time for enjoying it. At the back of the Daylight Saving scheme I detect the bony, blue-fingered hand of Puritanism, eager to push people into bed earlier, and get them up earlier, to make them healthy, wealthy and wise in spite of themselves." Well done, sir! Benjamin Franklin had a good idea at the time, but nowadays, there is little reason for it. Even some farmers do not like the idea, as their day starts at dawn. They often dislike the clocks changing mid year. Poultry producer Marty Notenbomer notes, "The chickens do not adapt to the changed clock until several weeks have gone by so the first week of April and the last week of October are very frustrating for us." Congress had to pass laws to keep everyone's clock in sync as late as the 1960's... doesn't this all just seem so unnecessary in the 21st century?

Posted by Reese at 11:29 AM

"...wise men wonder while strong men die..."

I was watching an interesting piece on the seven wonders of the world yesterday on my television set. I love the cool shit you can learn on Discovery, TLC, The Science Channel, and The History Channel.. it's like PBS, but with better produced or newer shows. It's one of the few things that make T.V. worth watching. Can I stomach through American Idol? Can I force myself to watch a daytime soap? Not at all.. it's the same reason I don't eat mayonnaise... I can feel myself getting fatter doing so.. same thing with crappy low-brow pointless shows on the tube.. I can feel myself getting dumber just by watching them. Will I watch something entertaining? Sure, especially if it's well written and good. I can admire Futurama, Simpsons, and Family Guy. I think that Damon Wayans is the funniest Wayans brother, hands down. I guess I have a sore spot for good, well written and/or performed comedy. George Carlin will always be king. Gone are Phil Hartman, John Candy, and even Chris Farley who are all guys that I enjoyed watching growing up. Sometimes I wonder the what-ifs... what if Kurt Cobain, Elvis, Jimi Hendrix, John Lennon, and Freddie Mercury were alive today... would they have colaborated on some things? It's always a shame when good or serious talent falls into an untimely demise. Sometimes I'm puzzled by what is deemed talented or great. Britney Spears... not very intelligent... doesn't write her own songs... is a mediocre singer and is not really that special in the looks department either... so how did she become a mega-star? It's a complete insult to those who are truly talented... those who may write, sing, AND play instruments. That's admirable.. respectable.. and results in better music overall. Spicolli thinks that I should run for a small political seat in St. Bernard.. but I fear that my political and social views would be looked down upon in my hometown.. they are more conservative and backwards than most of the country... or maybe more of the country is like Chalmette than I tend to believe or have seen. I can only hope to win them over with logic and reasoning.... maybe convince them that my views are based upon fairness and what's right for all... not a majority or a minority. But that won't fly.. people tend to want theirs and always at the expense of someone else. That's life and that's America.

Posted by Reese at 11:09 AM | Comments (3)

April 4, 2005

New ads blast Bush Social Security plans

The worst president ever is doing it again! Winning scores of fans with his wit, charm, and agenda! Just like ole Jefferson did back in the early 1800's. Old people are getting as fed up with this asshole as the young-ins. Take away your cheaper Canadian drugs, Social Security retirement money, raise taxes, raise gas prices, and the top it off by insulting the proud veteran men and women from WWII with this disgraceful, very false intelligence-driven fiasco in Iraq, and you'd be pretty darn fed up as well. I've seen an AARP commercial that was pretty good using an analogy by basically saying that if you have a messed up drain, would you tear down the entire house?... and comparing that with what Bush is trying to do with Social Security. Well America, Jeb is coming to ask for your vote soon.. what will you do then? Is the 3rd time the charm, or do you see a horrific and shallow republican gene pool a brewing? America, you are smarter than that... aren't you?

Posted by Reese at 10:47 AM | Comments (1)

Right On Cue!

Just like I said... The CNN John Paul II Obituary was primed and waiting.. and now, it's been unveiled! Why, they've got a whole "Remembering the Pope" interactive! Yes, we are probably all going to die, and it's a good idea to get the web guys and writers working on obits that may not happen for years to come.. I mean sometimes it's a slow celebrity death season. Now that this is done, Pope John Paul II can enjoy the benefits that come with a near mid-year death... Time's Man of the Year... an MTV Lifetime Achievement Award...Sexiest Man of 2005... a Grammy, and maybe even a Nobel Peace Prize! I'd like to get in on the action and purchase some stock in the company that produces little Pope fridge magnets! Yes... you thought that the Schiavo thing was going to go on forever.. now the "out with the old and in with the new" Pope fiasco will have us drooling for new coverage from the "give 'em what they want, but not necessarily the actual news" media. So.. farewell guy.. you were a great man who truly cared for humanity. Maybe misguided with mumbo jumbo cultish beliefs, but still a good intentioned guy. I admire that. I respect that. But I don't believe that you represent my religious leader in any way. Just another good man, who just happened to be adored by millions.

Pope.jpg
Looks as alive as ever!

Posted by Reese at 10:29 AM | Comments (1)

April 1, 2005

Judge Orders Feeding Tube Removed from Schiavo News Coverage Media!

APRIL FOOL!!! Hehe.. I wish! And while we're removing tubes, let's just let the individual that you call "The Pope" die already! Stop being hypocrites! If God is trying to reel his ass into Heaven, why do you lowly mortals keep trying to smite the Almighty's attempts? If I were Catholic, I'd think that you all are going to HELL! You guys remind me of the caring and loving individuals with the "PRO-LIFE" bumper sticker on their cars.. who just so happen to be the same cold blooded killers that bomb abortion clinics. "CHOOSE LIFE, KILL A DOCTOR!" is their battle hymn! And no, I don't bitch like this in the hopes that I will, in some seriously small way, improve the world.. it's self therapy in that I need to let out my pressure-built frustrations at some point!

News anyone?

Headline: One injured in gun battle
Verdict: This is actually front page material in Nebraska! They are so starved for REAL news events.. well.. move to New Orleans where some Murders and Rapes don't even make the LAST page.

Headline: Proposed Downtown Lofts For Homeless Upsetting Neighbors
Verdict: Problem solves itself as they would not be homeless people anymore once they move into the lofts.

Headline: Girl hit by car on way to grandmother's
Verdict: Looks like the big bad wolf got himself bitchin, pimped-out Cadillac!

Headline: Fake Cops Taking Guns, Money From Seniors
Verdict: Real cops find themselves in the wrong business.

Headline: Police find body during search for suspect
Verdict: What did they exect to find?

Headline: Vatican: Pope's Condition Grave
Verdict: Is "Grave" really appropriate? I'm offended and shocked! Pope's Condition Creamy! Now that's more like it! Sad truth is.. you know that CNN has had that John Paul II Obituary ready and waiting for YEARS in standby! The web guru's at CNN are probably salvating with anticipation to drop that link onto the frontpage! Well.. your day will come... possibly sooner than later.

Have a good weekend!! Kill someone! Steal some furniture! Start a neighborhood orgy! In any case, have fun.

Posted by Reese at 9:44 AM

Ms. Wheelchair stripped of title for standing up

Of course, such a wicked scam could ONLY come from WISCONSIN! The last 3 letters of the state spell out 'SIN' and that's enough proof for me! May the almighty God destroy this festering bunghole of society rejects! "I've been made to feel as if I can't represent the disabled citizens of Wisconsin because I'm not disabled enough," Janeal Lee said. Bah! You should have known what a tough and insensitive business the Ms. Wheelchair pagent can be! And besides, most of the people in that state are mentally handicapped anyway, so competition is uber-thick!! Wax your legs, pluck your brow, fix that hair... but still not enough!!! ... perfection is what you need to be, and to be pefrect, you must adhere to strict CRIPPLE standards! Of course if you want real sympathy from the public or government, you'll have to be damn near dead... so move on sister! Get out of my face! And don't come back until you're a drooling, smelly, bedsore-ridden pile of motionless human flesh!!!

Posted by Reese at 9:29 AM

March 30, 2005

Reese Presents: I Ain't Going Out Like That!

My brother sent me an article which prompted a whole new feature idea for PP.Com... "I ain't going out like that!" will show articles on death notes that I (and many others) would probably prefer not to exit this world on.

Tractor driver suffocates to death under pile of manure
Yes, this is not how *I* want to go! I'm thinking somewhere along the lines of 30,000 foot drop from an airplane into an orphanage with a bomb strapped to my abdomen... now THAT'S how I'd like to go.

Posted by Reese at 8:18 AM

March 29, 2005

Postcards from Hell!

Good news everyone!

Rev. Jerry Falwell in critical condition
Looks like he'll finally find out how wrong he was. Exploiting everything he deemed evil to promote his self righteousness. If only everyone like him was dying. Speaking of reverends exploiting others suffering for their own gain... check out who just jumped onto the Schiavo bandwagon... none other than Jesse Jackson. Of course reverend is just an honorary title given by either themselves or someone who deems some sort of religious respect for them. I'll play along for identification and argument's sake. What took you so long, Jesse? Did you just find out that she was 1/8th african american? Did you just happen to be in the neighborhood? Did you feel the window closing as her frail body dissolves into a lifeless corpse of missed opportunity? Either way... I don't give a rat's ass because you are a nobody just like most people who are under the delusion that they hold some kind of clout.

Posted by Reese at 2:59 PM | Comments (2)

Reese Presents: What's Wrong With The World? Pt 2

Taking real headlines from the news and then attempting to give a witty comment about them. Remember, "funny" is not a guaranteed result. This is an 'as-is' type feature!

Headline: Knesset rejects referendum on Gaza pullout
Verdict: I agree.. I've had enough pregnacy scares to know that pulling out doesn't work very well. I do, however, support a Gaza condom.

Headline: Minivan stolen with child inside
Verdict: Goes to show you that the 'Baby on board' sticker doesn't matter much, now does it? It's more or less an advertisement for Baby thieves.

Headline: 59 ex-U.S. diplomats oppose Bolton
Verdict: Now honestly, did ANYONE like the music of Michael Bolton? That balding yet still mulleted freak!

Headline: Poll: Most people ignore sleep problems
Verdict: New Poll: Most people ignore lame sleep problem articles

Headline: New Kyrgyz leader calls for probe
Verdict: It's good to know that anal probes are not only welcomed but encouraged in Kyrgyzstan.

Headline: Laura Bush making quick trip to Afghanistan
Verdict: We didn't elect Laura Bush. We questionably elected her husband. So where does an average citizen get a ticket to Afghanastan and who pays for this trip anyway? Clearly.. we do.

Headline: Husband plans to seek Terri Schiavo autopsy
Verdict: What a waste of money.. even *I* could tell you that starvation and dehydration will be the cause of death.

Headline: Police seek driver who rammed into house
Verdict: I believe that police should be looking for the ones responsible for putting the house in the middle of the highway!

Headline: Skiers rescue selves from avalanche
Verdict: In a country of such lazy ass people, it's no suprise that there's a major headline where someone simply helps themself survive.

And finally:

Headline: Police Find Homemade Bomb In Bag Of Chips
Verdict: Bomb technicians who sampled the tasty snack after diffusing the threat stated (of course) that "Those chips where da bomb!"

bombdoritos.jpg
The plan was foiled for failing to follow proper procedure. The Terrorist Handbook clearly states that one should use Cheetos or Pringles... absolutely no substitutions.

Posted by Reese at 9:31 AM | Comments (2)

March 28, 2005

Reese Presents: What's wrong with the world?

Each week, I'm disgusted at the world and how people think. It's amazing for me that we've got indoor plumbing, satellites in space, and microwave ovens, because small minds appear to be running shit around here. Need proof? Well, let's venture into a new feature here at PP that I like to call: What's Wrong With The World?

Headline: Schiavo gets a drop of wine for Easter
Verdict: Smooth movie, Einstein...alcohol kills brains cells ya know. Like that's REALLY going to help things.

Headline: Cheating wife gets millions in divorce
Verdict: Unlike in "Pretty Woman", this one became a slut AFTER marrying a rich guy.

Headline: Burger King to offer 'enormous' sandwich
Verdict: With a heart attack practically assured, the FDA's response was that this new sandwich will require a doctor's prescription.

Headline: As killer gunman approached, teacher prayed
Verdict: Being that she was the only teacher killed, let this be known as proof that praying doesn't do shit. (Another busted myth is that people WILL hit a guy with glasses!)

Headline: Flames Force Family Out Of Home
Verdict: Mean old flames! Shame on you! Pushing people around like that and then raising the rent!

Headline: Man Denied Account Sues Bank, Alleges Racial Profiling
Verdict: Yeah, my bank denied me an account for having no money. I'm suing over financial profiling!

Headline: Teacher Accused Of Having Sex With Male Student
Verdict: Parents are suing Van Halen after finding "Hot For Teacher" playing in their son's IPod. Damn devil music putting things in kids' heads!

Headline: Downtown Odor Investigated
Verdict: Here's one that you'll never see in New Orleans. We tend to just accept our downtown odors as part of our "heritage".

Posted by Reese at 11:18 AM | Comments (2)

New Orleans Plantation Homes

This Friday was cool as me and Jess went to visit the Ormond Plantation in Destrehan. We saw another couple there and was greeted by this elderly lady with a monotone voice and limited enthusiasm. She took our 14 dollars and proceeded to go through the motions of history on the house. It was like she was reading a summary and rushing through everything. It felt like I was getting a tour of grandma's house and as she rushed through so fast, I remembered that I'd gotten better tours and history on houses from my Realtor a year ago. She was the worst, and when she took us to rooms to look around, she'd not even give us enough time to actually look around. The doll room was the creepiest and I've heard stories about that place. She said that some guy took a photo of one of the dolls with no eyes had blue eyes in the picture. Jessica's dad told a story of when he worked there and heard someone upstairs walking and sweeping the floor, but he was the only one there. We were pretty damn disappointed and so headed to the Destrehan Plantation, which was about a mile down the road. It was much better as there were lots of tourist, a gift shop, and tour guides with enthusiasm, knowledge, and dressed up in traditional old-style southern outfits. Informative and nicely restored, the Destrehan Plantation tour was more worth the money at 10 dollars a piece. Apparently, one thing that sticks out in my mind is how when Louisiana was first formed a colony (before it became a state), it was mandatory to be Catholic, and thus, the tradition of having Parishes instead of Counties is one of the few things that still exist from the traditional values back then. We want to stay at one that is known for being haunted.. not sure if it's just rumor or fact started by the people may or may not have seen things or by the planataion bed and breakfast to entice business... either way, it would be interesting and probably a rush to do it. Maybe someday. I'm open minded, yet skeptical on things. I'd like to believe my senses in life and rely on them for many percieved facts and fictions.

Posted by Reese at 11:12 AM

March 24, 2005

My Court Case

The saga doesn't end as I've learned today, from the "Concierge" that it will cost me $130 dollars to appeal my case. It didn't cost me even $100 dollars to file a fresh new one... maybe I should just file one again and save about $35 dollars... but that's not how the system works. If they can fuck you once, they will fuck you again and at a 30% mark-up! That's politics in a nutshell. Big thanks to the "Concierge" for his help. He will go nameless to protect his innocence and association with this site, considering his conservative ways. If this all goes down, he could be considered the "deep throat" of my individual scandal and corruption busting efforts. I've decided to ride the train a little longer.. after all, this is about principle and I'll be lucky to break even after filing so much shit just so that I get some kind of restitution. As for today, it's Five Happiness day and I'll be damned if all of my problems will stop me from enjoying some hunan chicken! What are my problems you ask? Well, I have to make a doctor appointment for a sinus-type and upper respiratory thing bothering me off and on for what seems like a year now. I've got to bring my piece of shit 2000 Ford Focus in for extended warranty repairs for the umpteenth freaking time and for the umpteenth freaking different problem, I've got things at my job that are stressing me out because they are problems that have been left over from B.C. it seems, in which i have to solve and work on in a 6X6 closet converted into an office (all you do is add a window facing the hallway, an A/C vent, and some outlets) where I get practically zero human contact and only the ticking of my Timex to keep me company, I've got my girlfriend's car, which has an odd problem where the gas tank seems to leak when filled over a certain amount (yes, another product of the great Ford family, the Ford Tempo, which was a monumental piece of shit car in the early and mid 90's only to be replaced by the Escort, and then 2000 Focus as their #1 problem child, I've got my sister who owes me money and has only recently not gotten on my nerves by neglecting every house chore you can imagine, I need to make a dentist appointment too, it appears that through a rough first draft that I'll owe damn near $500 dollars in taxes according to H&R Block (so I'll seek a second opinion on that calculation), I probably wont be able to go to Germany with my friend CJ, because of financial obligations elsewhere, my cell phone is 3 years old and probably giving me cancer due to lower band emissions, the refinery near my home spews out more carcinogens each month to ensure that some type of cancer will befall me, I've got to deal with Easter with Daphne and my mom, which is sometimes not a good mix, I'm tired, need a vacation, and there's countless other problems plaguing my mind that I won't get into! OK? (Wow, I just ran a spellcheck and was 100% accurate on the first draft...go me!)

Posted by Reese at 10:28 AM | Comments (1)

Reese Presents: YOU MAKE THE CALL!

jebbathehut.jpg

Jeb Bush:

A) Is swiftly coming to the rescue of Terri Schiavo saying that she may have been misdiagnosed, even though he's been governor since 1998 and didn't give a didn't seem to give a shit until 2002, coincidentally his reelection year.

B) Said, "I visited Terri and had to pinch her nose, because the mustard stains on my tie sent up an aroma that caused a lip smacking drool-fest of hunger on her face... I was truly sickened and appalled and had to throw away half of my whopper combo!"

C) Is using this publicized so-called tragedy as a public relations soapbox and possible future presidential nomination by promoting himself as the even kindest, and most gentle "Bush" yet.

D) Is trying to frame his presidential run against Bill Frist. Sure Frist can bend the constitution to try to get the tube back in, but he can actually get it done with one executive order. Silly ineffectual Washington insider!

Posted by Reese at 9:49 AM

March 23, 2005

Louisiana Judiciary Red Tape

Well, I just called Judge Mortillaro's office and talked to the same smoking clerk I saw when I visited on the 9th of March. She was smoking up a storm and the place wreaked of ashtray aroma. I thought that publicly funded offices and such had to be smoke-free, but what do *I* know. Anyway, as I said in previous posts, I never saw, spoke to, or even got to shake the judge's hand, because since the defendant didn't bother to show up, I never got my opportunity to plead my case or evidence to the judge and try to prove that the so-called contract was violating Louisiana civil code. So where's my fucking default judgement anyway? I did my part and then some, and still got the finger! I can only speculate on why it's so hard to find some justice around here.

Dear Steve:
Thanks for the gallant effort!. I'm sure that you really do serve the public interest with dignity and honor when you feel like it. So what the fuck happened? I didn't get to present my evidence or testimony, but you stated that you had heard and read some in your personalized form letter. You had no new material on the issue than you had a year ago when I filed this case. So you were either lazy and didn't bother to look at the case until recently, did your friend Fredrick a favor by ruling in his favor, or just plain mishandled the case with blatant incompetence. I'd like to believe that for my $85 dollar processing fee, that I'd at least get to fucking plead my side of the issue and a handshake from the all mighty Steve himself. Truthfully, I'm not sure what makes you so qualified to judge my case anyhow. Anyone monkey who can read law books and form an opinion is able to render judgements. I suppose that the truth of it all is that I was just hoping that your opinion would side with mine, which is what the civil code appears to do... although I never got to tell you that. If you are disregarding civil code, then you're just making shit up in reality, and that's not ethical is it? I'll file my appeal.. and even a complaint with the judiciary committee if I have to. Something isn't right about this on multiple levels, and I loathe unfair injustice.

Sincerely,
Reese

Posted by Reese at 10:03 AM

March 22, 2005

War is fun!

An ex-Marine recruiter changes his tune after a stint in Iraq. It's times like this that I'm glad that I wasn't too ignorant on life when I left high school as to join the military. My reasoning at the time (peacetime) was that I didn't like the idea of the government having control over me. Today, I hate that idea even more... and for more reasons. It's better for the military, because I don't respect authority without a reason to. I have trouble motiviating myself toward a cause that I don't believe in. It's better for me, because I function better with my brains on the inside of my skull.. and the blood flowing under the skin instead of over it. It's really a shame to use soldiers as pawns. Just like chess, the king is protected and sheltered while the pawns and then higher ranking pieces die one by one... good thing it's just a game, right. Is this War just a game... and aren't games fun, dubya?

Posted by Reese at 9:15 AM

100th Provocative Planet Entry!

You are currently reading the 100th Provocative Planet entry this year. I like Spicolli's take on the latest crap of the Schiavo case, Tom Davis's new world order, and IMAX caving in to the possibility that peace-loving Christians will show up and burn the place down via townies with torches if they dare show absurd and wild theories on evolution and such. Freedom truly is when you have nothing to lose. If IMAX didn't fear lost profits, they would not fear displaying anything. And those who oppose such events should realize their "God" given choices to not view the material at hand. And if you want to preach a different tune, just go ahead and produce your own movie on how you believe that the world was created and where you believe that the neanderthal and dinosaur bones came from. The word "America" is losing all of it's sparkling luster. isn't it? It's become fools gold to the world. I thought that this was the country that other countries wanted to be like, the Elvis of democracy. The place where it didn't matter who you were or what you believed in, you were free to express yourself and your own beliefs without penalty. Was my view of reality obstructed by the star spangled banner and talks of patriotism, freedom, and old glory? I went through phases in life, from what I remember. When I was really young, I couldn't grasp the idea of America versus other places on the earth and what it would be like to live elsewhere. As I got older, I realized how lucky I was to be here in America, even if it was a section called Louisiana... still lucky I suppose. Then I started to notice how the system works, and how everyday people, kids, and even certain intelligent types are taken for rides on the governmental train of propaganda. A web of lies (spin), deceit (statistically and otherwise), and omissions (admitting only half truths and facts). That's how the REAL America operates. And issues that can be so important to some are rarely brought to public light and when they do, sometimes they are largely ignored by those who believe it doesn't apply to them. The problem isn't that people should care, but that these problems need to be corrected and usually aren't. There are so many infringing laws (local and federal) that could be overhauled and just wiped out completely, because they don't belong anymore. Why do we still have sodomy laws in some states? Just take it off the books, there is no need to keep something active. Clean up the trash. Revise the present. Bring true freedom in and make this country everything it had promise to be. Without religious bias or personal greed to fuel the fire, but logic, justice, fairness, and equality. Am I optimistically wishing upon a pipe dream? Probably. Nothing can ever be perfect in this world, but it can be better.. much better. We should not ever have a better past, but shamefully, we appear to. I think that we have less freedom in many areas than we used to, and I'm not even talking about the "Patriot" Act.

Posted by Reese at 8:28 AM

March 21, 2005

We are all domestic slaves!

It's Monday and the news strewn out over the land is more hype then substance as usual. Reading about the Bobby Fischer article and how he's a U.S. fugitive for what, playing a chess match and "violating economic sanctions" against the former Yugoslavia. Just because the U.S. government puts a sanction upon another country should not mean that the citizens have to comply. Apparently, although other U.S. citizens were involved in this so-called violation, Bobby was the only one indicted. Sounds fishy? Appears to be lacking in logic and sense? Yup, that's America for you. Hypocracy over Corruption multiplied by Stupidity all among Small Minds. It's a sad reality and just additional proof of our false sense of freedom that we're told we have.

Posted by Reese at 2:30 PM

March 18, 2005

Reese Presents: "YOU MAKE THE CALL!"

schiavo.jpg

Terri Schiavo is:

A) Thinking "Kiss me, I'm IRISH!" (Glub Glub, Drool Drool)

B) Worried that her subpoena will accidentally lead her to the wrong congressional hearing and force her to admit past steroid usage?

C) Not ready to die just yet, because tomorrow is tubed meat loaf night.

D) Blissfully oblivious to the decrepit place that the U.S. has become since 1990 and completely unaware that Milli Vanilli was a fraud!

E) Confused at the irony that it took the act of one brain dead president to save her brain dead ass.

F) I wish my father had never discovered the video camcorder. So that shots of my persistent vegatative state would not be on every channel every half hour.

Posted by Reese at 10:52 AM | Comments (1)

March 17, 2005

"...only the good die young.."

Jimmy Ray Slaughter ,57, was convicted of murdering his girlfriend and 11-month old daughter in 1991. While not having a last name that helped his case, he proclaimed his innocence but was still sentenced to death. There was a shroud of doubt surrounding the case between his persistent claim of innocence and the 'brain fingerprinting' procedure he had done in an attempt to prove his innocence. Now, I was not there for the trial or evidence at hand, but shit like this is pretty scary. I'm pro-death penalty. I do believe that for whatever the reason, be it stupidity, retardation, chemical imbalances, or alien probe mind control that if a person is a danger to society (and there's no fixing him), then having that person continue to exist on this Earth is a waste of money, waste of oxygen, and just plain risky. With that said, our system for determining death row guests can be as flawed as people themselves. Check out this site on the issue. Seems fairly unbiased and informative. Just scary to think that in this day and age how so much doubt can surround a case and still result in an execution.

Posted by Reese at 1:39 PM

March 16, 2005

Pen mightier than sword?

It's hard not to get all giddy about Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone ranting and raving in furious anger over the "Da Vinci Code" book. Does he feel like talking about preist and little boys sexual misconduct? Nah, he'd rather attempt to set the record straight about a book which was never claimed to be fact in the first place. Check out these quotes...When asked about book's success: “(It's) only further proof of the fact that anti-Catholicism is the last acceptable prejudice,” the cardinal exclaimed. Last acceptable prejudice? Catholicism is prejudice toward everything and anything that's not Catholic or Catholic approved! Of course, this is all about claiming stake on who has the better lie. The church lies probably more than this book ever could. And if someone doesn't know that he's telling a lie, it does not mean that he isn't lying. Why do people believe everything that they read anyway?

Posted by Reese at 9:56 AM

March 11, 2005

"..The Devil Inside..."

Helen Kirk was charged with strangling and killing her son in Massachusetts. She was apparently convinced that he was showing signs of being the Devil. What signs? Did he offer you fruit in the form of a reptile? Was he red with horns and a tail? Was he making bets for you soul that he could beat you in a fiddle playing contest? The Devil... another made up character by the Catholic religion. The Devil could be anywhere, they tell us. So why not put out a handbook on how to identify this demon from the underworld? Guidelines on evidence and signs that would give positive proof that Satan himself was in our presence. I say, if you're going to scare people with all of these fictional charades, why not go all the way and make up fine details on the subjects at hand. (And now for my political pitch...) In conclusion, my fellow Catholics, if *I* were Pope....

angeldevil.jpg
Can you spot the bad seed devil child? If you've said the one on the right, give yourself 5 points! She may grow up to cure cancer someday, but she has not been baptised and is therefore heading for a one way trip to hell. Good Job!

Posted by Reese at 1:47 PM

March 10, 2005

Reese Presents: "YOU MAKE THE CALL!"

Iraqi.jpg

Is this Iraqi:

A) Happy that none of the bullets hit him or his nice new hat?

B) Glad that he decided to go with Geico's new drive-by hazzard coverage?

C) Thankful for Bush and the US for giving him a free and safe place to live?

D) Suprised that despite losing his entire family in a suicide bombing, that he's just won the new Haliburton Eastern State Lottery?

E) Horrified at the stressful reality of deaths and destruction unfolding before him?

Remember kids, YOU MAKE THE CALL!

Posted by Reese at 8:35 AM

March 8, 2005

Humganum!

In LOCAL news, the public school board of the backwards parish of St. Bernard, Louisiana has decided to break the law by holding a religious prayer before it's meetings. School board president Hugh Craft sends a strong message to the students of St. Bernard that breaking the law is perfectly fine as long as you believe that the rulings and laws don't apply to you. Nice going, Hugh, I think that I'll go set your house on fire, because arson laws don't apply to me. How about separating that church and state, padre? How about leaving the bible phrases out of the government funded institution which pays your salary?

hcraft.jpg
This is what a typical backwards Chalmation looks like. (Hugh Craft)

Long Lost Twins? Nah, just a seriously shallow Louisiana gene pool!

Buddyd.jpg
This is what a typical New Orleanean looks like. (Local Broadcasting "legend" Buddy Diliberto) Scary shit isn't it?

And now you know why the SOUTH shall NEVER RISE AGAIN!

Posted by Reese at 9:05 AM | Comments (1)

March 7, 2005

Note to self: Buy a digital camera!

OK, so it's 2005 and I don't own a digital camera. What other technologies do I lack? Well, I have NO MP3 player, NO HI-Definition television, NO camcorder, and my home PC is 6-years old running at 450Mhz. My cellphone is black and white LCD with ring tones that play less-than-Atari 2600-quality tunes. My car has NO key-less remote, NO power locks, NO power windows, NO power seats, NO CD-player, and NO cruise control. For a software developer with an interest in science, mechanics, and technology, I sure don't represent, do I? But this is a problem for a whole other day... It was yesterday (where I could have used that Digital Camera) while driving that I noticed a sign at a little local place called:

"WAGNER'S MEAT"
There's a place down in the New Orleans 9th ward slums called Wagner's Meat. They have a sign out front with the store name on it and underneath is a typical apparatus with re-arrangeable letters so that you can write phrases and such. Now and again, they will put up phrases or wisdom, cultural sayings, bible references, or even advice on raising your kids. This week's phrase was something to the effect of: "Don't let your kids watch violence in movies - and don't buy the products that they support." Now, I'm a firm believer in free speech, but personally, I don't need a fucking meat market giving me parental advice on raising my kids. You just have to question the motives of an establishment who's catchy and thoughtful slogan reads: "YOU CAN'T BEAT WAGNER'S MEAT!" (See picture below, non-believers!) And how hypocritical for them to denounce violence when TV or Movie violence could hardly come close to the images of slaughtered cows, butchered pigs, and decapitated chickens... all products of VIOLENCE which Wagner's Meat so proudly sells. So in conclusion, I suppose I shouldn't shop there (or their CHICKEN BOX locales either!), because they support violence as well. You win Wagner's Meat! I shall never shop there as long as I live, and I'll spread the word that you don't want other shopping there either... that is, unless you've found a non-violent way of getting me that t-bone.

wagners.jpg
Something about this sign makes me do the "jerk jerk" motion whenever I see it.

Let's not stop there, kids! What about the Animal Rights activist also trying to raise your kids? That's right, claiming that the new Roadkill Gummi Candies from Kraft Foods angers them, because it sends the wrong message to kids that it's OK to harm animals. Well, I don't know about you, but I'd be hard for me to find one little boy who doesn't think that burning ants with a magnifying glass isn't "cool". And tell me this, how many "kids" are on the road driving and killing animals? How many animals have payed the price underneath the tire of a Fisher Price Powerwheel? Lot's of kid are taken to go hunt with their father's as well, why not protest that? I remember eating candy cigarettes when I was a kid, but I haven't smoked one in my entire life! How many people really try to run over animals on purpose (except Cats... kid's by all means, torture and kill CATS!!!)? All that I'm saying is, let the parents do their job (or lack of). Kids are born evil or good. Gay or straight. Society has no influence, it's all genetic. (hehe Just kidding) Seriously, this world has taught me one more thing to add to a list of things that I've been taught: According to society, it seems that there's no RIGHT way to raise a child, ONLY WRONG WAYS!

Posted by Reese at 4:32 PM

March 4, 2005

"...always keep it loaded..."

I'm not too motivated to write this morning, but what the fuck. It's all therapy in one way or another, right?

The internet and the law. I find any laws that govern the internet to be crazy and absurd! How can something that is supposed to be a free medium be governed? If the PUBLIC internet was a PRIVATE GLOBAL NETWORK owned by one entity and it happened to expand to millions of users where people put themselves in a position to rely upon it's existence for email and commerce and information exchanges, who's problem is it when the shit hits the fan? Should the government have to step in and set laws so that the PRIVATE network is not hacked into or spammed or what not? There is something seriously wrong with this picture.

First point.. spam & email. Email is basically data (usually text) sent electronically. Back before the Internet, Email was sent through Bulletin Board Systems (BBS), where an Email entered on one PC was sent to another usually through a modem connection, and from there it was sent to another PC and so forth until it reached it's destination. Modern Email is sent through a specified port, usually port 25 of the many ports available in TCP/IP on the PUBLIC Internet. If I were to send data to my friend on port 686 in a proprietary format asking him a question, then that would also be considered Email by definition.. but it's not what most people think of as Email, and therefor not subject to Email laws. Text messaging could be considered a different form of mini-emails by definition. Yes, my Yahoo Messenger gets spammed as well, but is that Uncle Sam's problem to fix? No, it's Yahoo's and if I don't like it, I don't have to use it. Same thing with regular SMTP Email, it's just one option in an endless imaginative realm of possibilities. Simple Mail Transfer Protocol was a standard that was adopted by the masses as normal EMail. Making laws doesnt fix the problem... fixing the Email System itself is how you solve the problem. Make secure Email that verifies.. and make THAT the fucking standard if you want a standard. Are we so stupid and lazy that we make a law to curb a nuissance instead of actually fixing the problem at it's source? There's a right and wrong way of doing everything, but it seems that the wrong way is taken more than not. I probably have little support on my stance, but I stand firm on this. If you want a truly free internet, then laws should be abolished from governing it. There's always an alternate way of solving issues that the private sector can handle all on it's own.

Other sites worth a look:
Angry Harry - Article
The Price Of Liberty - Article

Feel good story of the day. Las Vegas Mayor stands by original statement to 4th Graders! Say what you will about this man, but he's got my vote! If you've got the integrity to be brutally honest with 4th graders, then you've got the integrity to serve the entire public, right?

Posted by Reese at 9:54 AM

March 3, 2005

"...pour some sugar on me..."

It appears that the death toll for American troops in Iraq has surpassed 1500! I have a sneaking suspicion that they won't stop until every American is dead or gone. Now, I believe that America could be a lot more free. Sometimes I see our ways as barbaric and illogical, but if some other country tried to "liberate" us and make it all better, hell, I'd probably want to bomb and kill them out of principle alone. It's hard to believe that it's just a few radical groups doing all of the killings. I'd like to think that a consensus of the populace would indicate a relative hatred for the intruding Americans, despite what the media tells you. It's very possible that they can hate Saddam's regime and America at the same time. In all, it's just one hell of a cluster-fuck that's gone awry no matter how much sugar you coat onto it.

Here's a little truth for you. If something persists long enough, no matter how heinous the act, it becomes more and more accepted as the norm. That's how killing soldiers in Iraq doesn't make front page top story on CNN.COM anymore. Instead, some millionaire's solo plane ride around the world does. Not so much is this a reflection on the editing of CNN's website as it is the psyche of the American culture. Just check out the top 10 popular stories on CNN to see how much people REALLY care about certain issues. Not surprisingly, as of 1:35PM, Bubba the Lobster's untimely death, Martha Stewart's face put on a model's body in Newsweek, Leno wanting to tell Michael Jackson jokes, and some Oscar bullshit are all more popular than American Soldiers dying over a worthless cause in Iraq. Even the good ole proud red, white, and blue bleeding Uncle Sam dick-sucking Americans are tired of the war. We just want to have that blissful Utopian existence feeling. Put the negativity of the war, global warming, and BTK killings aside and give us some sugar and spice news to read. Sometimes people WANT the wool over their eyes.. life is just less stressful that way. So... on that note, CNN is more than happy to oblige with a live broadcast of the release of Martha Stewart from Prison. Nuke yourself some popcorn and enjoy!

On a side note, read "Worst President Ever". A nicely compiled BLOG that makes me almost uber-fearful of the next 4 years of my life.

Posted by Reese at 1:22 PM

March 2, 2005

"... nuke the whales ..."

A reading from the holy book of Futurama - Episode 2ACV03:

The head of Richard Nixon bought Bender's body, now Bender wants it back, so they break into the Watergate where he is staying:

********************************************
Nixon: Huh? What the ...? You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve.

Bender: I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck.

Nixon: Bring it on, soup can. [Growls]

[Bender also growls and they start slowly crawling towards each other.]

Leela: [Grabs them both] All right, break it up, you two. [Puts them both on the couch]

Nixon: That's it! You're all going to jail, and don't expect me to grant a pardon, like that sissy Ford.

Leela: You'll never pardon anybody, because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time.

Nixon: Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973, but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter -- and let's face it, crazy -- over the years, and once I'm swept into office I'll sell our children's organs and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. [Laughs fiendishly]

Fry: Well, he lost my vote.

Nixon: Like one vote ever made a difference. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to inch myself over to the phone and call the police. [Starts slowly skipping towards the phone]

Bender: Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with ... audio tape? [Tape rewinding sounds]

Nixon: Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading.

Bender: [Replaying] "... and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. [Laughs fiendishly]"

Nixon: My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had
more of a Clark Gable quality.
********************************************

nixonhead.jpg
Ah.. the head of Richard Nixon sure is right about the average American voter, then, now, and into the future.

Posted by Reese at 9:13 AM

March 1, 2005

"...who'll stop the rain?.."

I feel disconnected. I read about policy and government programs and wonder if I have anything in common with the agenda of the administration. The direction that America can't possibly be the direction that the general public wants it to go, is it? So, I just feel disconnected from America today. I am to the American Government as a coma patient is to consciousness. I'm almost scared that some anit-american (or terrorist-like organization) will do drastic things that affect me or my life because they believe that the whole of the United States is behind the entire operation. I'd like to believe that a damn high percentage of Americans feel the same way that I do.. disconnected. As if this Government represents me.. it's almost like they are running their own show, independent of what the concensus is. Their own agenda, not exactly reflected in the public eye.

On CNN they got something about Bush's Faith Based Initiatives. Man, does that get my blood boiling. When will the religion and government marriage ever end? How do they even get away with this shit? I don't want to talk about it, because it's just plain wrong and depressing. Showing favoritism toward religious groups is the LAST thing our free and unbiased government should do.

Ok, I had enough about this little missing Florida girl coverage that I can stand. Why oh why does this one little girl get so much media coverage and attention? There are tons of missing people and children in the U.S., so why does this one girl get all of the hype and effort? Now, the FBI, local authority, and 20 CHILD ABDUCTION EXPERTS are on the fucking case? If my little girl goes missing through abduction, I doubt seriously that I'd get a lick of attention nationwide. I suppose it's just the luck of the draw, maybe if I'm lucky enough, I'd get CNN and the FBI on top of things and increase my chances of succesfully finding my kin or what not. Maybe somebody knows somebody and now we have a nice story that America can collectively weep over. I'm just saying that ALL of the missing should be equally important and get equal coverage if they really want to do what's right.

Kiddies get license to kill as high court decides that juvenile death penalties are unconstitutional! If you don't know that killing is wrong after being on the planet for at least 15 years, then you're pretty fucked up. It's not like we live in a society where we have to kill people for food, but what if we were? Killing animals for food isn't wrong, what if I just happen to like human hambones? Well, maybe that's what makes us civilized, right? The golden rule is so simple, yet could be the singular most important virtue to live by which makes us civilized. I don't kill other humans, becuase I'd rather not have another human kill me. I also can't imagine that I'd like to peel or cook one... just way too much trouble if you ask me. Of course, I'll eat anything with barbecue sauce.

French Journalist in Iraq pleads for life in new video. I'm sorry, I have trouble feeling sorry for journalist who got swept up as prisoners of war. It's a fucking war and there is a risk of death in many ways. I know what you're thinking... if no one covered the war independently, then we'd have to take the government's word on what's going on, and that's uncool! You're right! But it is still a WAR! I'd never do it personally, and if I had to, I'd like to be accompanied by troops at all times and report in as safe a situtation as I could have. Still, I'd know the risks and I wouldn't expect you to feel sorry for me either.

frenchjournalist.jpg
"Please Help! I've not had a cigarette in days! And psychologically, I've almost forgotten how to be rude!"

Posted by Reese at 9:23 AM

Lightning discovered to be God's smiting weapon of choice!

According to sources close to the almighty, Lightning was discovered to be God's smiting and amusement weapon of choice. God was quoted as saying, "Although I routinely use heart attacks, strokes, and cancer... there's nothing like a good jolt to really fuck with their minds! When you hit them with lightning, they really don't have anyone to blame except me for why it happened! And man do I love the (Oh why God, why me!)'s, boy do they crack me up!" God went on to explain that with heart attacks and cancer, there is usually a good reason behind the ailments, but that getting fried from the inside-out could happen to anyone, rich, poor, healthy, or even a homeless paraplegic! "One time this lunatic was about to slice into his victim with a chainsaw out in some shack, all of a sudden, as the officer approached to save the day, I got him good with about 300 Kilovolts of pure fun! So why would I kill the police officer instead of the lunatic? Well, let's just say that I work in mysterious ways, hahahahaha! Who's the crazy one now, ya know? What, you guys don't have a sense of humor? I did create you all in my image. Ok, Inverview over!"

Posted by Reese at 9:09 AM

"...Into the great wide open..."

A certain friend of mine thought it would be ideal to post about Mr. Lee Mingwei, the World's First Pregnant Man.. Also check here for more detailed information. With visions of the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie "Junior" from just a little over 10 years ago, life finally imitates art...well, sort-of. Being given a placenta and an embryo, Mr. Lee will set forth on a 9 month ride in which most males are all too happy to boast about never having to experience. So what has this new Barnum & Bailey walking freakshow done for modern medicine or society? On the positive side, now a man with dollar signs in his eyes can become a full-time surrogate mother (er...father) and let the cash roll in. On the negative side, jokes about when a man with a rather large beer belly gut will be due will have now lost it's comedic luster. Either way I wonder... who would really want to do this? Would the most feminine gay, transgendered, or transexual be interested in partaking in what was to be the last thing surgery could not give a man that a woman had? Are we headed towared a society of asexual beings? Ok.. I'm done, now to please my friend futher, a picture of the pregnant man we call, Mr. Lee! Of course, this is just a web hoax, but oh well!

timeman.jpg
Mr. Lee is not pregnant nor is any man on the planet. The only thing a guy can breed is bacteria, parasites, viruses, and good lies!

Posted by Reese at 1:14 AM

February 28, 2005

"...I'd like to fly, but my wings have been so denied..."

I walked into Wal-Mart this past weekend with my barefoot girlfriend. All of a sudden, a service guy stopped us and said, "Sorry guys, no shoes, no service!" So I promptly responded, "But sir, then how are we supposed to buy shoes?!"

March approacheth, and what lie ahead? Jury Duty on the 7th. Small Claims Court on the 9th. A wedding on the 19th. And 3 paydays fall into the confines of this month! Not too shabby. I'm sure that other events will pop up along the way, but I'm not worried. I did realize that there are some things I'd like to do so that I can capture moments or times when a joke or something worth remembering pops into my head. I need a digital camera and a digital voice recorder. Hopefully, I'll break down and buy them soon enough. I'm not materialistic and rarely splurge purchases upon myself, although I probably deserve it. My weekend wasn't too boring nor exciting. Entertaining-wise, we'll just call it a draw. So what's new in this world of ours?

Iraqi suicide bomber kills at leat 125! Seems like they are getting more effecient at it. I know that I joke about how this story seems to recycle itself each week, but that's the world we live in. This is the America we've voted for. I suppose we are not only responsible for American soldier deaths, but countless innocent Iraqi's who won't at least be alive to see this new "liberated" Iraq. I remember when Bush got into office and we all received a nice bonus surplus check from Uncle Sam... Mr. Government himself giving us a refund to spend on whatever. Now, we're trillions in debt. Our social securities are dangerously worthless. And Bush is asking congress for more money so he can play war for a little while longer. Couldn't we have just bought him a map, a liter of oil, and some G.I. Joes and let him have fun playing in the Lincoln bedroom? When does the madness end? In about 4 years you say? What will you do next, America? I'm not willing to bet on the integrity and intelligence of the American vote, so I'll not hold my breath on it.

Let's end February on a happy note... I was born, raised, and still paint red the town known better as The Crescent City. New Orleans, Louisiana. Among being unique and known for many things, good and bad, let's focus on a good part (which may actually be relatively viewed as bad to the prudish amongst us)... here's an article about the only Cocktail Museam in the Nation... and of course, it will have a bar as well: The Museam of The American Cocktail. Read up my lushious ones!

Posted by Reese at 8:26 AM

February 25, 2005

"..And you stare at me in your Jesus Christ Pose..."

Good news everyone! The pope is breathing on his own! I've been doing the same thing all week and then some, but do *I* make front page CNN news? Nah ah!

A college basketball player will be charged with assault after throwing a mean elbow and foul at his opponent. This brings up a good point. In football, are they assaulting each other? Is boxing assault? If assault is illegal, what makes these events exempt? I say that there should at least be written legal documents defining the fine line between playing and assault. If a boxer beats another guy to death, it's cool. If he pulls out a gun and kills him, it's murder. Same result but different causes could result in a difference in something being a crime or not. It would make sense to have these conditions defined and signed by sports players. It could prevent lawsuits and such as they would be legally agreeing to the possibilities of certain types of physical strain.

Wal-mart ordered to pay 7.5 Million to employee. This is atrocious. The employee felt he was discriminated against because he was assigned garbage duty and he has cerebral palsy. He said he was hired to work in the Pharmacy. Now, so the fuck what, jobs screw people over all the time. Was it written in a contract somewhere that you were to work in the pharmacy? He worked there 4 days and then quit. 4 days... 7.5 Millions dollars. Now, I'm sure this is no big thing for the big machine which is Wal-Mart, but a verdict of that kind of money doesn't seem right in any fashion. I'd be willing to be that the jury pool wasn't too bright either. IF YOU DONT LIKE YOUR JOB, FUCKING QUIT. This is America and you have control of your own destiny. No one has a gun to your head telling you to work at Wal-Mart anyway. Just plain ridiculous. I wouldn't be surprised if this clown, Patrick Brady, wasn't looking for trouble so he could get a handout. Now, if they would have put him in the trash compactor and made him say "uncle" or douse him in gasoline and strike matches at him, then MAYBE he would have a case.

Now here is a story you HAVE to read. To be honest, I'm not sure what to say about it. I suppose the judge is right in the case. If a woman receives sperm from oral services and then uses that sperm to get pregnant, it was a gift to her to do whatever she pleases with it. Now it gets complicated when the father finds out and is taken to court over child support and a 5 year old child that he never knew existed. I guess she has a right to get child support as well. I hate to say it, but the guy just plain got screwed (even legally), so what does he do? He tries to sue her for distress over the shocking information. I think that the fact that a man can sue for distress is wrong, though. Emotions and trauma are a part of life. You can't sue mother nature (or God if you will) when a tornado rips your trailer apart, can you? Shit happens, life goes on. Deal with it and don't be such a pussy. How do you put a price on a non-physical and immeasurable pain anyway? I suppose that the only way to get around this is to have a woman sign a waiver before the oral sex ensues stating that the sperm can not be used for creation of life... or something like that. Sound silly? Maybe so, but it may have saved this particular guy!

FRIDAY'S HERE! Break out the lube and get wild, folks!

Posted by Reese at 8:26 AM

February 24, 2005

"Comedy is a lost art, now tragedy, that's funny!"

Fear not, Spicolli.. I'm here and hope that my new post will ease tensions that I've been dead or missing. So what's going on y'all? Hmmmm....

HOLY ROLLER COASTER BATMAN! The Pope is back in the hospital again with a recurring flu. God is TRYING to take him, but he refuses to budge! What a stubborn old coot! Is this a backwards smite at the almighty? What gives? I say that he is a coward! If Heaven obviously awaits, then I'd give in, hurry up, and cough up my lungs to death and meet ole St. Peter for a handshake and a smile as I enter the realm of perfection. To Hell with this dump I say! Can I get an Amen?

In brief, what kind of world would the Pope be leaving behind? I'll tell you this much, it ain't Eden! In Texas, a couple sexually assaulted their 7 month old! I'm glad I don't have weird fucked up fetishes like that. Also, on a side note, I have no foot fetishes either, just in case you were wondering. A suicide bomber kills 16 Iraqi policeman! Yawn! Is it deja vu or does this story seem to resurface weekly? Worlds Greatest Dad (TM) kills two of his kids and then himself! Just remember kids, even YOUR daddy can snap at any moment as well! Oh, and eat your broccoli!

In New England, a school named Governor Dummer Academy, established 1763, has changed it's name nearly 250 years later, because of jokes about it's name. All I have to say, is that if the education was so darn good at this particular school, then the students would know the difference between "dummer" and "dumber". But alas, for a school that used to be "dummer", now it's just plain dumb. And what about the utter disrespect to the late Governor William Dummer, who was obviously historically significant to have a school named after him. So now, taxpayers will waste money on changing school name signs and such instead of just educating the students (and public) about the origins of the name. So why did I write about this lame shit? I dunno. Guess it's a slow gripe day for moi.

Now for a picture that paints a thousand words:
BushSugar.jpg
"Come on baby, give ole dubya some tongue.. lawalalawala!"

Celebrity Spotting of the Day: I was parking in the parking lot here (at work in old Metairie, La.) and saw John Goodman getting out of his car in the parking lot. Just last night I said, while watching Futurama, that he did the voice of Santa in the X-Mas episode we were watching. And the other day, I was telling her that I recognized his voice in The Simpsons' episode "Take my wife - sleaze" when Marge is kidnapped by a biker gang. (Henry Winkler and Jay North also had cameo voices in it.) Seems like he's all over the tube sometimes. He married a Chalmette woman I believe and fell in love with New Orleans (not necessarily in that order). I'm from Chalmette! His first TV appearance was for a Burger King commercial. Why MY first job in high school was with Burger King! And we're both Gemini's! Man do we have so much in common, eh? So do I consider him a worthy celeb? Yeah, he's cool and entertaining for sure. Anyone who does Simpsons AND Futurama voice work is alright in my book! Two damn fine, well-written shows. Why can't all of the idiot box be like that?

On a side note, my brother said he worked on Bubby Brister's (former Pittsburgh Steeler's Quarterback) PC a couple of months ago. So how many starting Steeler's QB's have come from Louisiana? Terry Bradshaw, Bubby Brister, Tommy Maddox, and Kordell Stewart. What current NFL Quarterbacks are from Louisiana? Peyton Manning, Eli Manning, Patrick Ramsey, Jake Delhomme, Kordell Stewart, Tommy Maddox, and Craig Nall. Steve McNair and Brett Favre are oh-so-close being from Mississippi. You're thinking: "So what's with the NFL update, Reese?" Well, being from here, I have to scrounge up some sort of home state pride, right?

P.S. My grandmother told me a story yesterday about a doctor who died while performing surgery. Can you imagine the look on the patient's face when he wakes up and sees a bunch of nurses standing around and one of them tells him, "I don't know how to tell you this, Mr. Schwartz, but... your doctor...he didn't make it."

Posted by Reese at 8:34 AM | Comments (1)

February 21, 2005

"Fake it 'til you make it!"

In 1550, primitive railroads called Wagonways were being used in Germany. They consisted of wooden rails over which horse-drawn wagons or carts moved with greater ease than over dirt roads. By 1776, iron had replaced the wood in the rails and wheels on the carts, however horses still provided the power. In 1803, a man named Richard Trevithick (1771-1833) built the first steam engine locomotive. On February 22, 1804, the locomotive hauled a load of 10 tons of iron, 70 men and five extra wagons a distance of 9 miles in two hours in Wales. By the 1830's, steam-powered railroad engines were being used in the United States of America.

In other words, for almost two centuries, people have known that when they see train tracks, that a train could possibly pass through on it at any given moment, yet in this year of 2005, there have been a rash of train deaths recently from people being caught with their vehicle on a train track (wrong place) at the wrong time. In one ironic story, an ambulance got hit where the 3 paramedics died, yet the patient lived. Also, about a year ago and less than a mile from my house, a truck driver was leaving the Mobil refinery in Chalmette (the same one I wrote about that has problems adhering to EPA standards) with a trailer tanker full of fresh gasoline. The driver saw the flashing lights and warnings, but decided to try to beat the train anyway only to be blown to bits when the train collided with the tanker. I saw the after effect of the blast and let me say, that truck was nice and crispy. The driver got what he deserved for being a moron and making an uncalculated risk, but the train operators who died shortly after suffering in agony from being douched with ignited fuel and burning alive did not deserve their fate. Besides these stories, there seems to be a train/automobile/human accident in Louisiana seemingly each year. Normally, I may say it serves someone right for being so careless, but since innocent people can be victimized (i.e. passengers or train operators), I'll take the high road and talk about the other side of the problem. If engineered correctly, it could have been done where all roads could have over or underpassed all tracks... or at the very least, light signals and crossing arms installed at each locale. No mode of transportation is completely safe, but certain risks can be eliminated. Of course you can never discount the moron factor... that's America though, folks. That's the one variable that will ruin most safeguards.

In other news... Prince Charles may have open wedding to public (did you say open bar as well???) Apparently under Britain's 1994 Marriage Act, the public must have unfettered access to witness a marriage so they can object if they wish. This is plain absurd and I'm just glad it's not a US issue, we have enough laws that make no logical sense. We've also had a few "celebrity" deaths, but only one mattered. Hunter S. Thompson. As little as I know about this man and writer, I did read a few of his columns in ESPN's Page 2 about sports and such, and he did have a way with the words. Certain rare skills, historical significance, and innovative are very admirable traits of people who are special & unique and are most certainly worthy of mass public appeal for all to enjoy... those are the ones whom I'd deem worthy of celebrity status. Most so-called "celebrities" are nothing special at all and not worth knowing in my opinion. Take Lindsey Lohan.. her dad (Michael Lohan) is in the spotlight now as someone who hit a utility pole while intoxicated and obliterated his vehicle in a fiery crash! Now, losers just like Michael Lohan, who could have easily killed innocent people due to his unwise decision to drive while intoxicated, are prevalent all across our United States of Morons, yet this makes front page CNN website news not once, but twice on the same page. Who cares??! Who, besides anyone in the Lohan family, gives a fuck about Mr. Lohan? He's a nobody loser just like millions of others. He stumbled out of the car just before it burst into flames. It's really a shame that he lived, but I have a feeling that Darwin would say that it's a bigger shame that he lived long enough to have offspring.

Ok, so Bush tried some of that marijuana back in the day. The way he supposedly abused alcohol, it's no big surprise to me. And as much as I despise him as president, as a person, I see nothing wrong with his actions. It's just a shame that his past drug experiences didn't open his mind enough. Now, I say this with complete conviction as a person who has NEVER tried weed nor any other so-called "illegal" substance in my life, but I am definitely an advocate for the rights of individuals prerogative to eat, drink, or smoke whatever they wish. I don't need uncle Sam wiping my ass nor attempting to protect me from my competent self. It's all about personal rights and not having a morally parenting government. Besides, if Bush was afraid of kids or teens idolizing him and doing drugs because their "president" did it, well.... I'd think that any young person who idolizes Bush would probably be the same kind or person that would grow up and get wasted and stoned all of the time anyway. Either way, it really doesn't matter now, does it?

Posted by Reese at 8:29 AM

February 18, 2005

Juror #76826

Low and behold! As read on my Subpoena, "You are hereby summoned to appear in the Thirty-Fourth Judicial District Court, Parish of St. Bernard, Chalmette, Louisiana on MONDAY the 07 day of MARCH 2005 at 09:30 o'clock AM to server as a prospective CIVIL juror, until discharged, and fail not under penalty of the law. By Order Of The Court." That's right folks, for the first time in my life, I've gotten possibly Jury Duty. My chance to do my thang for society.. no biggie. Seems I've been all talk and no action, well maybe a little action will be done this way. The courthouse is just a walking block away and I found out today that my policy here at work is that I'd get paid for the day and it won't count against me. So, I don't mind a little civil obligation to give me a break from this place. Just a little FYI on this ticket... it'll be Judge Robert A Buckley (Division "A") presiding and Lena R. Torres is the Clerk of Court. I also found out that the Judge was fined $180 dollars for being 3 days late on filing of campaign finance forms. As much as I despise St. Bernard Parish backdoor-dealings and corrupt political system, these fines do seem rather petty. In general, I loathe the politics and political wheels that plague this state, but since I live in Chalmette, I see first-hand how a suburb that borders the biggest city in the state with riverfront property stretching for miles and 3 oil refineries seems to be the least prosperous of the other surrounding parishes of New Orleans. Why so? The sign upon entering the parish from New Orleans reads "St. Bernard, building for a better future." The irony of it all is that St. Bernard has a better, more prosperous past I hear. Hmmmmmmm. Well in conclusion, if they knew about my website here, I doubt that they'd want me on the jury pool of any case. We'll just have to see how this pans out.

Posted by Reese at 11:19 AM

American Flags & Handicapped Plates

So what do the most patriotic of Americans and Handicapped people have in common? They both drive slow. This is not a documented fact nor a complete generalization, just an observation and opinion that I have about the majority of them. I've noticed a pattern that a handicapped plate (or sticker) usually means that the person is a bad driver and drives quite slow. Could it be that they are old? Do really old people have such slow reflexes that they are unable to operate a motor vehicle at higher speeds (and I mean 45 MPH even!). If *I* were as old as you people, I'd be moving a lot faster, because that's the reaper in your rear-view mirror. If they are not old, then what ails them? Not sure what they are afraid of, they are already fucked up and so there is less risk of fucking up more shit than a normal, healthy driver could have by going faster. I'm not even sure about some of you people. You are like the homeless to me. Some of them just gave up on life and some were actual victims of misfortune. Some handicapped people are just plain overweight slobs who gave up on taking care of themselves... so, by being fat, lazy, and stupid, does that mean they deserve a government handout and the best parking spots in town? And then there are the flag touting true Americans. So patriotic, they drive 25 miles below the speed limit as to not tatter their flag (or flags). These people probably think that they are really doing the country some good by advertising their American pride. All that you did was purchase some colored plastic sheets on a plastic stick made in TAIWAN. Yeah, that's so American, isn't it? If there were 8 lanes of highway, you assholes (and others) would find a way to form vertical convoy of the velocity challenged and really fuck things up. So please, for future reference, may I ask that you just drive, assholes, and stop impeding the flow of traffic?

Guess what, people? That's right...Britney Spears is "angry" about published honeymoon photos. Now, I normally don't like to talk about so called "celebrities", because I don't like to glorify someone who's nothing special in society. But, since the media and entertainment industry put her in the spotlight, I'll use her as an example. As far as the pictures go, it's a free country bitch, get over it. And if you believe people when they say that the pictures are just for a private "scrap book", than we should just go ahead and add "gullible" to your list of quality personality traits. I didn't lose respect for her when I saw how her "talent to income/fame" ratio was so shamefully skewed, nor when she got married twice in one year (I'm not the moral police), nor the fact that she does a great job representing the sluts of Louisiana in remarkably accurate fashion (I'm ashamed to be from the same state as her)... it was her quote that I saw on CNN & Fahrenheit 9/11 when she said "I think we should just trust our president in every decision that he makes and we should just support that." Man, that logic just blew my mind. I had to sleep on that one just to absorb it's sheer magnitude of glory. The bigger problem isn't her or one individual's flawed logic, it's how many citizens actually agree with that statement. She is a good example of how too many people actually think.. people who cast votes that determine the country's fate by shaping our future through chosen political leaders. My grandmother said that she voted for Bush because (and I quote) "I ain't voting for no baby killer!". Among all of the issues, that was the only one that mattered to her. I used to think it was crazy for a presidential candidate to tout issues the way they do. Some so insignificant to everything, but there was a reason. They were not campaigning to me.. they were campaigning to the entire populous. Idiot Americans and all. And when you do that, you have to touch on a broad range of issues that a broad range of Americans, "little minds" and "big minds" alike, will find meaningful. Sometimes it's just one issue that makes or breaks a vote... or even an election.

So what else is going on? People are dying with bombs and gun attacks as usual. --- Someone won the lotto by finding a winning ticket in the trash (100K). --- Someone tossed a shoe at a pentagon speaker. Nice going! I suppose shoe's are now a national security risk and will be banned from airports and government buildings. When I throw shoes, it doesn't make the national news.. maybe I'm not throwing them at the right people. --- The global warming will make for a nice long 365 day summertime, which I am looking forward to. Oh well.. I'm glad I'll be long dead before they fuck up the world really hardcore. People are destroying the planet... and individually we're kinda screwed as only the governments of the world can really do anything about it. Oh well.. hopefully my great grandkids won't blame me for this shit. I live among two oil refineries. One in particular is a MOBIL REFINERY. It spews noxious gases that I breathe in practically daily, comprised of chemicals that I don't care to really know about. And recently a letter was sent to my house informing me that they routinely disregard EPA STANDARDS and have been fucking up pretty badly. Typical Chalmette.. typical Louisiana.. and typical AMERICA. Bring on the hybrids with variable-gear transmissions. Let's ween off the teet of the oil industry. That would solve so many problems. And we wouldn't feel the need to barge in and occupy certain oil-harboring nations across the globe either. --- Also, Inflation is rising again... finally catching up with gas prices I think. --- Oh, but cheer up.. it's Friday!!!!!!

Posted by Reese at 8:52 AM

February 16, 2005

And if I'm asleep... make sure my blanket covers me!

It's mid-week and I feel fine. Listening to some of that kick-ass Green Day's "American Idiot" CD. Yesterday, I was jamming out to the smooth tunes of Soundgarden's "BadMotorFinger". Tomorrow, maybe some Alice In Chains's "Facelift". Of course, I'd rather pull up the MP3 collection and jam out to thousands of tunes randomly, but my collection is limited here at the office. Just enough to get me through the day. Speaking of music, my dad has helped me with my house in the recent past, so I thought I'd do something nice and purchased an autographed framed album through EBAY of his favorite band from the 70's, Emerson Lake & Palmer. And as a reward for being a good and thoughtful son, I got a call from him yesterday because my brother apparently did some work on his computer and now it has spy-ware and possible virus issues. I work doing computer programming and networking and such. My brother does network administration and other things I suppose, but my dad seems to trust me more with PC repair. Trust is an interesting thing. Like most things in life, Trust is a sliding scale with many levels. Trust can be determined in a number of ways: Logical Reasoning - Based upon what you believe their motives could be based on what the trust issue is. Instinct - Based on reading body language and demeanor. Track Record - Based upon an individual's past and what you know about them. All of them and more are good ways that people generally try to gauge trust. Relationships with high levels of trust are usually healthier with better open communication, respect, honesty, and more. Sometimes trust is issue based, as in this case, my father trusts me to perform repair on his PC more than he does for my brother. There are other things that he may trust my brother with more, but I'm drawing blanks at the moment... I suppose that's only something he could answer. Either way, in any relationship in life, trust is vital. And if the levels are mutually high, it's even better. And relationships include those with family, friends, lovers, the public, government personnel, the media, and practically anyone who may affect your life even in the slightest way. How about the news?

Woman, 79, charged with attacking police with cane
I don't care how old you are, a crime is a crime, and inflicting bodily harm upon fellow humans such as an officer of the law should be dealt with. Grandma was obviously a threat to society and should be locked up and the key thrown away. Senior citizen crime waves have been sparking up in cities across America thanks to lack of activities and overcrowded nursing homes where gang wars run rampant. All of the signs are right there... they're cranky, needy, and on a multitude of drugs. It's a serious issue and I for one am going to speak out on this since it is being largely ignored by the media!

pokerdogs.jpg
Now, this is a masterpiece that was ahead of it's time. Created in 1903, this Cassius Marcellus Coolidge painting sold for 590,000 dollars recently. I think I'll just get the $15 poster and hang it in my den. Either way, this is cool and ranks up there with other cool vintage pieces, like this one that I like featuring the three stooges, James Dean, and some Rat Pack members playing pool (or some combination like that).

Posted by Reese at 10:15 AM

February 15, 2005

Sodomize my mind and rape my soul!

The above title means nothing, I just thought it sounded cool. Actually, I'm in a fairly good mood today, but that doesn't mean that things are peachy keen. So bush (notice the lower case "B" as a blatant sign of disrespect) nominated John Negroponte, our former ambassador to Iraq, for the new post called Director of National Intelligence. Why can't we get some REAL intelligent nominees like Stephen Hawking? I sometimes ponder why the cream of the crop of brainpower rarely get to be the ones actually running our government? Maybe politics are beneath them. Maybe it's like a brain surgeon taking out his own trash to the dump, a self-belittling activity.

Speaking of trash.. not to get off of the subject, but recently in the local St. Bernard Parish Newspaper (a not-so Pulitzer prize-winning piece of literary work), there was an article that caught my eye. Now, I rarely read this local paper, but it's thrown at my house a couple of times a week, and I have to at least pick it up to get it to it's destined location of the garbage container in front of my residence. Now, during a routine run between the lawn and the container, I glanced at an article that made me pause. Before I continue with the article's contents, here's a little history lesson first...back in the day (circa 1994), I was attending Andrew Jackson Fundamental Magnet High School and working afternoons at my first job ever...Burger King. I worked there in the heart of Chalmette with my best friend CJ and a mutual friend James Pilet. It's a funny thing when you're 17 years old and making minimum wage that you could care less because you're just happy to have a job. Anyway, there was a certain individual that worked with us named Scott Fox. He was the constant butt of our jokes as I just couldn't help myself as my jovial nature was prevalent as long as I can remember. Hell, I even wrote a song parody and a couple of short stories about him to amuse myself and others. Yes, this man was even accused at one point for talking to trash cans while working alone at night, since he was the night porter. This activity and his "Oscar the grouch" look about him gave birth to his nickname, Trash Daddy. I've seen him around a few times here and there in Chalmette since then and of course he remembered me and CJ very well as we must have stood out among the others he's worked with. Scott Fox had a dream to be a broadcaster and work in radio and even have his own low power FM station. He also liked comedy... prudish as it may have been, he had his own brand of funny (although personally, I found him funnier to laugh AT than WITH). Recently he asked me to write a 7 minute routine to participate in his local Comedy Show that was to be put on for the Shriner's Club I believe. I said "sure" and wrote some jokes and was willing to give it a go, even though I've never done stand-up. All of this seems to be a mute point now that according to the article I read, Scott Fox was arrested and charged with one count of child pornography. Sounds serious? It's really not. Maybe I'm a tad liberal, but anytime someone gets arrested for having a mere picture it's just not right. Pictures are completely harmless and are not evidence of anything. They are just images. Can an image actually BE a crime? If often I like watching violence in films or what not, does that make me a violent man? I could care less if someone has pictures of a preschool gang-bang (from overseas of course) the fact is, they are just pictures. What if this was a picture from Ancient Greece, would it then be considered historic media? If someone is caught actually to have been doing stuff with little boys, it's a different story as I do believe that they are not mature enough to consent to such activities. A picture is one thing, actual activity is a whole other ballpark. So is purchasing the picture aiding the criminal acts? No more than paying taxes is aiding the killing of innocent Iraqis or buying a gun making you a killer. So at what age is someone mature? That's debatable, as maturity is a very relative thing, but in our current society 18 is the key number. As sick as you may think it is and as morally disgusting as most would say it is, the fact is, they are just pictures and not evidence of any crimes. Scott Fox allegedly had been caught with pictures of teenage girls. I'm not sure if they were online or not, but they were not one's that he had taken personally. It all started out as an alleged kidnapping and when cops arrived at his residence, they found him taking pictures of a 22 year old girl with her stomach showing. Apparently, they claim in the article is that Scott admitted to having a fetish for stomach and ribs. No biggie, still no crime committed. Seems like two legal adults engaging in whatever and a few harmless images that resemble some naked teenage girls. An article like this can surely ruin a man almost to the point that seems slanderous. But, the media was just doing it's job. And Scott was just the unfortunate victim of the system. This also brings up another debate. What is pornography? Is it a picture of a naked woman? Naked little boys? Naked baby feeding off of it's mother's beast? What is deemed pornographic is almost undefined as it could be deemed art as well. Who is it that decides these things? What exactly is VULGAR? What is indecent exactly? Do we make laws reflecting biblical morality and decide what a person can or can not lay their eyes upon? Is it also a crime to view images in my head of criminal depictions? What if I animate them through drawings and art, is that a crime as well? How can we ever make laws against things that are impossible to define because perspectives vary from person to person? Just another dilemma in a sea or problems that need fixing I say.

Posted by Reese at 10:31 AM

Into the flood again... same old trip it was back then.

It's February 15th and I've just realized that I have some Dilbert comics to catch up on since Saturday. I Hope that yours was a good Monday and such. Actually, I may not really care, but wasn't that heart-felt sounding? However, if you do want to believe that I do care, then that's all that matters, right? Because that's what people do, they deceive others all of the time. "How are you?" "Have a nice day!" "Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart!" "I'll go check with my manager and see if I can get you this car for that price you've asked for... be right back (wink wink)!" From cashiers to salesman to form letters... is there really anything personal about business relations anymore? Even ole Rumsfeld was not singing any of the letters to the families of dead soldiers. No signature... no personal sympathies.. and no parting gifts (That's right, kids, you don’t even get a lousy copy of our home game!). Does false sincerity really comfort anyone? Just another thought.. another problem with America. Because besides the really big ones, it's the small issues that add up to bigger problems.

Daughter of conservative Republican Alan Keyes called herself a liberal queer.
A reminder of another TRULY AMERICAN tradition... close mindedness. Certain European countries are by far more open minded than we are. Why so? Aren't we supposed to be the most free.. the best.. number one in the world? Losing our grip are we? I suppose so. I'll try to wave my red, white, and blue, but it's getting so hard. I'm just not into it like I wish I could be. Maybe someday.. maybe someday I'll be a proud American. I'd like to be, but old Uncle Sam lets me down so much. And Uncle Sam is not only the government, but everyone and everything that puts the government in place. In short, most of my fellow Americans just plain let me down.

Missle Defense System Test Fails (Wasting away millions of dollars)
85 Million for each test eh? Hmmm. It was from the movie "Dave" but it's so true, if a business was ran like the government is run, they would have gone bankrupt and belly-up a long time ago. Now I'm all about defense systems, for I believe that it's the government's job to protects us from others (not from ourselves), but it's hard to believe that our current technological state would allow for such massively costly failures, especially when failure is not an option if we were to rely on such a protective system. It's just plain scary, that's all.

Bible classes taught in public school in Virginia
In what is the most appalling story of the day, for me that is, the title says it all. Why the hell would we be teaching bible class to public schools students? The only reason I can see is if it were taught in a merely historic manner and not a religious one. But, that is not the case here.. this is an a attempt to force feed morality to the kids, which is the parents job. Morality is and always shall be relative, and not something the government should have any part in as far as defining their own version for public schools students to learn. Christians don't have a monopoly on morality," says Renee Staton, a Virginian native whose husband is Jewish. "I asked them whether Jesus was a Christian and they said 'yes.' When I said, 'Jesus was a Jew,' one girl said, 'But Jesus was a good person,"' Ridell said. That's right parents, don't just let the public school system brainwash your kids, but allow them to falsely educate them as well. I don't think anymore needs to be said on this subject.. it practically stinks to high hell all on it's own.

London mayor not sorry for Nazi jibe
This man gets mad respect from me. I don't even care about his comments or how un-PC they may have been, although I did find them pretty cool: When the reporter replied that he was Jewish, Livingstone said "Actually you are just like a concentration camp guard. You're just doing it because you're paid to, aren't you?". The fact that he refuses to back down and is completely defiant on apologizing by continuing to stand by his own words is quite respectable in my book.

Study: Flu shots may not save senior citizens' lives
You hear that grandma? You're gonna die! Hehe, just kidding you old coot! Oh, and while filling out your will, don't forget about your favorite grandson, OK? :-)

Posted by Reese at 8:55 AM

February 14, 2005

What is Love? Baby don't hurt me!

Love.. an English word representing an emotion which is complicated and simple at the same time. Various levels and types of love can make it one hell of a thing to define. Now, I'm no love expert, but I do try my best to understand it's meanings by analyzing myself to the point where it all makes sense (somewhat). Knowing thy self can only make knowing others that much easier, as we are all human, right? Is love just an illusion? Is love a result of Mother Nature's genius invention to perpetuate the species by means of chemicals in our brain? The debate on whether love is derived from our brain's hardware, software or even our intangible soul (if you believe in that sort of thing) is an endless one. Even with all of this knowledge and unanswered questions, people do not necessarily question the origins of the feelings that accompany love, but choose to believe that it is something special and magical. Is this blind conclusion also a result of nature keeping us from caring about the truth at all? Either way, ignorance is truly bliss and I for one would rather fall into the euphoric pleasures of love and forget about the philosophical whys of it all... HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

How about some good ole February 14th problems? Why all the hating today? Spread the love!!!

Mall gunman found to be fascinated with Columbine
Now the nation media may never admit to this, but their efforts in glorifying the whole Columbine thing most likely was responsible for the mall shooting.

Former Student Loving Teacher, Letourneau to wed former pupil
Ahhh..... can you feel the love tonight? Last night, I was engaged in a discussion (with my girlfriend) about the storied possibilities of discovering your soul mate only to find that they are 20 or more years younger (or older) than you are. Then, believing in reincarnation and past lives and such, you killed yourself so that you can come back and be closer in age gap to your soul mate, but you'd have to find them all over again without knowledge of your prior lives. OK, maybe that's a little extreme, but this story is either a real-life example of that or a story about a crazy mid-life crisis plagued teacher and a horny low-self esteem laden boy/man with a MILF fetish. You make the call!

Jobs growth to remain sluggish, experts say.
Festive pink slips... the most romantic way to tell someone that it just isn't working out anymore. The company has grown, but you haven't... sorry pal. No hard feelings? Can we just be friends? After all, the clause in the restraining order allows for you to come within 50 feet on the Third Friday of Each Month Between 5:00 and 5:15AM. Yeah... I love you too.

Papagena
Who better to represent what love is all about, than Pepe Le Peu... or is he?!? Have you ever heard that song by Weird Al Yankovic - Melanie? Obsession... why is it that some can't tell it from love? Does Bush love war and oil or is it merely an obsession? Hmmmm.

So you can't find that perfect Valentine's Day card that expresses exactly what you feel in words... well, I just may have a couple that say it all:

1) Baby, Quiznos is just so much better with you there. Mmmmm toasty!
2) If you weren't out of town, I swear that I'd be loving on you instead.
3) While hitting that ass last night, I noticed that it was heart-shaped and that reminded me that I love you.
4) I'd never hit you honey, but you know how slippery those stairs can get. So where's my dinner, bitch?!
5) I love Unicorns. I love Ulysses S Grant. I love Unisex bathrooms. I love Universal remotes. I love Ukuleles. I love Euphemisms. But most of all, I love "U".
6) I love you almost as much as I love myself.

P.S. On Spicolli's post down below... man.. talk about a tear jerker. Where do I send the money order to? To hell with those Tsunami victims, you need some relief funds my friend. Maybe, if you're lucky, a big wave from Lake Pontchartrain will wipe out your living quarters and possessions, and the world would come to your rescue. Tell you what, tonight I'll pray for a natural disaster, because I care!

Posted by Reese at 1:49 PM

February 11, 2005

It's the end of the world as we know it...and I feel fine!

Thank you for joining us on this February 11th of the calendar year 2005. So what is in the news today? Oh, same old same old. Just what is the state of the nation? Let's see...

A newborn baby was tossed out of car window in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Reminds me of a quote from a black guy in the "B" movie "Men at work" starring the brothers of Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez: "It's a real shame when folks be throwing away a perfectly good white boy like that."

An Klamath Falls,Oregon man was arrested on suspicion of trying to arrange a mass suicide on Valentine's Day on an Internet chat room. Now, I don't see the nature of the crime myself. If I tell people to go fuck themselves on the internet, am I soliciting mass self-love? People should be held responsible for themselves and if they wish to kill themselves based on the suggestion from some stranger in a chat room, well then that's their ignorant dead asses and not my problem whatsoever. What the hell is going on with this country? In unrelated good news, in reference to my article about the Virginian low-pants fine bill was thrown out by the senate. Maybe there's a smidge of hope after all... but not much! I'm going to celebrate by wearing my tighty whitey over my pants this weekend. (Remember kids, brown in the back, yellow in the front!)

A Chicago man died after police used a stun gun to subdue him. Apparently the man was trying to bite officers and give them HIV. Still, this story does not shock me on any level... more and more stun gun deaths seem to surface, because electricity kills. Remember the quote, kids? "Don't monkey around power lines!" Well, thanks to local law enforcement, if you monkey around too much, the power lines come to you!

reaganstamp.jpg
Mail one for the gipper! New Reagan Stamp unveiled. I was too young to really acknowledge his presidential presence in the 1980's America, but I hear that he gave a mean speech using real words (like from the dictionary and stuff), complete sentences, and intelligent memorable quotes. Ah... the good ole days, shall they ever return?

Posted by Reese at 8:57 AM

February 10, 2005

Worst President Ever

I laughed out loud reading this: Dubya Quotes Comic

Although the above is laughable, the truth puts me in shock and awe. I'm an angst-laden American. The article my padre has written below is just plain scary shit. Each day I grow tired of reading CNN and actually, with a naively optimistic nature, hope for a page full of good news someday. I can hear the *beep* *beep* getting louder and louder as the United States seems to be going backwards. Maybe our forefathers, who had better sense as to what a government should be, could rise from the dead and save us in a Jesusesque style. We need real Americans, who knew what life was like when a King and monarchy ruled with unfair and unjust iron fists. I have great hope in that the possibility of the current situation and regime will open the eyes of generations to come and maybe real change will lead us back into the right direction. Sometimes it takes the bad to realize the good. A fall must take place before a rise. I suppose it will take another 4 years to fully realize the error of society's ways, but then again, I'm losing faith fast in our own citizens daily. We are truly a weak nation. A majority of Americans are not very bright and not very wise. Most people in this country are easily persuaded by the big machine of propaganda and lies. We are all being played like a fiddle, and the minority that realizes this and speaks out seems to always get drowned out by the crowd of blind followers.

Bush asks congress for a total of $950 million in tsunami aid
I hate to be rude, but when did this crap become our problem... why are my tax dollars being wasted? What about our domestic problems?

California proposes ban on pet cloning
Yet another ridiculous waste of government time. The USA empire will fall someday, and it's nobody's fault but our own. We so need separation of church, state, and even morality. It's all relative and the government should always be unbiased... but we all know that it's just a pipe dream, isn't it?

Posted by Reese at 9:31 AM

February 9, 2005

My court date & other crap!

OK citizens of this USA.... let's start off with:

*** Today's CNN QUICKVOTE ***
Does wearing pants so low that underwear shows merit a fine?

Yes - As a society we should now dictate fashion sense in some form of a law... also wearing black after April 1st should result in no less than 6 months in jail. I find it hard to avert my eyes from offensive attire, so I'd rather let the government correct this most horrendous problem that plagues us all!!!

No - Fuck no, I don't see why we can't just go around nude. It's society that makes us ashamed of wearing our birthday suit. We weren't born with clothes and in fact are the only animals on the planet to display such shame in our own skin. Kinda sad really how we're now taking steps backwards toward making laws that prevent something that isn't even a crime under the current standards.

Undecided - Decide for yourself reading this article. If it doesn't bother you in some way, then this whole website is surely not your cup of tea.

What is really sad is that this bill was passed by the Virginia House by a damn big margin. Anyone who'd vote for such a ridiculous bill should never get a vote again if the American public had any sense left in their brainwashed heads. "lewd or indecent manner" is the crime, and that itself is a very questionably opinionated rule, as what offends is a pretty relative thing. Delegate Algie T. Howell headed the bill and could only offer the logic that having the underwear showing was "offensive". What the fuck kind of logic is that? Farting is offensive to more people than that.. should I be fined for letting one rip in public? Now one moron in the Virginian congress is bad enough, but when the majority follows this atrocity to completion, it only proves more so how American is becoming less and less "the land of the free". The bill now goes to the Virginia Senate.. how lame could this possibly get? We'll see.

Also in the news.. someone got scalped and lived... yawn! Some teacher fucked a 13 year old student.. double yawn! This isn't news.. this is moron America and sadly, I'm getting pretty damn used to it. I was kinda sheltered as a kid growing up, but I've come a long way and nothing really shocks me anymore.

Oh yeah, my court date (Case Number 04-058) is set for Wednesday, March 9th, 2005 at 11AM at the 5th Justice of the Peace Court of Jefferson Parish at 4421 Conlin Street Suite 102, Metairie, La. Mark it on your calendars and swing by to cheer me on as I shall pull down my pants and have the defendant suck the sweet nectar of justice, oh yeah! In short, I was engaged over a year ago and was to marry on February 28th, 2004. (Twas not meant to be and let's just say that I avoided a big mistake of a bride-to-be in my life.) Anyway, during the first week of January 2004 I cancelled the wedding and then the limo service which was paid in full. I was given no refund and only the finger from the place called A-Regal Limousine Service. By all means, I very much recommend that if you have limo needs in the New Orleans area, use A-Regal Limousine, as they can probably afford extra-nice pimped-out rides from ripping consumers off and shit. Being that I've never set foot inside of any of their limos nor was driven anywhere, I decided to pursue small claims action because losing over 600 dollars is not too cool. I do not NEED the money, but this is all about principles. I tried sending them a certified letter and the better business bureau, but to no avail. This was the next logical step. Now, I do not intend on getting the whole amount back, but I should get the amount minus the deposit legally. Their policy says that I'd lose the deposit but that full payment was not due until two weeks prior to limo service. I cancelled 2 months prior. Under Louisiana Law, Civil Code article 2299, "A PERSON WHO HAS RECEIVED A PAYMENT OR THING NOT OWED TO HIM IS BOUND TO RESTORE IT TO THE PRESON FROM WHO HE RECEIVED IT." The money beyond the deposit amount was not owed to them at the time of cancellation, so I should win based on this fact alone... because no matter what other policies they may have had, they can't conflict with Louisiana Law. There's also an "Enrichment without cause" article which is basically against someone trying to gain wealth without supplying any service or goods. For once, the law may just work in a citizens favor.. isn't that nice?

Posted by Reese at 10:38 AM

February 4, 2005

Friday Friday Friday!

Well well, I see that you've come back for more! Well, I'm not going to give it to you, what do you think of that? Beg will you? Ummm.. OK.. maybe just one little tiny entry this morning:

I'll go easy this time and only talk about one news story... A 3-star General, Lt. General James Mattis said, "Actually it's quite fun to fight them, you know. It's a hell of a hoot...It's fun to shoot some people. I'll be right up there with you. I like brawling." Of course, some may see this statement as not being very, um.. politically correct, but this is war. War is not supposed to be. Killing people is not a politically correct act so talking about it shouldn't have to be either. Besides, if you're not enjoying what you do, if you're not passionate about your job, and one main objective in ANY war is to "kill the enemy", then you're just not doing the best job you can be doing. I'm completely against the war, but I like the General's attitude, especially if it comes to be that one day we are fighting a REAL THREATENING enemy.

So yesterday my friend CJ comes to town from Boston. We decide to have lunch at Acme Oyster House (with some of my ex co-workers from the LADB) at their new location on Veterans Hwy in Metairie, La. They have an original location in the French Quarter or New Orleans, but I've never eaten there. Anyway, the place was packed yet sucked eggs. I paid 7.99 for a shrimp/oyster po-boy and 1.50 for my drink I believe. That was roughly 12 dollars after I included my tax & tip.... a complete rip-off considering my sandwich was less than filling and insulting in quantity and quality. It's not that it was the worst, but when I think about the great places to eat in Bucktown for seafood, this place bombed. For 12.00 including tip, I could have gotten a small colony of shrimp on a po-boy at Deanie's, fries, and drink... and it would have tasted divine. If you're ever in New Orleans, avoid this place, ask about Bucktown and head there for some great stuff.

Later last night, me and CJ went uptown to see my friend Al who was at the parade route there. We caught part of the parade, then went to Igor's to hang out some more.. chatting and such. It was a good time with good conversation, but alas, I had to get up for work this morning, so my evening was cut short. It's supposed to warm up for the weekend to the 60's and then 70's by Tuesday, which I'm ecstatic about, considering I really hate the cold. I'd rather sweat than freeze any day. I feel a full weekend coming on, so I'm going to leave you at this junction to fend for yourself... til next time.

Mardi Gras served up, Provocative Planet style!
MGPG.jpg
OK, so I decided to show a less than PG rated pic. Doesn't mean that I've gone soft, just that sometimes you need a break from breast and coochie shots, because that's not what Mardi Gras is ALL about. It's about giving and family. It's about the good in us all. It's about peace on earth. And Yes, I am so full of shit on that, in truth, it's all about the partying and fun! Breast anyone?
Macroscopic
Ahhhhhhhhh. ;-)

Posted by Reese at 8:16 AM

February 3, 2005

"Black Hole Sun... Won't you come... Won't you come" or "Blow up the outside world" You decide!

So many song titles could describe the mood of myself and many others in the midst of the speech, Bush, and America's state in general.. shall we run through a few of them?

"End Of The Innocence" - Don Henley
"Blow Up The Outside World" - Soundgarden
"Black hole sun" - Soundgarden
"Policy Of Truth" - Depeche Mode
"Asshole" - Beck
"Asshole" - Dennis Leary
"It's No Good" - Depeche Mode
"MMM MMM MMM MMM" - Crash Test Dummies
"Who'll Stop The Rain" - CCR
"Seeing Red" - Unwritten Law
"Dont Come Around Here (No More)" - Tom Petty
"Something's Always Wrong" - Toad The Wet Sprocket
"Wont Get Fooled Again" - The Who
"Comfortably Numb" - Pink Floyd
"The End Is The Beginning Is The End" - Smashing Pumpkins
"LIAR" - Rollins Band
"Karma Police" - Radiohead
"Another Day In Paradise" - Phil Collins/Genesis
"Terrible Lie" - Nine Inch Nails
"Battle of Who Could Care Less" - Ben Folds Five
"Jack-Ass" - Beck
"No Excuses" (or "Bleed the Freak") - Alice In Chains
and of course...
"American Idiot" - Green Day

*** CNN QUICKVOTE REVIEW ***
***Did President Bush lay out a compelling vision for his second term?***

Yes - I had a vision of Armageddon.. kinda like the end of Terminator 3. Nukes flying all about as the world bombs the shit out of each other. The 21st century crusades will probably end in ugly fashion. Can you really blame them for hating us? The United States of Christians is raging war fucking with the Middle East... and if you're not with us, you're against us. I'm not with ya there, "W".. I suppose that I'm un-american now. You've learned well from the master of propaganda, didn't you? Just round up all of the non-Christians and send them to concentration camp Auschwitz all over again. We'll "cleanse" from within and then cleanse the world and spread democracy! When are we, as a country, going to mind our own business.. take care of shit at home, and live prosperously. Send the troops home and claim the whole thing a Mulligan, Bush! Oh Yeah! So anyway, I've ordered the cinder blocks and molten lead to build my underground bunker. Gonna pimp it out so that I'm styling when the nuclear winter ends!

No - Although a voluntary Social Security personal retirement account sounds better than what I thought was going to be. Some things still are not right. Possibly increasing the retirement age? Limiting benefits to wealthy retirees is still not fair.. I don't care if I retire with billions, the government still OWES me my money.. fuck them greedy fucks.

Undecided - I didn't watch it... I'd rather be surprised (shock and awe?) by what he does in his second term. Whatever happens is going to happen whether I saw it or not anyway.... can you say total apathy? I'm sure that I'll hear about it anyway, as Bush will be going on TOUR! Hitting the nation to promote his new agenda. I'm sure he'll sell out stadiums like the Rolling Stones. Of course, it may be cheaper to just pay off a few more journalist as they are for sale for a reasonable price I hear.

OK.. lemme try to brief you through some bad news news quickly. Insurgents killed 12 Iraqi army recruits in a bus ambush. No surprise there. Two radio personalities were fired over an "insensitive" song played about the Tsunami victims. Free speech doesn't exist.. because even with the GOVERNMENT is not bringing you down, corporate America is. Only lots of money or high ratings can change that scenario. The Superbowl will feature small cameras placed in the turf at certain points on the field. This should show much larger and more detailed ego's relative to the camera's lens size. Oh, and go PHILLY! Patriots suck ass! My NFC niggaz will prevail! A grandmother wrote a letter admitting to cheating on a High School test in 1957. After over 47 years, her conscience is finally cleared. Whew! How much time must past til she admits to cheating on Grandpa? If I were the high school principal, I wouldn't have praised her for her honesty, I'd have ripped her diploma in half citing that she never earned it and banned her for life from the premises... but that's just me, hehe. Well that's the brief news in brief. Now for some more detailed shit...

Ford decided to pull a Superbowl advertisement depicting a priest lusting over a new Ford Truck. They did this because of opposition about them supposedly exploiting the Priest Sex Scandals. First off, they are not SCANDALS. Secondly, Ford should show some balls and just show the fucking ad. They went through the trouble of paying for it, filming it, and editing the footage. Besides, Priests are everyday mortal citizens as far as I'm concerned who made a promise that they could not keep to an invisible being. Why can't they just get some hookers or go to some gay bars. Leave the kiddies alone until they are old enough to consent (legally 18, right?). Don't worry, Father, they'll still be youthful at 18... nice tender ass cheeks, smooth skin, warm inviting lips and all! Just be patient is all we ask and obey sex with minors laws, OK? Other than that, I could care less what they do. They are mortal human beings with chemical urges in their brains saying "Screw something hard!".. and that's natural and OK. I'm not hatin'.. nothing but love for ya!

Sheik Mohammed Ali Hasan al-Moayad is one of two men accused of sending money to al Qaeda terrorist. So the fuck what? It's not like he strapped a bomb onto someone and sent them to blow up a bus. It's not like he mailed off some anthrax or flew a plane into a building. All that *I* am saying is that funding your cause should be a freedom we all enjoy. Giving money to the Democratic or Republican party, for example, funds more atrocities (some subtle, some not) than any terrorist group could ever conceive. Think about that one, Mr. Righteous hypocrite.

Finally, I will not write about it too much, but in this article, you'll see how a small town government can attempt to kill a legitimate business owner through repeated ordinance passings just because they don't agree with his business. It's appalling each and every time I read about infringed freedoms. Why are their DRY COUNTIES in a country where drinking is legal? Is this not the UNITED STATES? Local ordinances should NEVER override Federal laws. Just read this article and get angry America.. you're rights are disappearing at an alarming rate. Private establishments should be able to do whatever they want. If people disapprove, they can boycott by not going and supporting the business. In theory, Supply and Demand should correct any popularity problems with local businesses if there truly is enough opposition. Same applies to Wal-Mart haters... if your community really dislikes how Wal-Mart has wiped out Tom's Hobby Shop, then by all means, no one has a gun to your head saying buy from Wal-Mart. The people have spoken!

Random thought: If Bill Gates, using his huge bankroll, made an "undecent proposal" to President Bush to completely wipe out the national debt if he'd suck ole Billy's cock in return (and swallow), do you think Dubya would "take one" for the team? I mean, that would be the most patriotic thing ever and prove to me, personally, that he really does LOVE AMERICA!

OK fellaz... My friend CJ comes to town this week from Boston to enjoy some vacation during the Mardi Gras celebration. I've got the guest room all ready with his M&M's in a bowl without any of the GREEN ones, just as he requested. Should be a fun weekend, either way. I've had a pretty good January and early February so far.. I just hope that I'm earning good karma. I had some nastier articles I was going to write, but didn't want to fuck up my karma, because you never know..In the unfathomable philosophical explanation of our universe and existence, there just MAY be Karma, so I don't want to risk it. Some friends of mine went out last night, but I had work so I went to bed early, but was awakened by a 4AM phone call from my girl. Drunken phone calls are the best, aren't they? Thanks to the new Cell Phone generation, drunken phone calls can come from anywhere. And thanks to stored numbers, drunken misdials are now a thing of the past. It's a more precise and error free nuisance. Not that *I* mind... I am pretty laid back on things like that and welcome it occasionally. Besides, I was "rewarded" with some 5:30AM sex for my troubles of waking up so early. Is that good Karma being instantly paid back? I'd like to believe so! OK, so I'm getting personal on this site now.. big whoopty freaking do. My padre Brian is talking about jerking off to C-SPAN, not that there's anything wrong with that as I constantly make the "jerk jerk" motion when watching government officials talk about "policy", I've just neglected to place a dick in my hand while doing it. Maybe it's because the lack of foreskin has curbed my masturbation habit.. score ONE for society! (hehe.. just kidding, Brian!) Moving on to less vulgar topics... I have to admit, I'm on a caffeine high right now from a CC's Coffee Shop's Mochassippi Chocolate (YUM!)... and now for a Mardi Gras pic:

MGCoochie.jpg
Coochie shot! Yes, sometimes beads are just THAT good where bare breast are not enough. Either that, or this woman had a coochie that was better than her chest. Either way, here it is.. enjoy!

Posted by Reese at 9:17 AM

February 2, 2005

My Dick!

Your bishop may have a turtleneck, but my Dick is DECORATED! Ha!

Decoupage
Posted by Reese at 4:50 PM

"Bite my shiny metal ass!"

Guten Morgen! Shall we begin with today's CNN QUICKVOTE?

*** Is Bill Clinton a good choice to head the U.N.'s tsunami reconstruction efforts? ***

Yes - It's about time we retire Jimmy Carter as the ex-president-humanitarian champion.

No - Although his "Blow-jobs for food" program has serious promise for the relief effort.

Undecided - Does it really matter who does it? Who cares.


Officials are suspicious that some babies that a rabbi performed circumcisions on got herpes and even one of them died. Now in this day and age of the year 2005, we are still cutting off and mutilating perfectly healthy tissue from human males in certain traditional barbaric fashion. Not one shred of scientific or sanitary proof exists that makes this a logical thing to do to a baby or child. Personally, I've got no choice at this point in life as my foreskin is long gone. Maybe I should be thankful that I don't remember the horrors of the blade slicing through my wing-dang-doodle, blood sprouting out, and a shrieking cry from the pain. Should I sue the old parental units for this atrocious act? There were bundles of nerve endings in that skin that would have caused unique feelings and sensations that I will NEVER EVER know or experience, thanks to my parents. What is the price of the mental trauma of missing foreskin on the human psyche? All I know is that babies have rights now to not be aborted after a certain phase of pregnancy, yet have no rights to keep their weenie intact! It's not right, it never was right, and it never will be right. Nature had genetically encoded me and ALL MALES to have it, so all of you parents out there, do your sons a favor and LEAVE THE FUCKING FORESKIN ALONE!

Check these links: 1 2 3 4 5

A woman lost her father and spouse in the Iraqi conflict. If she'd have killed herself, I suppose that'd have been 3 meaningless deaths. I wonder if she's happy about the Iraqi elections. How much solace can you take in that some strangers across the globe had a mock election and that's pretty much all that those soldier deaths accounted for. No WMDs, no US threat, no harbored terrorist, no reason for any of it.

OK, enough of the world's problems, I notice that I never talk about myself. So let me just offer this fireside chat if you will. The new Green Day CD (American Idiot) kicks ass for one. I listened to it at work yesterday and actually got some work done. I am probably only slightly more productive listening to my Alice In Chains - Dirt CD, but least productive listening to the radio. I've started seeing someone new, and the other day we went to Wal-Mart (I hate Wal-Mart, not because it's a conglomerate, but because of the trailer trashy employees and customers that they attract - I think being a conglomerate is perfectly justified as it's the PEOPLE who make Wal-Mart and Microsoft the giants that they are, so they deserve it.)... anyway, we went to Wal-Mart to get a puzzle. They had all kinds and in different sizes and pieces. from 10 to 50 to over a thousand piece puzzles. We looked at the 2500 piece, but it's a little early in our relationship and I wasn't sure if I was ready for that kind of commitment so we opted for the 500 piece instead.

Have you ever seen Elimidate? It comes on late at night and usually shows 4 girls going on a date with 1 guy, and they do different events like eating, dancing, etc. After each event, a girl gets cut. It seems that the show usually has the good wholesome girls getting cut first. Girls, if you’re ever on Elimidate, show your nipples before the first commercial break and you’re a shoe-in to be a finalist. The guys on the show that claim to want one, believe that a long-term relationship is one that last beyond the continental breakfast. Virgins get cut. Animal lovers get cut. Religious types get cut. But slutty, unintelligent, and unstable girls don’t. Now girls get catty the whole time, which is expected because they just can’t help themselves. In one episode I’ve seen, the guy was down to the last two girls in a hot tub. After shaking their asses and flaunting their bodies on the guy, one girl starts making out with him, then the other girl, not to be outdone, does the same thing. At this point, it always seems that if the cameras weren’t present, a ménage a trois would occur. But then the second girl calls the first one a floozy slutbag. And of course, the first girl lashes out how the second one was a ho. The guy chooses girl #2, then tells her that he picked her because she was so classy. What I like and get out of the show is its realism. I’ve always said that Jerry Springer would kick ass if it were real. OK.. back to the fun-pics!

MG3.jpg
A French Quarter (Bourbon Street included) balcony can get quite packed just as the streets do during Mardi Gras or even anytime of the year really. Chances are, you'll catch some extra body parts showing on just about any of them.

Posted by Reese at 8:16 AM

February 1, 2005

"My Manwich!!!"

Gotta love those CNN QUICKVOTES, it's like they insult the American public one question at a time.

**Do you think Michael Jackson will get a fair trial?**

Yes - Everyone in the USA gets a fair trial, from the murderous wife-beating drug dealers to O.J. Simpson! If you DON'T get a fair trial, then the system is beyond flawed. Praise Democracy!!!!

No - Each trial is rigged by odds makers in Vegas... I think the line is guilty by 4. It's a good thing, because it'll be safe enough to keep my doors unlocked again, once they get Michael off the streets!

Undecided - How are you going to find an unbiased jury that hasn't heard of or seen one of his faces before?


**Should military death benefits be increased?**

Yes - It will ease war tensions in that the spouses and parents will almost HOPE that their loved ones perish in this meaningless operation so they can receive a big soothing check from Uncle Sam!

No - I think enough money has been spent on this thing. What's the REAL point in raising it anyway? Nice P.R. move, Dubya, nice.

Undecided - Something doesn't seem right.. I hear that they barely have enough money for supplies and such. Can you say clusterfuck?


Well, tis February 1st, baby! And no soldiers are dead yet that I've read, but then again, it's only 8:30AM. Microsoft is releasing a rival search engine to the popular GOOGLE service. Now, I like Google, but this makes you wonder if they had gotten a buy-out offer from Microsoft and declined. In other news, the crematory operator, who didn't cremate like he was contracted to, apparently has been sentenced to 12 years in prison for letting bodies decay. Now these are DEAD people that he mishandled and is getting 12 years for. There are far worse crimes and far worse criminals who do things to LIVING people that don't get a 12 year sentence like that. Where's the parity and consistency in our sentencing system? The only thing this guy did wrong was breach of service contract to me... and should only be ordered to pay a fine and the cost of having the bodies cremated like they were supposed to have been per the relatives. And why is it that the only choice we have in this society is have to pay hefty charges to rid of dead bodies? I'd like to think that there would be a service that just rids bodies cheaply, in a sanitary manner, and into a landfill of sorts. Because most people probably could care less about what happens to the empty shell of flesh once it's outlived it's usefulness. I don't need to stare at a made-up corpse to pay MY respects. It's such a scam and very much preys on people's emotions and tradition. If I owned a volcano, I'd offer a service to dump bodies in there for minimal cost, and I'd probably have clientele out the door.

OK.. now for another couple of Mardi Gras fun pics!
mgjoe1.jpg
Now meet Joe (a friend of mine's old Air Force buddy who came down for Mardi Gras one year). See Joe smile over the westbank hoochies! Run Joe Run! Lesson here is, if a girl looks like the ones pictured above, do NOT trade your beads in for a kiss. Herpes is bad enough, but the reputation and ridicule you'll get from your friends is a far more cruel fate. Move on, be patient Joe!!!

mgjoe2.jpg
Ah, NOW look at Joe! He's found a cutie to trade beads for a kiss with. See how patience pays off? She may be flat chested, but then again Joe's no Mr. America either. Swell job anyway, Joe! Hope you've all learned your lesson and have a gosh golly gee wiz Mardi Gras, y'all!


P.S. I just went over some site statistics and noticed a couple of hits from Malaysia, so I just wanted to give a shout-out to my Malaysian niggaz.. what's up????

Posted by Reese at 8:20 AM

January 31, 2005

Da News 4

Morning...

The first wave of parades were ran this weekend for our annual Mardi Gras down here in Nawlins. As promised, I will post a pic so that you can immerse yourself in the traditions of the Big Easy no matter where you are from. Bring the kids, drop trousers, and tell your leper friends! Tis time to party!

In the newz... Iraqi's voted and only a little over 40 voters were killed according to reports. I wonder if their votes still count? We'll have to consult the Quran on that one. Also an audit revealed that the US lost track of about 9 million in Iraqi funds... in unrelated news, Halliburton claimed about a 9 million dollar gain in profit over the last fiscal quarter. And how about Michael Jackson.. not that we should be wasting our life worrying about a sorta black guy who may or may not molest children. No matter how the media hypes it up, Michael Jackson is probably the last threat against your children. The media always amazes me.. giving you the news that they think is more exciting rather than the news that is truly more important. That's life though. It's not about truth but ratings. Ratings win's because money and advertising win. Sometimes you have to really dig past the front page hype to get substance in news reporting. Anyway, here's some titties, in case you were looking for substance here on ProvocativePlanet. Happy Mardi Gras!!!!

MG-2.jpg
This one is my favorite.. it's postcard quality.. with the John Deer hat redneck creepy voyeur guy , "bead whore" flashing girlie girl, the Pat-O'Brien's Hurricane drinking other girlie, and of course the well-lit Bourbon Street sigh in the background with gas powered street light to top it all off. No Photoshop work done here, twas a real moment in time.

Posted by Reese at 8:28 AM

January 28, 2005

Da News 3

Yet Another.. CNN QUICKVOTE:

Would you vote on Sunday if you were an Iraqi?

Yes - But I'd wait until late in the day after all of the suicide bombers are done detonating themselves.

No - Although without an electoral college, they just may have a more fair and justified democratic election in ole Iraq. Is Bush on the ballot over there, too? Just curious.

Undecided - I don't know, it's just not the same without Saddam on the ballot.

According to CNN, yet a third columnist was PAID to help push Bush's policies. Now, I personally have nothing against paid-for supposedly unbiased news, because as far as I'm concerned, it's America and if the public is dumb enough to believe what they read or hear from the so-called "credible" news sources, then that's THEIR ignorance. And it's any normal citizen's right to take money to persuade them to do certain things. With that said, the problem lies in where the money is coming from ("Federal law bans the use of public funds for propaganda."... for no one red cent of government money should go to a place where no average taxpaying American in the USA would vote for it to go. But, I'll refrain from complaining too much... after all, you (the people) voted him back in, so you get what you deserve. Every dead soldier, every flawed agenda, every mistake, and then when the shit starts hitting the fan, and you're left in the gutter without a job, family, or hope left in your heart.. you can at least sleep better with the solace that you did the right thing and voted for ole "W". Let's just hope that it doesn't ever come to that.


*** NEW FEATURE ***
From here on out, for you non-New Orleanians, we'll post pictures from Mardi Gras from the past and present to give you folks out there a glimpse of Big Easy partying! Awe yeah!

MGCop.jpg

Posted by Reese at 8:49 PM

January 26, 2005

Da Newz 2

According to CNN, Two Ocala, Florida boys (ages 9 and 10 respectively) were arrested for drawing a stick figure of a classmate being stabbed and hung. Talk about your police state. Seems to figure that the same policing system issues a "sorry, there's really nothing we can do, ma'am" when an ex-husband issues a death threat to his ex-wife. In Jacksonville, Florida, a husband took out a $17,000 full page newspaper ad begging his wife for forgiveness. Now THAT man should be arrested for false advertising, it's a fact that men never say that they are sorry and mean it, because they are never wrong (besides, if MY husband threw away 17K like that, I'd SURELY not want him back!). In other grim news, even more military personnel lost their lives today (not surprisingly, of course). 36 to be exact, which is the highest single day total to date. Good job guys! Go home team! America kicks ass! Um, why are we fighting in Iraq again? I feel sorry for a lot of things when I see this type of news story practically every day. I feel sorry for the soldiers that were given orders to their deaths for a cause that's illogical and questionable at best. I feel sorry for the trust that they put in their own government to not put them in unnecessary harm's way. I feel sorry for wasted money, lives, and time spent there. When in my lifetime is competency going to rear its pretty little head in the nation's capitol?

TWO CNN QUICKVOTES (Lame online voting done the CNN way!):
1.) Do you think "Passion of the Christ" should have been nominated for best picture?

Yes - Nice work of fiction, Mel!. And the blood beatings were uber-cool!

No - It sucked donkey dong. Show James Caviezel's ass and maybe.

Undecided - Who gives a flying fuck about low-brow, pat-yourself-on-the-back, circle-jerk awards shows for overly-paid mortals who could inflate the Hindenburg with their egos alone, I've got better, more intellectual subjects to think about, thank you very much.


2.) Would you be willing to sacrifice your own life to create a democracy in Iraq?

Yes - I love IRAQ so much, that I'd rather not exist so that they can vote for dumbass presidents just like we do! OK.. so 3000 people ACTUALLY said YES to this poll. That's either 3000 lying sacks of shit or a mixture of liars, Iraqis, and suicidal maniacs. I doubt that even ole Dubya would say YES to this one.

No - Of course not, moron. Democracy is our problem to deal with. Lack of Democracy is THEIR problem.

Undecided - Um.. How about we let the government rape us of our civil rights and reinstate the draft so that they can make this decision for us and force us into spreading Democracy. Ain't Democracy grand?


Corey 2K4 - Terrorist.JPG
I know what you're thinking... just who IS this handsomely strapped stud?

Posted by Reese at 8:35 AM

January 25, 2005

Da Newz...

According to CNN, the U.S. State Department is considering doubling the bounty on Bin Laden from 25 Million to 50 Million! Good news for that lucky someone holding Bin Laden in their basement and waiting this whole thing out for a bigger payoff. I've got a few wanted criminals in my dungeons, but the it's a seller's market, so I'll just wait and hold onto them like rising stocks. Maybe we should have put a 100 BILLION dollar bounty on his head before the war even started, and we would have saved over 50 BILLION and lost not one soldier. Now I don't know about Middle Eastern types, but for that kind of money, I'd easily compromise my values and loyalty for any of my friends or family.

In other news, a new drink was unveiled by SKYY called "The Tsunami". As per many requests by curious people who "couldn't have possibly imagined" what it must have been like to be a victim in the midst of the tsunami, "The Tsunami" is laced with cyanide and anthrax for that one-two punch of death. "We wanted to bring that not-alive feeling to the public, for it may be the only way they could possibly relate to the victims of this horrendous tragedy.", said Dick Smegma of SKYY Inc. Their slogan, "Drown yourself silly with wave after wave of intoxicating flavor." is still a work-in-progress, according to executives. A spokesperson from the beverage association said, "I took one gulp and found myself twenty-three miles inland." Another stated, "Two sips and I was gasping for air!"

binladen.JPG
Little Known Fact: Bin Laden... Closet Patriots Fan.
"When 9/11 happened and the Patriots won it all
a few months later... well.. let's just say it was a
hell of a good year for me." - B.L.

Posted by Reese at 8:22 AM

January 24, 2005

Just a thought...

It appears that, according to CNN, the Iraqi Bomb Mastermind, Abu Umar al-Kurdi, was captured, after admitting responsibility for 32 car bombings. According to Guinness, he edged out the previous record of 27 formerly held by Adbul Jamar Aziz of Iran, which some fans claim will "Never be broken, praise Allah!" Kudos Abu from us here at Provocative Planet. Although most Americans would like the title to come back home, most hope has been lost since The Unabomber was forced to retire. On a more serious note, I'm personally very glad that we don't have a car bombing problem here in the U.S.A, for the auto insurance companies hardly need an excuse to raise the rates higher than they are.

Posted by Reese at 5:21 PM

January 21, 2005

Michael Jackson News

Yup, old Thriller himself has decided to change his name. I'm guessing it's a public relation's move to improve his tarnishing image. Hmmmmmm.

Michael Jackson - Symbol Decaf

Posted by Reese at 9:43 PM

TODAY'S CNN QUICKVOTE

Did you find President Bush’s inaugural address inspiring?

( Yes or No )

I won't lie, I voted YES. I was quite inspired to buy a high powered sniping rifle complete with MSBT's (Moron Seeking Ballistics Technology). Or maybe a slingshot with a special harness for pretzels. To be honest, killing the president or his cronies isn't the answer, for it's the system that fails us all. The system fails fails fails. And then, the sheeple fail the system on top of it all. Now Bush wants to "Spread Democracy" to the world. All I know, is that if I weren't here in America, I'm not sure that I'd want democracy. I look at what our nation is becoming and I'd have to say that I want something BETTER than democracy, because democracy isn't looking like the holy grail of governments anymore. I have questions... Who's to say that it's our right to infringe on THEIR right to not have democracy? Are we crusaders out to have holy political wars and spread our beliefs and systems to the reaches of the globe? And are we only going to spread democracy to countries that harbor oil and Halliburton project possibilities? When are domestic issues going to take priority over foreign problems? Are soldier deaths going to help Social Security since we no longer have to pay them (since they will never reach retirement age)? Will we ever have a truly unbiased, logical, and fair system of government? And finally, WILL WE EVER TRULY BE FREE?

Sgt. Hans Shultz For President! (Why not?)

Posted by Reese at 2:29 PM

January 20, 2005

Uncle Sam says, "Remember Kids..."

uncle-sam.jpg

Posted by Reese at 7:51 PM

Happy New Year - 2005

Provocative Planet welcomes you on this glorious New Year ... check back often for intelligent views and comments, satire, witty ramblings, and creative jargon. There's a lot of web out there, but there's also a lot of minutes at work that I'm sure you'd rather not be working during... so spare us a few of those minutes, and we promise that it'll be 5PM before you know it!

Some other time wasting good sites:
www.ebaumsworld.com
www.wimp.com
www.big-boys.com
www.campchaos.com

Check out Spongebong Hemppants on Camp Chaos.. well written and animated.. funny stuff.

Posted by Reese at 7:42 PM